Disclaimer: I own nothing! I own nothing! I own nothing!

...

"Did you two remember to put down your m-mail addresses on the sheet I put on the notice board?" Asked Hermione as she sat down next to Harry and Ron, who were hungrily tucking into their breakfast, "It needed to be done by 11 and it's now half past."

Harry and Ron froze, dropped their cutlery and exchanged gormless looks.

"I told you to remind me!" Ron yelled at harry, standing up suddenly.

"It's not my job to remind you" Harry snapped angrily, also rising from the bench to face Ron, "I said we should do it last night. You were the one who said we could do it in the morning!"

"Yeah well you said-"

Hermione smirked and began pouring herself some coffee.

"Honestly," She said in an exasperated tone, interrupting the bickering pair, "you two are the most disorganised buffoons I've ever met. Luckily for you I predicted your stupidity and did it for you."

Harry and Ron slowly sank back into their seats and immediately resumed stuffing their faces.

"So what did you pick?" Asked Harry as he observed Ron attempting to force an entire sausage into his mouth.

"Well I went for something that you both enjoy doing so you would remember it. Harry, you're SnitchBoy and Ron, you're ChessKing."

"What!" Spluttered Harry, "Why is he a King and I'm just boy!"

"Because I'm more manly than you," Said Ron, grinning widely as he triumphantly gulped down the sausage, "I mean come on, have you seen these guns?"

He rolled up his sleeves and began making muscle poses.

"You're only King because it's a chess piece and I thought it fitted well, now put those puny biceps away Ronald."

Still smirking smugly, Ron rolled down his sleeves.

"So what's yours then?" Asked Harry, still mildly peeved at Hermione's description of him being a mere boy.

"Unfortunately Lavender and Parvatie got there before me and decided they would try and be funny. I'm now stuck with BookWorm as it was done in permanent ink and I couldn't change it without removing the entire list."

The two boys snorted and tried to cover their amusement.

Hermione shook her head, waved her sniggering friends goodbye and headed off to the library.

"She so wants me." Muttered Ron after they'd recovered.

"What are you on about?"

"She called me a King mate. What more evidence do I need?"

"Ron, she also called you a buffoon, stupid and puny all within the last five minutes."

But Ron wasn't listening; he was once again concentrating on scooping as much scrambled egg onto his fork as possible.

Harry shook his head and returned to his own breakfast. He was so used to the casual flirting between Ron and Hermione that it was no longer out of the ordinary. He just wished the pair would stop dodging the subject and get together already.

...

So Hermione will have sent the m-mail list off by now won't she," Said Ginny as she and Luna relaxed by the Lake, watching the Giant Squid propel itself across the surface.

"Yes, I saw her take the list down this morning," Luna replied in her dreamy voice, only half listening as she finished a cross word in her new edition of The Quibbbler.

"What name did you choose?" Asked Ginny, "Hermione suggested FireGirl. To match my hair as well my temper according to her, so I just went with that."

"CrumpleHornedSnorkackHunter" Said Luna, without looking up from the magazine, "Hermione suggested we choose something that interests us so we could remember it, so I though this fitted nicely."

"Right... okay" Said Ginny, raising her eyebrows.

Knowing that whilst Luna had The Quibbler in her hands she wouldn't be one for good conversation, Ginny retrieved the parchment Hermione had given her from her bag. Not yet knowing anyone elses addressed, she decided to try out the chat mode.

She dipped her quill in some ink and wrote across the top of the parchment.

Chat: FireGirl-wizardnet

Immediately after she finished, a list of addresses appeared below.

Online Students: LeprechaunMan-wizardnet

SnitchBoy-wizardnet

LemondropLover-wizardnet

Gred-wizardnet

Forge-wizardnet

ChaserChick-wizardnet

ILikeToads-wizardnet

WestHamSupporter-wizardnet

SlytherinPrincess-wizardnet

FerretFucker-wizardnet

Ginny scanned through the list, smiling every now and then at the odd choice of names.

"It's interesting, trying to figure out who might be who," Ginny commented, only getting a distracted nod in reply from Luna.

"Well Gred and Forge will be Fred and George, I wonder which one is which," Ginny said, more to herself than to Luna, "SyltherinPrincess? Well someone's a bit up themself. WestHamSupporter – typical Dean always on about football... whatever that is. Wait a minute - FerretFucker!"

"Ferret what?" Spluttered Luna in sudden surprise, dropping her quill into the dark waters of the lake.

"Ha! I have a feeling I know who that might be?" Ginny laughed as Luna rifled through her bag for another quill."

She put a little tick next to the name, and watched in amazement as all the writing on the parchment disappeared. New words quickly wrote themselves across the top.

Connected to FerretFucker

Ginny grinned and wrote out a message.

FireGirl: Nice name Malfoy. Who knew that your little run in with Professor Moody two years ago would result in a ferret fetish.

FerretFucker: This wasn't personal choice, some little git got there before me and I can't change it now. So if you know what's good for you, you'll piss off.

Firegirl: There's nothing to be ashamed of Malfoy. Your willingness to broadcast your sexual preferences to the wizarding world is admirable.

FerretFucker: Shut up! If I ever find out who you are you're going down!

Firegirl: Ohhhh what are you going to do? Set your ferrets on me?

FerretFucker: That's it! Who are you? Or are you too cowardly to face me?

Firegirl: Of course I'm scared; anyone who molests poor innocent ferrets is seriously twisted! Adios FerretFucker!

Ginny then crossed out the line that said "Connected to FerretFucker"resulting in her parchment being wiped, once again appearing blank.

"This is seriously cool," Murmured Ginny, a cheeky grin spreading across her face.

...

Harry crossed out yet another sentence in his potions essay, desperately trying to think of something intelligent to say about pollyjuice potion – the production and transformation process.

Harry and Ron had been sitting in the Library for the past hour, attempting to complete the essay that was due in the next day, knowing that they were clearly getting nowhere.

"You'd think this would be a piece of cake, wouldn't you?" Said Ron from across the table as he crumpled up his third piece of paper and throwing it over his shoulder, "I mean, what with us having brewed our own batch in our second year this should be easy!"

"Yeah but writing about it without giving the impression that you have firsthand experience in the potion is harder than it sounds," Sighed Harry, massaging his temples with his fingers, "You can't mention the whole 'agonizing, blinding pain that makes you wish you were dead' part, because funnily enough the textbooks seem to skim over that aspect."

"I know, it's just so - " Suddenly Ron broke off as a giggle was heard from behind the nearest book shelf, "Oh bloody hell, not again. You're ruddy fan club is back."

"What? Where?" Said Harry in a panicked rush, ducking his head behind a textbook, hiding himself from view.

"Too late mate, they've hunted you down yet again. Behind the bookshelf on your left."

Harry peaked around his book and sure enough, four or five girls were clustered, trying (and failing) to conceal themselves in order to spy on him.

"Shhhh, I think he's looking!" Whispered one.

"Move over, let me see!" Hissed another.

He groaned and sunk down into his chair. It seemed that everywhere he went these days resulted in being stalked by different groups of girls. Every guys dream, one might think. But no, Harry was fed up of being constantly followed, bugged and spied upon. There wasn't a single placed in Hogwarts that he could go where people wouldn't stare or whisper or giggle. He thought by the time he'd reached his 6th year the attention might have worn off. Wrong. If anything if had got steadily worse, to a point where it was really beginning to get to him.

Ron glanced at Harry, and seeing how distressed he was decided to go and talk to what could only be described as Harry's groupies.

"Right girls," He said as he popped his head round the corner of the book case causing all five of them to jump, "What can we do for you?"

They appeared to be third years, none of which he recognised. Each of them wore an expression of surprised shock before collapsing in girly giggles once again.

"In that case may I suggest in the politest possible way that you bloody piss the hell off," Snarled Ron as the girls scattered away as fast as they could.

Ron nodded smugly and went back to the table to join Harry, who was repeatedly banging his head of the table.

"All sorted mate," Said Ron, picking up his quill, "They won't be back for a while."

Harry glanced up, "Yeah, but that's the thing. They'll be back at some point. And if it isn't them it's someone else. They won't leave me alone!"

"C'mon, there's worse things than having girls follow you around everywhere," Muttered Ron, trying to keep the jealous tones out of his voice.

"No Ron, there isn't. They aren't even girls who like me, they just hear the famous name and go crazy. I can't take it. It's cracking me up. I don't even know who my friends are. Whether people genuinely want to know, or just want an autograph."

"Well you can count on me never asking for one," Replied Ron, grinning and winking, "You're my best mate, but you're not that special. Slim of me following you around begging for a date either."

"Thanks Ron," Said Harry, smiling feebly as he gathered his books and unfinished essay, "I just need some space for a while. Need to clear my head."

Ron nodded, not really listening as he tried to focus his attention on potions.

Harry rushed out of the library, trying to block out the excited whispering that erupted from a table as he passed by.

"I didn't ask for this..." He thought sadly to himself, breaking into a run as soon as he exited the library.

...

"Where was Harry going in such a rush earlier?" Asked Hermione as she sat down with Ron for dinner.

"Huh?" Said Ron stupidly as he shovelled Shepherd's pie into his mouth.

"I saw him running towards the quidditch pitch earlier and I haven't seen him since," She continued, narrowing her eyes at Ron's familiar yet still rather unmannerly eating habits.

"Oh yeah," Said Ron, swallowing thickly, "The groupies again. Stalked us down in the Library. Probably wanting autographs again.

Hermione sighed and took a thoughtful sip of pumpkin juice.

"I'm worried about him you know," She said, her eyebrows furrowed in concern, "I'm sure most guys dream of what he's got. The fame, the girls, the money. But it isn't healthy for him to not have any space. He's going to go insae if this continues."

"Yeah well it's not going to stop anytime soon," Said Ron, failing to keep the jealousy out of his voice this time, "The great Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. That never gets old Hermione. All girls just throw themselves at him."

"You don't see me throwing myself at him," Huffed Hermione, folding her arms in indignation at Ron's generalism.

"Well you're about the only one then," Said Ron, concealing the grin that threatened to break out after hearing Hermione's words.

"I just wish there was something we could do," Murmured Hermione.

"We could mutilate his face with blunt objects so nobody would recognise him?" Said Ron cheerfully.

"Ever the useful, intelligent advice, Ronald," Said Hermione, rolling her eyes and exasperation.

"I try, I try," Grinned Ron, continuing to eat his pie at an alarming rate, "Don't tell me it wouldn't be effective"

Hermione simply shook her head and helped herself to some food.

"Boys,"She muttered quietly to herself, smirking ever so slightly.

...

Author's Notes: Well it's been a while. I won't go into excuses because none of them are of any interest or value. I hope you enjoy this and I'll try my best to get things running soon. Please read and review!