If You Only Knew Chapter 5: First Words, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: i do not own any of the twilight characters

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BPOV

Aargh! There are times I don't like the job as a mom! I don't know what got into Ryan, but he's been crying endlessly for the last two days. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning to the sounds of him whimpering, again. I don't want to be strict with him, since he's been through a lot, but there are times I wonder if Ryan himself knows that he can get whatever he wants from me. I sighed, wondering how to fix this.

Because I've been SO busy with Ryan these days, I hardly had time to do the laundry, wash the pile of dishes threatening to topple over any second, and clean up the whole apartment. There were towels on the ground, pacifiers in the washing machine, and a pillow in the toilet. I have no idea how the latter got there; Ryan's been moving everything out of place. I spent thirty minutes trying to find my phone yesterday, only to find it in the bathtub.

I only had time to brush my teeth this morning; I had to tend to Ryan since I was afraid if he didn't stop screaming soon, my neighbors would call the cops. So my hair was a bird's nest, and I still had my pajamas on. Plus, on top of all that, I couldn't sleep well these few days either. There was a three-year-old kid living upstairs with his parents, and since his father was on a business trip for over a week already, he has been yelling "Daddy! Daddy! I want daddy!" for like the thousandth time last night. If I opened the windows to let the fresh air in during daytime, I would let the sounds of daddies float in too.

I went to retrieve the laundry, deciding to start from there. There was such a big load that I kept dropping socks and underwear along the way to the washing machine. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. And unsurprisingly, little Ryan started crying too. Great! Just great! I finally thought I was getting something done, and it seems that I've got to start all over again!

I stomped to the door, determined to give this visitor a good grilling and have whoever it is out my door in five seconds so I could go calm Ryan. With a grumpy look on my face, I opened the door to find Edward dressed casually in jeans and the green shirt that I liked a lot. At least someone seemed to be in a good mood today.

"Uh….I'm sorry to come at such an inconvenient time, but I was really hoping that we could talk this through? I'm tired of the fighting between us…." He fidgeted, and looked a little embarrassed.

I opened the door a bit further to let him in, and I closed the door behind him.

"Please, Edward, not right now. I've got a lot on my plate already, and I seriously don't want to top it all off with having you reminding me of our supposed fight. Can we talk about this some other time? Now is not a good time, I'm afraid." I know I spoke too harshly, and I haven't chosen my words carefully, but it was too late. I saw Edward flinch, and his eyes looked down at his feet like he'd been slapped in the face. His arms fell limp at his sides.

He was quiet for only a few seconds before he regained his posture and looked at me in the eye. He cleared his throat, "Of course, whatever's convenient with you. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, I know you're capable of handling things on your own, but can I do anything to help?" He asked hopefully.

Yes! You can start by giving me a hug and tell me everything's going to be alright! I said to myself. I let my walls down and said, "Thanks, it's nice of you for asking, I really appreciate it. I do. But I would hate to take up your time, because it's going to take a while. I mean, Ryan won't stop crying and I don't know why, I've been juggling time between home and work…and everything's in a mess….." I trailed off helplessly.

He stepped forward and gave me the hug that I had been wishing for since I saw him at my door. He stroked my hair gently, and I slipped my arms around him. The warm scent of his skin, cologne mixed with soap, flooded through my senses. I shut my eyes and rested my head against his cheek. I finally felt the calmness I haven't felt in days.

Edward said softly, "Why don't you go calm Ryan down? He's still crying, though it has died down a bit, I'll start cleaning up the rest of the apartment. Don't worry, Bella, everything will turn out fine."

Then I looked up. I clenched my teeth, fighting tears, battling away the overpowering surge of emotion that rolled over me. I should have known Edward would understand. He's being so calm and understanding about the whole thing, and what do I have to give him? Lies. Lies that can't be undone.

"What's wrong Bella?" His eyes searched mine.

I shook my head, "Nothing really. I'm just thinking what did I do to deserve such a considerable friend like you. All I've done is—"

He cut in, "Worry about one thing at a time, honey. And don't say that about yourself, I wouldn't be the Edward I am today if it weren't for you." He steered me towards my bedroom, "Go. We'll talk later." He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, and walked towards the kitchen.

I walked into my bedroom to find Ryan sprawled on the carpet, looking at me with hopeful eyes. I scooped him up and put him on the mattress. I went to change into something more appropriate, and ran a brush through my hair.

"You just want to play, don't cha? Here you go sweetheart." I took out his toys from a box I kept in the room. We played for a little while, and then I started tickling him. His giggles filled the air, and I realized I was laughing along with him too. I had an idea.

"Ryan sweetie, would you like to go meet somebody very, very special? I'm sure you'll like him lots, just like I do; he's a lot of fun to be with." Ryan moved his head to the side, and I took that as a yes, whatever it was supposed to mean anyway. I took him in my arms and turned towards the bedroom door.

I halted in my steps. The familiar blush was creeping back to my cheeks.

Edward was leaning casually against the bedroom door. He looked comfortable enough that I was tempted to ask him how long he had been there.

"I never knew eavesdropping could normally reveal such nice compliments." He grinned.

My face was crimson. "You could have alerted us of your presence."

Edward walked over to me and gently took Ryan out of my arms and into his, "Hey little guy, I'm sure we'd be great friends, just like Bella said." He turned to me and said goofily, "If I had, then I wouldn't know what a great guy I am!"

I smacked him on the arm, "In your dreams, Eddie."

"Remind me again why you are the only one I let get away with that nickname?"

"Easy, because you love me, big bro." I saw his face falter a bit after I said the sentence. Oh no! I shouldn't have said the L word! No wonder he felt awkward, but he knows I'm just kidding right?

"Yeah, I do…..sis," he shot back.

I decided to close this conversation, so I led them to the living room, since it was starting to feel weird enough we were both in the bedroom….talking. We sat on the couch, with Edward still holding Ryan. I turned to face the little kid, "Ryan, this is Edward. Do you know how to say Edward?"

Ryan started making sounds in his throat again, "D-d-"

Edward chuckled, "It's alright Ryan. I'll take 'd' for now."

"Why don't I let you guys bond a bit. I'm going to go get started on lunch." I started to stand.

"Oh no, you're busy enough the way you are. I wouldn't want to add to your loading." Edward insisted.

"It's no problem. I've got to make my lunch too. I'm only heating up some pasta, I've already got the sauce ready. Will you stay for lunch? We haven't talked in such a long time."

He nodded understandingly, "Ok, then. Thanks."

Before I walked out of the living room, I turned back to see Edward and Ryan sitting on the carpet. They were already laughing and talking together, more like gurgling on Ryan's behalf. I smiled to myself. It was then did I start to notice the tidiness of the living room, the toys that were scattered on the floor were put away, and my books were arranged on the shelves neatly. I went into the hallway. Sure enough, the laundry that was littered on the floor an hour ago was picked up. When I made my way into the kitchen, I almost cried.

All the dishes were washed and dried, the towels were lined up on the counter, but what captured my attention the most was the vase of fresh flowers sitting on my kitchen table. Beside it was a blue bag. I walked over to the table, realizing that this was probably the first day in days I haven't tripped on anything laying on the floor yet, and looked inside the bag to find a pack of baby biscuits. It was then did I notice that there was a card tucked inside the flowers, I withdrew it carefully,

You are the best: loving, thoughtful, and funny.

Remember that.

Edward

I blinked back tears. He always knew what to say.

After placing the biscuits, which I'm sure Ryan would love, in the cabinet, I started preparing lunch. I heated up the sauce, and cooked the pasta. Then I began chopping up some vegetables. A few minutes later, I had two plates of pasta ready with some vegetables on the top. I left a little portion of the vegetables still cooking on the stove to make it softer so I could mash it up for Ryan. Just as I was almost finished with boiling some bite-size pieces of potato for my little kid, I heard someone make a "Swoosh!" sound, and two people came laughing into the kitchen.

"We're on an airplane, Mommy! Aren't we Ryan?" Edward used his childish voice as if he was speaking for Ryan. Ryan squealed as Edward lifted him up and down in the air.

"Glad you're having fun boys! Why don't you go wash your hands and get ready for lunch?" Edward started leading Ryan, who was walking very slowly, towards the bathroom sink. After washing up, Edward put Ryan in his high chair and I fed Ryan some green vegetables and potatoes.

"Thanks for the flowers. They're beautiful. And I'm sure Ryan would love to get his teeth into the snack you brought."

"You're welcome. I thought Ryan might want something to munch on. As for the flowers, I felt your house and you needed some lightening up." He smiled warmly. "What's with all the 'daddy' yells coming from upstairs? Is the child left alone or something?"

"Nah, his dad is currently on the business trip, it's been going on for more than a week."

"Oh, that makes sense. Hey, why don't you start eating your lunch. I'll feed Ryan."

"Thanks, I'll go fill his bottle with milk now." And I handed Edward the small plastic bowl and the spoon.

After lunch, Edward insisted on washing the dishes for me, so I went to play with Ryan for a while. Edward and I put Ryan to bed when he seemed to be getting droopy. I retrieved two cups of coffee from the kitchen, and joined Edward in the living room.

"Ryan's cute. I'd be more than happy to look after him for you."

"That would be wonderful. Angela's great with Ryan too, but I'm starting to think Jessica is getting annoyed because I've been bothering her too many times."

"I love kids, so it'd be no problem at all." He hesitated, then said quietly, "I think we should talk about what's been bothering us, Bella."

"Yeah, we should."

There was silence between us. I decided to break the silence first.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I should've told you about Ryan from the very beginning, but I was afraid of what you might think. I'm sorry."

"I should apologize too. It's just that I was so surprised that I didn't think through what I was saying. The words came out harsher than intended."

"About the trust thing…" I started.

"It doesn't matter, I was angry, and I didn't mean it that way."

I fought back, "Yes, It does matter! I trust you completely, don't you for one second think I don't. It's just that I didn't know how to tell you about Ryan."

"And I trust you completely too. Promise me you won't keep secrets from me that will affect you in any way possible next time, alright? I am trustworthy enough, aren't I?" Edward joked.

I couldn't promise him that one. I didn't even know if I were in danger already. But I did answer one of his questions.

I whacked him on the head and giggled, "Sure you are."

EPOV

When I walked to Bella's door, I was full of confidence that I would get my question resolved once and for all. But when she opened the door, she was clearly in a bad mood. She was like one of those grizzlies who just got woken up, annoyed and grumpy. She was cute!

I offered to clean up the apartment for her though I was dying to see what Ryan looked like. I started in the living room, which seemed like the easiest one in the whole apartment. After I had put the last book on the shelf, I made a call to the local boutique for some flowers and rattled off Bella's address. Then, I rolled up my sleeves and started tackling the mountain of dishes. I started wondering how could she handle all of this? She has got to be overwhelmed! The flowers then got delivered.

After straightening everything up, I walked towards the bedroom. The door was slightly open, and I could hear voices coming from inside.

"The duckling said, 'You are the most beautiful swan in the world!' Then he flew away. Woosh!"

I was leaning casually on the doorpost, and I could see Bella fly a furry yellow duck over Ryan's head. Ryan giggled and tried reaching for the duck. Bella landed the duckling on Ryan's head for Ryan to reach.

Bella was a wonderful mom already. Ryan is so lucky to have Bella adopt him and love him.

Then I heard what made me grin widely, "Ryan sweetie, would you like to go meet somebody very, very special? I'm sure you'll like him lots, just like I do; he's a lot of fun to be with." The face when she turned around and saw me was priceless. I just had to tease her about it. I mean, we weren't being serious or anything at the moment, were we?

However, what she said in the end made me falter a bit. Big bro? That's all I am to her? I should have known not to take things too seriously. I was so stupid enough to think that she might have felt something for me. It was only the famous brother-sister-love.

Nevertheless, I still put on a happy face. When Ryan was trying to pronounce my name, I was so proud that I instantly forgot about the conversation Bella and I just had a minute ago. We had a nice lunch and I was glad we talked over our fight. Though something still troubled me.

She didn't answer my question. The one concerning her.

I let her go, pretending I didn't notice. I know it's hard to keep this kind of promise, but I just wanted to hear it anyway. I guess she didn't want to lie either.

"Hey Edward, could you watch Ryan for me? I got to run to the grocery store, my fridge is almost empty." Bella called from the kitchen. I was looking at some new books on Bella's shelves.

"Sure. Go ahead! We'll be fine."

"Thanks! Feel free to take anything you want; make yourself at home like you always do!" She emphasized the last part while walking out the front door. She sure has a good memory! Once I ate up a whole pack of cookies she had been wanting to eat for ages. When she came home and found out, she was practically chasing me all over the house with a frying pan in her hand. But come on! That was college! I guess we all know what's valuable in life!

I browsed through some of Bella's books, and settled with a historical fiction book. I was only into the second chapter when I heard Ryan crying. I threw the book down and almost tripped myself on the way to the bedroom.

"Shh, everything's ok, Ryan. Edward's here. Sshhh…." I took Ryan in my arms, rocking him back and forth, murmuring to him. I walked back to the living room holding Ryan. After a few more minutes of assuring the kid there's nothing to be afraid of, he was fast asleep again. I didn't want to put him back in his crib, in case he woke up the second I put him down. I was a bit drowsy myself, so I settled on the couch. The last thing I had on my mind before I fell asleep was—why does he look so much like Bella?

xXx

I awoke to two chubby hands slapping my cheek. What the….? I looked down to see Ryan wide awake, swinging his arms at my face.

"Hey little fella, you awake and decided to have a swing at me? I'm gonna come get you!" I startled tickling him and that sent him in a fit of laughter.

"D—d—" He tried saying my name.

"That's right, Ed—ward. Can you say that?"

After a few more tries, I gave up and tried teaching him how to pronounce "mommy" instead. He was able to make the "m" sound, but nothing more.

"I'm home!" I heard Bella call from the hallway. I scooped Ryan up to go meet her.

"Mm-! Mmm-!" Ryan was trying again.

I saw Bella melt after she heard Ryan pronouncing the letter. "That's right honey. Mom—my." I made a gesture to take Bella's bags from her so she could hold Ryan. She passed them over more than willingly.

"We were having a guy-talk while Bella was gone, weren't we Ryan?" Then I asked in a low voice, "You did want Ryan to call you mommy right? Because that's what I taught him."

"Yeah, I kind of do. But sometimes I wonder if he'll hate me for making him call me mommy when he grows up and learns of the truth?" Bella replied worryingly.

"That's his decision then. He could decide for himself when he grows up. For now, you're the closest person he has for family. You're the mommy." I kissed both Ryan's and Bella's foreheads. "I'm going to go put these groceries away. Want to order me where to put all this stuff from a chair?" I offered, seeing Ryan have a sudden interest in Bella's hair.

She smiled, "That would be great."

We went into the kitchen together. I took something out of the bag, "So where do you want this…..whatever this is?"

She glanced up for a second and said, "In the top shelf."

I placed it in the shelf.

"Oh, I really don't think we should put it together with the bread. I might be having trouble swallowing my breakfast tomorrow because of the smell from those contents. Place it in a container and put it in the fridge, would you?"

After rummaging around, I dug out a container from the cabinet. I had to put everything back in the cabinet after digging the one and only container out. Just as I was about to close the fridge, Bella spoke up again, "No! You can't put it on the bottom shelf! That's where I put the vegetables."

After the fifth move, I narrowed my eyes. She was doing this intentionally. I stuffed the container into whatever shelf in the fridge, just not the bottom one, and walked over to Bella. She had Ryan standing on her knees, and that way, Ryan made the best cover-up for her face. I looked down at her and tweaked her chin. "That was underhanded."

"You were the one buying it."

She was grinning widely. I chuckled. No lady except for Bella had the nerve to try a practical joke on me. They were always saying yes to whatever I said, and it made me sick.

We put the rest of the grocery away in peace.

xXx

By Wednesday, we had established a routine. Angela would look after Ryan during daytime, which wasn't much trouble since Bella would've fed him breakfast before she left for work. It was usually Angela, but sometimes other colleagues on our team helped as well. They only had to feed Ryan lunch, which was already prepared and sitting in the fridge as well, and get him to take a nap. I would head over to Bella's after I took a shower at my place. Sometimes I brought dinner with me, other times Bella cooked. I had work set up at Bella's apartment since I spent a majority of time over there. We would take turns watching Ryan while the other got work done.

The time I liked the most was when Ryan was in bed, and it was just Bella and I having our night conversations on the couch. We talked about everything, from cases at work to what progress Ryan made today. I would leave reluctantly for my place after those talks, since we both thought it was for the best. I mean, what would the neighbors think if I had slept over at Bella's place when our relationship status was only "good friends"? And I don't even want to think about the gossip that would be brewing in the hospital. Take Mike Newton for example, even male doctors yap around like old women.

The next day after work, I drove over to Bella's first to look after Ryan because Bella wanted to order something from a new Chinese restaurant along the way. I thanked Jessica for her help after I got in, and went in search of Ryan.

"Hey sweetie, how was your day? Did you have fun with Jessica?" I cuddled the little boy. I took him to the living room, which had officially turned into his playroom, to play while we waited for Bella.

"Vvroomm!" He pushed a truck around me while I was finding another car in his box to play with him. I crawled on my knees while I navigated the small car with my hands, leaving a trail on the carpet. Ryan chased after me with his truck.

"Dada!" Ryan squealed.

I froze. He just said his first word!

I turned around to look at Ryan, his face shining with happiness. When I looked up from his face, I noticed somebody standing in the entry of the living room.

Bella.

Before I could react, she turned around and walked quickly into the hallway as if she was keeping me from seeing expression.

But not before I saw a tear run down her cheek.

A/N:

Uh-oh...what happened in the end? What's wrong with Bella?

{grins evilly} Guess you guys would have to wait until the next chapter!

This chapter has got to be my longest chapter yet.^^

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Luv ya guys,

born2bmyself