Disclaimer:
I own nothing created and or mentioned, by J.K. Rowling, in the books of Harry Potter. This story is a product intended for enjoyment not financial gain.
Rating: Mature
Sexual content, language content, and dark themes
Severus ran his hand over the branded skin of his left forearm, sending slight shivers up his spine. The serpent enwrapped black skull stared back into his attentive gaze, completely healed since the initiation six month ago. Had it truly been that long, six months he'd been a Death Eater?
Within the small yet vast time limit Severus had found himself loving and hating his service to The Dark Lord. Brewing and researching by day: he adored. He would wake early in the morning and begin mixing potions for his master or research the makings of an old spell. The best part of it was that all of it was dark magic. Severus had never felt quite so at home, like he truly fit in somewhere. The part which he hated, which he didn't think would bother him in the beginning, was the violence and crime. Since his inditement he had committed atrocious things. Poisoning a helpless preteen muggle born while testing an elixer for his lord. Bloodied a man that would not come quietly to an interrogation. He had witnessed far worse being performed by other Death Eaters but that didn't ease his own guilt.
As he sat, marveling at his length stay with The Dark Lord Severus allowed his mind to commemorate the event of being inducted as one of The Dark Lord's servants. . .
Severus was contained within a dark room where a single floating lantern hung from the ceiling. The soft glow illuminated the tiny space with an orange blush that casted shadows across his features and all other margins of the room. He held his hands clasped behind his back, clutching at them furiously for he hated the sensation of nervousness that involuntarily racked his person. He was so enveloped in his thoughts; in his worries, that he was very much startled when the door opened with a loud creak.
"Its time," Lucius Malfoy said with a triumphant smile. He stood in the doorway, flushed by the dull orange light, his cane resting idly by his side.
Severus spoke no words as he followed Lucius out of the room and down several long corridors. The faint sound of screams echoed in the distance the two made their way to places unknown to Severus. They stopped at a threshold barricaded by two large black doors.
"This is where I leave you," Lucius said, looking down at Severus as a prideful owner would at an obedient hound. " He's expecting you."
Severus drew a shaky breath as Lucius knocked on the door three times. The grand entrance whooshed open, causing a faint wind to blow across the two men's faces, fluttering their hair. Severus clenched his jaw and walked through the doors as they slammed shut in his wake.
This new room was extravagant in size and shrouded in antiquity. The two arm chairs that rested before the victorian hearth were of late-renaissance-revival style upholstered in green fabric. The walls were lined with extraordinary bookcases, faded with age, decorated by marquetry inlay complete with neoclassical motifs and garlands of snakes. There was an impressive collection of fascinating objects filling these shelves and Severus wished he could examine them more closely. However, the tall red-eyed man standing in the midst of the room stayed his curiosity.
"Come," he said, crooking his head upward, his voice like splintered ice.
Severus felt his feet being magically actuated as he advanced closer to Lord Voldemort. Upon being mere inches from him the magic forced Severus to genuflect, his gaze being directed to the floor. His pulse was lightening, his chest was tight, his body quivering internally.
He bared his teeth as a sensation of magic, ice-pick like in nature, penetrated into his mind. It took all his control to not whimper in agony as his thoughts were painfully shifted through. A coursing sweat broke out at Snape's temple as his jaws clenched forcefully together. He was powerless to do anything save tolerate the discomfort and endure it with as much dignity and grace as he could muster. The whole ordeal, seemingly hours to Severus, was a few short minutes in reality.
"Very good," The Dark Lord said, removing the ice picks from Severus' mind. "Your intentions are not in question, young one. However, where does your allegiance fair?"
"W-with you, My Lord," Severus croaked, still recovering from the agonizing infiltration of his mind.
"Of course," The Dark Lord whispered, his thin lips twisting into a shallow smile. "You are prepared to prove it?"
"Yes, My Lord."
The Dark Lord rose his wand with the quick of a flash and pointed it directly at Severus' throat. There was a sensation of a prickly rope being strung about his neck, growing tighter by the millisecond. Until breathing was an arduous chore.
"Are you prepared to do whatever I may ask of you to prove your devotion to me?"
"Y-yes, My Lord," Severus replied, resisting the urge to claw at the magical bind on his neck.
"Are you prepared to protect the sanctity of my name?"
"Yes— My Lord."
"Are you prepared to kill in my name?"
"Yes, My— Lord."
"Are you prepared to die in my name?"
There was a moment of silence as Severus contemplated the question. He was uncertain wether he would sincerely die for The Dark Lord. He wanted to be apart of his organization, but was he truly willing to end his own life for a man he had met moments ago? Severus reasoned it was not the man he would die for but the cause. The objective was good and he would have no qualms with dying for a magical community that had no undesirables or degenerates staining its prestige. Better yet, a world where muggles would rightly tremble at his feet. He seemed to have been silent for a moment too long as the invisible rope clamped down tighter upon his throat.
"Yes, Master—anything," Severus said quickly, his hands bawling into fists at his sides.
"Do you willingly bind yourself to me for as long as your life extends?"
"Yes, My Lord."
"Do you vow to give me your body, your soul, and personal will to use at my disposal in any way I see befitting?"
"Yes, My Lord."
"Then you are mine," The Dark Lord said as he lazily flicked his wand to stop the choking of his latest servant. "Present your left arm."
Severus, who was breathing erratically, pulled up his black sleeve and revealed the milk white skin beneath. The Dark Lord took Severus' wrist into his long fingers as his wand elongated, as if growing an extra attachment. The junction was a brand, the image of the dark mark, glowing red with heat, at its end. Severus closed his eyes as His Lord's wand drew closer to his vulnerable skin.
"Open your eyes, Severus. You are to witness my possession over you," said The Dark Lord, a hungry glint in his eyes.
Severus immediately opened his eyes and watched as the brand came closer and closer. It was pressed against his twitching skin with a hiss, black smoke billowing from the sides. Severus gasped in astonishment at the ripping pain that raced from his arm, across his chest, up his neck, coursing through his whole body, jumping from one bone to the next. His arm was shaking violently, held still by Voldemort's grip as the smoke began to subside.
The Dark Lord withdrew the brand as his wand returned to its ordinary length. Severus gulped, his head light and spinning with pain. Severus' eyes wandered from his master's feet to a giant snake slithering across the floor to coil at The Dark Lord's base, her tongue flicking out in Severus' direction as if acquainting herself with him.
"You belong to me now, you are one of my Death Eaters. You will serve me indiscriminately and abide by my orders as law. If you fail to adhere to me you will be shown no mercy. None defy Lord Voldemort and live to tell about it. Do I make myself plain?"
"Yes, Master," Severus whispered, feeling unexpectedly violated. . .
Severus sighed as he recalled the events of six month ago and pushed himself up from his desk. He felt like a walk and decided to roam The Dark Lord's headquarters, which the Death Eaters nicknamed Vertice (the latin term for mountain top).
The headquarters were strategically placed in the midst of the Munros Mountain ranges allowing the victims and prisoners to scream as loud as they pleased and for the Death Eaters to use as much magic without worrying about such annoyances as detection or interference by the ministry.
He ushered through the many corridors until he came upon the front entrance, throwing it open with a wave of his wand. He drew in the chilled December air as his eyes drank in the majestic white covered terrain. His comrades never seemed to appreciate the mountain's glory as Severus did but he could not help but admire it.
The black rocks that piled so high, overlapping each other, casting divine shadows over their girth. The way the wind howled into the deepness of the crevasse as it whipped whirlwinds of snow flakes around the peaks. How the sun would shine through the clouds, creating long rays of light that seemed to have no end. The altitude at which Vertice was stationed did not tolerate the growth of vegetation but Severus found the white dessert more beautiful than any common forest.
It was times like these, all alone, basking in the allure of the mountains, that Severus' mind would wander to his children. How he missed Holly terribly and couldn't wait to see her that evening (it was one of his scheduled visits). He thought of Jaiden and imagined what it would be like if he was still alive. As Holly would be waiting to see him that night so would his son.
He was so enthralled with the sublime beauty of the mountain, his thoughts of Holly and Jaiden, that he barely noticed the deep burning in his left arm. The sear of his master attempting to summon him. He quickly turned on his heels and made his way, as quickly as possible, to the two large black doors. He knocked twice before they flew open, as they always did, shutting behind him as he entered.
He prostrated himself before The Dark Lord who's vibes were all but comforting. There was a long nasty silence as The Dark Lord was rummaging through something. Curiosity of the Dark Lord's actions sparked within him but Severus dare not move nor raise his gaze to his master.
"So," The Dark Lord began, his voice dangerous. " You are well informed, I'm sure, about our recent failure?"
"Yes, My Lord," Severus whispered, all too aware of the previous night's fiasco.
"The Evanescent Elixir needed to avoid detection was reported as ineffective. Bella seems to be convinced that it was your faulty brewing that lead to our downfall," The Dark Lord accused, his voice dripping with disdain.
"With all do respect, My Lord, you speak of a downfall. My Lord, we are still winning this war. One failure does not signify our utmost defeat."
"Silence," hissed The Dark Lord. "I do not tolerate failure, I do not tolerate imperfection. Bella is adamant that you are fully to blame for this folly. Do you deny it, Severus?"
"The Evanescent Elixir is not foreign to me, Master. I cannot imagine a reason as to why it would be rendered ineffective. I would check the mixture myself but all was used last night."
"Yes, I am well aware of your inability to concoct adequate amounts for usage and stock," The Dark Lord spat, walking ever closer to Severus, his wand being pulled from his robes. "You cannot recall a single mistake you might have made, not one?"
"N-no, My Lord, I cannot. The potion had the proper color; the proper consistency," Severus uttered truthfully, eyeing the brandished wand wearily, fear instinctively setting in.
"Perhaps the Cruciatus shall jog your memory," The Dark Lord spat venomously as he raised his wand to Severus. "Crucio!"
It happened too quick for the sick fear to set in as the pain inundated Severus, hitting him like a wrecking ball. He fell from his knees to his side as his body convulsed in pain, his breathing hitched and irregular.
It was as if someone had smelted down his organs and bones thus pouring the hot mixture onto his overly stimulated skin. There were needles being dragged through his eyes as every limb he possessed was being broken and bruised. His throat was raw and scathed as he screamed in supreme agony. Pleading for it all to stop. Then all it once, it did.
"Do you feel like telling me the truth or shall we continue?" The Dark Lord asked, raising his wand again.
Severus pressed his now sweating cheek to the cold tile floor, relishing its reassuring chill. Panting roughly, he swallowed hard and clenched his jaw, the thought of talking made his head explode in protest.
"I—I wasn't—I wasn't lying, My Lord. Bellatrix must be—trying to—place the fault in me— to cover her own—"
"Crucio!"
The dire pain returned, making Severus' body contort into shapes he didn't even know were possible for a human being. Arching his back, his whole body violently shaking, sweat poured down his face, as he screamed exquisitely. The pain vanished as Voldemort removed the curse and stood directly in front of Severus.
"So, you presume to say I have made an error in taking Bellatrix's account as trusting?"
"N-no, My—My Lord!" Severus protested through his panting, unable to fathom what would become of him if he had to endure another bout of the Cruciatus Curse. " S-she must— be m-mistaken! I made— that potion— flawlessly, I swear! I would never— be careless— with a brew made— to serve, His Lordship."
"Saying she was misconstrued would indicate that I was mistaken in trusting her. I do not make mistakes, Severus, you know this. So, the fault must be yours!"
"M-My Lord I—"
"Crucio!"
The most incredible dread enveloped Severus as he was subjected to the intense pain for the third time in under ten minutes. His body cried out for mercy, his screams begging for the same. The agony was incredible, raking his body in despair and dragging his mind into depths so deep he scarcely believed he would be able to pull himself back to sanity. Tears were involuntarily flowing from his eyes, mixing with the vicious sweat from his scalp. His hands clawed at the floor as if attempting to grab something that was not there. He continued to cry in relief when the spell was lifted, leaving his body trembling violently.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Severus chanted over and over again as Voldemort looked down at him with contempt. "You're right— Master, I made the potion— i-incorrectly. I'm sorry— I'm so sorry. . ."
"You will do well to make your mixtures with more care in the future," The Dark Lord spat as Severus nodded indefinitely. "Get out of my sight!"
"Th-thank you, My Lord," he choked as he pushed his aching body up from the floor.
Severus forced his mutilated body to move as pain raced through all his limbs. He trudged to the door and left silently, hoping he could just die instead of be forced to endure the long hours of suffering he knew lie ahead. His shaking legs carried him to his personal quarters. His body cried out in gratitude as he flopped face first onto the bed, allowing unconsciousness to take him. . .
Severus looked around himself, not knowing where he was or who he was. His wand was clutched tightly in his sweating hand and he was running; running. The corridor in which he sprinted down was of a dilapidated castle, in some unknown location. The sound of his ramped steps consumed him, for there was no other sound, no light in which to see. The giant stone walls elongated as he ran, simultaneously beginning to close in, becoming smaller, tighter. He stopped running with a skid as a grating sound, like nails on a chalk board, enveloped his ears. Smaller; tighter; claustrophobic; paralyzing; terrifying. He had to get out of this; before he was squashed to death! In his frantic means of escape, half way down the shrinking hall, he discovered a baby sitting in the midst of the chaos. It's back was towards him and it appeared to be preoccupied with something on the floor. Severus called out to the child, but no sound bounded from his voice. He tried again; running; but no sound. He reached the child, picking it up as he began inching side ways to avoid being crushed, the child cradled to his breast.
The baby began to wail as Severus clutched him, the walls less than an inch away from annihilating him and the child. Severus closed his eyes tightly as a squeezing pain racked his body, pressing him between the two walls. When he was sure his organs were going to burst, his bones breaking, he dissolved into nothing, swirling in a vortex of purple and black clouds. He tried to hold onto the baby but it slipped from his grasp, spiraling down into the void as if being sucked by a drain.
"Jaiden!" He screamed, stretching his hand out for the child. The baby swirled into nonexistence causing tears of frustration and sorrow to mount in Severus' eyes. He continued to spin into oblivion, being sucked through the whirlpool of nothingness, until he felt solid ground beneath his feat with a bang.
Lord Voledmort stood before him, standing more than nine feet tall, his cloak billowing and his eyes shining a deep red. Severus cowered before his enlarged master, trembling uncontrollably.
"Severus," The Dark Lord moaned eerily. "Severus—Hey, Snape. . ."
"Severus? Hey, Snape?"
Severus groaned lightly as he woke, a powerful throb in his head and an itchy pain in his throat. He looked around his room to find Avery at his door, the source of his disrupted slumber.
"What do you want?" He asked irritably, pushing his aching body up from the comforts of lying down.
Upon sitting up at the edge of the bed an uncontrollable urge to vomit enveloped him. It surged through his body, making his pulse quicken and his head feel heavy. Swallowing hard, he placed his cold hand to his fevered forehead, leaning his elbow on his seated knee for support.
"Seeing if you wanted to come with Mulciber and me," Avery replied.
"Come where?" Snape asked, his head still in his hand.
"To the Christmas party at the Malfoys," he said as if it was a matter everyone should know about.
"Is it Christmas Eve?" Severus asked bewildered, looking up at his calendar as if he actually ticked off the days.
Then he remembered he had known it was Christmas Eve that day, he had been anticipating it. Today was one of his visitation days with Holly. Lily was kind enough to make it fall on Christmas Eve, but not generous enough for Christmas morning. Nonetheless, he was thrilled to go and see his daughter. Happiness swept his person, mixing with the physical agony and hardened nausea from the previous torture.
"Yes, you dolt," Avery said, chuckling at Severus' astonishment. "You coming?"
"I'll show up eventually," he replied, becoming ever more grateful that Avery awoke and reminded him that it was the twenty-fourth. "I'm going to see Holly first."
"Still concerning yourself with that mudblood mother of hers are ya?"
"I would never unconcern myself with Lily," he thought.
"Yes," was his terse answer as he pulled a neatly wrapped box from a drawer in his desk. He pushed it closed and walked briskly past Avery, his whole body aching in protest.
"Well, see ya, you great slimy git!" Avery called to his retreating back.
Severus walked down the mountain to the appointed point of apparition and disappeared with a crack. He whirled through England until he was in front of the apartment complex Lily had recently moved into. She didn't have a job so Severus didn't know how she had managed to pay for it. Obliviated the land lord no doubt.
He walked up the many stairs until he was at the door numbered 505, knocking softly. He could hear Lily talking to Holly about going to see who was at the door as well as her solid strides accompanied by Holly's disproportionate ones.
Lily opened the door and Severus' breath was almost stolen away by how beautiful she looked. Her hair was done up in an elegant clip, a few long red strands falling to her shoulders. She wore a black boat-neck dress with a golden necklace, a snitch charm attached to the chain. Her perfume, highly intoxicating, was something sweet that Severus couldn't quite place his finger on. Perhaps cherry blossom? She had on light make-up, her lips a glossy pink, matched with the faint pink blush on her face. The high heels she wore made her tower inches over her natural height, putting her at exact eye length with Severus.
"Merry Christmas," she said as she put an earring into her ear. "Come in, it's freezing."
"Merry Christmas," he responded tensely.
"Da'ee!" Holly exclaimed (unable to pronounce the inner 'D's) in her high pitched toddler voice, jumping into his arms. He almost moaned in pain as he exerted effort to lift his daughter to his chest. He made a very valiant effort to hide it, however, his flash of pain did not go unnoticed by Lily.
"Ah, how are you, monster?" He asked as he followed Lily into the kitchen, carrying Holly as he went
She nodded, smiling at him, convinced that this was an appropriate response to his question. Severus couldn't suppress a smile at her young ignorance.
It had only been a month since Severus had last seen his daughter and he was always shocked by how much she seemed to grow from one visit to the next. She still had bulges of baby fat around her arms and legs; her chubby cheeks but was definitely slimmer than the last time he had seen her, shrinking in maturity. Her dark wavy hair fell down to tickle her shoulders, framing her pale-skinned face that had already began to shape like Severus'; angular and sharp. She wore a black Christmas dress (definitely Lily's doing) and thick white tights. Severus thought she looked like a tiny penguin but he kept his opinions on the matter to himself.
"What's up, Severus?" Lily asked, staring at him, her face scrutinizing. "Everything, okay?"
"Yes," he replied, placing Holly back on her feet, allowing her to scamper away to the living room.
"You look like you're hurting or something. Are you sick?" She asked, searching his face for an answer.
"I'm quite well," he said, clasping his hands behind his back.
Lily studied him unconvinced. His face was shades paler than it once was, almost grey in color. His black eyes were encircled by dark purple crescents, his hair sporting a dull quality as if a corpse's. His cheeks, hollow before, had become so deep they could serve as bowls. The thin layer of sweat about his person didn't say much for health either. She was so preoccupied with his face that for a moment she didn't notice he had dropped weight. This was of course a problem for he was already thin before.
"Are you positive you're not sick?" She asked, reaching out her hand and placing it on his forehead.
Severus had to resist the quiver of pleasure that raced through his body at her contact, pulling his head to the side instead.
"I'm really quite positive."
"You feel warm," she said, crossing her arms.
"I'm a mammal, I run hot," he countered sardonically as he walked to the living room, abandoning Lily and the conversation.
"Look what I brought you, Holly," he said as cheerfully as he could for how rotten he felt, presenting the box to the eager toddler.
Holly excitedly took the present from him and began fervently trying to unwrap the paper. After a few moments she created a tear big enough to unwrap the box which contained a child's potions kit.
"What do you say, Holly?" Lily asked pleasantly, thinking it nice for Severus to give Holly such a thoughtful gift.
"T'ank you," she said, throwing her pudgy arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder. He patted her back absent-mindedly, stroking her long black hair a few times.
"Listen, Severus," Lily said, stepping into the room. "I was going to go out for a few hours."
"I figured as much seeing as you're all dressed up," Severus said, his eyes on Holly who was trying to open the cardboard box containing her new toy.
"Yes, well, I was going to ask you to watch Holly but I don't know, you seem sick," she said, chewing her bottom lip in contemplation.
"No, no, no you go out," he said, grasping the chance to be alone with Holly for the first time in basically a year and a half. "I'm quite well."
"Are you sure?" She asked, grabbing a black purse from the dining table and placing on her over robes.
"Yes, positive," Severus said. "We're going to have—uh—fun, aren't we Holly?"
"Yep, yep, yep," she said, climbing into his lap with a stuffed animal. "Look!"
"You go on," Severus said, taking the stuffed animal Holly was trying to show him.
"You'wr not looking!" she pouted.
"All right, if you're sure," Lily said, walking over to Holly and lifting her up. "Bye, bye, Baby! Mummy's going to go out with her friends for a little while."
"Bye, bye, Mummy," she said, waving her hand at herself, instead of Lily.
"Be a good girl for, Daddy. There's food in the fridge when she gets hungry," Lily informed Severus before she set Holly down. "Her bed time is eight thirty sharp," and at that she left the house, turning the door lock behind her.
"What do you want to do then, Holly?" Severus asked as she crawled onto the couch beside him.
"I don' know," she said, picking at a string from her tights.
"Well, do you want to make a potion with your new cauldron?" He asked, picking up the box that she had abandoned, unable to unstick the tape.
"I don' know how do t'hat," she said, shifting to sit on her knees, flipping her hair as she did so.
"You don't?" He asked in mock surprise. "Well, it's a good thing I've made a potion or two in my life. I'm confident I can help you."
"Kay," she said happily as Severus opened the box up, carrying it over to the dining table. Brewing was barely a living room activity.
He pulled out the pyrex cauldron and child safe burner along with the bag of ingredients and plastic cutting knives. The potions set was not for children of her age group but, like both of her parents, Holly was advanced in learning. He wasn't concerned for her safety despite the fire and sharp objects. She wasn't fool enough to harm herself.
"Wha' kinda, um—po'tun we gonna make?" She asked, kneeling on the dining chair, her arms folded on the table as she teetered up and down.
"It, lo-o-o-oks like," Severus pulled the ingredients from the small bag and deducted it was definitely Capioconversus or the hair-color changing potion. "It's a hair dying mixture. It will temporarily change the color of your hair."
"Oh—Wha's tempowawily?" She asked, still teetering up and down.
"It means for a short time," he told her.
"Oh," she said, standing on the chair now.
"Would you like to get started?" He asked softly, pulling her down so she would at least kneel on the chair.
"Yeah," she said happily, eliciting Severus to start the burner with his wand.
The hours passed quickly as he would cut the ingredients to size and pass them to Holly who enthusiastically would throw them into the cauldron and squeal with excitement when the liquid changed color, started bubbling, or emitted sparks. At one point Severus began periodically, unbeknownst to Holly, flicking the cauldron with his wand causing it to sputter violently and give off pink and purple smoke. This drove Holly wild as she repeatedly asked him if he saw what it did for which he played dumb saying he hadn't seen a thing and that she was a silly girl.
When they were finished with the mixture Severus moved them to the couch and told Holly to bring him her favorite book so he could read it to her. She had happily vanished into her room to bring back a book entitled 'Which Witch is Which'.
"…And as the seconds ticked on they began to recognize each other. The two witches hugged and kissed each other before mounting their brooms and flying home together, the end."
"Da'ee?" She inquired after he had closed the book and set it aside.
"Hmm?"
"Why awe you not he'wre?" She asked, her eyes casted down at her knees.
"I am here, Holly," he said with a small grin.
"No, why awe you not he'we all da time?"
"I think that would be a question better directed at your mother," Severus replied calmly.
"di' ask hewr but she said peecuz you half to— stwaighten youwr wife out. I don know wha' t'hat means," she confessed, looking hurt and confused.
"Well, Holly it means that I have some habits that your mother doesn't like. She wishes for me to cleanse myself of them before I can be around you more, does that makes sense?"
"Wha' habits?" She asked, unsure of what habits really were but asking nonetheless. What ever habits were they weren't good because they kept Daddy aware from her.
"Certain magic," he said, unwilling to delve further than that with his two year old child.
"Oh—You cou'stop doing magic and mummy will wet you wiv wit' us!"She exclaimed happily as if experiencing the most vivid epiphany in the world.
Severus chuckled lightly before informing her it was a little more complicated than that but he would run it by her.
"I think its time for you to get ready for bed, Monster" he said looking at the clock, reading it at eight-forty.
"No!" She exclaimed.
"No?" He inquired. "Well, I don't think you have a choice so let's go," he said, wrapping his arm around her torso and carrying her under his arm.
"No, no, no!" She hollered, yet she was smiling.
"Yes, yes, yes," he replied, carrying her to her bedroom where he fought a squirming Holly to remove her dress, shoes and stockings to get her into a night shirt. Once that grueling task had been completed he helped her brush her teeth and go potty.
"Get in there," he said as he pulled back her covers.
Holly crawled into her bed and snuggled underneath the blankets as Severus drew them to her chin.
"Have pleasant dreams," he said before kissing her on the forehead.
"Wuv you," she said, smiling up at him.
"And I you," he said, patting the side of her face tenderly. "Sleep well, love."
"Night Da'ee," she yawned as he stood and walked to her door, turning off her lamp with the flick of his wand. He closed her door half way (knowing she feared the dark) and continued out to the living room.
He sat on the couch utterly exhausted, his head still throbbing from his meeting with The Dark Lord hours ago. When sitting motionless he realized his arms or legs would twitch involuntarily as if being pricked by small surges of electricity. He sighed deeply and took the TV remote that sat on the armrest. It had been a long while since he had catered to the mind-numbing activity of watching television. Nothing else sounded more blissful.
The TV flashed on to reveal a commercial about face make-up. He took the channel guide next to him and flipped to the appropriate date. Several Christmas specials, that he recalled from his youth, were playing but he had no desire to watch that filth. There was a Star Trek marathon playing on channel twenty two and he decided that was the only thing worth watching. He watched as the Enterprise crew got themselves into all kinds of inane situations until his heavy eyes fell closed, enveloping him in a deep sleep.
"Sev, hey, Sev," someone was saying as he felt himself being shaken.
"What?" He asked, not opening his eyes but shifting his head from the right to the left.
"You should go home," Lily said as Severus lifted his eye lids, raising his watch to his gaze. He wearily scanned the apartment, noticing the window covered in frost (it had started to snow outside). He realized the TV was still playing Star Trek as his vision worked it's way to Lily who was occupying the armchair adjacent to the couch.
"How was your night?" He asked as Lily kicked off her shoes, rubbing her ankles briefly before walking into the kitchen.
"Oh, it was fantastic. I hardly ever get to go out with my girl friends," she said happily, filling a tea kettle with water. "Do you want any tea before you take off?"
"Yes, please," he said, as he moved from the couch to the dinging table.
"So, what did you and Holly do all night?" Lily asked, flicking her wand at the kettle, causing it to whistle with heat.
"We made Capioconversus, read a story, things like that" he stated as a matter of faculty, while Lily sat his tea in front of him. "Thank you."
"Capioconversus, huh?" She asked, looking happy as she sat next to him. "Well, isn't that great."
"She had a good time," he commented, taking a sip from his cup.
"Did you have a good time?" She asked quizzically.
"Yes, I did, actually. I always have fun with her."
"Yeah and she really does love spending time with you," Lily admitted sheepishly.
"Why don't you allow me to see her more? I could come around every night and watch her for you. You could relax a bit and have some time to yourself," he offered enthusiastically, like a boy requesting sweets from his mother.
"I don't know, Sev," she said hesitantly.
"Why not? You just said it yourself that she loves spending time with me."
"Well, she's two she doesn't know what's good for her or otherwise."
"Oh, so now I'm not good for her?" He asked, growing defensive.
"The dark arts sure as hell aren't," she scolded bitterly. "I can tell you're still just as immersed in them as ever."
"What makes you say that?"
"Let me see, where to start? You look dead for one, you're jumpy like some kind of tweaker, you're so thin you vanish when you turn sideways which means you're not taking care of yourself. I mean these are all signs of meddling in dark magic full time."
"That's preposterous,"he said, rolling his eyes.
"Really?" Lily asked looking from his sunken eyes to his left arm. "Let me see your left arm."
"What for?" He asked wearily, instinctively placing his right hand over his left arm.
"You know damn well why," Lily said, standing and moving close to him, grabbing his left wrist. "Let me see."
"Get off me, Lily, are you completely insane?" He asked, standing up himself, grabbing her wrists to try and fight her away.
"If it's not there, you have nothing to hide!" She enjoined, trying to force his sleeve up his arm.
"Do you have any idea how crazy you're being?" He yelled back at her, trying to keep his sleeve in place.
"Show me your arm!" She shrieked.
"Pull yourself together, Lily!"
"Show me!" She yelled as she found a lapse in his efforts and forced his sleeve up to his elbow. Severus looked away from his arm as if that would make his dark mark vanish. He swallowed hard, glaring at the wall.
"I knew it," she whispered, letting his arm go, which he lowered slowly. "I've known it for months."
She lowered herself and perched on her chair, her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands as she rocked slightly.
"I've always accused you of wanting to join Voldemort but I never thought you actually would," she said talking more to herself than Severus. "I thought that if I kept Holly away from you it would shock you into giving up the dark arts—how could I be so stupid? You're a bloody Death Eater, merlin! How could you do it? They're evil, Sev, evil! Did it even occur to you that if He wins then I'll most likely be executed as a muggle born? I mean did you think at all? What was going on in that bulbous head of yours to make you do this?"
"I don't know what to say," Severus said, still glaring at the wall.
"You don't know what to say?" she asked reproachfully. "You'll be lucky if you ever see, Holly again," she threatened darkly, standing and walking to the door.
Severus' eyes widened briefly as the words left her mouth. Obviously she couldn't have meant them. She wouldn't take Holly away from him for good. He might be a Death Eater and a low life bastard but he was a good father who loved his daughter.
"You can leave now. Hurry back to your Dark Lord!"
"Lily can we talk about this?"
"There's nothing to talk about, Severus, you're a Death Eater! Now get out of my house before I develop some sense and turn you in!"
"I really wish to— persuade you not to use Holly as a weapon against me. I only see her twice a month and thats not enough as it is," he reasoned, begging her with his eyes.
"No, Severus, this time I'm taking you to court and I'm filing for full custody. So, you can persuade me then," she said venomously. "Now get out!"
"Lily, please."
"Out!"
Severus, shoulders slumped, walked from the dining table, through the kitchen and out the door. Lily slammed it shut as he stepped over the threshold, leaving him chilled and broken in the icy Christmas Eve night. . .
Author's Note: Stay tuned for chapter nine