The quiet jingling of the rings upon his staff helped soothe his mind, the steady crunching of his feet on the leaves below helping to distract him from the pain within his heart. He was determined to connect with her, to get answers that they all needed. He had to. Even now as he walked the lonesome path within the forest, his mind flashed with images of his beloved. Her tears, her cries, the feel of her beaten body shuddering with her heart wrenching sobs. He needed to speak to Kagome, so he could get the answers Sango so desperately needed. So she could move on. If she even could move on. She had suffered so much, and to lose her sister, to lose Kagome like that was the final push she needed to send her over the edge. Miroku's step faltered as memories of Sango's breakdown screamed behind his weary eyes.
"Even if I cannot gain answers for Sango, I can at least put my own heart at ease so I can focus everything I have on helping her heal and move on. Like this I am no use to her. My own grief stops me from giving her the comfort she needs and wants, whether she admits it or not."
Settling himself down at the base of a tree, the Houshi drew in calming breaths to ease himself into the meditive state. He could feel his soul leave his body behind as he travelled through to the realm where souls awaiting the next journey into the afterlife waited. As he opened his eyes, a flash of anger flared within his heart but at the sadness and agony that swam within her orbs, it melted away.
"I knew you would come" she said, with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I've been waiting as long as I can, hoping you'd come."
His mouth opened but nothing came. It was too surreal. Not long ago their mismatched group was sitting around a fire, all delighting in what they hoped to achieve after Naraku was defeated.
But now… Now nothing was going to be the same again. All their hoped and dreams were crushed. All because of the girl before him.
"Wh-"
"Do you hate me?" she asked, stunning the Houshi into horrified silence "I mean I don't blame you if you d-"
"Stop it, Kagome" came the saddened reply.
The girl's response was to lower her head and ball her tiny hands into fists. Miroku's shoulders slumped at her defeated stance. He had every intention of connecting with their fallen miko and scream at her until all the hurt in his chest was nothing more than a dull ache but seeing her now, knowing that this really would be the last time he ever would, he couldn't bring himself to even scold her. Suppressing a sigh he rubbed the bridge of his nose, a sign that he was troubled.
"I didn't want to leave you all" Kagome whispered, causing Miroku to glare at her, the only way he could express how very angry and hurt he was. She could practically hear his remark in the way his eyes bore holes in her head. If you didn't want to leave, why did you? "Would it make any difference if I said I didn't have a choice?"
The scoff she received said more than a thousand words ever could. It made her insides squirm and her heart shatter that tiny bit more, reducing what little she had left to dust.
"There is always a choice, Kagome. But by all means, explain"
Hugging her arms around her middle, she gave a hollow laugh. "Not always. Be it how it happened or later on, I would have had to leave. At least this way I was able to save him in the process." She said, a small sad smile gracing her lips.
Miroku's staff jingled lightly as he clenched it tightly, knowing that if it were not for his staff, he would have fallen to his knees in sheer agony. His heart was thumping painfully within his chest. In his mind he could see all his dreams of the future smash, like shattered glass. Their lives where forever affected by a mere mortals choice. Not wanting to waste what little time he knew he had, Miroku forced his closed throat to expel the words he needed to say.
"No one would have made you leave, Kagome. We wanted you to stay with us. Always."
"Arigato, Miroku." She smiled a genuine smile that brought tears to the Houshi's eyes "It's nice to hear that. But it wasn't to be that way. I have done what was planned for me. My role in life is over. I was never fated to stay in the feudal era, let alone return to my time. There is nothing else for me to d-"
"I see." Miroku said his voice flat and void of emotion. Kagome flinched and realised that her dear friend had taken it in a way she didn't mean. Just because there was nothing left planned for her from the Kami, didn't mean that she didn't have her own plans and wishes. She wanted to marry, have children, be a part of those she loves' lives!
"Miroku please, I didn't mean it like that!" she cried, her hand reaching out to touch him, but fell limply to her side at his downcast gaze.
"We would have figured out a way to help you stay. You could have given us the chance to at least try, Kagome. All this pain, it could have been avoided if only you'd have given us the chance to try." His voice pleaded with her, the tiniest hint of hope that latched onto his words, which lulled her into a false sense of security and shame that she should have fought to choose another way.
"I-"
Midoriko's voice swam in her head and she realised that there really was nothing her friends could have done. After she had said her goodbye to Inuyasha, Midoriko had told her of what was meant to happen, when she had questioned her unfair fate, that Inuyasha was meant to die in the final battle with Naraku and that she would just disappear, her soul to be taken from the land of the living once its use had become no more. No one would remember the girl from the future, just a miko that helped defeat a great evil. She would have been wiped from their lives forever. Their past, present and future. But the Kami, out of kindness and for all she had sacrificed, had granted her a chance to change that outcome. A chance to save her Hanyou and leave in an honourable way, that would forever be remembered in the hearts of her loved ones and the minds of those that followed.
"I had to! I couldn't let them take him… They could have me, just not him. Never him."
Her sparkling orbs begged Miroku to understand. There were some things that she could not share with her friends. Miroku was a wise and intelligent man. She hoped, with everything she was, that with a little guidance he would figure it out on his own. Surely the monk knew enough of Kagome that he knew she would do anything to save one of their rag tag group? She could only hope. A tugging at the back of her mind alerted her to her impending exit. Crossing the space between them, the little Miko wrapped her arms around Miroku's waist, pressing her face into his robes and inhaling his scent. Incense and ink. Odd yet very comforting.
"Please, please understand, Miroku. If there was a way to stay with you all, I would have found it. You believe me, right?"
Crushing her small frame to his, Miroku buried his nose in her soft locks, tears escaping his clenched eyes, while his teeth ground together. Her pleading tones scratched themselves against his brain, closing his throat against the onslaught of words that tried to escape. Nodding his head, he squeezed her tight. Pushing herself away and using the heel of her palm to wipe the tears away, Kagome gave him a watery smile.
"Thank you, Miroku. Take care of Sango; she needs you more now than ever. Please tell her I'm sorry, that I didn't mean to hurt her. And give Shippo a big hug and say I love him. Tell Inu-" her breath caught and the flood gates opened, fat tears ran down her cheeks and her fist clenched against her heart "Tell him that if I see him anytime soon, I'll kill him myself." She laughed, though it was sad and somewhat hollow "He's got so much left to do. He needs to understand that I just can't be a part of that." Kagome finished, a gentle breeze curling her hair and clothes. Looking behind her, as if she could see or hear something the Houshi could not, the Miko girl gave him another pleading look "My time really is up. Please don't forget me and know that I will always love you guys. Always. It may not seem like it at the moment, but things will get better, I promise."
With a final smile, Kagome disappeared. Miroku signed and opened his eyes. He had been gone longer than he thought, the sun now disappearing behind the tree line that surrounded him. His head rang clear with Kagome's words and he had to admit, although the pain was there, it had lessened some becoming bearable. Climbing to his feet and brushing off the dirt from his robes, Miroku turned and headed for his Taijiya. He could already tell that Kagome's words would help heal his beloved, and he truly believed that things would get better, just like Kagome had said. She was not one to lie, and he took her words and stored them in his heart.
Now he just had to make Inuyasha understand that...
Please dont rant at how long its been, i know and im sorry! On better news... Yay i've updated! Lol and even better news this story is being made into a comic! I will add a link once its up on my bio! So get reviewing!
