Chapter 8

He was watching her. Just watching. The miracle of porcelain skin being painted to life by blood rushing under the tissues. Her bosom lifting up and down, carrying her breath. Her heart beating steadily inside her chest.

He leaned closer to her mouth. Not for kissing. Yet. He could feel he would give in to his more pressing instincts soon, but right then, he just studied her, trying to understand. He inhaled her hot, steaming-out breath as if somehow with that he would be able to catch some portion of her very soul. As it was, he couldn't. Orihime Inoue was not just flesh and bone. The secret lied deeper than that.

A mystery...

He wanted to understand. He longed to delve into her until he unraveled it. He ached with the need to be closer to her. He carved it... but didn't know how. It drove him mad. He was tempted to sank his teeth into her sweet smelling skin, until he could taste her blood. He had a few times too, and even though the taste was addicting, that was not what he was searching for.

He was a hollow. He knew he would never be able to do so, but the thought of just devouring her soul, eating it, making it become his very own... yes. This thought was there. But then the secret, this cruel, most agonizing secret, that amazing miracle that was she herself would be lost.

She had a controversial effect on him. At one time, she cured and torn apart more his mangled soul. She brought medicine and venom at the same time. Her nearness soothed him, filled him, made him more, better than he was... But never filled him completely. No matter that she was giving with all her might, it was still not enough to fully satisfy the longing inside him. It was like being presented with a wonderful gift, but only getting half of it. Like making love, never-ever reaching fulfillment. And the promise of it seemingly being so close, yet unreachable made the need all the more aching.

She was still sleeping. She needed sleep, she had only been sleeping for a few hours after all. But he couldn't fight it any more: he just had to have something to dull the pain inside him... His hold around her strengthened, his body shifting closer to her almost subconsciously. His head leaned in, searching for his favorite spot under the shell of her ear. As his lips connected they made her draw in a large breath.

Orihime stirred from her sleep, mumbling his name half consciously before her mouth was sealed by his. She rolled easily on her back, giving him better access, releasing a content sigh. Ichigo smiled, and his hand slid down her naked body while he continued with the raining down kisses, the feel of them more urgent with every second.

She was really giving him everything... It was not her fault. She wasn't hiding anything from him. Her body, her soul: she put everything on the line for him. She was all his to use however he liked. She wasn't able to bring him full contentment, because the missing part was missing from him. She could not return that. And it was not her fault, that her presence, while bringing bliss in other things, made the absence of that needed thing more pressing than before. Almost unbearable.

What he missed was being able to return. She seemed content with what she was receiving in their relationship, but he was not. Even if he couldn't put this into words like this, that was the case. He wanted to give her so much more. Not only because she deserved that (though that was certainly true) but because he himself carved the contentment of giving and of being received. But where there should be the source of warmness inside him, there was only emptiness. She could fill it, temporarily, but as soon as they separated, the warmth disappeared too soon, leaving him even colder than before. So he had to come back for more... and more... and more.

He knew he was tainting her. Draining her. He had to, with such unsatisfiable carving. And he was afraid, terribly afraid, that one day he would break her completely with his hunger. And when that happened, he knew he wouldn't be able to put her back again... And he knew he wouldn't be able to face life without her any more.

He tried to hold himself back, to take less, at a more rational speed, that would let her time to recover. But it was no use. How could he hold back, when she WANTED to give? Even if it broke her... An endless cycle, spiraling down to the inevitable doom...

Even now, with these dark thought swirling inside him, he couldn't bring himself to pull back, to release her. If doomed he must be, he would be doomed in bliss...

If only he didn't have to sentence her to doom with him...

…...

Neliel and Orihime were dancing in the moonlight. Peche and Dondochakka provided the music, singing, and playing some makeshift instruments they regarded to be a drum and a harp. The resulting jangle filling the air could hardly be called music at all, but the girls didn't seem to mind. The twirled around, holding each others hand, laughing, much to the delight of the musicians.

'Gil?' Ichigo asked the man standing next to him, while he was watching the show.

'Yes, my Lord?'

Ichigo sighed, but he really didn't have patience for another pointless argument right then, so he let the title just go. He knew that before Gil had joined him, he had been serving under Cayo, and had such formalities hammered into his scull painfully. So instead of reprinting him, he took another moment to properly formulate the thing bugging him.

'Neliel. She seems so... all right. Content.'

Gil smiled.

'Yes. She sure does.'

'And you. You're like that too.' Ichigo said more forcefully, turning to him.

'Maybe more so of lately.' Gil said frowning.

'How?' The question burst out of Ichigo. He looked a little frustrated, as if the others were hiding the secrets of their contentment from him on purpose. 'I mean... don't you feel it? That dissonance deep within... the longing. The gap?' he sighed. 'Oh, you probably doesn't even know what I'm talking about...'

'Yes, I do. You're talking about that thing which makes us hollows.' Gil said simply, looking at his chosen master knowingly.

Ichigo's eyes widened with surprise.

'Yes! I am...'

'Of course I can feel it. We all do. Even Neliel. Though she seems to have find a way of dealing with it. To tell the truth, that was what caught my eye in her first. She's special with that.'

'Yes, she is.' Ichigo agreed. 'But how is she doing it?'

'That I don't know. But... you remembering your human life made me thinking.' Gil admitted. 'Even when you hadn't remembered yet, your desires from your human life were leading you. And when you were able to remember those desires were explained. Maybe we're all like that. Our unfinished businesses, desires and hopes are brought with us into this after life, and they are intensified to be addictions, obsessions... I think Neliel was lucky. She must have been content in her human life. Or close to it. And she must have had simple, pure, easily satisfiable desires... like an innocent child.'

The boys turned back to watch the girls dancing again.

'They must have a thing or two in common with Orihime...' Ichigo finally noted, smiling a little.

Gil smiled too.

'That's true. They both are exceptionable... Can I ask a question?'

'Sure.'

'Why do you think you were able to remember her?'

'That at least I can answer now.' Ichigo sighed.

'Really?'

'Yes. It's actually quite simple. My hollow side was half conscious during my human life. That's why I could remember at all. And I could remember her the most clearly, because she was the only one being able to bring out a reaction in this side of me, even then...'

Ichigo fell silent. He was thinking Gil's theory over again. He was sure that his arrancar friend was right, or very close to the truth. If he was... then what did this mean regarding himself? What did it tell about him, that being close to Orihime, and having her love was not enough? What other, even stronger motives did he have as a human, that wouldn't let him be content now? And the answer was easy: he had always, always wanted to protect her, no matter what...

A cry brought him out of his musing.

'Ichigo!' It was Nel shouting. She was holding Orihime's arm, no longer dancing, but supporting her up.

Ichigo was there next to them in the blink of an eye.

'Orihime!' he called her, alarmed, even as he scooped her limp body up into his arms easily, like she was feather-light.

She smiled at him.

'I'm all right! He-he! All this spinning just made me a little dizzy! You can put me down now!'

But Ichigo only embraced her closer, scowling.

'I think you had enough dancing for today.'

…...

Neliel entered the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She found herself face to face with a smiling Orihime.

'Surprise!' the brunette cried enthusiastically, waving a plate of food before her eyes. 'Hueco Mundo's best for breakfast!'

Nel sighed.

'Thanks Orihime! But you really don't have to do this you know... At least not every morning...'

'You know how I simply love to cook!' she stated, still radiating happiness. But then her face fell somewhat. 'And besides... there is nothing else here I could make myself useful with...'

'Ah, I see. Where are the boys?'

What good humor was left on Orihime's features disappeared with this question.

'They went out again. They said they would only look around, but I'm not fooled. I'm sure they went to fight those troupes of Cayo's that invaded our territory...'

Nel nodded.

'Those bastards sure been rather itchy these last months... But don't worry! They'll deal with them fine... as always.'

Orihime nodded too, looking thoughtful.

'Well no-one misses them!' Peche said, turning to them from the counter, swinging a large knife in his hand absent mindedly. 'I think it's more fun with only the four of us! Ichigo-sama is always so SERIOUS... and Vasko-san can give me the creeps (don't tell him that, pleaseeee!) while Gil-san doesn't understand a joke at all! Orihime-chan? Am I doing this right?' he asked pointing to the vegetables he was cutting up.

'Yes, thank you...' Orihime said quickly, trying to remove the dangerous weapon from the hollow's too enthusiastic grip. 'I'll just finish it up quickly, and it's ready for the stew!' she added, when she had the knife, and could take a look at Peche's haphazardly done work. She set to trying to repair the damage, wearing a forced smile.

Neliel sat down with her plate, but as she started her meal, she still had an eye on the other woman.

'Are you all right, Orihime?'

'Sure! Why do you ask?' Orihime replied quickly. Maybe a bit too quickly, and too forcefully. Even Nel noticed that her smile was just too unnaturally wide. She frowned.

'Did you two had a row with Ichi, or something?'

Orihime's eyes widened in earnest surprise.

'Of course not!' she said sincerely.

Nel softened.

'Then what is it?'

'Nothing... maybe I'm a bit tired, that's all. And I wish they were back already...'

This answer contented Nel, and she focused on her breakfast now.

'Mmm... this is really good today! I like it!'

'Thanks!' Orihime said happily. She continued her work on the vegetables, and after a few seconds she asked: 'Erm... Nel-chan? Can I ask you something? How long do you think I've been here? I mean there is no calendar here or anything, and one day is very much like the other... Not to mention that the sky is always dark. I think I lost track of time...'

'Yes, it must be confusing to a human like yourself!' she answered, compassionate. 'Let's see... I don't know for sure, but I think it must be a few months to say the least, in therms of your race...'

'Months...' Orihime repeated, looking ahead of herself.

Nel narrowed her eyes.

'Are you happy here?'

'Of course I am!' she ascertained. 'I'm with Ichigo, and nothing could make me more happy!'

The two women smiled at each other. But then something happened. Orihime suddenly paled, and she had to grab the table's side for support, putting the knife down.

'Orihime!' Nel cried, springing to her feet.

'I'm all right...' she answered, smiling kind of weakly. 'I just lost my balance... it happens from time to time... nothing serious.'

Neliel bit her lip, looking worried. This was not the first time that happened to the gentle healer... Nel made a mental note to speak with Ichigo about this later.

'Orihime-chan! Orihime-chan!' Dondochakka exclaimed. He was occupied with stirring the pot on Orihime's orders. 'Dondochakka helped! You said you usually put everything you feel like adding into the pot. I tried it! It really is fun! Look!'

He lifted the lid, and eyed the boiling, gruesome, thick, khaki-green concoction misty eyed. Orihime neared him cautiously, but as the first whiff reached her nose, she clapped a hand to her mouth.

'Excuse me!' she managed to mumble, before sprinting out of the room...

…...

Orihime stretched herself, yawning contently. She felt cozy, and unusually well rested. Her awakening senses registered Ichigo's spiritual pressure, but her groping hands couldn't find him in the bed next to her. So she looked up, opening two beady eyes. She found him sitting on the side of the bed, watching her intently, with a mild scowl on his face.

'Are you awake now?' he asked.

She smiled a big, greeting smile.

'Ichigo! You're back!'

'We need to talk.' he stated.

Orihime blinked. There was some disturbing undertone to his voice, that didn't sit right with her.

'Talk?' she asked, struggling for full consciousness.

'Yes, talk.'

She half raised herself on her elbow, looking at him. He groaned: the move made the quilt slide down from her bare shoulder, and the sight did nothing good towards strengthening his resolution.

'You better get back down!' he scowled, pushing her back, and pulling the covers up on her properly again.

'What is it?' Orihime asked, feeling confused, and slightly worried.

He looked at her deeply before answering. His eyes were brown, but they held an orange glint nonetheless.

'I decided it was time for you to pay a little visit home.'

Orihime was even more confused, and a little fear surfaced.

'Home? I am home!' she protested.

He shook his head, looking serious.

'No. You're not.'

Tears begin to well up in the corners of her eyes.

'You... you're sending me away? Why? You... aren't you... satisfied with me?'

He sighed.

'Orihime! Don't be silly! It's nothing like that!' he scratched his head in frustration, then placed a smile on his face. 'Don't you want to see your friends? Don't you want to see Tatsuki?'

Orihime became quiet thinking this over.

'Yes... I do want to see them... I guess I could go for a day... or maybe just an afternoon... I could visit my place, hang out with Tatsuki, and bring a few of my personal things back here... I'd like that...'

It was true: she missed her friends dearly. There wasn't a day when she didn't think about Tatsuki. With Ichigo being away frequently, she was really lonely sometimes. And bored. There was not many things to do here, besides playing with Peche and Dondochakka, and that got tiring after a while. Nel was a great friend, but she couldn't be as open with her, as she used to be with Tatsuki. But still she was hesitant to go... because she knew that if she went, and felt the warm sun on her skin again, saw the familiar buildings, the trees, heard the birds singing, it would be so difficult to return back here...

'I was thinking about a more prolonged stay, actually.' Ichigo said, not meeting her eyes.

All her former fears of him not wanting her any more returned instantly.

'Why?' she cried.

He lifted his pained gaze to meet her frightened one.

'Neliel told me about what happened this morning. And she's not the only one to notice.' He cupped her face gently with one hand, and caressed her chin with his thumb. 'You don't look too well... your skin is pale, there are permanent shadows under your eyes... I'm worried! Hueco Mundo is doing you no good... You have to return to your world, and gather some strength before you can return to me again. I don't want to let you go... but I don't know what else I could do.'

She smiled, her relief and happiness adoring her features.

'Thank you Ichigo! You are so kind and thoughtful worrying about me! But I'm fine, really! Never been better!'

'Orihime! You nearly fainted this morning! Be honest with yourself! This can't go on like this!'

'Then... you should come with me...' she said wishfully.

Ichigo scowled.

'You know I can't. Not after the message Chad brought...'

Orihime sighed. She recalled the gentle giant's visit quite clearly. Sado-kun had come to check on her a week after her choosing to stay with Ichigo. He had told them, that Soul Society had a message for Ichigo. They had promised to leave him be, and be with Orihime (a hollow kidnapping a human was a crime soul reapers vowed to punish after all), as long as he stayed in Hueco Mundo. But should he come to the real world, he must expect every Captain on his heel instantly. It was a truce, and Ichigo had no intention to break it, and force a needless battle with his former allies.

It's needless to say, that with this message Chad's visit had been strained and rather awkward. Even he didn't know how to be in the presence of his former, so changed friend when they weren't fighting back to back... So Chad had returned to the real world quickly, and no-one came ever since...

'I can remember a story from somewhere...' Ichigo started again. 'I think it's from greek mythology. But I can't remember the names clearly. There was this girl the lord of the underworld kidnapped, and made her to be his queen. But her mother, who was the God of Earth carved to see her again so much, that she became depressed, and wouldn't do her duty until she saw her daughter again.'

'Yes. That's Persephone's story. The underworld's lord was Hades and her mother Demeter.'

'Then you must know the ending. Hades had to agree to letting her go, and spend half the year with her mother, and only half with him...'

Orihime paled, shaking her head frantically in fear.

'Half a year? No! Please! I just can't! I couldn't bare it! I don't know if I could even bare being far from you for a week! But half a year! And besides: it's unnecessary! You're worrying too much... I'm fine, really! There is nothing wrong with me! I... I promise to take better care of myself, ok? I promise I'll try to rest more! That's all I need! Please don't send me away...'

Her eyes were tearing up completely, and she gripped his shirt firmly, pulling him closer, like she never wanted to let go.

'But I'm, not...' Ichigo tried, but Orihime was kissing him, and after a few seconds he could hardly remember their argument at all...

...

'What's the idea Vasco?' Ichigo cried, beside himself. 'Get your filthy hands of her!'

'I'm only transporting her, don't get all jealous, damn it!' Vasco said, with a little alarm in his voice, while he released Orihime, and stepped back a little. He even raised his hands in a surrendering gesture, and also showing he meant no harm. They had landed on the sand-dunes that were painted red from blood.

'It's all right, Ichigo...' Orihime tried to sooth him too. It wouldn't do them good, if Ichigo suddenly turned on his allies in the midst of the battle for something this silly. But as it was, he was just way too protective of her...

'Why did you have to bring her at all, you pain-in-the-ass?' Ichigo bellowed. 'This is battle!'

Vasco turned a little red, anger gathering inside him too now.

'Yes, battle! And I could feel that Gil was injured! And she can heal! I thought you wanted us to accept her into this supposed-to-be family of ours! Then she must do her part, and help!'

'Of course I want to...' Orihime began, but she was silenced by Ichigo cutting across her again.

'I don't want her anywhere close to danger, is that clear?'

Vasco muttered something unintelligible.

'What was that?' Ichigo demanded, completely red from anger.

'Nothing. I'll just go help Neliel, if you will.'

Ichigo walked up to Orihime, taking her arm roughly, and leading her next to the injured Gil. His eyes moved to and for, studying their surroundings suspiciously.

'Stay here. And for Heaven's sake, don't do anything stupid!' he ordered her.

'Ay-ay sir!' Orihime answered, saluting.

Ichigo smiled despite himself, and went to rejoin the battle. But from the corner of his eye, he kept watch on her. Seeing the glowing light of her Soten Kisshun contented him, but it was noticeable in his performance, that his attention was divided.

'Just what the Hell are you doing, Ichigo? You fight like a sissy... or a lovesick puppy, damn it!' Vasco cursed. 'What are you waiting for? Transform already! You could sweep the floor with these little bugs!'

Ichigo gritted his teeth. If Vasco really wanted him to transform, he should have known better than bringing Orihime here. That he wouldn't do now, even if he had to pay for it in his own blood. He didn't want to lose control again in her presence, if there was one way around it. Their enemies were not remarkably strong, but they had the numbers.

Orihime watched him fight, fear and worry tearing at her heart. She was only guiding her shield's work by her palm resting on it's surface. Her fingers were beating a fast, nervous rhythm, as she tried to will the process go faster by pushing more of her spirit energy into the yellow dome.

Gil saw it before her, and he cried out a warning from under her shield. That was what saved her life. She jumped, crying for her Santen Kesshun as she felt the pain set in, and her hot blood oozing out from the wound. A hollow had sneaked up on her, sinking it's clawed hand in her flesh. She was shaken, but she could still fight.

'Tsubaki!' she cried, firing her destructive power, and the hollow disappeared in a wave of smoke.

Ichigo arrived only a moment later, abandoning the battle again to rush to her aid. Orihime looked at him apologetically, before her legs gave way under herself. All her working shields broke and fell apart. She fell to the ground, passing out.

Ichigo was shaking. From anger and from desperation.

'Don't worry.' Gil said, as steadily and firmly as he could. 'Her wound in not life-threatening. She only over-exerted herself. Luckily, she was able to heal me almost completely. I can take her back. I know some healing, I can take care of her wound, until she recovers and mends it herself!'

Ichigo closed his eyes and swallowed hard. It took a long time before he nodded his consent. When he went back to the battle he knew he would set loose completely... not because he needed to, but because he wanted to... And Vasco should pray he would be in any condition to distinguish friend from foe...

…...

Ichigo stood in the shadow of the familiar building, looking up and wondering how he should feel now. He could feel the three spiritual pressures inside clearly, and his hollow senses even made him feel the warmness of blood pounding in the oblivious humans inside. He shifted his hold slightly on the unconscious girl in his arms to support her head better as he strengthened his resolve. He must do this... for her. He began moving.

He knew where the spare key was, so he adjusted Orihime's weight again on the doorstep, holding her with only one hand, the other fiddling to find the loose tile above the door-frame. Having the key, he inserted it in the lock. It turned with a click, which sounded more ominous in the silence of the night than it should be. He sighed, and entered. There wasn't much light, but he could navigate fine. Everything looked just like he remembered it. The shoes next to the door... The coat-rack... The telephone... Even the familiar pattern of the rug caught his eye.

His gaze wandered unbidden to the stairs... but he mustn't go up there. That would only make things harder. That was not what he came here for. And he needed to hurry anyway. So he crossed the kitchen quickly, deliberately avoiding looking at the friendly dining table surrounded by four chairs, and the large poster of a smiling woman behind it... He headed for the Clinic's rooms, and opened the door of the room that patients staying the night could use. He went inside, and stepped next to the bed, pulling the covers back. He closed his eyes, and just stood there a moment longer, his arms cradling Orihime close. Then he began lowering her to the bed slowly, taking care to hold her head until it reached the pillow. She uttered a soft, pained moan, and rolled to her side, balling up like a small child. Ichigo tucked her in, before stepping back. His features were hard, set with determination.

'Take care, Orihime...' he said quietly.

There. He had done it!... Almost. He still needed to turn his back on her and walk out of this room. For a moment he was thorn. He thought he wouldn't be able to do it. She looked so heartbreakingly beautiful to him, with her mouth slightly parted, her breath coming out in small, warm huffs...

But suddenly he strained. He felt a presence behind him.

'Don't worry!' he said, without turning. 'I'll be gone in a sec... I'm not looking for trouble.'

'Ichigo...' Isshin's voice was thick with emotions, bitterness the most evident among them. Second's passed silently, with neither of them moving. When Isshin finally found his voice again, he asked: 'What's wrong with her?'

'Hueco Mundo's air is slowly killing poison to her spirit. Even against her wish, I had to bring her back.'

'I see.'

Ichigo finally turned, his flashing gaze meeting his father's fleetingly.

'Karin and Yuzu?'

Isshin's eyes widened ever so slightly with surprise. He didn't expect his son's hollow form to look this human...

'They are all right.'

Ichigo only nodded, averting his eyes now. He looked back to Orihime instead. He reached out, and smoothed out a probably nonexistent wrinkle on her blanket.

'Do me a favor will ya? Look after her...'

'Of course I will.'

Ichigo's fists balled up.

'Thanks...'

More seconds passed. Ichigo could bare it no longer. He sighed heavily, and looked up one last time, offering a strained half smile to Isshin, before leaving the scene with sonido, just vanishing away. As soon as he was far enough, he opened a garganta and marched into it without looking back... to return where he belonged.

…...

A/N: Hello again, I hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it was angsty. Life's been happening around here, so I'm really proud of myself to get a decent-length chapter out now.

I must say I'm trying very hard to evade any "Twilight" vibes, but it proves difficult because of the topic. And I hope it's only true to this particular chapter.

I hope I managed to make a few things clear here, explaining about how Ichigo was able to remember and why he feels the way he does. If you could spare a few moments, I would really like to read your opinion! Please review!