Sorry these have been so late. I'm still working on this and my Oblivion fic. I'm afraid I'm rewriting one of my longer fics so that is mostly OC, so I can put it up for offer online. I also just finished editing an all original novel I wrote in November. So busy busy busy. I've got the last chapter to this written, I just need to go over it some. Sorry, I've been putting fan fiction on the back burner so I can focus on writing as a business.
Wish me luck!
Review if you like it, hate it, want more, want less, think I should just STFU. Thanks for reading!
A mundane conversation about basic survival was the only words to pass between Aubrey and Silus over the next few days. Aubrey's defeated companionship wove Silus' hatred around him like a blanket used to keep out the cold. He pulled this fibrous loathing to him and made into a shell with which to buffer him from his friend's eventual rejection. Every time he looked at her she seemed lost in thought, obviously weighing her decision to follow him against a million unknown variables. Sadly he was incapable of hoping for the best.
As they walked the low desert scrub changed from weird twisted bushes and trees to a steady path of green. From this green grass healthy tree's began to emerge, a few baring early fruit. On occasion they would even encounter a watering hole which was either marked with a radiation symbol or a smiling face. Mistrusting of wasteland markings Silus always checked the water sources with the salvaged Pip-boy before drinking the water.
By late afternoon the couple had come across a spring located inside of a carved out rock crevice. The limestone lining the spring served as a filter for the liquid and made the water purer than anything Silus or Aubrey ever drank before. They booth took the opportunity to relax. The quite shifting of the trees combining with the ambient noise of the water made the travelers sleepy premature to sundown
In an attempt to fight the lethargy filling her body Aubrey reached her cupped hands into the water and splashed it on her face. She sat up and looked at Silus, surprised that he was watching her as she washed her face, and was quickly shamed by the look of disapproval that crawled across his eyes. His coldness had been as shocking to her as his admission of being ex-Legion, not that he had ever been a warm person. It was obvious he was keeping her at arm's length, expecting her to decide his sins were too great and flee. In truth she knew she should leave, but the options she had in the other direction were as bad or worse.
"It's so nice here I almost wish we were staying," Aubrey said as she stared off into the trees, unable to face Silus, but hoping to make some peace at least.
The wind picked up for a second, rustling the leaves, giving Aubrey something to listen to other than Silus's quite. She didn't need to look to know he was standing there debating his next statement. When he spoke she steeled herself for disappointment at his words, and of course they were cruel, "Then stay if you want."
Of course he was flippant; it was his natural reaction to everything around him. Sometimes when he walked she swore she could see him swelling up with his own praise, building himself up so that no one could tear him down. It was a sign he was frailer than others. Unfortunately Silus didn't know that she could see past his façade. If he did find out Aubrey was sure he would finally just leave her.
Unable to continue with things as they are, Aubrey sighed and began an explanation that would at least satisfy her. "I don't want to stay here because I want to go with you. Because I ain't any better than you are."
If her confession moved Silus he showed no sign. Aubrey even dared a glance out of the side of her eyes to make sure he was at least still within range to listen. To her astoundment he said, "You're an idiot for staying with me. You know who I am, so you should protect yourself and leave. I can promise you will be safe from anything I can keep from hurting you Aubrey, but I can't promise that you'll ever be safe from me."
"You're a sinner," she laughed. He grew ridged with those words, the image of Frumentarii standing in lines as tribes, cities, and people burned. Torture, forced slavery, smoke, and the ruination of identity. His hands were covered in blood as a man with a raspy voice read off the errors the people had committed. Not being in Legion. Not being Loyal to Legion. This was always the worst sin of all. The sin he had committed above all else and the sin he should die for if Caesar still had any power left.
"Running away won't give you any shelter," Aubrey's voice brought Silus back to the here and now. "If I know where you're going in your head, you don't have solace. Tell the truth, you just have misery to hide in."
"What do you know about me?" Silus growled, angry that she was right.
"That' you're not the only sinner left walking free in the desert," Aubrey was standing in front of him now, her body seemed weak like the branch from a willow tree. Silus guessed that he could crush her easily and the look in her eye told him that she might not fight it.
He had nothing to say to her words so he grunted and looked away.
"The worst crime I ever committed was not the one I went to jail for," Aubrey began as Silus gave her a doubting look. Opening her mouth to tell him what she knew she had to, Aubrey found only air and no words, so she closed her mouth and looked over towards the water. This garnered a moment of sympathy from Silus, as he had too often brag about the things he most regretted and felt disgust at himself for ever putting voice to the deeds.
Aubrey was crying. He didn't realize it at first; she was very quiet about it. Probably a trait learned from being in prison in years. Yet thick beads of water rolled down her cheeks as the red head pushed away from Silus' look and walked towards the pack Brahmin with all of her things on it. She started to sift through one of the satchels and seemed to catch herself taking action just to distract her mind from her memories. Covering her face with her hand she sighed and shook her head.
Cursing himself already for being weak Silus closed the gap between him and Aubrey. Once he was close enough he placed both of his hands on her shoulders. She was brittle under his touch, and threatened to snap like dried wood. This new, gentile ,nature spread from Aubrey to Silus and he pressed her to his chest to let her know that he understood, even if she said nothing else, he at least understood her self-loathing.
Once he let her go Aubrey seemed to sputter as if she didn't know what to make of his sudden affection. Certainly he rarely understood the need for it, but somehow it seemed like the appropriate thing to do in this moment. He watched her now, expecting Aubrey to run off or curse him. In fact Aubrey felt torn, and a rip started in the back of her thoughts and spread down her back leaving her exposed.
"I had a son," She stammered, moving as if her words had placed her off balance in a way that was irrevocable.
"I've had my own children," Silus responded, the admission leaving him numb.
"Really?" Aubrey asked, hoping that his confidence would somehow make this easier.
"Of course. Caesar demanded that all of his servants breed soldiers," Silus told her with an empty voice, as if he dealt with this by never feeling the effect of it. "I never knew them. They were taken from my slaves as soon as they were born. They were raised by priestesses as slaves or soldiers."
An uneasy laugh broke from Silus's lips and he wished he could ride away on the wind. "Not that a soldier or a slave are very different in Legion…"
Darkness twisted around the two people despite the sunshine. Thoughts and realizations about the fate of Silius's children ended as unspoken sacrifices on the edge of scared lips. It didn't need to be said so nothing would be said. Instead Silus prompted Aubrey, hoping to get away from the water before nightfall came. "What happened to your son?"
Bright eyes looked at him for a moment then recollections silenced the brilliance. Aubrey pulled one of the Brahmin, signaling that she'd rather move while they talked. So they headed a few feet away from the pure clean water before she told him. "I don't really know, but he's probably dead."
Wanting to ask if the NCR took her son away when she was arrested Silus thought it wiser than to speak and simply listened. After all she'd taken his confession, brooded mutely over whatever horror she held in her mind, and now felt that her mistakes were equalizing.
"I was part of a theft ring with a hide out between Shady Sands and New Reno," she began. "It was mostly petty shit at first and we'd just coordinate it so none of us got caught too easy. I was a good-looking kid; fresh form the streets, so I was a good distraction. I was also good at picking pockets. Then I got knocked up. I guess I don't really know who his dad was. Could've been our leader Jason. Could've been a couple of guys I slept with to get something I wanted. I'm not real proud of that part."
Aubrey looked at Silus once this part of her confession was done and noticed he was looking at her with judgment in his eyes. She knew someone from the Legion wouldn't be impressed with licentious female behavior, but he was keeping his disproval to himself. Not wanting her conversation to attract unwanted attention she walked up closer beside him. The cattle they were leading walked on either side as they moved slowly down the narrow path between the trees.
"The gang grew, and when my boy was three we were a force to be reckoned with," Aubrey continued. "I think we fucked up when we got bold and showed up on the strip to pick pocket people coming out of the casinos. Easy targets, gamblers. Trick is you look for someone coming out of the casino like they got something to hide, or just being real damn giddy. Second trick is to not take it all, just enough they will think they were excited and counted wrong."
Self disappointment was palpable as Aubrey continued her story. "The more I think about it, the more stupid it was. House had eyes everywhere they said, but we thought we were untouchable. One night, a few weeks later, we had a really big heist to pull off in New Reno, took the whole crew… and that's when I got busted by the NCR."
"So the NCR took your kid and he's probably fine," Silus interrupted. He wasn't impressed with her story thus far. He knew she was a thief, how good she was at it had little bearing.
"No, the NCR didn't take my kid," She shrieked in anger. "I left him at our hideout with nobody there. I left him alone because we needed every man, and a three year old was a liability."
"So someone from your gang probably went back to the hide out to check on him," Silus prompted, wondering if he was trying to comfort her for some reason.
"No, they got us all in the bust. I seen my men dead and handcuffed, each one. It was like the walls had eyes and knew everywhere we went. That's why I think House pulled some strings and got us caught. Teaching some no good thieves what the price is of stealing from his gamblers. Nah. I went to jail screaming about my kid and the location of our base, even though my leader said he was gonna slit my throat. I cried every night, begged the NCR to go get him, to save his life. I left him with enough food and water for only four days; I was supposed to be back by then."
Breaking off the conversation Aubrey looked at the first star of night rising on the edge of the sky along with the moon. It was always queer to her to see the night things in the evening sun, but there they were. Seeing the moon out of its natural setting stirred her heart worse than the blank blue sky would have and she looked at the dirt as she walked across it. A thousand footsteps had made this path and would never know such a wretched woman walked here.
Unable to bring himself to look at Aubrey, Silus tried not to imagine such a small boy left to starve in a metal shack. He doubted the thieves den was in a populated area, so even if the child had escaped he was probably unable to fend for himself. Still he arrived at one conjecture that might bring comfort to Aubrey, "Maybe the NCR people you told about the base went to investigate and saved your child."
"They thought I was crazy and rambling," she commented. "Though maybe it's possible they went and got him. As slow as they move it might or might not have been fast enough to save him. Still I guess they might have gone to recover our loot. I doubt it though; they seemed to take it as nothing worth noting. I would think they have more parentless children than they know what to do with."
"It's hope," Silus sighed as if the very word annoyed him.
"I can't have that hope or I'll go mad looking for him," Aubrey whimpered, "I could have been a better mother all around. I'm disgusting for leaving him alone like that and I don't think anyone should ever forgive me for having killed my son in such a way."
"What was his name?" Silus asked. He seemed introverted now and Aubrey was sure her confession had isolated her from the one friend she had in the world.
"Phillip," she answered.
"Phillip," Silus repeated. "If my children are living, do you know that I wouldn't even know their names? I had no rights to any of my children. Not even the right to pass down my name to them."
A soft smile parted on Aubrey's lips and she pointed towards the right, "We should probably move over and make camp before it's too dark. I'd like to see if we can't catch some game."
Following her lead Silus helped her find a clear spot between the trees and then some wood for a fire. Camp was easier to set up in this area, but more dangerous for the cover it gave raiders. They made short work of a fire, and Aubrey managed to successfully kill a small Gecko to roast. As they ate their dinner, no words passed between the two travelers, but also no animosity grew in Silus's heart. Knowing that Aubrey was flawed, even if her crimes paled in comparison to some of his own, gave him peace in the fact she understood mistakes and trying to make up for them.
Oregon had even more trees than Silus expected. The map on the Pip-boy that Aubrey had fitted to her arm lead them to an ill traveled road that eventually stopped at a settlement. In the town was a municipal office and Silus looked over some paperwork he had been given, which directed him to speak to the mayor of the city about the land he would claim. Inside Silus found out he had been given a small farm too far away to walk comfortably to, but just close enough he could easily trade goods easily.
It was late afternoon when they arrived in the town, called Leafton, and by the time Silus had met with the mayor to settle his affairs it was coming on evening. As he left the municipal building, which doubled as a residence for the mayor's family, Silus asked about lodging for him and Aubrey.
"Well there is a bunk house near where you entered the town," The mayor said, "But you can also rent a room from Sid and Janet across the street from here."
Inquiring at the bunkhouse Aubrey and Silus found that no vacancies were available, and unwilling to risk their lives traveling in darkness, they boarded their Brahmin in someone's yard for a few caps then went to the boarding house the mayor had spoken of. Fortunately for Silus and Aubrey the inn had a room free. Unfortunately it was just a single room, the other one having been let by a long term tenant. Inside the room was a narrow bed and a rag rug. No other furniture filled the small space, but the textiles on the bed made it seem luxurious for two people used to sleeping on the ground. This left the difficult decision of who slept where.
Secrets now aired and dealt with, Silus and Aubrey had an easier time of being together, and a fondness had grown between them again. Yet the idea of sharing a bed on the eve of moving on to a new home seemed prophetic to the couple, even if they weren't sure they were ready to deal with its ramifications. Silus pulled a blanket from the foot of the bed and nestled in among the hard woven ridges of the rag rug. It wasn't as bad as sleeping on the ground with nothing to keep you warm or cushion your body, and he'd done that exact thing enough times while serving the Legion. Aubrey didn't protest his move and instead asked him sweetly if he was sure.
"Tomorrow we will be at the house," he said firmly. "I'm going to bet the sleeping situation isn't much better there. From what the mayor tells me the house has been uninhabited for some time, and their might not be much furniture. At that point I have to decide what I want to do with you, so I might as well spend this night walled in next to you so that you can get used to my snoring."
"You do snore like the devil started up a chainsaw," Aubrey teased. "What makes you sure I won't stay in my own room away from you? Maybe I just want to be your friend Silus."
"You're taken with me," His voice was extremely cocky. "If you weren't you'd have run off when I told you who I really was. I'm pretty sure if you were to see me naked you'd throw you lusty profligate body against mine and demand to bring my strong babies into the world."
Something about Silus's self assurance made Aubrey laugh. Of course this bold bit of bravado was his way of coping with the fact he was still afraid she'd leave him. She could almost read him like a book. "Are you so confident in yourself that you think you can drive a woman to sexual madness," her tone was kidding.
"Woman," Silus spoke almost as if it was an insult, "I am resplendent. Do not forget that."
Both laughed at this, only with decidedly more abandon on Aubrey's part. She peered down from the edge of the wooden bed at Silus's golden eyes, and noticed he was smiling at her with more ease than he had afforded himself since she had known him. At first she was barely aware that she was smiling back, but something about who he was right now gave her confidence that they could start a life together.
Certainly Aubrey had nowhere else to go, but even if it were not the case she wasn't sure she would leave. After all she had to believe in salvation from her own past. In this moment of perceived grace, Aubrey then had to extend the healing hand of time and nature to Silus, and hope that he too was lying in this room smiling at the chance to start a better life. Perhaps two people who had been so weighed down by ill deed could learn to live an honest life, absent of the forces that twisted their fate into something sallow. A life worth living, carved from stone and blood, to stand testament to the will of two strangers made friends.