Disclaimer:
I own nothing created and or mentioned, by J.K. Rowling, in the books of Harry Potter. This story is a product intended for enjoyment not financial gain.
Rating: Mature
Sexual content, language content, and dark themes
A fortnight and a half lumbered by since the abominable conversation where Severus and Lily made the paramount and almost hasty decision that they were going to attempt to raise the baby that grew, for ever more real, with each day, inside of Lily's womb. Both teenager's were endlessly on edge, their tempers short while they simmered in their own fear and regret. Each, in turn, suffered solitude in their plight for no one else knew about the child they intended to parent.
Severus, for the most part, spent his days shut up in his room reading volumes on dark arts and potions or festering in turmoil, biting his nails, trying to convince himself that the child coming was a good thing. He attempted to suppress his emotions of apprehension and agitation to replace them with approval and grace. Some days he was able to go about assuring himself that the baby would be born, he and Lily would get along better, and they would be happy together. Be the family that he had always envisioned they would be one day. He allowed himself the pleasure of pretending that Lily would fall in love with him for the sake of the baby. Would she deny the child the experience of a stable household with a mother and father who were happily married and deeply in love? The notion set well with him that the child could be the proverbial ticket he had always been waiting for. The means that would send Lily straight into the embrace of his unconditional love for her. Women were into that kind of thing, after all. The concrete family, the loving husband, the perfect house.
Other days, less satisfying days, Severus was unable to comfort himself with the visions of his love induced imagination. He did consider the child as a doorway to Lily's heart but the emotions of love for the child continued to elude him. The thought of what happiness the child could bring excited him. The child itself, in lamest terms, pissed him off. It was going to be loud, rancid, weak, expensive, helpless, and an assortment of other unpleasant adjectives. Furthermore, he was certain that if he wasn't able to muster affection for his unborn son or daughter that Lily would want less to do with him than she already did. Which wasn't much at all. They hadn't spoken to each other in weeks. . .
Lily found herself consistently nervous and perpetually apprehensive since the smallest signs of pregnancy were beginning to show about her body. She had gained at least seven pounds and her stomach had the faintest of bulges. Her skin would glow radiantly, her mother having commented on it several times throughout the summer. Merlin, her mother!
Rose Evans was the reason for her insatiable nerves. Since she was showing obvious signs of pregnancy she knew the time to confide in her mother about her delicate condition was approaching. It was almost a blessing that her father was deceased a year over so as to not have to suffer the scrutiny of both parents. She was unsure about several aspect of revealing her plight but what she was certain of was she didn't want to face the task alone. She definitely wanted witnesses present incase the conversation ended in chaos. Choice of partners for the job were slim because there was only one who fit the bill. This fact tortured her because she wanted, no needed, Severus to be there with her when she finally told her mum. It was appalling to her that the one that thought of her as a mudblood was somebody who she wanted by her side in this hardest of times. Disdain aside, her hate for who he had become was out weighed by her fear of telling her mother about the pregnancy alone. This is what prompted her to call him on that dreary Sunday morning. . .
Severus was in the kitchen making tea, as his mother had instructed him. The kitchen was a small room with four white walls, browning at the tops and bottoms near the paneling, scratched and scathed with long dark markings. The dirty floor, freckled with crumbs, was checkered with black and white tiles, several of them cracked or completely missing. There was a small wooden counter to the right of the room, parallel to the old-fashion, crusty, gas stove to the left. The dilapidated cupboards and drawers were ill-placed on the back wall next to the swinging kitchen door. The drawers were stacked at five, towering one over the other. The cupboards, filling the remaining space to the left, were painted a dull white, chipped and cracked with age. A large house spider inhabited the stained window above the rusty sink, on the far wall, which rested between the counter and the stove.
He called into the living room, inquiring if his mother would like milk in her drink or not. His mind growled in defiance as he mulled over the question of why she couldn't make her own fucking tea as he poured the hot water and tea leaves into the cup. He roughly dumped the milk in, scowling as he carried it out to his mother. She didn't even bother to acknowledge him as he approached, rigidly sitting at the dining table, a book opened before her.
"Tea," he spat, setting it on the table a bit more forcefully than he had intended. The drink splashed over the rim of the cup, sprinkling Severus' hand and the table with hot water. Eileen glared at his hand as he withdrew it, the sprinkles of hot water itching his skin.
"Clean it up," she ordered, not bothering to thank him for making the tea nor bringing it to her. Severus suppressed a groan of irritation, stomping huffily into the kitchen, grabbing a towel, and moodily sopping up the spilt tea.
"Why couldn't she have cleaned it with a flick or her wand," he thought angrily, his eyes narrowed, his rage very apparent. " Enjoys pissing me off no doubt."
"Hey," Eileen interjected dangerously, grabbing his chin with a vice like grip, forcing his head to turn and meet her gaze. "I won't have such insubordination coming from you. No son of mine is going to barge about this house acting like some contumacious troll, do you understand me?"
"Yes, Mother," he said through partly clenched teeth, unable to calm his fiery mood.
"You'll do well to correct that attitude of yours, Severus, or you'll regret it. You're not too old yet for me to use the Baculus Charm," she spat, throwing his head to the side as the phone rang loudly throughout the house. "Answer that."
Severus stormed from the dining room and into the kitchen, his blood boiling, as he picked up the receiver.
"What?" He snapped at the unknown person on the other end.
"Do you always answer the phone that way?" Lily asked, sounding affronted yet ammused.
"Lily?" He asked, confirming the voice as hers.
"Of course, who do you think it is?" She asked.
"How did you get this number?" He asked incredulously, unable to keep the bewilderment out of his voice.
"The phone book of course—how are you?"
"I'm fine. How's— everything?"
"Oh everything's outstanding," she said, the comment sounding forced.
"Well, what do you want? I'm confident you didn't go through the trouble of researching the phone book to call here for pleasantries."
"Perceptive as ever, Severus," Lily said, sounding slightly bored. "Listen, I have a favor to ask you if you're willing."
"And what favor might that be?"
He was unsure of what favor Lily could possibly ask of him. Of course he would be willing to do absolutely anything she requested of him but he was mildly surprised she was asking at all. As she stated on the train and as her behavior from the past few weeks indicated nothing had changed between them since the mudblood day. Perhaps this was the beginning of her forgiving him? Perhaps this was the start of their romantic entanglement?
"Well, hmm—I haven't exactly gotten around to telling my mum about my—our situation. I guess I was wondering if you would, I don't know, be there when I tell her?"
A few seconds of silence passed as Severus' heart glowed with the rapture of being coveted. Lily wanted him with her when she told her mother, a daunting, frightening, and highly personal task. The fact that she wanted him with her, in that most horrifying event, had to mean nothing but good. Why would she want someone she completely hated with her in such a disconcerting postion? This had to indicate their relationship was improving. Perhaps things were going to to turn out well after all.
"I—You haven't told Rose yet?" Severus asked, trying to mask his merriment.
"Oh, and like your mum is privy to all this?"
"Point made," Severus said before drawing a shaky breath. " Well, I suppose it would be one of my many duties when it comes to— all of this."
"My thoughts exactly!" Lily said, sounding genuinely relieved. "Wanna come by at like one o'clock?"
"One sounds fine," he replied.
Lily uttered a quick goodbye before the phone went silent. He hung up the receiver before making to ascend the stairs to his bedroom, when his mother's icy voice stayed his steps.
"Who was that on the phone?" She asked, already standing from the table, walking towards Severus, a suspicious look on her face. Snape felt his recent happiness fade as the familiar anger and irritation returned with pangs that pushed against his chest; clamping on his heart.
"It was a friend."
"What friend? That whore of a red head from the other week?" She asked, now standing on the first step, Severus directly in front of her on the second. Snape's head jerked slightly as his jaw clenched and his muscles tensed. How dare she call Lily such names?
"Yes," he whispered, glaring at the floor, his temper seething to new heights.
"And what favor is she beseeching of you?" His mother asked. She had obviously eavesdropped.
"That's none of your business," Severus snapped before he could stop himself, a flare of his blazing temper and rage shining through.
There was a crack like a whip as Eileen drew her wand and through it across the air, causing Severus' head to fly accordingly. A whirlwind of black hair, surging viciously, as the magic hit him like a slap to the face. Spots danced in front of his eyes as his mind went uncharacteristically blank. He didn't dare bring his hand up to touch the stinging skin, standing very still instead, accepting his punishment. He slowly rose his head to look into his mother's face, trying to keep his expression passive (when all he wanted to do was hex her).
"What favor did she ask of you?" Eileen pressed again as if the abuse hadn't taken place. He remained silent. "Speak, Severus."
"She wants me to accompany her to do—something."
"She wishes for you to accompany her to do something?" Eileen repeated, looking at her son with disbelief. "Are you going to give me a suitable answer, Severus, or am I going to be forced to draw one out with legilimency?"
Severus' whole body clamped at the prospect of his mother finding out about Lily's pregnancy through occlumency instead of from his own mouth. A small breeze of acceptance fluttered through him as he contemplated allowing Eileen to find out via mental penetration. She was going to crucify him either way so why endure the agony of voicing his mistake? His more prominent consciousness knew this was malarky and that revealing his plight himself was the the more suitable route; the safer course. Why did she have to be so nosy? Why could she not just leave him alone?
"Mother," he cooed, his voice forlorn, his eyes begging her to drop the matter.
"Your disinclination to tell me is only deepening your trouble," she said, her eyes clearly responding to his request: 'no'.
"I'm not sure of what I should tell you," he answered honestly. He knew he would have to tell her sooner or later but was at a complete loss for words on how to bring to her attention that he was to become a father at sixteen.
"The truth will do," she said quickly. "And don't you lie to me. If you do, I shall know," she threatened.
It was true, his mother could almost always tell when she was being lied to. Being accomplished in both legillimency and occlumency didn't leave much room for deceit when it came to his mother.
"What favor has she asked of you?" Eileen questioned again.
"She—I—she wants for me to be with her when she tells her mother of a serious matter."
"What does this matter have to do with you?"
"She's pregnant," he said quietly; rapidly. He avoided his mother's gaze at all costs.
"How is that your problem?" Eileen asked, eyeing him suspiciously. When Severus didn't answer her fears were confirmed.
So," Eileen began dangerously. "Impregnated her did you?" She waited for a moment. "Answer me, Severus."
"Yes, Mother," he whispered, still not daring to meet her scrutiny.
"You idiot," she said darkly, her voice barely audible.
Severus knew that the angrier his mother was, the quieter she became. He risked a glance at her and found her face was contorted into such rage a visible tremor surged through him. Reeking havoc through his already troubled mind. Her face was paler than usual, her lips quivering. Her eyes, boring into him viciously, were disfigured with such an intensity they bordered on demonic.
"How could you be so carless?"She whispered, stepping up a stair, closing the mere five inches they had parting them in the first place. "I've taught you better than this."
"I know."
"Do not interrupt me. How could you have do this to yourself? Do you even understand what you've done? This child will mean the end of your life as you know it. You won't achieve half as much as you would without being chained to that harlot and her illegitimate brat," she paused, a moment of dismay flashing over her features.
"You had such promise, Severus. You're intelligent—or so I thought. Life could have taken you anywhere. You could have became anyone, but no! You went and put any bright future to rest when you decided to think with your penis instead of your more qualified mind. Wasting your gifts for what? Some muggle born trash who wouldn't even remember you after five minutes if she had her way? What goes on in your head, you stupid careless boy?"
How dare she refer to Lily by such monstrous and vulgar names and ways? How could she say that Lily meant the end of any future worth living? This child was a god send, forcing Lily to be present in his life forever. She was unable to avoid him because she was disgusted by him. Unable to ignore him because he called her a mudblood, for he was the father of her child. For all his suffering and woe this was ultimately a highlight. It wasn't exactly what he had in mind for his and Lily's future but he was in no position to be picky. If anything, this was going to vastly improve his life.
Eileen stepped down from the stairs walking stiffly over to the couch. "I knew from the minute you started running around with that trash she would bring you nothing but malcontent. How could you do this?" She asked again.
"I'm sorry," Severus said vacantly. He could think of nothing else to say. The tension was thicker than morning fog as both mother and son glowered in opposite directions.
"You're sorry?" Eileen asked, her mouth curling into an incredulous sneer as she shook her head before turning to look at Severus. "I'm sorry. I've always hoped that you wouldn't make the same bleeding mistakes I did. Having you so young was possibly the gravest error I ever made. I thought you would look about this house, this family, look at my life and strive to do everything differently. I suppose I was wrong. Looks like, for all my trouble, you're going down the same path that I did. I had potential as you did. I married a muggle, you're the father of a mudblood's brat. I became a parent at a young age. . ." she trailed off shaking her head.
Severus remained silent for several minutes before gaining the nerve to speak.
"May I go to my bedroom now?" He asked, forcing his voice to appear respectable and not demonstrate the rage he felt within.
"I think that's a good idea," she said, looking away from him coldly.
Severus jumped into action, skipping every other step in his haste to leave the painful situation. He slammed his door, striding over to his desk, and kicking it forcefully before sitting down in the chair, clutching at his robes absent-mindedly.
Anger simmered in his heart, pumping it to all other quadrants of his body. His face felt hot and his hands were cold. His legs were jittering uncontrollably while his stomach contorted in knots. There was a sensation pulsing through him that gave Severus the distinct impression he was going to explode. Rolling his neck, he looked out the window, wishing he could be anywhere else instead of here. Here: where everything was shit. Here: where he felt lonely and spited. Here: where nobody cared and nobody wanted him. He was monstrously relieved when one o'clock chimed on the clock and he had a reason to leave his house and travel over to Lily's, where he was wanted. Even if it was for just one simple favor. . .
Severus was pleased to be free of the confines of his home as he knocked on Lily's door, stepping back as he heard commotion within. He was less than excited about the task before him, having had a hefty dose of parental dismay that morning. However, if he could suffer his own mother's reaction, Lily's mother's should be no problem at all. It would be tolerable but that didn't excuse how little he wanted to do it.
"I'll get it," said the muffled voice of Lily as her footsteps approached the door. The scratching of the locks reached his ears before the door swung open, revealing Lily dressed in grey cotton shorts and a large white T-shirt. The shorts revealed a good deal of her long legs, flawlessly sculpted and free of any imperfections. The exposure caused a lump to rise in Severus' throat as he resisted the urge to devour her with his eyes. Must she look so appealing all of the time?
"Hey, Sev," she said, giving him an apologetic look, knowing all to well the reason of his visit. "Come in."
He walked past her, as she shut the door, looking around at Lily's house. It was at least three times larger than his own and more than ten times cleaner. The sitting room was the area of entrance, perfectly arranged with cushioned white leather sofas complete with matching arm chairs. Fancy lamps stood in the corners along with decorative house plants that gave the room a pleasant flowery aroma that contrasted nicely with the scent of fresh powder that hung in the air. The carpeted stairs lay on to the right. The large baluster encircling the upper floor tastefully.
"How are you feeling?" Lily asked folding her arms to her body.
"I've been better," he said, his palms developing a thin film of sweat over them.
"Me too," Lily said meekly before walking briskly past him. "Let's get this over with."
Lily led him into the large well lit kitchen where her mother was gaily preparing iced tea.
Lily's mother, Rose, was a petite woman with the same fiery red hair as her daughter. With an unrealistically happy disposition, Severus had never seen her display any glimpse of anger or any emotion other than complete love and perfect merriment towards Lily. Severus was pretty certain that that was going to change today. Yes, her light mood wouldn't last for much longer.
"Mummy, can I talk to you for a minute?" Lily asked, her tone cautious and sweeter than usual.
"What is it?" Rose asked, letting her ladle fall into the pitcher as she leaned against the counter. Concern filled her eyes as she sensed a heavy topic yet to come.
"Well, mummy, I—uh we— we have to tell you something very important."
"Ye-e-es?" Her mother asked slowly, sounding fearful and suspicious. Severus was slightly convinced she knew what was going to be revealed.
"Well—you see—Severus and me, well we—"
"I think its best if you just say it," Severus offered, since she was struggling so exquisitely.
"I'm—p-pregnant," she said as if it had been torn from her mouth.
Once the words were spoken they hung in the air like smog, filling the room with a silence so uncomfortable Severus felt violated just being there.
"Y-you're what?" Rose stuttered, a look of anguish falling over her usually blissful face.
"I'm so sorry, Mummy," Lily cried, covering her face with her hands as her slight form shuddered. Rose looked from Lily, who was now shaking her head while tears fell from her eyes, to Severus, who calmly met her gaze.
"You got my daughter pregnant?" She asked darkly.
"I assure you, I didn't do it alone," he said, eliciting a loud sob from Lily.
It didn't take a certified genius to see that Rose wanted to place all the blame with Severus. He had no intention of allowing that to happen. Rose had never particularly warmed to him, thinking him abrasive and nasty since the age of ten. It would be all too easy to blame him for this mess when there were really two at fault.
"Now is not the time to use that smart mouth of yours," Rose said, eyeing Severus with dislike. "What do you intend to do with the child?" She asked, turning her attention to her bemoaning daughter, anger and disappointment obvious in every syllable.
"We're going t-to k-keep it," Lily hiccoughed.
"Of course you are!" Rose exclaimed in sarcastic cheer. "Why wouldn't you be? There's nothing else you should be concentrating on at sixteen. Graduating isn't an issue, babies are definitely the first priority. Finding a suitable job? Oh that can wait! Everyone knows adolescence is secretly reserved for having babies!"
"Mummy, please don't be angry," Lily reasoned, searching her mother's face for understanding.
"I'm not angry Lily— I'm deeply disappointed in you, in both of you. I thought I taught you better than that. My trust in you is damaged, Lily, to say the least. "
"I understand," Lily sniffed. "Believe me, Mummy, I— uh we know we've made a mistake but there's nothing we can do to change it now. The past is the past. I know I'm still a kid and I don't pretend to know what I'm getting myself into. I don't know anything about babies but what I do know is I'm going to need your help during this. I hope you'll be there for me."
Severus was, at the very least, impressed by her dramatic soliloquy.
"Of course I'm going to help you, sweet heart, I'm your mother," Rose said sternly, her eyes becoming glossy with something mixed between empathy and scrutiny. "I'm not going to abandon you when you need me the most. I'm just at a loss—Where did I go wrong? Were you looking for some kind of affection that I wasn't providing?"
"No," Lily cried urgently, looking nothing short of bewildered. "It's nothing you did at all."
Severus was feeling more and more awkward as the conversation progressed. For one: he felt extremely uninvolved. Secondly: he felt as if he was trespassing on a very intimate moment that wasn't intended to be witnessed by other's. Of course, Lily did ask him to be there, so why did he feel so out of place? He distracted and busied himself with a string dangling from his robes (which he wore even in the summer for lack of clothing that fit) to try and cure himself of the nitpicking tension.
Rose sighed incessantly, placing her hands on her hips. "I just can't believe you traded your promising future for one moment of. . ." she trailed off shaking her head and leaving the kitchen.
"That was some performance," Severus said, looking at Lily with amusement in his eyes.
"Oh, shut up," she said, sitting on one of the two wooden stools in front of the counter, resting her elbow on top of it, her chin in her hand. "Now is not the time."
Severus' mouth curled into a smile, vanishing instantly as Rose returned to the kitchen, an address book in her hand.
"The both of you come sit down here," she said, pulling up a chair at the extravagant dining table. Lily gave Severus a shy look before obeying her mother and sitting at the table. Severus followed suit, jaw clenched and pulse racing. He had anticipated the conversation to be over.
"Part of having a child is planning," Rose began as Severus took his seat, looking at the far wall instead of Mrs. Evans. "What have you two decided about this baby, other than that you're keeping it?"
"Like what do you mean?" Lily asked.
"Where is the baby going to live? How do you plan on paying for the necessities? Are you two planning on living together, if so, which house? Are you going back to school when term starts? Where are you going to have the baby? These are all things you have to decide early on so when the time comes you'll have a plan at the very least."
"Oh— Er— you know— we just thought—"
"My point exactly," Rose said with a sigh as Lily fell silent. "First order of business is getting you looked at. Severus, would you hand me the phone?"
Snape looked about him until his eyes fell on the cream colored telephone sitting directly behind him on a small wooden side table.
"Thank you," she said, receiving the phone and flipping through her address book. "I know the perfect O. B. physician, Dr. Doherty," she said thoughtfully, skimming the many little white pages.
"Don't you think it would be better suited for Lily to be seen by a healer at St. Mungos?" Severus asked.
Rose looked up from her book to gaze at the boy who had gotten her precious daughter into this blimey mess. He, however, did not look back, eyes fixed on the table as if nothing else existed.
"What is St. Mungos?"
"A hospital obviously, Mrs. Evans," Severus said silkily, his gaze raising to meet hers. Lily gave him a hard look that said, 'stuff it,Sev'. He inhaled sharply through his nose and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "It's a hospital for people of our kind, witches and wizards that is."
"That's all good and well but I doubt a—healer could do anything more than a doctor could."
"Hardly," Snape scoffed. "That's like saying a man who provides care to cats and dogs could just as well tend to humans. Lily's a witch, she should be seen by someone of our kind. Someone who would understand her."
It was all too obvious Mrs. Evans was on the verge of throwing Snape out of the house. Furthermore, it was apparent that she ardently despised Severus referring to Lily and himself as 'our kind'. Grouping them together as if Rose had no notion of understanding her daughter and what was best for her. In addition to both already agitating agendas he was a sarcastic, rude, little bugger, unable to hold his contemptuous tongue.
"She's also my daughter," Rose retorted, sounding as if a 'you brat' should have been attached. "I want her seen by someone I trust. I happen to know that Lily will be safe in his care. So, if it's all right with you, Severus, I'm going to book the appointment. Not unless you have more sass to bring to the table?"
"No, Ma'am," he said ironically.
"Don't I have a say in where I want to be seen?" Lily asked as if she was waiting for their little argument to be over before speaking.
"With all do respect Lily but no," Rose said as she picked up the phone to book the appointment. . .
The doctor's visit was scheduled to fall within one of the following weeks. Thus there would be ample time and plenty of days for Lily and Severus to ignore each other. That was the pattern of their lives since the day of the unforgivable word 'mudblood' was uttered. They would meet up to talk about the baby then not see or speak to each other until the next time the baby needed addressing. Only at this point Snape wasn't even sure if he was invited to the appointment. Rose had made it quite clear that Lily and herself were going, Severus was seemingly, for the most part, excluded from the plans. He was certain Rose was attempting to cut him out, rob him of his future with her daughter. . .
"Well, see you," Severus said as Lily walked him to the door.
"Are you coming to the appointment, Sev?" She asked as he walked through the threshold.
"Do you want me to be there?" He asked, turning from the porch to look at her.
"Only if you want to be," she said truthfully.
"Then I'll be there," he said mustering a small smile. Lily smiled back and waved before going back into her house, closing the door behind her. . .
Author's Note: Telling the parents about their babies having babies is never a pleasant circumstance. I hope you enjoyed Lily's and Severus' experience with the task. I would like to thank those of you who have taken the time to read and review my story. I look forward to hearing your continued opinions on A Beleaguered Life.