If You Only Knew Chapter 4: Dancing Around You, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: i don't own any of the twilight characters.

EPOV

"So? Are you going to give us the details?" Alice asked, bobbing her head back and forth at Bella and I.

"Why don't you tell them, Edward?" Bella said sweetly, batting her eyelashes at me simultaneously.

What? Why don't you tell ME? I exclaimed in my head. At least I wasn't as depressed as I was one minute ago—I finally knew Ryan was no competition, he was only a kid.

"Nah, I'll leave you to do the honors." I emphasized the last word to Bella. She thought for a moment.

"Ok, then. Well Ryan is my son, as you all know that—" she got cut off mid-sentence because Jasper's phone started ringing.

"Sorry," Jasper said sheepishly. He looked at the caller ID and said, "I gotta take this call."

"Go ahead." I said.

Jasper yelled into the phone, "Emmett McCarthy! Could you have chosen a better time to call? My college roommate was just introducing his wife and son to us. You had better have huge news or I'm hanging up on you right this second."

To say I was astonished to see Jasper not so calm would be an understatement. I saw Alice paying close attention to Jasper's one sided conversation out of the corner of my eye, so I nudged Bella and pointed to a secluded corner. Bella nodded and we told Alice that we could be right back. I pulled Bella to the side.

"What was that over there?" I hissed.

"I don't know alright! I never said you and I were related or anything, Alice just jumped to conclusions. How should I know she thought she was so good at connecting the dots?" Bella muttered.

"So, who is this famous Ryan I've been hearing about again and again? I thought he was your boyfriend."

She blushed, "I adopted him six few weeks ago. He's about 14-months-old." She said hurriedly. I glanced in the direction of Jasper and Alice, and thankfully, Jasper was still on the phone.

"Six weeks ago? The time you decided to stop answering my calls?" I pressed on.

"I wasn't not answering them, it's just…."

"It's just you were busy, right? That's what you always give me." I looked back at my roommate again, and he was putting his phone down. Shit! I've got to do this fast! I turned back to Bella, "Our time's up, let's go. They're done." I could see she was worried, but there was nothing I could do about it right now.

When we walked back to Alice and Jasper, we had fake smiles plastered on our faces, and my arm around Bella's waist again.

"Why don't you continue with where you left off, Bella?" Alice said excitedly.

Bella cleared her throat, "Ryan is my adoptive son, and he is about fourteen months old. I had just adopted him the day I met you in the store, Alice."

"I'm so sorry for assuming….." Alice was trying to find words to finish her sentence.

Jasper hurried to the rescue, "We're sorry for jumping to conclusions. But you guys were so close in college, so it wasn't exactly impossible, Edward." He added jokingly in the end.

"I guess you were pretty busy these weeks, eh? There's a lot to learn as a first-time mom." Alice said.

Bella turned to Alice, "I'm alright. My friends have been helping out, and things have been going well—"

"And to your disappointment, although I'm not Ryan's father biologically, I'd be taking care of him, too." I finished for her.

Bella stared at me. She opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but closed it again.

"Way to go, man! I give you my best wishes then!" Jasper slapped me on the shoulder.

"Very funny. Shall we all head to the parking lot then?" I asked.

Alice started saying something, but Jasper beat her to it, "You guys go, we'll catch a cab. Our hotel is in the opposite direction of the hospital anyway." He gave me a knowing look, and Alice gave my dear friend a pout.

I nodded slightly at Jasper, thanking him silently. "See you guys around then." And we parted ways.

Our walk to the parking lot was quiet. Neither of us talked; I was still processing what I had learned in the last ten minutes, and I could see Bella frowning now and then. I tucked my luggage in the back, and she handed me her keys. Mostly, I drove when we were in her car together; I could tell by her face that this was a reflex, since her mind was clearly elsewhere.

While we were on the road, I finally broke the silence, "Was I the only one in the dark?"

"Not exactly."

"Does Angela know?"

She was silent for a few seconds, then replied, "Yes."

Ouch, that hurt. I always thought I was her closest friend. I knew girls have stuff they don't tell people of the opposite sex, and Angela would have been her first choice. But this huge news…..why couldn't she tell me?

I tried to keep my temper under control, "When were you going to tell me?"

"Today."

I could tell we were both straining ourselves by trying to strike up a conversation, so I let the comfortable silence envelop us again. I started thinking, "Why am I so mad? She was going to tell me anyway, and it's not like she could hide the news any longer. So why am I overreacting over such an issue?"

Trust.

The word floated into my head.

I thought she trusted me enough to tell me anything. We've been friends since forever, and I felt that we knew everything about each other. Apparently, I don't.

As we got to my place, I stepped out of the car, and Bella switched to the driver's seat. Bella rolled down the window and said, "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean for you to find out this way. It felt weird to talk about this over the phone, and I fully intended to tell you in person today."

"I believed it when you said you were planning to telling me today, " I continued on, letting my emotions take over my head, "but I thought you trusted me enough to tell me. I know that adopting a child is your decision, and I wouldn't have said anything against your will. You know, when I asked you about my staying two more months in Chicago, I was serious about it. If you had said something about disagreeing with my extended stay, I would have flown back immediately. I thought I knew you." I spat. With that, I turned around before I could say anything else to hurt her more.

As I opened my front door, I heard the sound of car wheels peeling out of my driveway.

BPOV

I knew it was dangerous to cry while driving, but I couldn't help it. I was really looking forward to Edward coming home, and look what a mess it turned into! I let my tears fall freely. Edward and I rarely fight with each other, and we've never fought like this before. When he threw the word trust in my face, I was about to break down. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I trusted him with all my heart. In fact, I trust him more than I trust myself.

I finally arrived back home. After thanking Jessica for looking after Ryan while I was gone. I sat on the mattress that Ryan was currently drooling on, me deep in thought.

I knew why I was so hesitant about me telling Edward about Ryan. I was deciding whether to tell him the truth, that there was something weird going on, and I didn't get Ryan through a normal adoption process. I wanted to tell him the truth badly, but after I read the letter that came in the stroller, I had my doubts. What if, that by telling Edward, he would get involved in this whole unknown situation? What if it was dangerous? Could I live with the consequences of telling him? I was terrified enough myself.

After playing with Ryan to keep my mind off things, I started to reach for my phone to call Edward's cellphone. It went to his voice mail, as predicted. I didn't bother leaving a message, so I just hung up. Now he's avoiding MY phone calls, I laughed bitterly at myself. This is what it feels like to be so desperate for the person on the other end to pick up the phone. I threw my phone on the floor, just wanting to release my sorrow and anger. I heard the thunk! as it hit the ground, my heart feeling the exact same way as the sound.

My tears started falling again. I miss Edward so much! I rested my forehead on my bedroom window, and squeezed my eyes shut. I tried biting my lip to try and stop the tears, but in vain. I don't know how long I stood there for, but the words—more like sounds—Ryan was making behind me reminded me he needed attention.

Making sure Ryan was well-fed and tucked in, I began to wonder what I should do. I couldn't clean the house anymore, since I already did, because I thought I was going to bring Edward to my place to see Ryan today. I sighed, why did all my thoughts have to route back to Edward? I laid on my bed, and soon fell asleep.

xXx

The next few days went by in a blur. Edward and I still haven't gotten over our fight, and I was feeling miserable. We seemed fine to others, we talked when necessary, but hardly said anything to each other in private. Every time he turned my way, my heart would be beating like crazy; his eyes would pierce through me, and I would feel all giddy again. I felt like a teenager all over again.

We had a group meeting at lunch today. We sat in our usual seats, meaning Edward and I would have to sit next to each other. This is going to be torture! I thought to myself.

And it was.

During lunch, our arms would occasionally brush against each other's; I don't know if he did it on purpose, but when he did it for the third time, I was convinced it wasn't accidental. I decided to get back at him.

I pretended to drop my fork by accident, making it land near his feet. I said a quiet, "Sorry, " for interrupting the discussion at the table, and bent down to reach my fork. I made sure I was closer to Edward than needed when I reached down. I happen to remember a somebody likes the strawberry smell of my hair, I grinned evilly. I whipped my hair to the side, and brushed my hair down Edward's arm. I heard him hitch a breath.

Revenge was sweet.

When I returned back to the surface, I could feel Edward staring at the side of my face. I didn't dare to turn and look at him, because I knew I would melt under his gaze, and apologize first. No, he had to apologize before I did, I was not giving in that easily!

The meeting went smoothly after that, no more accidental brushes of our arms to my dismay. Suddenly, I thought of something that had to be brought up.

"Do you—" Edward and I spoke up at the same time.

"You go first." We said again in unison.

Everyone at the table laughed. Tyler said, " After all these months, you guys still agree by implication. No wonder you guys work together so well."

Mike Newton piped up, "Yeah, they go way back."

I did what I could do best—I blushed like crazy. I peeked at Edward out of the corner of my eye, he had a thoughtful look on his face. Suddenly, he changed back to his normal self.

"Yeah, just like you and somebody else go way back too, Newton. End of discussion, let's meet again next week." As Edward stood up, all eyes were fixed on him, hungry for details.

Mike paled. Edward grinned.

"For your information, people, no, I'm not saying anything else. You can start to breathe again, Mike."

Hmm, what did Edward see that got Mike so nervous? I'll have to be honest, I'm glad Mike found somebody at last, he has been hanging around like a lost puppy for a while.

As I was just finishing up my afternoon rounds, my for-hospital-use cell phone vibrated. After looking at the code, my face went white, and I hurried to the nearest stairs. One of my patients had just taken a turn for the worst.

EPOV

There is just so much to do! I should never have stayed away that long. I have a lot of stuff to catch up on, and I had to transfer some long-term patients back to my care. I always went home late these few days back; part of me wishing I wouldn't have to bump into Bella while I was putting away my stuff before heading home. Since we were categorized as "newbies", we only have locker-like things to put our stuff in. All of our lockers were placed in a huge room where there was also a place for us to rest and chat. Normally, by the time I dragged myself into the room, most of the doctors' would already have their doctors' gowns hung up outside their lockers.

Today, I was late getting out of the hospital as well. I walked into our rest area with Mike, hoping he would fill me in on the latest news. Not surprisingly, he told me every single person's gossip he has heard of, instead of every single patient's case he knew. As I opened my locker, I noticed the locker next to me is still missing its white gown. What is Bella still doing in the hospital?

I yelled to the other side of the room, "Hey Newton! Do you know why Bella's still on duty?"

I heard the creak of his locker door opening, and the sound of things rolling out and banging on the floor. "Ow! That one got my foot! Oh, yeah I do. She asked me to finish her afternoon rounds because she got a call."

"What call?"

Mike turned to face me, looking suspicious, "Hey, aren't you the one who she usually calls to take over her rounds if she's not able to finish it?"

"That's not important now. What call did she get?"

"A patient of hers went unstable this afternoon. I think they're still working on the patient."

I put my gown back on, and rushed out the door again. As doctors, we should be able to handle this type of situation. However, Bella is more sensitive, and she gets too close to patients for my liking. The last time her patient expired, she was quiet for a whole week, and threw herself into work. I had to constantly coax her and lend her a shoulder to cry on to get her to come out of it. Since then, every time one of her patient's conditions turned bad, I would have to pay close attention to her to make sure all of that doesn't happen again.

Why didn't she call me?

Right, we're fighting now. I certainly hope she lets me get close to her. I was tempted to give up the fight at noon today. With her so close yet seem so far away from me was like hell. And when her hair whipped into the air, I could smell the scent of strawberries I loved. I had to start reciting the first chapter in my medical textbook in my head to stop my hand from reaching out. The look on her face was so innocent after the I-accidentally-dropped-my-fork incident that I actually wanted to beg her to forgive me. Thank god Crowley and Newton decided to butt in.

I turned left on the fifth floor. After asking a nurse at the counter, I found out that Bella's patient, a thirteen-year-old girl had been moved to ICU. I ran back down the stairs. A few turns later, I saw Bella pacing in the halls. She didn't notice me yet, so I called her name softly when I walked nearer.

"Bella?"

She swiveled around, clearly surprised to see me.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice quivered.

"Well, I saw that you weren't off work yet, and I asked Newton about it. How's she doing?" I motioned to the patient's room.

"She's doing better than when I first got the call this afternoon, though still unstable. We've decided to keep her here for another day or two just to be sure. Her family is currently inside."

Family had been called in. It must have been a drastic change.

"Come here." I said quietly. I could tell she was a little hesitant, but gave in by making small steps towards me. I pulled her to my side. "It's going to be alright. You already said she's doing better, so think on the bright side, hon." The last word slipped out accidentally, I hope she wouldn't flinch or anything.

She didn't. Instead, she relaxed in my arms.

Suddenly, the door to the room creaked open. Bella and I jumped apart, with our hands stuck to our sides. I hope my face wasn't all flushed, I was suppose to look professional, and not like a lovesick teenager!

"Thank you for calling us, Dr. Swan. The nurse inside said our visiting hours are over, we'll be back tomorrow," said a woman in her thirties.

"No problem, Mrs. Clearwater. Do you have any questions?"

A man beside her, who I assumed was her husband, spoke up, "In fact we do, Dr. Swan and Dr.—" He looked at me.

"Dr. Cullen. I'm on the same medical team as Dr. Swan here. Why don't you close the door behind you, we don't want to wake your daughter up while talking out here."

After talking a while in the hallways, it seemed that Mr. and Mrs. Clearwater had a better idea of what kind of condition their daughter, Leah, is in. I excused myself from their conversation to check with one of the nurses to see how the patient is doing. I got positive results. Bella and I reassured the parents that their daughter is improving, and they shouldn't worry about it too much.

"Could we say a short goodbye to her again?" Mrs. Clearwater asked.

Bella answered, "Sure. But make it quick, or Dr. Cullen and I would get grilled by the nurses in ICU." All four of us walked into the room.

While the parents were murmuring comforting words to their daughter, I stood silently beside Bella. I wanted to hold her tight against me, but that wouldn't be wise. I settled for placing my hand on her shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze. Her head turned towards me, and the corners of her mouth lifted into a small smile. I smiled back.

"You're welcome." I whispered in her ear.

xXx

The next morning, I woke up with a silly grin on my face. It's a Saturday today, and I plan to put this day to perfect use. After my morning routine in the bathroom, I had a piece of toast and a cup of coffee before I headed out.

I hummed along to the radio and let my thoughts wander to Bella again. I always knew we were walking on a dangerously thin line between friends and lovers. But she never made the move to make our relationship clear, and I never pushed her. I was afraid that by forcing her into the unknown waters, she'd run away from me. I don't think I could handle without her in my life, and just these few days of not talking to each other had made me want to pull out my hair, take it all out on somebody, anything. I'm hoping I could clear up our relationship status soon, I don't think I could bear it anymore.

I stopped by a local store and purchased something. Although the cashier gave me a weird look as to why I bought the item, the only answer I gave her was, "For a friend," and I walked out the store happily.

Then, I drove in the direction of Bella's apartment.

A/N:

Well guys? What do you think?

I'm trying to write a little more about Bella and Edward before I have little Ryan come on the scene.

I've thought of two ways to write the next chapter, and if you guys are really good(meaning...lots of reviews),

I'll write it the way you guys would want to see...if not, then i think i'll leave Bella and Edward apart for a while longer ;P

REVIEW PLZ!

Thx a bunch for reading-

born2bmyself