The Time When Steve Posed for the Avengers Calendar
Tony and Steve were in the common room.
"You want me to pose for a calendar."
Tony nodded.
"Naked."
"Just for one picture! The other one will be you in your adorable spangly uniform. And it's not like everything's going to be hanging out; you'll wrap this around your waist." Tony brandished a large flag. "And we'll have a blanket down, and you'll be on a table, so the flag won't touch the ground."
"While I'll point out that I appreciate your effort to not sully the flag any farther than your suggestion already has, my answer is still no."
"Come on! The photographer is already here."
Steve folded his arms. "No. Absolutely not. No way. That's a complete and total violation of the flag code."
"Everyone else on the team is already on board, you know."
"Really, Stark, peer pressure? That's what you're going to try?"
Tony sighed. "I wanted this to be a surprise, but … we're donating the proceeds to organizations that help wounded veterans."
"Sure you are. Because you're so altruistic, right?"
Natasha walked into the room. "For once, Stark isn't full of shit; that's really where the money's going."
"I see," Steve said, looking from Natasha back to Tony (who was trying - and failing - to look anything but smug). "And you guys really think I need to pose wearing … well, holding a flag."
"Hey, I'm wearing lingerie and pistols," Natasha shrugged. "Besides, trust me ... it is going to be a very popular picture."
"I find that hard to believe, but I'm sure there's no arguing with you about it." He turned back to Tony. "And what is everyone else doing for this calendar?"
"I'm wearing an unbuttoned shirt, an untied tie, and holding my helmet in a … strategic area. Thor's doing something with some kind of fur rug and the hammer - you know how much he loves that hammer."
"And Bruce is standing behind a lab table-" Natasha started.
"A totally unrealistic, stereotypically gimmicky lab table, I might add," Tony chimed in.
"Blah blah blah. Anyway, he's standing behind a lab table and wearing glasses, and Clint's being a real sport and going for the 'look at my ass' shot."
"Uh-huh. And for the other six months?"
"Oh, those are going to be us in our uniforms."
Steve considered, gazing out the window at the skyline.
"You're not seriously going to back out of helping the troops, are you, Cap?" Tony asked.
After a long moment, Steve sighed and took the flag out of Tony's hands. "I'll do it."
"Good. Now, I've gotta go get my stuff and get ready; I'll be back."
As Steve disappeared into the room that had been temporarily rearranged into a photography studio, Natasha pulled out her phone and dashed off a quick text. A moment later, Maria Hill and Pepper came upstairs.
"You really talked him into it?" Pepper asked.
Natasha tiptoed over and opened the door, looking in. "Sure did. And it was the best idea ever," she whispered, then beckoned to the other two women.
"Well, I know I'm feeling much more patriotic," Maria said as she peeked in. Pepper just whistled.
Steve didn't turn, but red flared in his cheeks. "Ladies. Can I help you?"
"Oh … I could think of a few things you could do," Natasha grinned. "But I'll be nice and shut the door."
"Thank you," Steve said, sounding rather amused.
Natasha pulled the door closed. "Oh my," she said, pretending to fan herself. "That'll be the hottest July on record right there."
"You know, you never did tell us about your date," Pepper said.
"Sounds like it's time to get a latte, then. Shall we, ladies?"