Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

-From the point of view of Sakura.-

I collapsed face first onto the table, sick of hearing about the masked Tobi, who had apparently gone missing.

"Sakura, Wake up, Uhn!"

"Yes, Sakura. This is serious." Pein grumbled, glaring me down.

"Fuck you..I dunno where he went." I growled, rubbing my eyes. Did they not realize that I didn't wanna talk? I wanted to go to god damned bed. It was three in the afternoon on a saturday! This was my bed time, damn it.

Kakuzu sat across from me and next to Itachi, purple extensions in his hair.

"He's been gone for awhile, we all want to blow it off but what If a enemy-nin got him? He could tell them were we are."

I looked down and huffed angrily. Fuckin' Tobi.. "Did you guys check the mailbox?"

"Yeah, Uhn! He wasn't there!"

"And Kisame, you promise you didn't try to send him through the post office to antartica?"

Kisame nodded solemnly, reminded of what happened last time he tried that. Long story short, I ended up pulling a scared and wet Tobi out of a box with serious hypothermia, and a broom pole out of Kisame's ass (literally) after Deidara got done with him. Sure, Deidara picked on Tobi all the time, but he still loved the boy like a brother. Only he could mess with Tobi. The splinters that dwelled deep inside of Kisame's ass proved that point.

Deidara paced back and forth in front of the table like a worried mother.

And that;s when I noticed it.

"Wheres Hidan?"

Kakuzu looked around the room in surprise and got out of his chair. "I thought he was here, he came down with me I swear!"

Pain's ringed eyes narrowed and he sent Kisame and Kakuzu too look for Hidan around the house, before returning his gaze too me and Deidara.

"Are you positive you don't know anything that could lead us to a clue too where they are?"

I nodded, rubbing my sleep-encrusted eyes, and I assumed that Deidara did the same because Pan gave us one last look before walking off.

"We'll tell you if we see anything."

Deidara clenched his fist and plopped into a free chair on the right of me, huffing angrily and muttering.

"Calm down Dei, he said they were looking." I yawned.

"No one cares about Tobi!, Uhn. You know they don't!"

"Calm downnn!" I really wanted to go back to bed, and Deidara's bitching wasn't helping. "I'm sure he just got lost in the woods or something."

Oops.

"Woods? WOODS! Tobi is retarded damn it, he could die!"

I clapped my hands over my ears and fell asleep sitting up in the kitchen, Deidara's screaming being blocked out by my hands, something I was used to doing. Thank god for hands..if I was born armless, I'd have kill myself long ago..Somehow.. Dunno how to kill yourself when you have no arms.

I awoke when my hand slid off of my ear and onto my lap, the impact waking me up. Deidara was still freaking out, but to the other members Zetsu, Kisame and Itachi.(Thank god)

"..Prolly dead, Uhn!"

"Good morning, Sakura. Or should I say night."

I looked out the window and saw that it was indeed nightfall, and that the moon hung high in the sky.

"Nnhh..Night."

Itachi turned my way and opened his mouth, about to say something.. but the front door slammed open revealing Tobi and Hidan.

And what a sight it was..

Tobi's arm hung around Hidans shoulder, and nothing was noticably strange at first glance. But once you looked for more than two seconds, you'd see that Hidan was dressed in a french maid outfit. And then you'd see Tobi's long dreadlocks, rainbow headband and the peace sign painted on his mask, his robe missing and himself shirtless.

"Heyyyy mutha fuckas!" Hidan let go of Tobi, throwing his hands in the air like a gangster..which told us he was stoned as hell. He always acted gangster when he was high. The Maid outfit..now that was the real mystery.

Tobi wobbled a bit, before moving his feet around like he wasn't sure if he knew how to stand.

"Keep it calm, man. We're all cool here, all cool." His voice was low as jack-SHIT! It was like a black dudes voice, and I doubted it was even Tobi! And apparently so did Deidara.

"What the fuck Tobi, Uhn!"

Tobi turned his way, slowly.

"Who?"

"Your Tobi, damnitt!"

"We're all connected some ways man, no one has a real name, Man. But you can call me Moonflower, Man."

Deidara hit the ground with the thunk, foot twitching and his hair spread all around him. It had fallen out of it's pony tail.

"He needs to chill, Hidan my main man."

Hidan and Tobi knocked fists.

"He's just a bit too fuckin' wound, Moonflower."

I don't know if Zetsu was squinting over and over again or if each person's eye was twitching, but it looked strange as hell. Itachi stood emotionless as usual, while Kisame just stared in a dumbfounded fashion.

Tobi's eye landed on me and he walked over, Hidan following, walking in a gay sort of way with his hips swinging from side to side.

"Hey. I'm moonflower."

"And I'm Hidan."

I scooted back away from them slightly as Hidan smiled and Tobi's peace sign mask stared at me.

"Uuh...Thats great...I'm, uhm...Marcy?"

Itachi cocked an eyebrow at me and left, ditching me with the high idiots. Why did I always have to deal with the high ones? I looked to Kisame, hoping for support, but all I got was the same dead stare.

"So..Bay-bah. Wanna chill in my fuckin' crib tonight?" Hidan raised a white eyebrow and attempted to push his chest out a bit in the dress. Did I fucking look like a guy to him or something?

"Uuh.."

Hidan got closer and I started to scoot back again in my chair, but 'Moonflower' stood between us.

"Look man, if she doesn't want to join you in a love making ritual then don't go all liberal on us man. Be cool, man."

I was starting to get a headache at Tobi's constant useage of man, worse headaches than listening to Deidara's uhns and yeahs all the time.

"Mannnn... That green dude is just..man.."

That was it.

My fist connected with Tobi's face and he flew into Hidan, and they both landed right smack into the fridge. Hpefullly they passed out though, so I wouldn't have to baby sit them. The perfect chance to sleep without a nasty surprise from Pein. But alas, they got back up giggling.

But oh no..the night got worse.

The wall crumbled, and in the rubble stood Kakashi, Naruto, Sai and Ino, an ink elephant that had just hit the wall splashing back into a puddle of black.

"Oh god! Sakura we found you! Are you okay!" Naruto yelled, waving his hands around in the airwildly, oblivious to the fact that everyone was staring at Hidan and Tobi.

Sai stared at Hidan in a disturbed sort of way, kind of like ' And here I thought Naruto was gay ' way.

"Yo, Home skillet. The fuck you lookin at?" Hidan tilted his nose up and pulled down his skirt a bit, while Tobi spaced out."Moon flower, this bitch is checkin' me out."

'Moonflower' didn't answer, but Kakashi did utter a what the hell in the silence along with a few amens from the rest of Team kakashi.

I slapped my hand onto my forehead. The worst fuckin' time to be high..

"Moonflower? Answer me, bitch!"

Tobi shook his head, dreadlocks bouncing.

"Sorry man, but I had a vision man."

"Oh shit, homie-m. The fuck was it about?"

"It was trippin' man.."

Team Kakashi lowered their kunais and weapons slightly, put off by the fact that they were being ignored and I slumped in my chair, hanging my head.

"Freakin' idiots.."

Deidara sat up slowly, Zetsu staying still and still squint/twitching.

"Erh..head hurts.." He looked around, eyes half closed. "Sakuraaaa-Chan..do your thingggg.."

Was he fucking stupid? No, I'm sorry wait. They all were stupid!

"Do you not see the damn enemies over there?"

Deidara's eyes snapped open wide and Zetsu finally turned to face her.

"No!"

Their movement caught Team Kakashi's eyes while Tobi and Hidan argued about his 'vision' and Ino gasped when she saw Deidara, hand over her own mouth.

Their hair..

Sai looked back and forth between them countless times, before yelling that they must have been related. This of course, made Deidara mad that a girl looked like him.

And of course, when a man gets mad like Deidara, things must explode.

I was smart enough to run away the first second he got that manic look, and crawl into an underground safe where Kisame kept all his porn under the sink. But not the rest, and alas the Akatsuki and Team Kakashi died in a huge explosion. And so I sat in the underground safe, watching old porn movies and eating out of Kisame's cheeto stash until I ran out of porn and food to have to leave.

Yes, I bet your wondering why I decided to stay there, and live there.

Well, as you can see, I had my fill of men enough for my whole entire life. Porn is much better, like Kisame said. And now that those dumb asses were all dead, I was free.

I sat on the couch that was already in the room, watching an elf make love to a leperchaun. (Who knew that blue guy was into this kind of shit?) Life was good, no men, no responsibilities, no relentless stalkers from the leaf.

Life was really good.

"Pass the cheetos, Man."

"Yeah sure." I dropped the chips into Tobi's hands, but the bowl fell right through his body and my head snapped up to see him on the couch.

"Hello, man."

I hadn't thought of ghost men.. how the fuck did you get rid of THAT?

A wicked smile creeped across my lips and the still high ghost Tobi looked a bit scared.

"Goodbye, Moonflower." I picked up the phone. "Hello, Ghostbusters?"