Disclaimer:
I own nothing created and or mentioned, by J.K. Rowling, in the books of Harry Potter. This story is a product intended for enjoyment not financial gain.
Rating: Mature
Sexual content, language content, and dark themes
Lily and Severus' tragedy had been the talk of the school for several weeks after the birth.
"Did you hear Evans and Snape had a baby?"
"I heard they had two but one of them died!"
"Probably looked at Snivellus and figured it wasn't worth it."
The first few months after Holly was born, and Jaiden was lost, Lily and Severus walked through life in a constant slump. It was painful to smile because they both felt so hollow inside, as if a piece of them had died with their son. Lily distracting herself from the pain by dictating her life around obligations. She concentrated heavily on school and on her chores about the house, leaving herself little time for heartache or sorrow. . .
"Sev, how do you spell Nux Myristica?" Lily asked, her extra credit assignment paused.
"N-U-X-M-Y-R-I-S-T-I-C-A," He dictated to her as he bounced the child in his lap. "Are you doing more extra credit?" He asked with a hint of disbelief.
"Yeah," she said softly. "I just figured, ya know, why not?"
"Why not? Because you've been working yourself ragged doing assignments you don't need and doing chores that aren't necessary."
"I do need the credit and I don't do unnecessary chores," she protested.
"Well, that's a blatant lie. Didn't you sign up for that tutoring gig? That was unnecessary. Did you not spend Saturday afternoon cleaning the gutters?"
"Those are all valid!"
"Yeah, all right, Lily," he replied sarcastically.
"What are you getting at anyway?" She asked irritably.
"Just that you might want to slow down. It's all too apparent what you're doing."
"And what's that?" She inquired, her tone becoming nasty.
"It's obvious, isn't it? You're trying to distract yourself from things. It's not going to work."
"Trying to distract myself from things?"
"From loosing, Jaiden."
"Shut up, Sev, I'm not doing anything like that," she said bitterly, her eyes narrowed in hatred for his accuracy.
"Your hostility is confirmation enough. . ."
Severus coped with his loss in a different manner. He had always taken school too seriously thus consuming himself with homework was an everyday occurrence for him. Not a remedy for depression. He had to revolve his time in a different way to distract himself accurately. To counteract his sadness, and prevent anything from befalling his living child, he bombarded Holly with constant hovering and overprotection. There wasn't a time when she was left alone from him. If they were at a market or spending time at the park Severus would clutch the infant to him as if expecting someone to run by and snatch her. . .
"Aw, look at that adorable little one," said a sweet looking old lady one day while Severus was at the park with Holly. "What a darling."
Severus glared at the older woman, pulling the carriage back.
"Do you always violate the space of other people's children like that?" He spat in disgust. As if the older woman had done something truly offending.
"I beg your pardon?" She asked, thinking she had misheard him.
"Have you no concept of personal space? Not only am I against you shoving your muggle face so close to my daughter, making her susceptible to your T.B. or what ever viruses you seniors carry, I don't appreciate you speaking so loudly when she's obviously trying to nap!"
"Young man, I really must impress that you apologi—"
"Apologize to you, for what?" He exclaimed. "You're the one who is trying to kill my daughter with your diseases. It is you who should be apologizing to me. Although I wouldn't accept it, even if you had."
"I beg your pardon, sir, but I have ne—"
"Yes, I'm sure you're very offended. However, I do not care. Take yourself and your dementia; get the hell away from my child!" . . .
Both new parents had forgotten what it meant to have a decent nights sleep as Holly was a needy little thing. They would wake at six n in the morning; leave the child with Petunia or Rose; floo to Hogwarts to attend class; floo back home where one would do homework while the other would watch the baby then vice versa. Once She was bathed and put to bed at nine o'clock Lily and Severus would relax or catch a small wink of sleep before Holly began crying in hunger or wetness by midnight. The situation was going entirely well except for one strenuous and irksome detail.
Now, nine months after the twins's birth Severus was becoming ever more depraved. As he used to be before Holly was born, only ten times so. Over time his obsessive protection of Holly wasn't enough to counter the bereavement of loosing Jaiden and the stress of being a young father. The event stuck to him differently than Lily. Seemingly as if he couldn't shake it away. This being so he retreated straight back into the only thing he knew gave him comfort: the dark arts.
When at Lily's house, at the end of each day, he would finish his obligations with the baby then quickly burry his nose into some book about curses and dark magic. If he wasn't busy creating new hexes himself. It drove Lily insane that even though he was a father, with a duty to his daughter, he couldn't see that even a notion of an interest in the dark arts was a bad influence on her. And Severus didn't just have a glimmer of interest. He was absolutely obsessed.
"No, Holly," Severus said as she grabbed a handful of his hair and hauled down on it. He grasped her little hand and tore it from his head.
"No, Monster," he said again as she yanked his hair, her mouth in a gleeful smile while she shrieked in happiness. "You think that's funny do you?"
She confirmed her thoughts on the matter by viciously pulling on Severus' lengthy hair before he took the rubber band he kept on his wrist (since Holly developed this hair yanking habit three weeks ago) and roped his hair into a sloppy ponytail.
There was a loud bang as the front door opened and closed. Petunia, Lily, and Rose came through with grocery bags, all heading to the kitchen to place them on the counter. Only Lily took the time to come into the sitting room to greet him and Holly.
"Hey, Sev," she said as she stood in the center of the room, her hands on her hips. She gasped in happiness before walking towards her daughter.
"Hi Holly! Hello baby girl! What are you doing?" She asked as she lifted her off of Severus' lap.
Holly began to cry as Lily cradled her close to her body.
"Oh, what's wrong?" Lily cooed. "Did you feed her Severus?"
"Of course I fed her. Not twenty minutes ago," he said, his voice betraying the faintest tones of offense.
"What's wrong little one?" She cooed, bouncing her up and down, eliciting a louder cry from the baby.
Severus stood from the armchair he was resting in, walked over to Lily, and forced his hands around Holly's small chest, stealing her back, before he sat back down. To Lily's dismay Holly's crying dissipated almost immediately. Severus could not master the smug grin on his face thus letting it reign throughout the room.
"What?" Lily exclaimed looking quite frustrated. "She likes you more than me?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Severus said, although his grin said otherwise. "She's all of nine months old. She hasn't yet developed the art of preference."
"Than why did she stop crying when you took her?" Lily asked as Severus put Holly prone on the floor.
"I don't know—maybe she does like me more," he said, his sneer becoming more pronounced.
"Git," Lily accused as she put her hand out for Holly to grab at her fingers.
"You're just sincerely jealous," he commented, pulling his book from the side table and opening it to the page he had previously marked.
There was a long silence as Lily watched Severus read. Her eyes had traveled to the title of the book and it disgusted her to read 'Understanding The Inferi'. How could he read those books in her own mother's house? In Holly's house? He had some nerve and no concept of respect.
"Understanding the Inferi, Sev?" Lily asked, her tone acrimonious.
"It's actually quite interesting. Don't knock it until you've tried it," he said not detecting, or completely ignoring, her slight anger.
"Do you think you could go one bloody day without reading that dark arts rubbish?" She asked, glaring up at him from where she sat with Holly on the floor.
"Of course I could. Do I want to? No," he said, looking quite content. It was as if he was unaware Lily was arguing with him.
"I don't want you reading that shite around Holly."
"Yes, with her superior skills of reading I can understand how that might be a problem," he stated sarcastically, not lifting his eyes from the book.
"Severus, I'm serious!" She enjoined, grasping the book and throwing it to the floor. "I don't want you to bring that trash around her."
"Fine then," he said, grabbing the book from where the baby was playing with the pages. "As you wish," and walked from the room, causing Holly to begin crying.
. . .Those were things at home. . .
Circumstances weren't going well at school either. Severus hung around those Death Eater wannabes more than he used to. Lily knew they were his only companions but he was smart enough to realize they weren't true friends. If he died tomorrow they wouldn't care. Furthermore, hanging about that Slytherin posse lead him to committing atrocious exploitations to unsuspecting students. Acting out with his incredible knowledge of the dark arts and just being plain mean to everyone. The Severus she used to know appeared to be completely dead and buried.
This new Severus was someone who frightened her. He constantly went about with a scowl on his face. Seemingly on the verge of cursing anyone who as little as said 'hello' to him. More than once she would walk by him in the midst of conversation and would hear the word 'mudblood' ringing from the group. It didn't matter to her if it was him speaking or not. The fact that he could be around such prejudice proved enough. What was worse was he subverted her requests to keep the dark arts away from Holly. Just the day before yesterday she had come home and found him sitting with Holly on his lap, flipping through a picture-heavy volume about the different effects of flesh rotting charms. Yes, there was definitely something wrong in that boy. . .
Lily sat in the library, books stacked around her station. The parchment before her was blank save two ill constructed sentences. Her head was propped by her fist, leaving her face scrunched on one side. Her mind was on matters other than her stupid old transfiguration essay.
That day she had come upon Severus with his little buddies bullying a second year Hufflepuff in a vacant corridor. They had apparently taken turns casting various curses at their victim, laughing at her cries of anguish and terror. Lily had left as soon as she had stumbled upon the sight, unable to understand what in the fucking world was wrong with Severus. She knew she had a whole lot of thinking to do about where their relationship stood.
"You look perplexed," Severus commented as he was placing books on the shelves (one of the various tasks of his employment in the library).
"Yeah well, I am," she said venomously.
Severus knew that tone all too well. She was upset about something. He sighed deeply and placed his books on the table beside her.
"What have I done?" He asked monotonously.
"Nothing," she lied.
"I'm no master of occlumency but it's quite clear you're blatantly lying."
"I'm not lying," she spat, gathering her items into her bag.
"I wish you would tell me what was the matter."
"Severus, I said nothing!" She snapped. At that she picked up her meager essay and stalked from the library. Putting as much distance between Severus and herself as possible.
She huffily walked down the hall, not looking where she was going. She was so oblivious to everything around her, so consumed with her rage at Severus, she barely registered when she rammed right into a solid object. Bounding backwards, she fell to her buttocks with a painful thud.
"Sorry, Lily!" James Potter exclaimed looking sincerely apologetic.
"It's okay, James," She said, her irritation heightening. "I wasn't looking where I was going."
"What's got your knickers in a twist?" He asked, detecting her foul mood as he helped her to her feet.
"Nothing in particular," she lied.
"Snape?" He guessed, hitting the nail on the head.
"Yeah," she confirmed, glaring in the opposite direction, her eyes flaring with a dangerous fire.
"What's he done?" James asked as they began walking together.
"Nothing really, just going about being himself."
"I heard that," James said, smiling enthusiastically. "Is there anything I can do to help out?"
"I'm not going to ask you to curse him, James," she said, guessing at his idea of assistance.
"I don't want to curse him—well I mean— I won't," he said with a chortle. Lily was surprised to find herself laughing along.
"So what's up? How are you?" Lily asked as they turned a corner and began walking out on the grounds.
"I'm out standing," he said dapperly. "Got the game against Ravenclaw on Saturday. Looking forward to that."
"Oh yeah," Lily said, remembering the flyers up in the Gryffindor tower (which she seldom went into for she didn't sleep there anymore). "Think you're gonna win?"
"I know we're going to win. Ravenclaw wouldn't know a decent play if it came and bit em on the neck," he said with confident finesse.
"Your modesty is overwhelming," said Lily with a challenging smile.
"Life's too short to be modest. What's the harm in knowing your great?"
"I suppose that has some truth to it. In an odd sort of way."
"Exactly!" James exclaimed happily. "So how's that rugrat of yours, Holly right?"
"Yeah, she's good; healthy," Lily said, although her expression read that not everything was peaches in the world of motherhood.
"I bet you're a brilliant mum," James commented, looking at her charmingly. Lily blushed lightly. "And rightly so, I'm sure Snape is a horrible father."
"He's actually a pretty good father for where it counts," Lily said, taking no offense to James's accusations of Severus' lax parenting skills. " He's just so keen on the dark arts— It's really troubling. Holly seems to be very taken with him, a daddy's girl for sure. I don't want his bad habit influencing her, or worse! I'm afraid, when she gets older, she's going to want to please him or copy him. Ya know, seek out black magic to do it? I just—Oh, I don't know. I wish he could just hang up the whole dark magic thing and just—be normal. Be nice, I suppose. I've asked him over a dozen times to not involve himself in that rubbish. For Holly's sake. He just won't do it! He's just so persistent to study them further."
"Yeah that's rough, you can take the Snape out of the dark arts but you can't take the dark arts out of the Snape. It's a principle of physics," James said rather playfully.
He may have been joking but Lily was unsure if James knew just how correct he was. Severus seemed incapable of change.
"Yes, well I suppose you're right," Lily laughed. " In all seriousness though if he doesn't shape up I'm going to have to take drastic measures."
"Like what do you mean?" James asked, pushing his slipping glasses up his nose.
"We-e-ell," Lily began as she sat down in the grass, James following her lead. "I'm going to keep Holly away from him. Tell him he can't see her until he cleans himself up."
Lily didn't know why she was telling James Potter all of this. These were very private details about her personal affairs. She was aware she needed someone to talk to because these thoughts had been driving her mad as of late, but why James Potter? It wasn't that hard of a puzzle in fact. Lily reasoned it was because James had a gift for easy conversation. It was so effortless to talk to him. Furthermore, James was everything Severus wasn't. He was kind natured, fervently against the dark arts, handsome, good at sports, and surrounded himself with good people. Why shouldn't she confide in him? He was making her laugh. He was agreeing with everything she was saying. Furthermore, he was making her feel good about herself. Everything a true friend was supposed to do. If someone had told her a year ago James Potter would be invoking these feeling in her she would have laughed herself into oblivion.
"I'm pretty sure you'll need a court order for that, Lily," said James, proverbially raining on her parade.
"Than I'll get one. It won't be difficult. I can't imagine any sane court would rule in his favor."
"You have valid points, Miss Lily," James said, pushing her flirtatiously. "I still wish there was something I could do to help."
"Well, there really isn't," She said smiling. "No matter how much you want to."
"How about I take you to dinner tonight? We can talk about it. Talking helps right?" James asked with a smile.
"Why, James Potter, are you asking me out on a date?" She replied in mock surprise.
"Why yes, I believe I am!" James said, his eyes brimming with hope.
"You know what? I would really love that," She said, smiling at him. "I'll meet you—where?"
"The entrance hall? Will seven o'clock do?" He asked as though he hadn't a weight in the world on his shoulders.
"I'll meet you there," She said, smiling at him. Unable to control her blushing.
"Excellent," James said, standing to his feet. "See you."
"Yeah bye. . ."
Severus was reeling the past few days over and over again in his head. The reason as to why Lily could be cross with him continued to elude his consciousness. He hadn't done anything to her. He hadn't shirked his responsibilities with Holly nor around the house. He had kept a civil tongue with Rose and even managed to treat Petunia as if she was worth more than a paper bag. So why was Lily upset?
In his contemplative state he didn't notice as Holly crawled to the coffee table and hoisted herself up by the edge (attempting to climb on top). He became all too aware as she came crashing down, wailing uncontrollably.
"Shit, Holly!" He scolded picking up the infant and checking the back of her head for any serious sign of injury. When all was concluded as normal he coddled her to him, trying to sooth her ragged cries.
"That's what happens when you're on a constant mission to kill yourself," he said softly as her cries began to dissipate. "Maybe it will teach you to be less daring in the future. Though I doubt it."
Holly liked to climb on everything.
She was looking into his face as if listening, her small fingers grabbing fistfuls of his clothes. She looked down at his chest and began playing with the buttons that clasped his robes in place.
Severus' attention shifted to the fireplace as it exploded in a green flame, Lily stepping out quite whimsically.
"Where in the bloody hell have you been?" Severus interrogated as he put Holly on the floor.
"I've been out," she said as a matter of factually.
"Where? It's nearly midnight you know," he said, sounding a lot like her deceased father.
"Yes, it is. So, why is Holly still awake?"
"She wouldn't take to her crib. She'd cry when I put her down. I figured she didn't have anything better to do tomorrow other than sleep, so why bother?"
"You have to show her who's the boss, Severus, or she'll take advantage of you."
"First you claim she can distinguish preferences. Now she's diabolic and capable of scheming? You do give her too much credit, Lily."
"Oh, what ever," Lily said, walking over to Holly. "Hi, baby girl!"
Lily hoisted Holly up from the floor and balanced her on her hip. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of pineapple juice.
"So, where were you?" Severus asked, following her into the kitchen.
"I was out with James Potter," she said as if she went out with James every damn night of the week.
Severus felt as if he had been slapped. Surely he had misheard her. She couldn't have possibly said she was out with Potter.
"W-with James Potter?" He stammered. Bewilderment settling in, accompanied by an intense white-hot rage.
"Yes," she concluded before nonchalantly taking a swing from her cup.
"So, what? Was this some kind of date?" He asked, his heart beginning to pang against his rib cage as he anticipated the answer. He would surely loose it if Lily went on a date with James Potter.
"Yes, it was."
A horrible sick feeling creeped from Severus' chest and spread throughout his body. His head had a quick spout of dizziness, spots in front of his eyes, as he resisted the surge of violence that wracked his mind. Swallowing hard, he looked down at the counter utterly speechless.
"Did you and James Potter have a wonderful time?" He asked through clenched teeth.
"I can't believe this, you're angry?" Lily asked incredulously.
"Where did he take you?" Severus inquired venomously, completely ignoring Lily's inquiry. "To the quidditch pitch to swoon you with his broom stick? Or did he take you to the shrieking shack to show off his pet werewolf?"
"Sev, you're being stupid," she spat as she walked back to the sitting room.
"Tell me! Did you have an absolutely romantic evening? Are you head over heels in love with James Potter?"
"What's the big deal, Severus? Why are you acting like this?"
"I'm acting like this because you went on a bloody date with bloody James Potter!"
Holly started to cry.
"I can go on dates if I want to! You're acting like I need your permission or something! What difference does it make if I go out with James Potter or anybody else?"
"The difference is it's James Potter!" He seethed, a sharp pang in his heart, his hands balling into fists, as his stomach twisted in knots.
He could not recollect a moment when he felt so angry, so betrayed. The fact that all Lily ever did was argue with him yet she wanted to be dated by James Potter shattered his spirit. The majority of his self esteem was crashing down around him. He thought he had Lily well within his grasp. They had a child together. They lost a child together. They lived together. He was so close to making his most vivid dreams a reality. Then, like everything else, James Potter swooped in and stole it.
"I can date who ever I please," Lily said haughtily, leaving the sitting room, Severus close in toe.
"Not James Potter!" Severus commanded as they climbed the stairs.
"You know what? Just because you're acting like this I'm going to go on a second date with him!" She yelled back as they entered Lily's room (where Holly's crib was).
"How can you do it?" He inquired as Lily tucked the screeching Holly into bed. "I mean literally, how?"
"He's actually quite charming," she said, pushing past Severus into the hall.
"He's quite charming?" Severus asked incredulously. "I've handled tentacula leaves more charming than James Potter."
"How would you know? You've never seen his good side," she commented as she sat in the sitting room. Crossing her legs and arms.
"He doesn't have a good side! Perhaps you've forgotten, he's spent the last seven years making my life a living hell!" He spat. "Not to mention that he's a complete asshole and a second rate human being."
"You should talk," Lily said darkly, glaring at him.
"What am I to understand by that?" Severus asked, forcing a fake calm to take effect. His eyes still glittering in anger.
"That you're at least ten times worse than James Potter could ever be. You're constantly burying yourself into the dark arts. You go about with those Death Eater wannabes cursing people for fun—don't deny it. I saw you today in the west corridor. That Hufflepuff girl," Lily said, her eyes filled with such disdain Severus was forced to look at the floor rather than meet her gaze. "Not to mention we both know how keen you are to join you-know-who— yeah got nothing to say now do you?"
"What do you want me to say? You've just called me a rotten person."
"I was expecting you to give me some kind of explanation but I guess there are none. You really are just—different. You're not the Severus I met at the park all those years ago a-and I have to say this new Severus is not someone I like being around."
Lily waited for him to say something but he remained silent. His hands were clasped behind his back his glare to the floor. She could see his chest rising and falling fervently as if he was suffering some kind of respiratory distress. He licked his lips slowly biting down on the lower one as it came into contact with his teeth. Since he wasn't going to speak she took advantage of his silence.
"Severus— I've asked you to change over one hundred times. The more I ask the more you resist me. The more you read your dark arts trash, play Death Eater with Avery, and the more you influence Holly with it."
"I don't influe—"
"Severus I walked in on you showing her a book about flesh rotting hexes! So, don't sit here and lie to me!" She said louder than she would have liked.
He quickly shut his mouth, returning duly to his glowering.
"Look I think maybe it would be a good idea for you to go home tonight. I-I don't really want you here anymore."
"Look I'm sorry about flying off the handle with the whole James Potter thing. I was just—"
"It has nothing to do with you being angry about James Potter. This is something I've been thinking on for a little while. I don't want my daughter growing up around someone who idolizes the dark arts. So, until you can truthfully say that you're done with it. I don't want you around me or Holly."
"You can't just keep me away from my daughter," he said, his eyes stoney with fear and heartache.
"I'm prepared to take you to court with it," she said. "Or you can just yield to my requests. I'll let you see her twice a month but don't think it won't be supervised."
"So—this is how it's going to be?" He whispered, his voice dangerous.
Severus thought he was superbly angry about Lily's date. That was a mere mole hill in comparison to the mountain of rage he had become over the last one-hundred-twenty seconds. How dare Lily take Holly away from him? So what if he knew more than the average person about the dark arts? It wasn't as if he was demonstrating the unforgivables to Holly. And why shouldn't his daughter share his interests? She was just as much his as she was Lily's.
"Yes, Severus this is how it's going to be until you shape up. If you resist me I'm just going to take you to court and file for full custody. So, you just weigh your options before you go and do something stupid."
"Perhaps I place you under the imperius curse?" Severus threatened, his irritation, sorrow, and anger forcing him to say anything to take the upper hand. He was seventeen he had no trace.
"You can get out now," Lily said, walking to the door and opening it for him. "You can get your things in the morning. After that—I don't want to see you in this house anymore."
"As you wish," he spat, his heart truly breaking.
"I wish you weren't such an evil prat!" She yelled venomously, slamming the door as he left.
Severus stood on the front porch for what seemed like hours before his numb legs began carrying him to his house at Spinners End. He wished that the floo connection from Lily's to Hogwarts didn't turn off after midnight. He would have much rather gone to the castle over his parents shack of a home.
It wasn't as if he had always been blatantly trying to disobey Lily and continue studying and practicing the dark arts. It just happened. There would be intervals where he wouldn't touch a black magic book for days. He wouldn't throw a curse at anyone, but he didn't see Lily commenting one that. She only focussed on when he would slip up and study dark magic again. Even so, when not studying about it he was thinking about it. He could not help what he found interesting or what appealed to him. The dark arts had always been a fascination of his. The dark arts was his comfort zone, it was something that was always there when he needed distraction or alleviation. Those amenities were hard to pass up.
As for Lily slandering his friends in Slytherin they had always accepted him for the way he was. They never pestered him for anything and never tried to change him. Did that really seem so terrible to her? He didn't feel he should have to choose between the dark arts and his friends over his Daughter. It didn't seem right.
How could Lily do this to him? Wasn't it bad enough that she went out with James Potter? Wasn't it a big enough slap in the face that she had called him a rotten human being? Was it not proficient that she thought of him as scum, always argued with him, and despised him outwardly when all he did was love her indiscriminately. There were plenty of things that she did which annoyed him, but you never saw him complaining about it. For example how her voice changed slightly when talking to professors. How she began a majority of her sentences with a lengthy 'well'. She would drink water directly from the kitchen faucet instead of fetching a glass. These behaviors irritated him but he never said or did anything about it. But of course, when he does something that annoyed her he was shunned from Holly. How was that fair? Why could she not just leave it alone?
Just because he had a habit out of the dark arts didn't mean she had to take Holly away. Holly was the only thing that brought him any fulfilled happiness and now he was only going to be able to see her twice a month? The big talk contained within Severus' began to activate in his frustration. Lily's requests be damned! She could take him to court! He would not be parted from his daughter! This was of course false. He would never go against anything Lily wanted. Even if it brought him nothing shy of misery. . .
He unlocked his front door with the wave of his hand and stepped into the dark living room. He could hear the dull sound of yelling coming from his parent's bedroom as that familiar sick feeling of hatred took hold of him. He ascended the stairs, the arguing growing louder, until he shut himself into his room, collapsing onto his bed.
Anger surged through him like electricity. He was finding it difficult to empty his rampant emotions away as he had been practicing, in the name of occlumency, for the past six months. The sounds of his parents fighting wracked through him, cooking a rage so exquisite that he was positive he would explode from the sheer agony of not being able to bear such intense asperity. His pulse was bounding, his teeth were bared as he yanked his pillow from under his head and placed it over his face. He allowed himself to yell as loud as he could, the sound muffled by the constricted pillow. Rolling onto his stomach he clasped the pillow over his head as the familiar thud of skin to skin contact met his covered ears.
He felt as if he needed to break something; the urge to kill and destroy. He imagined himself stalking from his room and beating his father within an inch of his life as he heard a loud sob from his parent's room. Magic be damned. He would definitely do it the muggle way, with knives or a bat. The notion of making someone feel as much pain as he felt (especially his bastard father) brought him slight comfort as he fell into a very unsatisfying and shallow sleep. . .
-seven months later-
"James, stop it!" Lily laughed as he tickled her. She was perched on his lap surrounded by Black, Lupin, and that reject Pettigrew.
It was May and the sun was shining brightly over the castle. The majority of students were outside either in the courtyard, by the lake, or at the edge of the forest. The smell of snap dragons and honey suckle surrounded the grounds, coming in warm dense quantities with the humid air. The sound of the rare cicada chirped in the distance, mixing with the laughter and shrieks of playing first and second years.
Severus was across the courtyard leaning against a pillar, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were glued to the now golden couple as they pressed their lips together. Severus' scowl grew more pronounced as the familiar fire of jealousy kindled in his veins.
"Hey!" Rosier exclaimed, thunking him on the head. "Stop fawning over her, Severus! She stole your fucking child and your dignity. Time to move on."
Severus ripped his scowl from Lily and James to be directed at Evan.
"Really Snape, it's right pathetic," Avery added.
"She chose Potter over you! She's a bitch—with no common sense," Wilkes chimed in.
"She's a mudblood! Forget about her," Regulus Black said.
"Yes, yes," Severus agreed, uncrossing his arm as he pushed himself off the support of the pillar, aiming to sit next to Mulciber at the picnic table they were playing cards at.
"Don't trouble yourself with her," Mulciber insisted, flipping one of his cards over. "In one months time you'll be joining The Dark Lord. You'll need to keep a clear head."
"I'm well aware."
"Yeah I heard the initiation is something else," Avery voiced, looking mildly nervous, grasping his cards with white knuckles. "What do you suppose goes on?"
"Father says its top secret," Mulciber informed him, taking a card from the deck. " Rumor had it that you must shed blood and drink poison in his name, but that's just hearsay. No one but the Death Eaters and The Dark Lord truly knows what happens. We'll find out soon enough though— Severus! Really why don't you just go over there and curse Potter if it bothers you so fucking much?"
"I can't just go over there and curse him. No matter how much I'd fucking like to. I'm supposed to be quitting the dark arts remember?" Severus said. 'Quitting': as if black magic was a drug.
"Oh, please, you're closer to becoming Witch Weekly's hottie of the month than you are to abandoning the bloody dark arts— Rosier it's your draw."
"Yeah and why bother not cursing the blimey bastard?" Avery asked. " You've already told Lucius to account you for this year's initiation. So you're not quitting anything. Doesn't seem like a bad idea to show the mudblood who the bigger man is."
"Lily's not impressed by curses," Severus said coldly, his frustration apparent.
"Why are you into her again?" Wilkes asked, staring at Severus with a dumbfounded expression.
"Cause he's got a hard on for mudblood trash," Mulciber said, eliciting laughter from the pack of death-eaters-to-be.
"Stuff it," Snape said, sounding quite agitated. His annoyed demeanor caused the group to break into pure cachinnation once more.
"But really, Snape," Avery began, drawing a card. " All kidding aside. Why not go hex him into submission? We all know you're never going to stop using the dark arts, you're too good. So what are you trying to prove? Why are you torturing yourself? Just go over there and sectumsempra his ass. Make him sorry for running his hands all over your baby's mama."
More laughter.
"I agree the chances of my abandoning the dark arts are slim to none. However, what Lily doesn't know won't hurt her. I have to appear as if I'm abiding by her rules or else I'll never get to see Holly. Do you deny that if I went over there and cursed Lily's boy toy right in front of her she might not allow me within thirty feet of Holly? The bottom line is I must be with my daughter."
"Awwwwww!" They all cooed in mock endearment.
"Oh, fuck the lot of you," Severus said, pushing himself up from the table and walking away from the group with the smallest of smirks playing on his lips. . .
Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed chapter seven. At this point things are going to grow a little darker, more misfortune plagues our protagonist, and so much more. Stay tuned for chapter eight.