Felicity was drunk.
Like really, really drunk.
She wasn't entirely sure how that had happened really.
She, Thea and Laurel had finished a training session and since Laurel's new boyfriend was out of town at a medical conference so she had asked the other girls to join her for a drink. And they had learned at this point that when Laurel asked them out for a drink that she really meant coffee. So they had stopped off at the coffee shop around the corner from Verdant and it had all started off as very three girlfriends chatting over caffeinated beverages and dishing on their love lives.
Roy and Thea were still going strong, it had been over a year this time. Ever since the League had left Starling they had recommitted to each other, this time with no secrets left.
Laurel and West were doing great, keeping things kind of casual since they both kept extremely odd hours and Laurel felt no pressure to tell him about her side job.
Felicity hadn't had much of a love life since Ray had left, their split had been amicable and they still spoke occasionally, but it was mostly about tech and missions. There was no awkwardness and no ill will from Felicity, she was very happy for two of her closest friends.
But then Laurel had bid the a goodnight and Thea had ordered Felicity and herself a dirty chi. One turned into two and before she knew it she was beyond buzzed, on both caffeine and alcohol.
She pieced together just why Thea had been plying her with liquored up tea when the crafty Queen cocked her eyebrow and said "so, how are things going with my brother?"
Alarms started going off in Felicity's mind immediately but she wasn't close lipped on her most sober day, but after 5 dirty chi's she would spill military secrets to the Triad if prodded properly. So instead of doing the smart thing and pretending that she didn't know what Thea was talking about she groaned. "Did Roy tell you about the erection thing? Because I told him that was not true, and that I didn't mean it." She said as she plopped her head onto the table, the room spinning a little.
She knew she had made a mistake when she heard Thea squeak.
Suddenly it was midnight and the barista was giving them dirty looks and shoving them out the door. Once she had started spilling all of the awkward instances of her and Oliver kisses and near naked times that had happened over the past few years, the ones that had increased in frequency since Ray left town and Felicity had perfected her salmon ladder routine, Thea had started ordering herself mimosas.
All that resulted in was two very wasted Team Arrow members with no way to get themselves home. So they did what they always did when the screwed up and Oliver would be mad. They called Diggle.
Somehow in the 20 minutes that it took Diggle to get to them things had gone from giggly and gossipy to sad and a little bitter. Thea started it with a whispered "I wish my brother would get his shit together. I wish you were my sister." against Felicity's shoulder and ended with a "I am so sick of him only telling me he loves me as a goodbye." as Felicity finally broke down into tears, the first time she had cried over Oliver since the night of Diggle's wedding over a year ago.
That's how Diggle found them, huddled on the sidewalk in front of the closed cafe, shoulder to shoulder, crying and hugging sideways. They were the perfect image of 'drunk white girl' and Diggle just shook his head and took turns helping them into the truck. The fact that both of the women could and in fact, had kicked his ass on more than once occasion made him smile a little, despite the snot that Thea has wiped on his shoulder.
He dropped Thea off at the loft first, since she was the closest and made sure she got inside safely before returning to the truck to take Felicity home. She had sobered up slightly, the crying had stopped and now she was just sitting there with her head laying against the head rest and looking out the window, her hair a mess and her eyes swollen. She stayed quiet most of the way home, the occasionally sniffle breaking the silence.
Finally as Digg turned down her street and pulled up outside of her townhouse putting the truck into park she sighed, and the sound was hollow. Still looking out the window she asked "Why isn't it enough? Why is it that I love him so much? When he loves me just enough to keep me with him, but not enough for him to be with me?" Her voice was quiet and broken. Diggle felt his stomach clinch and closed his eyes. He had been watching his two best friends dance around each other for four years now, and he could see the love they both felt and he could tell it was slowly ripping them apart.
His eyes snapped open when he heard Felicity open her door and climb out. She was standing in the street now, her arms crossed around her and she looked so broken. He got out of the truck and stood in front of her, and opened his arms. He expected her to fall into them like she had done a hundred times before but she just shook her head and walked around him. She was to the other side of the truck and walking onto the sidewalk when he turned around.
"Hey, Felicity" he started and then she turned, her eyes filled with tears again. "Just because he doesn't love you like you expect him to, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you with every thing he has." Diggle said, his hands in his pockets. He gave her a half smile and watched as her eyes widened and he then gave a little wave and climbed back into the truck, shutting the door behind him. He stayed there as she turned and slowly walked up to her door and made her way inside.
She laid in bed awake for hours that night, and not just because of the caffeine overdose. She thought back over her time with Oliver, as a friend and constant partner. Most days she loved their relationship, they spent everyday together, every holiday, almost every meal. They were family and they both loved each other, and most of the time she was happy with the stand still they had reached. They were flirty and had developed a level of comfort with each other that she had never obtained with anyone that she had ever actually been in a relationship with.
She was happy with her life, with her makeshift family and with their work. She knew that Oliver struggled with his feelings for her and every so often he would lose that struggle and they would end up against a wall, all hands and lips and teeth. But then someone's phone would buzz, or a search would ding, Oliver would grip her too tight or she would pull at his zipper and then the spell would be broken.
She knew that Oliver was it for her, and she felt like she was it for him. She had tried to be with someone else, and had even come to love Ray, but her feelings for him had never measured up against her feelings for Oliver. And she knew deep down that no one else would either, that any love she pursued beyond him would pale in comparison. So as she stared at the ceiling she made peace with herself and her future with Oliver. She would wake up in the morning, carry on with life as usual and wait for the day when there were no more excuses. For the day when the love he felt for her, the love that he felt with everything he had was enough to make him give in to it.
She owed it to herself to not give up on that love.
