Depth of Knowledge Chapter 3: Isolation and Anger

Hey guys, THANKS SO MUCH for the WONDERFUL feedback and support you guys have sent me! The amount of reviews and favorite/following messages on my laptop when I opened it up was ASTOUNDING! All the people who favorited, followed, or reviewed on my last post and back will get a special message or reply at the bottom. Otherwise, enjoy the third chapter of the story!

WARNING: This chapter is dark, confusing. Dark themes and violence are in the chapter. I felt that a meaningful, heart-racing chapter would jolt you readers into Harry's feelings at the present moment. Graphic violence and angst can be seen in the chapter you are about to read.

DISCLAIMER: Owning Harry Potter would be nice…..but I don't. So yeah. I don't own it. Hah. Hahahha. Hahahahahha. Your actually reading all the disclaimer! :)

Chapter 3: Isolation and Anger

Harry felt isolated. Alone. Trapped like a snake in a glass box showcased at a local zoo. His thoughts lingered in darkness, grasping to things that weren't there. Cold. Frost chilled his rain-soaked arm as it reached into the darkness, hoping for something to grasp onto. Falling...falling. His feet gave way, sending Harry plunging into the void below. He screamed, his arms flailing in the pitch blackness. Pain, isolation, anger...pain, isolation, anger, PAin, ISOlation, ANger...PAIN. The words struck Harry's mind like a lightning bolt. In agony, he willed his trembling hands to clutch the burning scar, a green glow emitting from it like a light shining from the depths of an abyss.

Silence. Harry looked up, his hands still desperately clutching his ears. Ron and Hermione sat on the sofa next to him, talking in low voices. The fire in the fireplace was barely burning, the logs underneath having no freshness left to hold the dancing flames. He took a deep breath and uncovered his ears, discovering a wetness in his trousers. He sat there, stunned. Had he seriously wet himself? Harry quickly cast a whispered drying spell where his trousers were soaked before turning his attention to the rapt conversation that was going on between his best friends.

"Really, Ron. It's not like Harry needs any more burden. He's already got the fate of the wizarding world resting in his hands, and now you're saying he needs to do this?" Hermione sounded exasperated, clutching the arm of her chair. Ron looked up, noticing Harry's return from his restless nap.

"We can talk about it later, Hermione. Look who's up." Ron stood up and stood in front of Harry. "How was the nap, you lazy sloth?" Ron asked cheerfully. Harry wasn't ready to talk then, not ever. His throat was sore, and he had the biggest headache a man could possibly get. He rubbed his eyes before making any effort to actually stand up. Ron looked strangely at him before opening his mouth in shock.

"Hermione, we got to get him to Pomfrey. He's bleeding from his ears." Ron sounded scared, suddenly vulnerable. The confidence he showed earlier was gone. Hermione screamed, throwing the book she was reading on the ground.

"Harry!" She cried, getting up and helping Ron pick the dazed boy up. Harry felt useless, weak. And angry.

"NO!" Harry screamed hysterically, roughly taking both the arms of his friends away and standing up. "Does anybody ask me when I need help? NO. Do you think I need it right now? NO." He was breathing furiously, his face etched with rage. Ron looked shock, stepping back and putting his arm on the fireplace frame.

"Mate, we were just…"

"Helping? Hah. Funny how scared you both look. You're looking at me like I'm crazy." Harry was laughing hysterically, supporting his arm on the chair next to him. The entire Common Room was silent, all the students looking at him. Harry fell to the floor, laughing.

"I'm not crazy! Oh no, but Harry, remember those words? Yes, those words hurt...I don't like those words…" Harry got up, brushing himself off. "Oh yes, and that heart...Oh how I hate that stupid heart...that damn heart...that USELESS," Harry spat, "CAGED BLACK HEART!" His world was spinning, his hands reaching out and grabbing onto somebody, anybody. Hermione let out a yelp.

"Oh, so are you scared of me, Hermione? I thought we were friends, eh? Companions, fighting side by side like a superhero and his sidekick? No?" Harry's laughter was turning into heavy breathing, a dangerous tone had entered his voice. He leaned down and found himself face to face with her, their noses barely touching.

"Am I crazy, Hermione? Do I need Madame Pomfrey, Hermione?" Harry's whisper sounded menacing, and for that moment in his life only, he felt anger beyond words for her. Why was she avoiding me the past couple of days? Why didn't she say she liked me? Why haven't both of them admitted of their relationship to him? Harry had heard that both Hermione and Ron had started dating the day after that eventful breakfast. He was shaking violently, a black glow surronding his heaving body.

"Harry, get back from her!" Ron shouted, drawing his wand. Harry turned his neck slowly towards Ron. He was grinning, his eyes swirling like a vortex.

"Why should I, Ronald? I mean, you guys have been hiding stuff from me these past couple days. I've tried to ignore your blatant avoidance of me for a little while now, but it's become too much. You guys have seemed distant from me." Harry's voice was soft, angry. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me about your relationship, Ron? Is it so much as to ask just for some confirmation that two of your best friends are going out?"

Ron looked taken aback, angry. He raised his wand. "Harry, put down the wand and we'll explain." His voice quavered, like he was frightened, scared. Harry let out a short chuckle.

"Don't you think I feel alone when I have noone to talk to? Scared? Afraid that Hogwarts is turning into my own damning abusive household where nobody gives a crap about me?" Harry sounded defeated, lost. He stepped back from Hermione and let his wand fall to the floor.

"I don't want you guys to go away. I need you." Harry picked his wand off the ground before scurrying towards the Common Room entrance. Professor McGonagall was coming up the steps, a first year behind her when he angrily pushed past them. Falling, falling, falling… The wand, his friendship, his composure. Falling, falling, falling… His memories, clouded in a shroud of darkness. Alone, alone, alone… "Get away, Harry!" Ron said forcefully a few minutes ago. Alone, alone, alone… Trapped in that black, swirling void that froze his entire body. Terrified, terrified, terrified… His friendship on the brink of breaking. Terrified, terrified, terrified… The distinct smell of a certain bushy haired-girl in his pitch black abyss.

The grounds were frosty and dark as he trudged out the doors of the magnificent castle, a breeze softly pushing into his tired face. Harry felt guilty, angry at himself for what he'd done back in the Common Room. Frustrated at himself for speaking to Hermione and Ron like that. Why Harry? Why Harry? Why Harry? In a fit of rage, he started running towards the Forbidden Forest. He yelled into the darkness, passing the entrance to Hagrid's shack on the grounds.

Running. Running. His heart was racing, a sense of triumph overwhelming his thoughts. Crunches. Crunches of crisp autumn leaves snapping under his feet. Laughter. A hysterical chuckle emitting from his bleeding lips. Hitting. Trees were crashing into him, sending Harry spinning. Spinning. He was running into bushes, thorns and branches gashing into his already swollen arms. Bleeding. Harry fell to the ground, a smile traced on his lips.

Alone. In the forest. Alone. Where no one can see me. Alone. No fear of people finding him. Alone. No Hermione. The sounds of hooves rang through Harry's ears before the black depths swallowed him in the entrancing fumes of his best friend, Hermione Granger. I hate you.

Lights. Bright lights. A face. Red Hair. A bushy cat, a strange resemblance to a friend. And silence. An eery silence. Isolated.

He saw the broom cupboard under the stairs where he had once lived, shunned by his supposed, abusive parents. He saw himself shaking, alone, confused. A vague image of a stuffed animal sitting next to small Harry. Little Harry grabbed the stuffed animal and clutched it close to him. The sound of approaching footsteps. Vernon opening the door, a small, twisted smile on his face. A black shadow covered Little Harry's now frightened face. Black. Evil. Darkness. Alone. His stuffed animal, the only company in the dark cupboard. A hand, reaching into the darkness. The stuffed animal, gone. The hand retracted with it before closing the cupboard door. And Little Harry cried in the pitch blackness.

"He's waking up." A woman's voice said. Harry's vision was blurry, and he saw two dancing lights above him. A hand was dabbing his precipitated face. He sat up and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. To the left he could see Hermione, sitting on a single chair next to his sickbed. She was looking up, pushing the book she was reading away and slowly getting up.

"Are you sure he's okay?" Hermione asked, sounding slightly frightened. Harry felt terrible. She was scared of him. Him. Madame Pomfrey examined Harry's face for a bit before giving a quick nod.

"I'm not sure what got into him that night, but whatever it was, it's gone now." Pomfrey looked one more time at him before bustling over to the next bed. Harry blinked once again, his vision becoming more prominent. He didn't want to look at Hermione. How could he, when he felt so ashamed of what he'd done? He took in a deep breath before turning to her. Hermione looked tired, bags hanging under her eyes. She had a pursed smile plastered on her face, but the creases between her eyes reminded Harry that she was still worried for him.

"Harry, how are you?" She asked with a trembling voice, putting her hand softly on the sheets of his bed. Harry looked away, hiding the tears that were slipping from his eyes.

"Fine." He muttered. A wave of guilt pushed into his chest, crashing into his heart. Hermione started crying, falling next to Harry on the bed.

"Harry, why? What's happening to you?" Harry didn't move his gaze towards Hermione. Ron came in, holding a water bottle to find Hermione crying on Harry's bed and Harry looking away.

"Hey!" Ron shouted angrily, rushing over to the bedside. "Harry, you better not have hurt her." Hermione slowly shook her head, crawling off the bed and with one last look back at Harry, exited the room with Ron in suit. Harry looked longingly outside the infirmary, where Ron was trying to sooth Hermione. He wished he had that comfort.

Harry looked out the infirmary window, the setting sun shining one last time above the hill before fading under. What had he done?

Harry couldn't forget the feeling he had grasped when falling in the endless abyss. A soft hand. The hand of Hermione Granger. Harry closed his eyes.

Author's Note:

Wow. This chapter moved me even. Harry's feelings, I hope, have been somehow interpreted in your mind. This chapter was a way for me to have you, readers, get the chance to see harry's emotional struggles, his shy but angry nature, his paranoia of being alone. Isolated. I really wanted Harry to not instantly fall for Hermione, but instead grasp onto Hermione's characteristics slowly in a confusing way. I wrote this through the depths he is in when his mind is not standing in his body. I hope I stuck pretty close to the core personalities of all the characters, while making Harry a somewhat more uncontrollable one. He can't grasp the fact that the wizarding world is in his hands, can't grasp the burden he must overcome. And he shows his inability by his hysterical anger and confusion. Thanks to everybody who read the chapter!

NOW for the fun stuff. Not depressing, sad, moving content on Harry's hysterical anger. I'd love to thank EVERYBODY who reviewed, followed, and favorited my story. I have no plans on finishing this story in the near future, but continuing it as much as I can without stretching the plot to a point where it's boring. Here are my replies to you reviewers' comments! :)

jslee102: Hah thanks. Harry's conflicting feelings at this time are over the roof! I'm quite stunned on what I have made Harry become. And quite happy about it! Thanks for the awesome review! :)

Nym13: Thanks for the compliment! I absolutely love the premise of this type of story as well! I'm trying to add a twist to that type, though, as seen through Harry's extremely conflicting mind. Thanks for the long, fantastic review! And trust me, this story has a long way to go. If you haven't already figured it out, I'm writing this the day I send it out after proofreading it a couple times. So, I have no sight as to when the story will come to a, hopefully, compelling close. :)

Lily-D13: Thanks for reviewing yet AGAIN! Thanks for the wonderful support of the story. Reviews motivate me to keep writing! :)

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-potter_conspiracy