8.
Quinn pulled over in the BreadstiX parking lot, managing to stop across three disabled parking bays. She turned off the engine and rested her forearms along the steering wheel only noticing she was shaking when she rested her forehead on her arms to hold them still. She breathed in a deep shaky gulp of air and rolled her head from side to side jumping in shock as she pressed too hard and the horn sounded. She looked over and apologised to her passenger.
"Sorry, Tubbs."
The cat blinked sleepily and turned away, uninterested in this sub par human. Quinn watched him, trying not to think on what had just happened and let her mind begin to work on convincing her it had all been in her imagination. She observed with interest Lord Tubbington perk up all of a sudden. His eyes were wide and his nose twitched, she had never seen him so awake before.
"Hey, did you get him?" Without lifting her head, Quinn rolled her head to the side to face the window where Brittany had appeared. She stared up at Brittany who patiently stared back looking increasingly worried as Quinn hadn't blinked now for a good three minutes.
Quinn looked back to the exit road but the women from before had gone. She turned back to Brittany who had decided to leave Quinn to her weirdness and was cooing at her cat in the carrier.
"Thanks, Quinn." Brittany beamed. When the girl didn't move or speak, Brittany began to worry. Maybe something had happened and that's why she looked a bit like someone had stolen all the bacon in the world.
"C'mon, Santana will buy you a bacon roll. They haven't sold out."
To Brittany's relief this kicked Quinn into action, she wouldn't have known what to do if she'd refused bacon; maybe call the army.
"You're very quiet," Santana kicked Quinn under the table, provoked by the way she had been staring, like she thought Santana was a wild animal about to snap loose at any moment.
"Quinn, are you on drugs?" Brittany squinted at her. "Cos they're bad, okay?"
Quinn put her sandwich down. "I don't feel very well. I just need a minute."
Santana eyed her warily as though she were going to vomit over the table. She moved the basket of breadsticks out of the way, just in case, then frowned as she noticed the table stock had dwindled. No idea how that happened. "Hey, Garçon! More sticks!"
She looked over the shoulder height wooden divide down the centre of the restaurant to where Sugar and Rory were giggling over some dessert, which happened to be on the table right next to them. What? It was the only one free, okay? And if she turned her head ninety degrees to the left okay, so she would be looking straight into a highly suspicious and very self conscious Sugar's eyes. And if she turned her head only forty five degrees to the left she could glower at Rory, who was becoming ever more uneasy under non so subtle scrutiny. What the hell was so funny about dessert anyway?
"So Rory, when are you going back to the motherland?"
Sugar's head whipped around and she unleashed the inimitable Lopez glare. Brittany snorted into her drink trying not to laugh aloud.
"Um," Rory was a bit disconcerted that the next table was taking such interest in his affairs.
"Why aren't you at movie night?" Sugar interrupted, arching a razor sharp eyebrow.
"Date night," Santana sniffed, as though that were obvious.
"Date night is Fridays."
"Since when?"
"Since as long as I've known you. And anyway, there's three of you."
"Unholy Trinity fo' life."
They all looked over to Quinn who had begun to sway slightly in her seat.
"Is she okay?" Rory asked, mildly alarmed that the usually cool, calm and collected Quinn Fabray was sitting nearby either drunk, stoned or very ill.
"She's diagnosed clinically insane," Santana replied. "That's what happens when you eat too much bacon, it messes with your brain."
"I'm vegetarian," said Sugar.
"Oh, well. That's what happens when you get pregnant at sixteen as well." There was a battle of wills as Santana and Sugar glared at each other both refusing to back down. Eventually, Santana calmly looked away."So Rory, you been checked out for STD's?"
Brittany's drink actually came out of her nose this time as she spluttered at the words.
"Sorry, Aspergers," Santana smirked.
Sugar growled. "You don't have Aspergers!"
"I have it as much as you do. It must be hereditary."
"I'll phone my mom," Sugar threatened quietly so the rest of their two tables could barely hear.
Santana snorted with laughter. "I'm not scared of her." She looked over to where Sugar was looking pointedly at Brittany. The smirk dropped from Santana's face immediately. Ahh, that mom.
Quinn had turned an unhealthy shade of pale green only before seen on zombies. "I think I'm gonna go home. See you all in school."
"Wait, Q. You look like shit. We'll give you a ride," Santana offered.
"No, its okay. I just need some quiet, alone time." She slid along to the edge of the bench before asking. "Britt, what happened to that DeLorean your dad got you for your sixteenth birthday?"
Santana reached over and slapped Sugar on the back as she choked on some pudding.
"It's in the garage, I'm still working on it. Why?" Santana and Brittany exchanged a loaded glance which did not go unnoticed by Quinn.
"Is it drivable?"
"Oh," Brittany looked relieved she wouldn't have to lie, cos God only knew how bad a liar she was. "No, Bri- uh someone, uh... there's a wheel missing. It doesn't drive... In space, that is."
Sugar and Santana groaned simultaneously at her last comment.
"In space?" Quinn and Rory stared at Brittany, both thoroughly puzzled.
"Like on the road, from one place to another," she went on to explain.
"How else would it drive? That's an odd way to put it," Quinn pointed out.
"Well you know me, ha ha ha... odd." She gulped and looked over where Santana and Sugar were staring at her, aghast. Rory kept his head down, used to Brittany's quirks but not wishing to capture Santana's attention further.
"Yeah, its not like it travels through time or anything like that. Ha!" Sugar laughed uneasily, trying to help Brittany out.
Santana let out a strangled chuckle and got up. "That's settled then, you're coming with us. I just gotta talk to those two backstabber's first. I'll just be a second."
She left Sugar and Brittany with a stern glance and headed over to Sam and Mercedes table where she snatched their complimentary breadsticks from off their table. "You two, are fired."
Quinn's brow furrowed as she witnessed Brittany telling Rory to have Sugar home before eleven or suffer the consequences.
"Goodnight Rory," Brittany smiled at him. "I've never killed anyone before but there's a first time for everything. Bear that in mind when you say goodnight to Sugar."
"Oh my god," Sugar squeaked. "Why do you two have to be so embarrassing?"
"I swear you two get weirder every day." Quinn muttered.
"The only person being weird tonight is you," Brittany looked pointedly at Quinn as they headed for the door.
Santana hurried after them her arms full of Sam and Mercedes, Sugar and Rory's and her own refill of breadsticks. "Quick Britt, Rory's paying." They hurried for the exit leaving a very confused Rory and relieved Sugar.
They paused once more as Santana harassed the kitchen staff one last time who had finished cooking for the night and were trying to leave. "C'mon they wont keep until tomorrow."
"Miss Lopez, it's time for you to leave. I've warned you about harassing my staff, there are no spare breadsticks!"
They returned an hour later having dropped off an emotionally exhausted and weepy Quinn to find the restaurant closed and the manager about to lock the door. Santana barged in, to the manager's exasperation, as she begged for a box of breadsticks.
"No, we're closed."
"Just one box. C'mon, there are children starving in Africa."
Brittany snuck around behind the counter while he was distracted and released Lord Tubbington. "You know what to do!" she whispered and scratched his ears. "Good boy."
She walked over to Santana, who was getting a little too engrossed in her argument on why breadsticks should be paid for by the government and provided free to citizens, and pulled her by her arm out of the door.
"Goodnight Trevor!" she called and waved to the manager with her free arm.
"Goodnight Britt." He sighed with relief that someone had control over the Stix monster and locked the door behind him.
Under a table, Lord Tubbington snuffled about and started munching on a discarded buffalo wing.
"Santana! Wake up, wake up!"
Santana rolled over, murmured something unintelligible then rolled back with a groan, pulling her pillow over her head.
"The police are at BreadstiX. There was a break in."
"How do you know?" Came the muffled reply.
"I heard it on my police scanner. Someone opened all the boxes of BreadstiX."
"What the hell, you mean they don't make them fresh?"
"Hold up, there's more."
The police scanner crackled as it picked up the transmission.
##Stand down. All units, stand down. Panic over. It's just a raccoon that's gotten in. We'll call pest control.##
At Brittany's silence Santana reluctantly removed the pillow from her head and looked over at her. Brittany's face was filled with worry, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. Her mouth opened and closed and her chest shuddered with a sob. Santana sat bolt upright.
"Lord Tubbington is in there. I shouldn't have left him, what if they shoot him? We have to go get him."
"It's five am..." Santana pointed out until Brittany took a quivering breath. "Which is no problem at all because we can work better under the cover of darkness. Get dressed." She jumped up and out of bed, pulling on the nearest articles of clothing she could find. "Do we have time to check on Rory?"
"Why?"
"Just to see that he's sleeping alone."
"Santana. Do you really think that older, super foxy Santana wouldn't have been here breaking the door down and murdering Rory in his sleep if Sugar had even attempted to stay?"
"It's that Sugar I don't trust. She's got this look in her eye, like she's up to trouble."
"She has your eyes."
"Exactly."
"What are you doing here?" The police officer guarding the cordoned off restaurant asked the two girls with suspicion.
"McKinley High Cheerio's training. Twenty six miles before school starts," Brittany grinned and stretched indicating her Cheerio embossed sweater.
"Oh, you're Sylvester's lot. Very well." This revelation made him seem keen for them to be on their way.
"What, um, what's going on?" Santana tried to ask nonchalantly.
"We got reports of a break in but it turns out there's a giant raccoon in the store room."
Brittany's short sharp intake of breath could be heard. He looked at her quizzically.
"Dangerous creatures raccoons," Santana nodded solemnly in explanation to Brittany's gasp.
"Yeah, we're going to leave it for pest control to take care of."
"What will they do to him?" Brittany asked, eyes wide as she watched a SWAT squad traipse out of the restaurant, suited and booted from head to foot in full combat gear.
"Oh I dunno. They'll trap it I expect. It was quite vicious, maybe shoot it with tranqs."
Brittany gasped and Santana pulled her away quickly.
"He's not giant!" Brittany began to babble indignantly as Santana led her away from the crime scene and around to the back of the restaurant. "People better not be talking crap about him where he can hear. You know how sensitive he is. What about his poor heart? The vet said he had to do gentle exercise not re-enact Call of Duty."
Santana grabbed both her hands and looked straight in her eyes. "I promise we will rescue him. No one gets left behind. Now keep an eye out."
She clambered up onto the top of the battered dumpster at the rear of the building. One corner of it was badly crumpled where a car had hit it not too long ago. Just at head height there was a tiny window which was open a few inches. Santana slipped her hand in through the gap and unlatched the window. She stuck her head in through the opening and looked around in the darkness.
"Eww, this is the men's bathroom. That's why the window is open, it smells so bad!"
Brittany joined her on the lid of the dumpster and pushed her up with her hands catching a feel of Santana's firm buttocks. Santana wriggled through the small space head first all the while sputtering furiously. She see-sawed from her waist on the window ledge and Brittany could hear muffled swearing.
"What is it?"
"I'm right over the urinals. Oh god, don't let go, Britt. Never let me go. Not head first. I'm too hot to die."
She pulled one leg in through the window and the second followed rather more speedily. There was a scream, a thud and a clatter then silence. Brittany jumped up and down to see in the window but there was nothing but darkness.
"Are you okay? Santana?"
A small voice rose up out of the darkness. "Oh my holy sweet baby hell, why would you even do that in a urinal? There's a stall for that sort of thing!"
"Santana?"
"Yes, I'm okay. It'll probably take a few hours for the infection to spread from my foot. Stay out there, Britt, I don't want you catching diseases from the filth. I'll find His Majesty and pass him out to you."
"Be gentle, he's probably scared. And he'll be near the food!"
"Tubberman, where are yooou?" Santana called inside the restaurant, stepping over discarded police tape and broken glass. She made her way to the storeroom which was cordoned off and white with flour scattered all over the floor. She looked up to see all the boxes of breadsticks opened and scattered on the floor. Her lip twitched in horror at the sight.
"Fatso, report in right now!"
Movement on the top shelf caught her eye and a pair of green eyes glimmered in the dim light. A very fat, flour coated cat peered down at her and let out a mournful wail as he recognised her. She winced with each crunching footfall over the broken breadsticks then put her hands on her hips and stared Lord Tubbington in the eye. He sneezed and a puff of flour flew up in a cloud around him.
"A raccoon," she snorted with a laugh. "C'mon, buddy."
For the first time in recorded history, Lord Tubbington willingly climbed into Santana's arms. She hugged him close, making soothing noises as she felt him tremble against her chest. He had probably been in his element rolling around in breadsticks and flour and laying flour traps to track mouse pawprints, Santana knew she would have been, before the cops showed up with their loud sirens and bright lights; shouting, yelling and blustering about with guns and threats.
"Good boy. It's okay," she murmured to him as he huddled his face under her chin. She scratched him between the shoulder blades just where he liked it and he burrowed into her embrace.
She turned around to find a tall, pale figure standing behind her, and screamed. Startled, Lord Tubbington jumped out of her arms and cowered behind her legs.
"Jesus Britt, are you trying to kill me?" Santana croaked then buried her face in Brittany's shoulder.
"I didn't want you to be in here on your own. And as brave as Lord Tubbington is, I bet he got scared. He doesn't like being alone, even though he pretends otherwise, I thought you might feel the same."
Silence descended on them again and Santana's heartbeat fell back down to non dangerous levels. There was a pathetic mewling noise as Brittany's cat plucked up the courage to waddle over to his mistress. With Santana under one arm, Brittany scooped him up with the other and walked her two favourite people in the world out the front door of the restaurant.
"How did you know the door was open?"
"The police broke it down when they tried to get in."
"Are you telling me I didn't need to bungee into the men's bathroom after all?"
"Shhh, lets go home."
"I stood in a puddle, B. A puddle of wet! I'm scared to look at what it is."
"Wipe it off on the verge over here," Brittany led Santana to the patch of grass holding her carefully as she began to sniffle.
"I'll have to burn these sneakers!"
Brittany's mother was most confused the next morning when she went to find out why the girls weren't awake at the usual time to see them curled up, fast asleep on top of the bed covers with Lord Tubbington nestled between them and a box of breadsticks on the night stand. A light dusting of flour coated all three of them.
When a very bleary eyed Santana finally got up to put her Cheerios uniform on, she found Lord Tubbington had shown his appreciation for rescuing him by puking all over the top. Upon closer inspection by Brittany it was revealed that there were definitely mouse parts in there.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this." Santana muttered, equal parts disgusted and happy.
A/N Thanks for reading and reviewing :)