If You Only Knew Chapter 11: Terrified of You and Worried About You, a twilight fanfic

.: disclaimer :. I don't own the twilight characters

EPOV

312

It was our emergency code. Whenever one of us is in great need of the other, we send the code. When the other person receives it, we drop whatever we're doing immediately and call back. This special way of communication is only known between us; since we feel that sometimes when things are really desperate, words can hardly be formed from our mouths. Instead, we send the signal and "comfort" comes as soon as possible. Everything else can wait until the other person arrives to provide some form of assurance.

Usually, no further questions are asked when the receiver calls, except for the most important two, "When? Where?" In other words, "Name the time and place and I'll be right there." If the situation is so serious that the person can't speak, we'd find ways to find out where that person is anyway. And until present day, I could count the number of times she sent the code with one hand.

She was in serious trouble, or she wouldn't call me for help in midst of our fight. Right, we were still fighting, but that's the last thing on my mind at the moment. I immediately reacted.

I speed-dialed Bella's number, and I waited until her voice mail picked up. Weird, how come she sends the emergency code but doesn't answer her phone? I redialed again.

...Leave your message after the beep. *BEEP!*

I tried again. And got the same results. I hope she wasn't hurt or anything, if she was, she knew she had to call for cops or an ambulance first. I thought we went over that rule already! We could only be there for each other for emotional help, if hurt physically, call for professional help firsthand. We had reinforced that rule after that time Bella got followed by a drunken man. She had forgotten to call the cops before texted me first. Since I knew where she was that night, I didn't call her back, instead, I sped along the same route she would've been taking, hoping to find her somewhere. When I did find her, she had already fainted and the man was getting to her—

I blinked back, trying to focus and shivered. Now wasn't the time to recall the memories, I had to concentrate on the issue at hand.

I thought grimly, she wasn't going to like what I was going to be doing next, but I couldn't come up with any other better plans.

I dialed Angela's number.

No answer. What is it with people not picking up their phones today? I hung up and started pacing the room. I know she didn't want anybody else knowing about it when she sent the emergency codes, because she would be ashamed of herself if something embarrassing happened. Embarrassing as in a stranger "taking advantage" of her—her exact words. She wouldn't know how to explain to others, and she would definitely not want everyone pitying her.

If I started calling other people to find out her whereabouts, would she be mad at me? But I was really worried about her. I closed my eyes for a second and came to a decision.

Safety first. I'll take things from there.

Then, I checked Ben's number in my cellphone and called him using the house phone. I wanted to leave my cellphone available for Bella if she decided to call back. The house phone rang two times before I heard a, "Hello?" at the other end. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Hey Ben, is Bella with Angela?" I asked in what seemed like a calm voice to me.

"No. But they met up this afternoon, I think. What's wrong? You sound….worried." Ben said slowly.

So I didn't mask my voice all that well. "Um…I'm trying to find Bella now, but she's not answering her phone. Neither did Angela. Does Angela know where Bella is now?" I asked hopefully.

"Eh….I'm not sure why Angela didn't pick up, she's not with me now. Angela probably didn't hear her phone. But Ang did look pretty mad and disappointed when she and I went out for dinner today. And no, I don't know what happened between those two because Angela wouldn't say a word about it." Ben added at the end.

"Oh, thanks then."

"Sorry I couldn't be of help. I'll call Angela for you, and I'll ring if I have any news. Good luck on finding Bella."

"I'll be needing it. Thanks again." And we ended our conversation. I debated on whether I should wait for Ben's call or phone somebody else. However, what I really wanted to do was drive outside and find her.

I shot that idea down a few seconds after I thought of it. One, I didn't know where to go and find her. Besides what if she decided to come back home and I wasn't here? Two, what about Ryan? Well, I could call Ben and have him look after Ryan for me while I went out, but that would lead me back to problem number one.

I checked the clock again. It was past ten-thirty.

I racked my brain for any idea where she might be. Our favorite coffee shop? The hospital? This wasn't helping at all! I slammed my fist on the counter. Why did I have to fight back? If I just went along with her, maybe she would've gotten all her anger out and stayed at home. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut this one time, could I? I miss her, and I'd feel guilty with myself forever if anything happened to her. My hands curled into fists, and my whole body was shaking, from anger or fear I did not know. I shut my eyes and let my mind beat myself up for what I had caused.

The shrilling of my cellphone made me jump, startled.

My left hand gripped the side of the counter hard, and my right hand reached out for the phone shakily. I snatched it from the counter and scanned the caller ID quickly.

It was Ben.

"Hello?"

"Hey Edw—God you sound like hell! Listen, Angela wasn't willing to say much about her afternoon with Bella, but from what she told me, which was hardly anything helpful at all, Angela's pretty angry at you."

"What did she say to you?" I asked, dreading his answer.

"'Tell him to find her himself.' Her exact words." Ben replied. "What'd you do to make Bella that mad?" He asked jokingly.

"Ben, you don't understand, Bella's in trouble NOW! I really need to know where I can find her." I blurted out frantically. I was pacing back and forth between the doorway to the kitchen and the front door.

There was silence on the other end for three seconds. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know! And Angela didn't either, she thought you were trying to apologize for your fight. I'll get Angela to call you—" Ben's voice was interrupted by the unlocking of the door to my left.

I halted my steps. "No, it's alright. I think she's back." With that, I dropped down the hand that was holding my phone, and pressed the "end of call" button without waiting for Ben's answer.

The door opened.

BPOV

I walked to my door, fishing for the keys in my bag. A pacifier, one of Ryan's socks, a used tissue…where were my keys? I've got so much stuff in here, and most of it belongs to Ryan. I finally touched something cold. Got it!

I wiped the last of my tear streaks on my face with the back of my sleeves, and covered the sides of my face with my hair. I knew Edward was still in my apartment, he wouldn't leave Ryan alone by himself even though he was mad at me. He was probably still angry at what I did and I was determined not to let him see my weak side.

I put on a straight face and unlocked the door. As I stepped through the door, I kept my face down, hoping my hair could cover my face the best it could. I collided into something—or rather someone, looked up, and froze.

"What happened?" He jerked me out of the doorway and kicked the door closed.

"I went out for a drive." I said, trying not to stammer. It was obvious something was wrong. Edward was tense and terse, not from anger, but more like he was…..protecting me? I shook the thought away from my head.

"Then why did you—" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he shook his head and reached in my bag to grab my cellphone, which he found faster than I thought. I craned my neck to see what he was looking for in my phone, and when my screen lighted up, there was a small pop-up window indicating, "Message Sent."

What? I never sent anything! I started thinking back to the last time I used my phone.

*Flashback*

I was so angry that I drove on without thinking. All I wanted was to step on that gas pedal and get away from the neighborhood as fast as I could. My phone rang. I figured the caller would hang up if I didn't pick up after a few rings. But to my dismay, the caller just called again.

"Leave me alone." I muttered under my breath. I reached for my phone and checked the caller ID. It read, "Angela". I waited it out this time, and when my phone stopped singing, I turned it to silent, not even bothering to let it vibrate when other calls came in. I just wanted some peace and quiet right now.

I have never driven this fast, my friends usually tease me for my "safe" driving, but this was one of the times I actually liked the speed. I sped along the highway, and got off when I felt like it. I drove aimlessly, stopping finally at a parking lot with no cars. I gripped my hands on the steering wheel tightly, and let my head rest on my hands.

"Why?" I moaned. "Why now?" I desperately wanted to talk to someone, and though I spoke with Angela a few hours ago, it wasn't much help. I knew that there was someone that could always make me feel better, but that someone was currently the reason to my problems now.

I scrolled down the two front windows, letting the cool air wash in, and turned off the engine. I let my head rest on the headrest on my seat, and closed my eyes. What am I suppose to do now? How was I suppose to face Edward? I was disappointed, sad, but mostly, angry. How dare he say that to me? I suddenly had the urge to erase all my connections with him, so I pulled out my cellphone and found the page I was looking for—Drafts in the Text Messaging section. Edward and I always made sure the other person had an emergency code text ready in the folder in each others' phones for sending.

312

911 is 3 numbers with 1 meaning between 2 people. His words rang out loud and clear.

If he doesn't care about me, what's the point of this code anyway? I thought bitterly. I opened up the options page, but I just couldn't bring myself to delete the text. My fingers were shaking so hard that I gave up and threw my phone back into my bag, and buried it underneath all the stuff that was in it. I tried zipping my bag up, which was threatening to explode, and finally succeeded in the end. I would just have to settle for not seeing my cellphone for the moment.

I was overwhelmed by the emotions. But I couldn't find any way to release it. I tried yelling, screaming, and even punching my seat, but I didn't feel any better. I let my thoughts wander off by themselves. Images flooded my mind.

Edward giving Ryan an airplane ride on his shoulders in the living room. Edward and I laughing together. Ryan and I giggling at the funny faces Edward was making….

The tears finally pooled over.

*End of Flashback*

I must've pressed the send button by accident while I was stuffing my phone away in my bag. I realized.

Edward threw my phone on the counter. It skidded to a stop when it hit the wall. "You nearly gave me a heart attack. You weren't answering my calls."

"I'm sorry! I forgot to—"

Edward kissed me hard, stopping my apology.

I went from being angry to being unable to think properly in the blink of an eye. This was absolutely heaven! I felt my heart leap in delight and recognized joy. My hands came up on their own to curl around his neck as I leaned in against him.

He pulled back a little to breathe again. "Don't get the wrong idea, I don't mind false alarms. I just didn't know where you were."

I blinked, still rolling with the shock of the delightful, unexpected kiss. His green eyes were caring and warm, the fury that was in them a few hours ago was nowhere to be seen. I could still feel him breathing. I should be feeling embarrassed, I mean, this was my best friend I was kissing!

But, I finally felt safe.

I found that being held in the shelter of his arms was absolutely wonderful. I looked ruefully at the fact but for my bag that was squashed between us, there was no space separating us. I could feel the blush already starting. "Now you do."

Edward looked at me for a moment, then took my bag off my arm and dropped it to the ground. "Come here," he said softly. He gave me a moment to decide and then pulled me close when he realized I was frozen in shock and was unable to move.

This kiss lasted long enough for me to close my eyes and get lost in the wonder of it.

Edward ended the kiss and rested his forehead against mine. We stood that way, silent, absorbing the moment. I had no desire at all to come back to reality and move myself. He finally eased back half a step, and turned me toward the hallway. "You need to wash up."

I didn't want this moment to end. "Are you staying for a while?"

He looked at his feet. "You need to get some rest."

No! He wasn't going to run away again, was he? I thought frantically. I looked up at him, and realized he was already looking at me softly. He gave me a small smile as he brushed back my hair to the sides. "I'm not avoiding it again."

"Then stay." I pleaded.

Edward chuckled. "If you aren't going to be hiding your yawns, we'll talk," he promised, to my delight.

I scrambled off to the hallway then tiptoed into my room. I changed clothes quickly and went into the bathroom.

"Oh God….he did not see me like this." I groaned to the mirror. My hair was sticking out in different directions, and my make-up was blotchy, which meant you could see the trails my tears went down on. I cleaned myself up as fast as I could, scared that if I took a minute longer, Edward would change his mind and run away.

I went to Ryan's crib. "Sorry I haven't been the greatest mom, little buddy." I caressed his forehead lightly. I took one last look at him, and walked to the living room.

I sat beside Edward with a little space between us, because now that the moment's gone, it felt kind of awkward. "So…." I started.

"Let's start with where you've been first." Edward said reassuringly.

"After our….fight, I called Angela and told her I was going to her place." He nodded.

I continued, "I didn't really say much about what our fight was about. I was sobbing and hiccupping so hard that Angela could hardly make out what I was saying."

"But she did know that the reason was me." He said quietly.

"Yeah, your name might've slipped out sometime." I said sheepishly. He chuckled.

"And then?"

"Angela waited until I calmed down a bit, though I was still pretty upset at that time. She thought that I at least could cry my eyes out so I wouldn't be crying and driving at the same time. Then, I drove on. I stopped at this place for a while, and came back when it was getting late. I kind of lost track of time."

"You really had me worried. Please don't do that again." I gazed at him, and was shocked at what I saw. There was hurt and worry in his eyes. And he looked extremely tired and exhausted.

But something didn't feel right, and I thought hard about it. My head shot up, "How come you knew I had talked to Angela?"

He looked guilty at me. "I couldn't reach you after you sent the emergency code by accident. So I called Angela and Ben to see if they knew where you were."

"Did you tell them what happened?" I asked.

"No, I just said I had to find you immediately. Angela was actually avoiding my calls."

"Sounds like something Angela would do alright." I agreed.

We both looked away from each other, and stared into the empty space in front of us. We knew what was coming up ahead, and I was tempted to bolt from the room. But I wanted to know how he felt about us. And he needed to hear about my part about the two of us, too.

He sighed. "We should get to the point, shouldn't we?"

"Yeah…we should."

There was silence again. Just speak up, girl! If neither of you are going to open your mouths, you'd never get past it! I took a deep breath, and gathered up my courage. The result was, my heart spoke for my mind instead.

"So are we….um, you know…what exactly are we now?" I asked in a small voice.

What's Edward's answer going to be? Are they boyfriend and girlfriend, or just friends?

Til next time then!

A/N:

Sorry this was such a short chapter, but I'm busy this week, and if I don't update today, I'd be updating next week.

And you guys probably wouldn't like the long wait, so yeah...

Anywayz, like I always say,

PLZ LEAVE A REVIEW! They are very much loved!

Thanks again!

born2bmyself 2010.07.22