Yes, another chapter.

Song:

Coming To Terms- Carolina Liar

I take a vacation for the week, and stay with my brother an hour away in the city.

They live near the ocean, and I take walks in the morning along the shore. It clears my head, and I feel better. I can escape reality, and all the shitty things I did. I can't even talk to Thor without him bringing up 'do the right thing'. His version and my version of that are very different.

I'm not here on the beach to meet pretty girls and hook up; I'm here to clear my head.

I almost contemplate for a moment erasing him from my mind, but I know that will do me no good. If I erase him, there will be nothing left of my life. I just badly want to make things right.

But I guess God has other ideas.

A jogger runs right into me, and I jerk back, apologizing before trying to scoot away from them. The scent hits me like a dose of nostalgia, and I recognize it. Then I start to panic.

"Loki."

I'm trying to hide behind my sunglasses, and it isn't working at all. He grabs me by the arm and hauls me backwards so he can talk to me. He doesn't look any better than before, and I then I feel doubly bad. I guess he got the same idea as me, to come out here to the shore to clear his head.

"We need to talk."

Those four words are like poison to my mind, because I know I've heard them before, in that same voice. "No we don't," I whisper, and for a moment I don't think he can hear me over the crashing of the waves. "I was under the impression we came to an understanding."

"An understanding?" the way he says it makes the idea sound ridiculous, and it probably is in his mind. "I only just recently met you— or so I thought. And then— and then you come out and tell me all these things that you did? I think we deserve a good talk."

"You're the same as ever," I say. "You're still the same, and I can't believe it. You're stubborn, and you're always trying to make people happy, but when it comes down to yourself you don't care." I jab him in the chest. "I'm a terrible person, and I ruined your life. I thought it would be better if you didn't know who I was."

"You killed the love of my life."

"I used to be the love of your life."

"And my son."

He knows that'll shut me up, and it works.

"Look," I sigh. "I never intended for that to happen, but I'm a loser, and I'm selfish, and I wasn't thinking. So basically, I've ruined your life twice, but you can only remember one of the times."

"Why'd you let me start over?" he whispers, and I recognize the sadness and hurt in his eyes too well. "Was it hard letting me go? Or was it just that easy, that you didn't care about me enough to feel bad about erasing yourself?"

"For god's sake, I loved you!" I push him away from me. "I just— I did and said some terrible things, and I don't think you deserved having to remember our terrible relationship. You deserved better than me." It's then that I try to walk away, but he catches my arm again.

"Do you still love me?"

I shake him off. "Of course not. I gave you up a long time ago."

I know I'm lying to myself the second I say it.

I'm a fake.