Depth of Knowledge Chapter 4: Ashamed

Hey guys. THIS IS A CHANGED REPOST OF THE FORMER CHAPTER RELEASE. After contemplating on how the story should continue, I have made the decision to alter the plot considerably! Please take the time to read the changes, which mostly happen when he's in the library and onwards from there. Sorry for the, what I think, crappy chapter release yesterday!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. Never have, never will. I accept my fate working on a night shift at a local 24 hour pharmacy. Heh.

Chapter 4: Ashamed

Harry was released from the infirmary a couple days later, his pleas to stay in the bed going unnoticed. He dreaded facing Ron, Hermione, and everyone else. Heads turned as he trudged towards the Great Hall for a late lunch before Charms, whispers running from one ear to the next. Harry tried to ignore the negative attention he was receiving, keeping his head down and staring at his worn out shoes. He really needed to purchase a new pair the next time he went to Hogsmeade.

Thanksgiving was approaching quickly, the smell of roasted turkey already looming in the castle corridors. Some shenanigans of releasing wild, feet pecking turkeys into the classrooms had Filch constantly cursing and carrying a broom to swat at the pesky nuisances. Harry dreaded seeing his, he hoped, still good friends at his house table. He had no clue of what to say, to act like. Should I avoid them entirely? Confront them and get the whole thing over with? Ask if they were going to Hogsmeade? The last question was irrelevant, but he still felt conflicted on what to first say to them.

Nearly stepping on a runaway turkey that was closely pursued by an angry caretaker, Harry stepped into the Great Hall. The roar of conversation died out as more and more students started to point at him. Keeping his head down, he continued towards the Gryffindor table. He quickly glanced up at Hermione and Ron, who were looking at him in wonder. With a quick spasm of his arm as a sign of greeting, he picked up his spoon and started scooping steaming mashed potatoes onto his empty plate. No sound was made in the Great Hall for minutes falling, the only exception being the scraping of Harry's silverware on his porcelain plate. He was blushing furiously, but was able to remain collected.

"So...Harry. Like the new get-up." Ron was trying to get him out of the terrible awkwardness that was present around him.

"What new get-up?" Harry asked, scooping some sweet potatoes that were already cold. Harry was wearing his usual Hogwarts uniform, his glasses fogged up as usual. Ron grinned. Harry smiled weakly at Ron before turning to Hermione.

"We need to talk, Hermione. You and I know there are things to clear up." Harry said with effort. The girl hadn't spoken to him the entire time. She looked up from her newspaper and smiled.

"Sorry Harry. I can't today. Maybe we can do it next week?" Hermione started laughing, while Harry sat in shock. She was making fun of him. Using sarcasm. This was Hermione Granger. Ron chuckled, throwing an arm around her. Leaves flew out of his mouth, hitting Harry between the eyes. The green concoction of saliva and lettuce slid down his face and onto the bridge of his nose.

Harry stood up, confused. This wasn't Hermione. This wasn't the girl he knew, the serious, book-smart girl who never made snarky comments nor sarcastic ones if that. He looked down the table to see Ginny snogging with none other than Dean Thomas. He looked frantically at the other side of the table to see Neville and Luna playing charades. His heart started to beat, the pounding in his chest increasing in strength. Harry was frightened, confused.

"Something wrong?" Asked Ron innocently, a genuine smile gracing his unreadable face. And Harry blew. He screamed at the top of his lungs, his ragged voice piercing the room. And he started walking, away. Rejected by your own friends.

"Harry, wait!" A desperate call came from behind him. He continued walking, away from everybody. Let the wizarding world crumble away because of Voldemort. See if he cared. Footsteps were heard coming closer behind him. He walked faster, an air of confidence swelling around himself. A hand grabbed his arm and forcefully span him around. Harry looked at Hermione in disgust.

"Ah, what does Hermione want this time, Harry? To drive him crazy?" He was talking to himself again. "Hermione, just leave me alone." He tried to turn around, but was stopped by a slap that made his left cheek burn with pain.

"Harry Potter, where is the collected boy I once knew? The boy who was caring, responsible. The man that stood by his friend's side when he or she needed it. What has happened to you?" Hermione sounded hysterical, and for the first time in two weeks, Harry saw the bags under her eyes. The stress lines etched between her eyes. And Harry felt guilty. He felt sorry for the girl's lack of sleep because of him. He knew he didn't deserve her care for him.

"I don't know." Whispered Harry, a tone of panic etched in his voice. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He was shaking now. Hermione embraced Harry, her sobs muted by his shirt. And he stood in silence while they embraced, watching the entrance of the Great Hall where Ron stood. "It all started with that heart." Harry let go of Hermione and gestured for her to return to Ron.

"So, mate. I think a bit of catching up should be in order for us all? Maybe we all go down to the Three Broomsticks for some butterbeers when we go to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Ron was giving him another chance. And he wouldn't let him down.

With a formal farewell, Harry departed from the two in search of answers. The library was definitely looking interesting for Harry that day. You never know, Harry thought, I might turn into a miniature Hermione who calls the place home.

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Books were scattered around Harry as he sat in the library, deep in an old textbook on Dream Interpretation. Funny how the course was canceled due to a discovery of the professor being a fraud. Divination looked to be in danger if Trelawney didn't start spouting out visions. No luck had come across Harry's way as he frantically searched for any dream on dark pits or abysses. The trip hadn't been a total waste, with Harry finding some amusing information on dreams about love.

The walk back to the Common Room was silent, only the occasional turkey bouncing past towards an empty classroom. Maybe these were not dreams, but something bigger. Harry sighed. He knew it had something to do with the attack on himself by Voldemort when he was a baby. Just what?

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Hogsmeade day had arrived, and many students were ecstatic to go. Harry got dressed in his usual Hogwarts uniform, unwilling to dress up and be made fun of by the pesky Slytherins. He looked up and grinned. He had seen what Ron was going to wear for the day, and Harry's own attire far outshone Ron's. He walked down the stairs into the common room to find Hermione already down. She was wearing her Hogwarts Uniform.

"So nothing special?" Harry asked, sitting next to her on one of the chairs. She grinned weakly and shook her head.

"I've just been worried about certain other things more at the moment than dress clothes." Harry thought he knew what she had been stressing over, but didn't say anything. The two talked about school for a bit before Ron came down, dressed in his cousin Barney's robes that he wore for his marriage twenty years back. Harry barked in laughter, pointing at Ron with a shaking finger. He pouted, standing in front of the two.

"I really should've just worn my regular Hogwarts attire like Hermione. This just looks awful." Hermione was covering her mouth, trying to resist from laughing but failing miserably to do so. "Are we going to go?" Asked Ron impatiently, turning around and heading out the portrait hole. Both Harry and Hermione couldn't stop laughing as they made their way down to the exit.

A gentle snow was falling on the three friends as they slowly made their ways towards Hogsmeade, their pockets jingling with sickles and galleons. A thick fog had settled across the grounds, making it difficult for the three to see where they were going.

A trip inside Zonko's was, of course, necessary. According to Ron that is. The shop was crowded, with only a few shopkeepers to manage the packed place. Ron went off with a grin on his face, looking like a little kid in a candy store. Hmm, a trip to Honeyduke's could do me well. He nervously pretended to browse a set of burning tissue paper, conscious that Hermione was standing behind him. Oh, how he hated it when he got so scared around girls nowadays. Stupid, stupid hormones. It wasn't that he liked Hermione romantically. It was just the fact that his growing body felt so much different now with the opposite gender, wherever he went.

"Harry, can I talk to you for a second?" Harry turned in surprise.

"Yeah, what's the problem?" Hermione gestured for him to come out the door and outside. The cold air made Harry shiver as they stepped out into the falling snow.

"Harry, I know you were listening to is during that night when I was talking to Ginny." Hermione sounded not angry, but exasperated. "And I know it's making you very uncomfortable around me." Harry opened his mouth, about to protest. "Don't deny it Harry. You and I know it's impacted our friendship." Harry sighed.

"How'd you know I was there?" Harry asked slowly, his mind racing at a speed not known to man. Hermione smiled slightly.

"Your constant muffled laughter gave it away near the end." Harry shook his head, grinning.

"Was I really that loud?" The two watched the student shoppers running from one shop to the next in hope of avoiding the snow.

"But really, Harry. I don't want our friendship to break apart just because I fancy you just a bit." She was blushing, turning away in the hope of Harry not seeing. He smiled.

"Yeah, I don't want it to, either." Harry hugged Hermione before holding the door for her to go inside. "Hey, maybe we can catch up on things? Just me and you on a picnic one day or something?" Hermione laughed.

"I think we can make that happen, although Ron will be quite irked he won't be able to come along."

"Don't worry," Harry replied, grinning. "I'll see if I can get him those Chudley Cannon tickets in December. Maybe then he'll be alright." Harry felt happy that, for the given moment, things were falling into place.

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Ron and Hermione's more intimate relationship over the past couple of days had irked Harry slightly. Not only was he uncomfortable with the fact that they were actually "together", but he hated the fact that Hermione's personality had changed. She seemed more conscious of how she looked, less enthused with academics than her usual norm. All because of a single red-haired boy named Ronald Weasley. Ron seemed less interested in spending time with Harry, but rather talking constantly with his girlfriend.

Of course, Harry understood. People changed to impress the people they had feelings for. He had known that from past experiences (*Cough cough Cho Chang cough Cough*). But he hated the fact that she had changed to the point where he barely knew her anymore. Of course she still helped him with homework, if it was Snape's ten inch research paper or Mcgonagall's Transfiguration project. She still talked to him when they ate in the Great Hall or when they were going to classes. But Harry seemed alone when, at the end of the day, he sat in the common room on his chair while his close friends had more intimate conversations on the sofa over.

The promise of catching up with her was fading away, and he knew he had to just sit down alone with one of his friends to strengthen the deteriorating bond. With the Cannon's game coming up in a few days time, Harry decided to purchase a single ticket for Ron to go. He had also added in a VIP pass to the purchase to delay Ron even further. He wanted to talk to someone, anyone. He knew "anyone" was a lie, but hid that in the depths of his conflicted mind. Harry had continued having strange dreams, visions. A man talking to a rat, the face of Voldemort hovering in the darkness Harry was falling in. Horcruxes, death, emotions. Horcruxes, death, emotions. The words had been ringing in Harry's ears the previous night, and he needed to have help interpreting it.

Ron had accepted the VIP pass and ticket with a manly hug and a yell of happiness.

"Mate, you've just made my day fifty times better!" Ron seemed so genuinely happy that even Harry felt good about getting the tickets for him. His best mate deserved it if anyone did. Harry hadn't told him about his plans of inviting Hermione to the picnic, although he hadn't reminded Hermione of it either. He was afraid she'd changed her minds about catching up. The day came where Ron flew out the doors after a quick goodbye to Hermione and one last man hug with Harry. "My first Cannons game!" Ron exclaimed, pulling on his cloak before rocketing out the portrait hole. Harry shook his head. That boy really loved his Quidditch. Hermione had seemed more distant towards Harry the past couple of days as well, saying she had things to do when he asked her to help him with the homework.

Harry was worried she'd reject his invitation, even more worried to see their friendship bonds crumbling further and further. During breakfast, he had brought down the already prepared basket of food he had received from Dobby. That elf was a life saver at these times of need. He hoped the basket would at least force Hermione to accept the invitation, having seen the supposed "hard work" he'd put into planning the lunch. Sitting down at the house table, Harry grinned at Hermione before digging into his breakfast consisting of ketchup and scrambled eggs. She weakly smiled back, quickly averting her eyes from him and engaging into a quite lackluster conversation that Ginny and Lavender were in. Why has she been so determined to avoid me the past couple days? He drew in a breath before clearing his throat. Ginny and patting Hermione on the shoulder. With a recoil of almost fright, Hermione looked at Harry and immediately tried to hide what she'd just done.

Was she scared of me? Still? Harry felt another wave of guilt pass over himself. Was she that disgusted by his appearance? Was he that ugly?

"Yes, Harry?" Hermione asked slowly, raising her eyebrows. Harry smiled shyly, bringing the basket up from underneath the table and propping it on top.

"Would you like to have a picnic with me?" Harry asked like a child, a bright tone in his voice. Ginny stopped talking with Lavender and turned to look at him like he'd grown a third eye. Hermione seemed stunned, confused.

"I mean...just to catch up...we were talking about doing it when we went to Zonko's that day." Harry was stuttering, already losing what little confidence he had left. Hermione looked relieved, and somewhat dissapointed, for a second before smiling.

"Sure, Harry. Why not?" She gave him one last smile before turning back to the other girls. Harry couldn't help but grin. Finally, someone to talk to. He tried to ignore his hormonal side screaming differently.

Author's Note:

Haha! Sorry all for the repost, but I found it necessary for the plot to continue. I had severe writers block with the last chapter 4 I wrote, and i was extremely unhappy with it too. Hopefully I can get the plot situation sorted out with this new direction. Have yourselves a good day! I'm excited to announce that a one-shot by me is coming out this weekend. It's a HHr fanfic, but with Hermione liking Draco in the beginning. OHHHH, Dramione fans gonna hate! Haha, hopefully you're psyched to read this Draco bashing one-shot! I absolutely despise the two together. -_-

-potter_conspiracy