Depth of Knowledge Chapter 2: Confusion
Hey guys! So I got a LOT more attention on my story than what I expected! Thanks so much, especially to Lily-D13 for being my FIRST reviewer. It's a pleasure to hear feedback from people, and definitely motivates me! Anyways, here's the second chapter. Also, thanks The Single Fanboy for an awesome motivation!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. I am a poor man with no social life, not a millionaire woman!
Chapter 2: Confusion
The steady pounding of Harry's footsteps rang through the corridors as he slowly made his way towards the Great Hall. His heart beat matched the rhythm of his shoes touching down on the cold floor. A warm ray of sun shone through an open window as he passed it, blinding a nearby monk in a painting who grumbled in annoyance.
Harry felt disturbed about what Hermione had said near the fire earlier. Although he desperately wanted to tell Hermione that she wasn't ugly, Harry couldn't do it for fear of being suspected of eavesdropping. Harry was comforted that Ginny had feelings for him, more so than he would have felt three years back in third year(there you are Lily!?). He had grown to find the red-haired woman very attractive, but hadn't had the courage to express his emotions towards her.
Maybe he didn't want to hurt Ginny, make her feel pain when he got hurt. Maybe he didn't want her to feel the need to help him when he desperately needed it. Maybe he just wanted to keep her safe, away from the dangers that awaited not her, but himself.
Harry found Hermione's attraction to his personalities overwhelming to say the least. Being raised in an environment that showed no love towards him, he had found himself emotionally challenged when it came towards feelings of romance. He felt scared when he thought of girls that way. Harry was frightened when he found girls who were attracted to him, terrified.
Harry reached the Great Hall to find one Hufflepuff at her designated table as well as two girls at the Gryffindor table. Harry watched Hermione for a bit, scared to approach her. Harry knew he'd never act the same around her again after hearing of her feelings toward him. Confusion overwhelmed Harry, multiple questions bouncing around in his scarred head.
Should I act like nothing was ever spoken? Should I compliment Hermione to raise her self-esteem. What should a boy do if he realizes a girl has feeling for him? Harry groaned inwardly. This seemed like the perfect job for Ron considering he knew, to a bigger extent, about relationships. After taking a deep breath, Harry put a smile on his face and started whistling, strutting towards the Gryffindor table with a facade of happiness.
The echoes of Harry's footsteps and the obnoxious whistling alerted the two girls of his presence. Harry smiled at them before sitting down on the opposite side of the table.
"Hello Harry!" Ginny greeted, eating a piece of her warm cinnabon that sat glistening on her plate. Harry nodded towards her, his stomach growling. He looked at Hermione, who was smiling at him.
"Ready for the Potions test, Harry?" Hermione asked, turning her eyes back towards her Potions textbook. "Just doing some extra studying." Harry rolled his eyes in mock annoyance.
"Why of course! The bookworm needs to get that best grade in the class." Harry replied cheekily, turning his eyes to his plate. His hands were sweaty and clammy, trying to clutch the fork in a steady manner. Ginny seemed to notice Harry's panic attack.
"Harry, you okay?" Ginny asked slowly, looking at the rapid shaking of the fork in his hand. Sweat covered his face, droplets stinging his eyes. The black heart started to beat, a gentle ringing starting in Harry's ears. Harry covered them with his hands, closing his eyes forcefully. The heart stopped beating, returning to its rightful place in the iron cage. Harry opened his eyes to see both girls looking at him in worry. He had really pulled a Charlie Gordon that time.
"I'm fine," Harry replied shakily, picking up his fork. "Just didn't get a good night sleep last night. Nothing to worry about." He put on a weak smile before hastily digging into his, strangely blue, waffles and pancakes in order to cover for his mistake. Both girls were smart though, too smart. Harry continued eating, aware both were still staring at him. Oh God, what if they know? What if Hermione doesn't want to see me because she's so embarrassed?
Harry knew only one way to get the girl's off his mind. It wasn't something he'd usually do, but he was in serious crisis - mode. Frantically, Harry shoved the rest of the food in his throat down and leaned across the table.
"You know Ginny, you've grown much more beautiful over the past couple years!" Harry said energetically, smiling. Ginny recoiled and blushed. Her face resembled the bright red of her hair. Hermione gave a small smile before finally returning her attention to the newspaper in her hand.
"Why, thanks Harry!" Ginny laughed, still blushing madly. Harry couldn't help but chuckle with her. That was just too easy. He uncertainly returned back to his side of the table and blew out. I hate feelings, Harry thought bitterly. He was happy that he had actually expressed some of his emotions, but he felt confused. Had he done the right thing? Should he also compliment Hermione? Am I hurting her feelings if I don't compliment her as well? Questions slipped in and out of Harry's mind, warning him of possible outcomes.
Should he compliment Hermione? Am I being too paranoid? Harry clutched his head. Why couldn't feelings be easier? Relationships? He felt like Charlie Gordon: Angry because he didn't know about them because of his parents. Couldn't have Vernon and Petunia raised him like an average boy instead of out casting him? He felt like Robinson Crusoe, where Robinson is stranded on an island without the help of others.
"You're very pretty, too, Hermione. You're looking very beautiful today." Harry froze. Had he just said that. He had subconsciously been thinking it through his mind when he had blurted it out. He kicked his own shin in frustration. Why did he always do this? He definitely needed to confront Dumbledore about this dilemma this evening. Hermione, startled, blushed slightly before muttering a quick, "Thanks." She hastily returned to her newspaper. Ginny smiled sweetly at Harry before saying she had papers to make-up before starting to leave.
No, NO. Ginny needed to stay! Harry frantically started to think of ways to have her stay at the table, but she had already gone. He cursed inwardly, sweat already forming on his hands once again. Maybe I should say, "I'm glad you fancy me, but let's keep it just friends?" Would that be appropriate? Harry sat, staring at the back of the newspaper Hermione was reading. Apparently, more death eaters had escaped the confines of Azkaban. No surprise there. More students had already arrived at the table, all still drowsy.
Ron came down a little later, a tired frown traced on his face. He plopped down on the bench and started angrily poking at his lettuce leaves.
"Why is it," Ron asked grumpily, "That those damn elves can't seem to stop feeding me these vile lettuce leaves?" He put one in his mouth before gagging uncontrollably, clutching his throat. Harry chuckled, slapping the back of his red-haired mate. That boy could sometimes be so stupid.
"Maybe they're giving you a sign." Harry asked innocently, leaning back. Hermione laughed and looked up from her newspaper.
"Maybe Harry's right, Ron. You must really lose a few of those chubbers." Harry spat out his waffle, accidently, on Ron. His laughter could be heard throughout the Hall. Ron pouted.
"Hah, it always seems to me that Harry's always right. Don't you think so mate, at least according to Hermione anyway?" Ron implied innocently. Hermione blushed and returned once again to her newspaper. Harry knew Ron used that trick as a way to shut her up. He now had the reason why she did. Feeling pity for Hermione's awkwardness, Harry decided to save her from any more humiliation.
"Ron, I really wouldn't mind Hermione fancying me a bit, wouldn't you think? I mean, everybody has their crushes here and there." Hermione glowed a brighter shade of red. Uh oh, I think I just did the exact opposite thing that I intended to do. Harry sighed. He really didn't know much about this feeling thing. Ron laughed after seeing Hermione's face and went back to munching on his now apparently delicious lettuce leaves.
"As a matter of fact, Ronald, I don't fancy Harry!" And with that, Hermione stood up. "I fancy you!" She stalked off. Ron's face was priceless, green saliva oozing out of his mouth. The entire table was silent, eyes trained on the retreating figure of Hermione.
And Harry sat there, confused as to why his black heart stood angry in his bony body. He got up and followed her. It seemed the heart didn't react to Ginny alone.
Author's Note:
So after rereading this a dozen times, I have come to terms that it seems pretty packed. Lots of references were made in the chapter, so feel free to research them. (But please tell me you got the blue food part). I know these chapters are getting longer, and that's what I'm aiming for. Have a nice rest of your Wednesday! ?
I'd also like to take the time to mention all the kind folk who put my story on their alert list and those who favorited it!
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P.P.S I'm posting this in morning, and will be back from school around 5:30 eastern time U.S. I'll then be able to see your guys' reviews!
-potter_conspiracy
