I'm sorry I'm updating so fast. I just keep pumping out chapters for this.

Song:

So Here We Are- Bloc Party

I wake with an aching back.

Ugly, grey light filters in through my windows, and I sit up in bed. I absently touch my bare abdomen, fingertips tracing over the white scar there left from the accident. My ribs ache when it's rainy, and it's always hard to get it to go away. No matter how many painkillers I take, it just doesn't seem to go away.

I'm still tempting myself. I want to talk to him, I want to tell him everything that's happened, but something's stopping me.

But it doesn't take long before I'm walking up his driveway, gravel crunching underneath my shoes.

Today he's inside.

It takes me a bit before I actually climb those steps to the porch and knock on the screen door. Somewhere inside of me I hope that he won't answer so I won't have to follow through with what I've come to doing.

"Why are you erasing him? If you're erasing yourself, why would you want—?"

"I don't need to know his name. It's that stupid name that makes me remember."

"He didn't ask for this."

"But I did."

The doors opens, and I stare up at him. His blond hair is disheveled and messy and his clothes seem to have been thrown on haphazardly. His eyes are rimmed red, from what though I don't know. He clears his voice and leans in the frame of the door, waiting for me to speak. This is the moment where I wish I 'd chosen to at least remember his name.

"Hi, my name's Loki and I am the drunk driver who killed your husband and son."

Past

"You wish to erase his memories of you?"

I nodded in response to the nurse. "And— to erase his name from mine."

"Alright," she sighed. "Bring him in."

I waited till the procedure was over, and then I left. If I saw his face when he didn't know me, it would hurt even more than just the thought. I came back the next day, and I couldn't put a name to his face for the next three years.

I liked it better that way.

He didn't know me. He was free of me, and he could start over again. I was too much of a burden.

Present

"What?"

"I came to apologize," I swallow back tears. "For all of my wrongdoings."

"All?" he looks like he's going to cry as well. "What else could you have done?"

"So many things you can't even begin to imagine." My confession is over. It's out, it's gone but I still don't feel the relief yet. The look on his face tears through me like a snowplow and god it hurts. "I let you go. I erased you."

He's gripping the doorframe so hard I think he's going to rip it off. "You killed, Tony and Peter?"

I let go. I let it all come out. "And before that I erased myself from your memory. You don't remember me, and I can't remember your name. I thought it best if I stayed away from you, because all we did was hurt when we were together. That's why I'm gone from your mind."

He's crying now, nearly sobbing. "How could you do that?"

"I thought it was the best thing for us."

And then he's slamming the door in my face.

OH MY GOD I KILLED TONY STARK AND PETER PARKER I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON.

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