Mornings After

chapter 4

School was a scary experience for Kotetsu. Whether he was five or thirty-five-not that he was actually thirty-five, no, he still had a few more years for that-he was still trembling with those awkward jitters, fumbling over everything. It was bad enough when he was a student, but it seemed ten times worse with Kaede. She was just so small and so new! How could he leave her for five whole hours?

Kaede, in comparison, seemed quite calm over this. In her little pink shirt and denim shorts, she had her favorite scrunchie and had braided her hair all by herself. Hell, Kotetsu was sure she even got dressed by herself, since Anju had been preparing her backpack. As the little girl settled herself at the table, she beamed over at the anxious man before her. How could she be so calm? It must have been a trait she had picked up from her... mother...

"Hi, papa!"

He grinned. "Aww, Kaedeeee, baby you look so cute!"

With that bright smile growing that much more, she just wiggled in her chair. Saying thank you to papa was overrated, Kotetsu was sure. So he leaned over, his hands reaching for hers. Her little fingers curled against his, and he could have panicked. They were too little, way too little for school!

"Ready for school?" he asked.

"No breakfast?" She gasped.

Laughing, he let his hands cover those tiny ones. They were much bigger than they were the last time they had visited, when her arms could barely stretch across the table like this. She still couldn't, not without kneeling on the chair, but the fact that she was doing that on her own, instead of being perched on her mother's lap, just...

Oh, she looked just like Tomoe...

"Papa, can I have waffles?"

Kotetsu nodded, patting those hands once more before standing up to get her meal. He almost burned the waffles, too.

Kotetsu spent five hours worrying. He went to the bank and he worried. He talked to Ben and he worried. He went to the grocery store and worried. Watched television, checked his phone, made sure the home phone didn't go off, paced around, stopped by to see Muramasa... and worried the whole way. It wasn't until half past two in the afternoon that he could finally breathe, as Kaede pushed open the door and ran into the house.

"I'm home!" she called out.

"Welcome home, baby!" Kotetsu greeted, jumping from the couch. Kaede had forgotten to take off her shoes, but Kotetsu really did not care. He scooped her up, spinning her around. "How was school?"

"Kindergarten is fun!" she answered, her arms draping over his shoulders. She gave him a hug. "Papa, can I go back tomorrow? I got to meet a whole bunch of kids, and everyone was really nice! And the teacher let me take a cookie first at snack time and we got to play outside! And read books!"

"Whoa there slow down!" Kotetsu laughed. Lifting a hand, he tucked stray hair behind her ear. "Tell me all about it after I ask you a question."

Her eyes turned inquisitive. "What question?"

"What do you want for lunch?"

Kaede grinned at that. "Ice cream!"

But of course, the child would choose the sweetest, most unhealthy thing in the fridge for lunch. This child was definitely his, but no. No, Kotetsu would not start her on horrible habits. "You can have ice cream after lunch." Mostly.

"But that's what I want for lunch!"

"Oh really?" Shifting the girl to his hip, he freed a hand to tickle her sides. Throughout her laughter, she squirmed and tried to keep arguing her unhealthy choice in meal preferences. In the end, Kotetsu let her have an ice cream popsicle while they headed into town for french fries. The two ended up in a small diner not too far from Kaburagi's Liquors, Kaede's little fingers all coated in grease and salt and ketchup while she rambled about the best five and a half hours she had ever experienced.

"They tagged you it?" Kotetsu repeated, eyes wide with the shock only a parent could feign.

"Yeah! I had to run after them on the field!" she replied, nodding. She coated another fry in ketchup, focused on rotating the little cooked potato in as much of the red condiment as possible. "But I got Natsuko-she's one of the girls I met. She's not very fast, but I'm not either."

"I'm not so sure about that one. You could outrun me any day."

Kaede laughed. "But that's because you're old!"

"Hey!" He took offense to that! "I'm not that old, ya pipsqueak! Your papa's only thirty-one!"

"Natsuko's dad is only twenty-six!" she argued, and Kotetsu immediately regretted teaching her numbers so early.

"And how's that not old?" he tried to protest again. "He's bigger than twenty."

Kaede actually took a few seconds to think about this one, and Kotetsu was sure he had won this argument. But as she picked up the thoroughly-drenched fry, she shook her head. "You're still older."

Kotetsu whined softly. "Awww, Kaedeee! Don't tease your papa!"

She merely shoved the fry into her mouth, ketchup all over her lips. He considered taking a picture of it, but she would probably beat him up for it in ten years. Instead, he gave her the opportunity to wipe it off, cautioning her to go easy on the ketchup and avoid getting it on her clothes. The warning served as enough to have her leaning over the pile more carefully, but she continued to recount every detail of her new experience, more than excited to go back.

He worried for nothing, really. His baby was having fun there.

On the second day, Kaede came home with a new set of scribbles on her hands. Friendship tattoos, courtesy of her new buddy Jessica and a permanent marker. A dangerous combination, which resulted in tears around bath time when he attempted to scrub them off. Although somewhat faded, she got to keep them to the next day.

The third day? New stickers and doodle paper.

Kaede was more than pleased when her father said she could keep going to school for a while. School was fun to a four-year-old... It was odd. Kotetsu would never understand that.

By the fifth day, Kaede was a regular. They had cleared out Kotetsu's old desk for her, and he spent an afternoon helping her arrange her workbooks. It took a while, but after deciding on sorting things by subject instead of by notebook color, both felt accomplished. Once satisfied, Kotetsu sat her down in her chair, smiling sadly. With her little feet swinging on the chair and hands fiddling with the writing mat, she looked like she belonged there; it was a beautiful sight. He just didn't want to miss it.

He knew he'd miss it.

Kaede turned her head up, looking at him. Apparently she picked up on his thoughts, as her hazel eyes looked somber. "Papa... do you have to go back to Stern Bild?" she asked.

"I have to go back to work," he answered her with a nod. "Papa can't quit his job."

"Why not?"

"I have to help everyone. My job is really important, and it wouldn't be good if Papa didn't work anymore. And Papa has to pay bills."

The little girl frowned, eyes turning to the ground as her hands balled into fists. Just knowing he had to leave, no matter the reason, was already upsetting her. Kotetsu couldn't blame her. He didn't want to go, either.

Moving down to his knees, his arms wrapped around her and he held on tight, even as she struggled to get away. Her protests came out as grunts and soft whines, her struggling weak and uncoordinated. It wasn't until he felt tears drop onto his shirt that she had finally stopped fighting, and he only hugged her closer when she began to sob. He hadn't even left yet, and she already missed him. He could have cried himself-hell, he almost did. But he had to be strong. For Kaede. When she managed to calm down, she stayed curled against his chest, letting her dad rock her in her seat.

"I'll still come to visit," he said softly. "And I'll call, every day."

She sniffled, wet eyes turning up to him. "Every day," she whispered. "You can't forget."

"I won't forget," Kotetsu answered. He kissed her forehead and stroked back her hair. "Papa won't forget."

The phone was ringing. Of course it was, it was twenty minutes later than he had expected when he managed to rush through the door after speeding home. Things would have been better, so much better if he had managed to charge his cell phone last night. (If he could even find his charger; where the hell had he unpacked that thing?) He didn't even bother to get comfortable, just rushed to the phone to lift the receiver.

"Kaedeeee, sweetieee-"

"You're late, Kotetsu," his mother's sharp voice berated him.

Oh... "Yeah, Mom, I know. I was rushing back, and my cell phone died." Excuses, excuses. He sighed softly. "Where's Kaede?"

"She's mad at you," Anju continued, with a sigh of her own. "I let her watch TV while she waited."

He rubbed his face, already feeling uncomfortable. This was a disaster and it was only his first day back. "Maybe this whole time-arrangement thing isn't the best idea."

"Probably not, with how unpredictable your job is" she replied. "But you said you'd call every day. How else can you work around that?"

"I'll still call every day. I'm not breaking that promise. It'll just be at weird times."

Anju's frown deepened. "Just don't call after her bedtime."

"Yes, mom. Um... Can I talk to her?"

As much as he would have loved to listen to his mother lecture him, he wanted to hear his daughter's voice. As his mother set the phone down, she went to fetch the young girl.

"You're late!" she greeted him, a little less than pleasantly. He could hear the upset tone in her voice.

"I know, baby, I'm sorry," he apologized. "My boss kept me late."

Even she sighed. "Tell him he can't do that anymore!"

That huffy, exasperated tone made him laugh. His older brother was definitely rubbing off on her already. "I'll tell him tomorrow."

"Good!"

"So, how are you today, Kaede? How was school?" he asked.

And with that she rambled. She told him about her classroom's new decorations, the paper zoo, her favorite swing at recess, anything and everything she wanted him to know. And he absolutely loved it. His baby was so busy and so happy, and he loved to hear it. He could even picture her in the chair in the kitchen, legs swinging, those small hands animating her speech. Or she was probably fiddling with her ribbon, or running her finger along the table's edge. She asked about his job, and he told her it was boring, and long, and time consuming-she told him it was boring and she didn't want to know anymore. They talked about television, and he told her about a new billboard advertisement for a doll she should ask her brother to buy for her, and she told him a joke from a funny show she was watching when he called-but then she had to get ready for bed. Eesh, it was almost eight already! So he had to tell her goodbye.

They exchanged their I love yous and good wishes, and then they both told the other to hang up before Kaede's teary voice said she would hang up first.

Click.

Silence, now, in his apartment far too large for one. Kotetsu exhaled, slouching on the couch.

"This is hard," he said to no one.

Too hard to accept this so easily. He turned on the television to one of Tomoe's favorite programs set one of Kaede's stuffed animals on the couch, and drank beer until his heart was numb.

Sorry about the delay with this chapter! I got a little busy. But I think I may conclude this right here. It feels like a solid ending point. Thank you for reading!