7.
"Hey, look!"
An eighteen year old Brittany nudged her girlfriend and pointed over to where a car was parked in the furthest reaches of BreadstiX parking lot. It would have been relatively inconspicuous if it weren't for the fact it was a silver DeLorean, and there was at that present moment in time, only one working DeLorean in town.
Santana smirked as she grabbed Brittany's hand and dragged her over to the vehicle.
"I guess those old cars don't have air con," Brittany mused as they observed the fogged up windows making seeing into the interior of the car impossible.
With relish, Santana sharply rapped on the window receiving an angry "Get lost!" in response. So she knocked again, louder.
There was some muffled conversation and then a hiss as the door mechanism did its magic and the door opened upwards.
"This had better be go-what the hell do you want?" Came an adult Santana's voice strained with frustration.
"Oh, I'm sorry," teenage Santana's voice rang with mock sincerity at the abrupt retort. "Were we interrupting something?" She sniggered then looked away hurriedly as she copped an eyeful of adult Brittany putting her bra back on. She gulped. "Um I was just wondering what you're doing loitering around here?"
"It's none of your damn-"
"We're supposed to be on the lookout for Rachel-" Brittany answered her before being interrupted.
"-Bagel nose Berry." Santana finished for her.
"But really we're spying on Sugar," Brittany grinned from the passenger seat.
Santana glowered at her younger self and mouth the word 'Duh' at her.
"You wont see anything out of those steamed up windows," teenage Brittany pointed out sagely.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Santana asked with suspicion.
"It's date night" Younger Santana replied.
"Since when? Fridays are date nights, tonight is movie night." Santana pointed out, well aware of which night of the week was for what activity.
"Since, if BreadstiX is closing I'm going to eat here every night until it does."
"That's great, now fuck off, we were busy... staking out... and stuff."
"Well maybe me and Britts wants to see the infamous car."
Santana scoffed until her wife intervened winking at teenage Santana. "I'll take you for a ride in it any time you want."
Santana cleared her throat eager to interrupt the eye fucking going on across her. "Anyway, you cant go in there, Sugar will think you're spying on her."
"We'll be at the far end of the restaurant, she wont know we're there."
Santana struggled out of the car trying not to trip over her unzipped pants, tugging them up without so much as a blush. She faced her younger self, eye to eye with only inches between them. "Now let me explain something to you cos I want this to be crystal clear. If you upset Sugar, I will ends you."
"Wouldn't that be kind of counter productive for the both of you and for Sugar?" Teenage Brittany asked with a puzzled air about her. Her elder counterpart nodded to herself in agreement.
Santana tried to ignore her sly wisecrack. "And you know what's worse than me going all Lima Heights on your skinny ass?" She leaned right in to her doubles face so their noses brushed and hissed in her face. "If Brittany gets to you before I do."
"We wont upset her," present day Santana scowled. "We're not her parents. Oh, whatever," the girl scoffed in response to the pitying look everyone was giving her. "We're not even here to spy on Sugar, I swear I'm only here for the 'stiX." She coughed as she noticed her girlfriend's frown at her words. "I mean nothing will stop us from our date... is what I meant."
"We don't have to go to BreadstiX every night," younger Brittany said softly.
"Yeah Santana, you don't have to go to BreadstiX every time. What are you obsessed or something?" Santana teased her. They glared at each other neither blinking or looking away waiting for the other to crack first.
"What happened to plan A? I thought they were on board. Isn't everything already set up in there?" Brittany asked from where she had moved over to Santana's seat in the car looking out at them all.
"Yup, Mercedes and Sam are already inside, but I got the feeling they weren't too enthusiastic about it," teenage Brittany answered her seeing as the Santanas were still eyelocked.
"I don't see why not."
"Well I couldn't really explain too much about it and then Santana added the Sugar clause then things got even more vague and they might have gotten confused."
"Text them," Santana grabbed for younger Santana's jacket pocket, snatched her phone and frantically bashed away at the buttons. She handed it back and within seconds it beeped. Teenage Santana opened the message and both Santanas peered at the screen, their face-off momentarily forgotten. Santana gasped at the words on the screen and younger Santana's eyes widened.
"Rude. I didn't know Mercedes knew words like that."
"Okay, we know they're in position. Now, you two go away, we're busy." Santana spun back to the open car door. "Aww Britt, why'd you get dressed again?"
"Because I know what will happen when I tell you I just saw Rachel and Finn pull up."
"The fat and the rat," Santana shoved her shirt back in her pants and almost fell over as she tried to finish dressing as quickly as possible. "Don't look like that you'll give me wrinkles." She flicked teenage Santana's nose who was scowling at Finn's piece of junk truck. "Hallelujah, here they are, lets go!" She shoved her younger self away as Sugar and Rory appeared and entered the restaurant.
"You're out of control," teenage Santana called after her, then followed as they dodged from car to car keeping behind cover so as not to be spotted by Sugar. "We're supposed to be watching Rachel not Sugar."
The Brittanys exchanged an amused grin and locked up the car before following their other halves.
The four women jostled for position under the window nearest to the table Rory and Sugar were sitting at. Brittany scrunched her nose up in thought. "How come everyone in Lima goes to BreadstiX on a date?"
"Except us," both Santanas muttered under their breaths.
Brittany stuck her head up over the sill and took a good look around the restaurant.
"What's happening?" Santana asked her.
Teenage Brittany popped her head up next to her at the window like a prairie dog. "Aww they're so cute."
"Get down before they see you." The Santanas pulled their girls down and took their places peeping inside making noises of disgust with every movement poor Rory made. "What's he doing? Did he just touch her?" Santana fumed.
Brittany pulled her down. "Hush up, I'm trying to hear." She smooshed her ear against the window balancing with her hand on Santana's shoulder.
"After dinner do you wanna come back? It's movie night." She could just make out Rory's lilting accent through the pane of glass.
"It must be serious," she reported back in a whisper. "He invited her to movie night."
"That's not what that sounds like," Younger Santana scowled. "It sounded like he was inviting her back to his bedroom."
"Just because that's what you do doesn't mean that's what Rory meant." Teenage Brittany scolded her girlfriend.
Santana sniggered at her indignant huff.
"Anyway," younger Brittany continued. "He'll expect us to be there as well."
"Wait, Rory lives with you," Santana looked at younger Brittany. "Why aren't you at Pierce movie night?"
"Cos we're here," her younger self answered for them. "Seriously, does my I.Q. drop with every year I get older?"
"No, but my patience threshold before I go all Lima Heights Adjacent drops." Santana glared at the scowling teenager. "She's going to go there thinking you're there but you're here. She'll know we're up to something, you have to go back!"
"But we haven't been inside yet!" Younger Santana whined.
A laugh from inside the restaurant caught their attention.
"Urg, he laughs like a fucking hyena on laughing gas," Santana griped.
"What is your problem with him? He's sweet," Teenage Brittany said, sticking up for her friend.
"Have you seen his teeth?" Santana asked as though she were imparting a juicy bit of gossip everyone looked at her puzzled. "I don't trust someone with teeth that clean."
"We're supposed to be watching Rachel," Brittany reminded them, to no avail.
"We need to know more," the Santanas hunched over Santana's phone once again.
Inside the restaurant Sugar kept looking over at the window, a thoughtful frown crossing her features.
"Are you all right there, Sugar?" Rory asked, noticing her distraction.
"Oh, yeah. I thought I saw something but it must have been my imagination," she smiled at him.
A couple of tables over from them Sam sighed as Mercedes phone beeped. "I'm sorry, I don't know what Santana's obsession with Rory is. I'll turn it off, okay?"
She texted back hurriedly. "I'll let you know if anything happens now shut up and leave me alone." Then she turned her phone off with a smirk. Sam smiled and grabbed her hands across the table.
Outside the window Santana spluttered indignantly. "She turned it off. I don't believe it! Did you see that? Get in there and make her turn it on again."
"No." Teenage Santana shrugged off her command. "Now shut up, we've still got Sam on the inside."
Sam's phone beeped and it was Mercedes' turn to sigh. "Why did we agree to this again?"
"Well, for me it was the threat of violence."
"I'm not scared of Santana," Mercedes scoffed. "I only agreed because Brittany asked me politely, nicely and respectfully. Seems her girlfriend could learn a thing or two from her."
Sam read his text then read it again out loud hoping Mercedes had the ability to translate Santana speak. "If he mentions his pot of gold you don't text me you call immediately, you understand?"
He exchanged a confused look with Mercedes then looked over to where Rory and Sugar were sitting a few tables away laughing happily together completely oblivious to any strange texts from Santana Lopez. Sam shook his head then turned his phone off.
"That's it!" Santana fumed from her vantage point in the shrub bed under the window. She slapped her younger self on the back instigating a coughing fit. "Get in there."
"Use your brain," teenage Santana gasped for air. "I know you've got one. Sugar knows we know she knows we know. She'll know I'm going in there to spy on her."
"Our line of communication has been cut off. Our men on the inside have turned traitor. It's the only option."
Younger Brittany sighed and flicked at an errant leaf on her thigh, she was going to get no food or nookie with these two complete failures at spying. She exchanged a look with Brittany, silently relaying her intent and received a nod and a smile.
Both Santanas shut up their squabbling and watched open mouthed as teenage Brittany moved through the restaurant under the suspicious eye of the long suffering head waitress. To their confusion she walked straight past Sam and Mercedes, only communicating with them with a smile and a wave.
"Wait, no!" Santana stood up in full of view of the confused patrons who were looking her way. "Mercedes is that way," Santana spoke out loud and pointed even though Brittany couldn't hear her. They watched in disbelief as she slid in to the booth next to Sugar.
Rory looked at her in surprise but to his credit smiled genuinely and welcomed her. "Hi Britt, how are you?"
"Hi Rory, been better thanks."
Sugar gave her a very questioning glance.
"Sorry to interrupt. I know you guys are on a date and you make a really cute couple by the way, but I've got a message for Sugar, then I'll be gone." She leaned over and whispered in the girl's ear.
Sugar sighed and nodded. "Thanks Britt."
"What's she doing? I cant see." Santana asked her younger self from the ground where she was trying to reconnect to Mercedes' phone. This seemed to involve waving the handset around and shaking it occasionally hitting the younger girl with it.
"She's talking to Sugar. Stop poking me."
"Then get your skinny elbow out of my ribs. Why's she talking to Sugar? What a crappy spy!"
"Hey!" said Brittany and teenage Santana in unison.
Looking suitably chastised Santana moved back over to the window to take another look. "Move your fat ass over."
"What? I don't have a fat ass, have you seen my ass? Its perfection, you should know!"
"Will you two pipe down," Brittany admonished. "And yes, you have a stunning ass, Santana."
To Santana's annoyance her younger self looked very smug at that remark earning her a harsh hip-check away from the window.
"Stop jabbing me."
"You're the one blocking me. Now shut up or you'll attract-" There was a tapping at the window above them and all three women looked up to see Sugar peering out at them. "Oops."
Sugar mouthed two words through the glass at them which looked suspiciously like 'fuck off'.
Teenage Santana gaped open mouthed. "Did she just swear at us, did she? Is she allowed to swear?"
Santana looked mildly guilty and they settled down out of view mildly huffing. "Rude."
"You should teach her some manners."
"She's got manners," Brittany did a good impression of a glower. "I think we can let her off when provoked," she scolded.
Sugar went back to sit with Rory. "Sorry about that, I thought I saw Ke$ha but it was just some raccoons. Probably rabid ones."
Rory nodded slowly and decided not to question it.
Santana looked over at her wife who was watching her with a little half smile. "So, now can we get back to the real reason we're here?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "Look, there's Rachel and the beanstalk."
Santana's head moved back and fore like a spectator at a volleyball match, torn between watching Sugar and watching Rachel. "Oh no, I don't know where to look."
The decision was made for her when teenage Santana grabbed her arm. "I saw a mouse!" she hissed.
"What, where? Distract Rachel, quickly!"
"Its going all mission impossible on the fucking rafters. How do I distract her?"
"Think of something!" Santana roared at her as she witnessed a mouse snuffling along one of the light fittings.
Teenage Santana ran in and grabbed her girlfriend who was trying to steal some breadsticks while under close observation from every member of staff. She clamped her mouth on hers furiously and a heated make out session began right next to Rachel's table, much to all the customers' interest.
Sugar's eyebrows raised and she put her face in her hands as Rory spilt milkshake down his shirt. Finn looked as though her were about to cry, trapped as he was in the booth by the two girls, his only way out was over the table or past the passionate couple. Rachel just looked annoyed. Sam and Mercedes exchanged a glance.
"Why are our friends so weird?"
"Who knows?"
Not long after the manager came over and pushed the still kissing girls towards their favourite table, well used to them causing trouble in his restaurant. Seeing as how they were his best customers, he put up with them, for now.
"Hey Britt." From outside the window Santana turned around to address her wife but found she'd been abandoned by Brittany who was heading back to the car. Santana looked once more into the restaurant then ran after her wife. "What are you doing?"
"I'm calling Quinn," she waved teenage Santana's phone in her face to Santana's puzzlement. When did she steal that? "This has gotten even more ridiculous than I thought it would."
"Quinn's in the future. Did you make a time phone? How do you get good enough signal?" Santana asked, looking all excited at another of Brittany's ingenious inventions.
"The Quinn in this time," Brittany explained.
"Oh..." Santana looked disappointed for a second. "Why?"
"It's time to bring in the big guns."
Santana snorted. "And Quinn is a big gun?"
"Unholy Trinity; cannot be tamed," Brittany said seriously. "But I'm actually asking her to bring Lord Tubbington over and give him to mini me, then she'll lock him in BreadstiX overnight. That should take care of the vermin problem."
"Genius," Santana said in awe. "And that damn... damn loveable fluff ball of a cat," she trailed off into a mutter. "Yeah, make it do something useful for once."
Brittany pressed send on the phone then turned back to look back through the window into BreadstiX to see Sugar watching them. Rory was distracted by Rachel shouting at teen Santana and Brittany for inappropriately public displays of affection. Brittany winked at Sugar who grinned and waved to her mom.
Santana slung her arm around Brittany's waist. "I say we go and try out our hotel's bar. They had a baby grand which I can imagine you draped all over."
This led to them being distracted in the car for a good half an hour. Finally, albeit momentarily, satiated, they managed to begin the drive back only to stop as they tried to leave the lot at the same time as a car turned to come in. A car with a cat carry basket on the front seat. The girl driving frowned as she looked at them, then her jaw dropped as she recognised them. She gave a pained and bemused whimper as Santana shouted as she drove past.
"You'll never be able to drive for shit, Fabray."