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Chapter 5 – The King's Notion

Odin felt sorry for the boy.

Loki was a runt among Jotuns.

Abandoned and left to die, a bastard son of the King.

Odin gave him a home and a family, with every intention to use him in the future. But somewhere in Odin's mind, he felt fear from the way Loki was growing up to be. He believed that Loki was destined for greatness, to unify their people through a common goal.

He had thought of marriage.

Since Loki was smaller than Thor, looked quite feminine, was Jotun and had many abilities different from an Aesir, it could be very well compatible. He knew most people called him an Ergi, but that wasn't far from Loki's race. Odin knew they would grow to love each other through time, yet he was glad that he had deemed against it.

For one, he didn't want Thor to get involved in that way.

Two, Odin did not want that kind of relationship in his house.

There was too much explaining.

If Loki was family, he would have a greater tie with them rather than just a pawn to his games. It had worked wonderfully. Asgard believed he was their son, despite the constant argument that he could be very well be Odin's bastard. They fought against it, and ensured that Loki would never think that way, but their parenting could only do so much when Loki himself chose to listen.

Sadly, Odin's image of Loki became faint.

He had fallen in love with the boy, but the nagging thoughts in his head prevented him from extending it.

Affection wasn't something he could openly give.

He wanted Loki to focus more on weapons, because he knew it would be difficult to explain why Loki was so enthralled with Seidr.

"Far too many explanations," He thought.

The boy was mischievous, chaotic and a trickster, all of Asgard found this inexcusable and a mockery to their race. Loki was oblivious to this, yet when in fact, Loki was merely good at hiding that which he doesn't want anyone to know. Loki had fooled them in that aspect of himself.

Truth be told, his family doesn't know him that well at all.

Loki was frail, thinner and softer looking than all the men in Asgard. They don't even know if Loki favored women or men. He was too silent in those topics. They haven't even seen him court a young lady his age. Loki favored books over battle and seidr over weapons. He was fragile, innocent and untainted, pure at heart and body. He chose mischief over obedience and preferred Frigga to Odin.

"What had I done?" Odin grimaced.

The Aesir's were known for their bravery in battle and brute strength, but he was proud of Loki nonetheless. Odin just couldn't muster up the courage to show the boy enough affection to satisfy him. He believed that if he had focused more on Loki, Thor would find him unfair.

Odin did not want that to happen.

That was why he kept Loki in the shadows.

"No, I must not let this cloud my judgment." He sighed. "Not now."

He shook his head and hurried off to the weapons vault.


oOo

Loki could still hear it call out to him.

It just hummed and sang to him. It wanted him to touch it and use it. Loki felt the soft cold brush over his fingertips. It wrapped around him in a beautiful warm embrace. Its illuminating glow was a beacon that called him over. It was heavenly, almost serene and calming.

Loki wanted more of it, he needed more.

"Stop!"

Loki snapped from his daze and spun.

"Step away, Loki."

"I swear I meant no harm." He immediately said. "I was merely curious."

Odin eyed him.

There was fear in Loki's eyes as he pulled away from the casket. He could see Loki's shaking hand turn blue for only a moment before it resided back to its pale unnatural color. Odin narrowed his eye in what looked like a glare, freezing Loki from his spot by the casket.

"Why are you here, boy?" Odin sternly asked.

"I—"

"I thought I made it clear that none will enter this place without my permission."

"Forgive me." He looked away.

"You even disobeyed me when you visited Thor's chambers. I deliberately told you not to, and yet I find myself hearing you had a squabble in his chambers. Perhaps I am being too lenient, too soft and not violent enough on both of you."

"Whatever Thor told you, I swear I can give you my part of the story." Loki said hurriedly, but Odin dismissed him. "But Father—I can explain!"

"You will listen to me and answer my questions."

Loki stood there, shaking slightly.

"Yes, Father."

He hadn't heard this tone of voice in centuries. Loki stood there nervously and played with his sleeves. He stared at the floor, unable to gaze at that stern looking eye. His whole figure made him look weak and submissive under the watchful gaze of his Father. Even his clothes were a sign of weakness.

He hadn't a faint idea as to why he felt so frightened.

Did the All-Father already know?

Loki swallowed.

He had to act calm and collected.

If Odin found out that it was he who disrupted Thor's coronation, he would surely never hear the end of it and would be punished severely. It was treason. He knew that it could very well be treason, betrayal, disloyalty, treachery, it could start a rebellion! It tested his allegiance to the royal family… yes! YES! All of those!

It could be anything!

"By Valhalla, let this end quickly." Loki bit his lips.

Odin had to speak with care and sense to be able to work his way through the mazes and puzzles Loki placed on himself. He knew for a fact that over the years, he knew how to be observant. He knew when the boy would cave in and where he would be cornered with fear and wrapped around two opposites, namely innocence and guilt.

"Why have you come here?" Odin saw Loki flinch.

"I was curious."

"Is that so?"

"Aye."

"You had an argument which resulted better than your previous arguments. For that, I must applaud you, but circumstances of both your maturity is to be checked regularly. I cannot fathom why you would disobey me when you know full well the consequences, and twice for that matter."

"I was curious." Loki repeated.

"How does curiosity follow indignation?"

"This isn't about Thor!" Loki shouted, surprised by the sound of his own voice.

All Loki needed to do was to execute his plan.

"If he only knew what I would be doing for Asgard, he wouldn't treat me this way."

He knew not how, for he was interrogated by Odin and it was terrifying. One slip would ruin his chance at a better life. He felt Odin walk towards the door. He urged Loki to move away from the casket to follow him.

They both stopped at the foot of the stairs.

"What has the casket have to do with your curiosity?" Odin asked wearily.

"It was nothing, just an urge to know."

"I've told you and Thor many tales regarding its origin."

"I merely question the fact that it is displayed here for show, unused for centuries when Jotunheim needs it most. Surely there would be room for trust to build had you been more… lenient with them?"

Loki's eyes showed fear.

Avoidance, when he looked away.

And effort when he had asked.

"There is no room for trust." Odin said. "I cannot allow that."

"Why?" Loki softly asked.

"Because they cannot be trusted this much power."

"I don't understand."

"If Frost Giants were given a chance to acquire said power, they would not hesitate for another war. They are foul cunning creatures that would take glory in further bloodshed. They are savages when it comes to commanding authority, choosing their mates, and ruling. Sickening creatures they are when they tried to conquer. Asgard would not allow such power to reign over ours."

"Only you would not allow it." Loki believed. "You fear them."

"Why be curious of our enemies?"

"I know not."

"Is that your answer, or is that your fear speaking?"

"I do not know what I think of the Jotnar." Loki mumbled. "I had no idea we would be seeking answers from them. It was Thor's fault that we were there in the first place."

"Do you hate him?"

"W-what?" Loki blinked, startled by the questioned.

"I only ask."

Loki remained silent and watchful.

"You and Thor had done everything together." Odin recalled. "You played, fought, bathed, slept and trained together. You were inseparable as children. You clung to each other as if it was your last. You followed Thor and did what he wanted to do."

"That's because he never looked back." Loki grimaced.

"Thor may have grown arrogant, a bit selfish in his youth, but he is a warrior and still capable of the throne and what power Mjolnir offers. You, however, are something we can never understand."

"What is there to understand?" Loki argued. "Thor is the rightful one for the throne. I have no arguments there."

"Look at me, boy."

Loki did stare into Odin's eye.

He wasn't stupid.

He knew when something was wrong. This conversation neared the climax of the story. Loki's heart burned and shattered into a million pieces when he realized it wasn't going to be an easy escape for him. The words Laufey had spoken continued to linger and echo in his head. There was a truth long forgotten, and Loki believed in what was hidden in those words.

"You drift from us." Odin pointed out. "Our love for you equals that of Thor's. There is no shame in showing affection when it comes to family."

Loki had tried to stop the affection.

He was too hurt.

Too burdened to let it happen again!

Never again!

It was so easy to say coming from the man that found it hard to do so.

"It is not that." Loki embraced himself. "I have no problems. There is nothing that hinders me in that context. I am more than capable to figure that out, but it is only Thor that—"

Odin waited.

Resentment was in his eyes.

"I do not hate Thor." He admitted. "I am merely looking out on his behalf. You and I both know how irrational Thor could be when it concerns his honor and his bravery. I am only his outside voice, a conscience he needs. The decision solely lies on his choice. I think him unsuitable for the throne, at least until he learns to take ruling seriously."

"And do you take it seriously?"

"I didn't mean—"

"Is this what it is about?" Odin wondered. "Jealousy?"

"No!" He shouted. "I am only pointing out facts that Thor isn't ready to rule. Perhaps it was fate that the Frost Giants had ruined the coronation."

"And do you have any idea how that came to be?"

"No." He lied.

"Very well."

"Would it kill you to listen to what I have to say?" Loki fisted his hands.

"Tell me your side of the story then." Odin urged.

Loki almost choked as he stared at Odin. Why the sudden barrage of questions? Where had this come from? First he asked about his curiosity, then Thor, then the Frost Giants, and now he wanted to know his story. What was Odin up to? Loki couldn't figure his Father out at all. It was terrifying to not be able to know what Odin had in store for him.

"Why?"

"Thor overcomplicated the details." He said. "You are curious, yes? Then allow me to straighten up this confusion."

"Laufey said you were a murderer and a thief."

"He spins lies."

"Does he?" Loki thought as Odin continued.

"You must not let his words get to you, boy. Do you think me a murderer and a thief? Murderer is not the right word. It was necessary on both parties to take one life for another. Thievery is something else entirely."

"King Laufey said many things, and I do not know if I heard it correctly, but I think he regrets his actions."

"A Frost Giant will spin lies to gain our favor." Odin grimaced. "Why do you insist on listening? You have his words buried in your thoughts already, boy!"

"His words seem true."

"SILENCE! We will not have this conversation anymore. You will get those thoughts out of your mind. Those creatures will play us like fools if they think they could get to us. It seems Laufey had already gotten to you. They crave vengeance, boy. They are vile, horrid and unstable. We must not allow them any favors."

"Thor and I know what they are capable of."

Loki trembled.

Odin moved forward and yanked Loki's arm, making him cringe in pain. Loki winced at the sudden contact, and his gaze never left Odin's eye. Was it because the Frost Giants rid him of his other eye? Was that why the All-Father held his grudge?

"Are you trying to make me see reason to forgive them?"

"What?" Loki gave him a confused look. "No!"

"Are you siding with them?"

"No! Father, listen!"

"They have given you thoughts, they poisoned your thinking."

"No, Father!"

"What more do you want me to give you? I have lost so much already. I have sacrificed time for you when I could be doing other things. What more do you want to deprive me of? Is it my time with my wife and my son?"

Loki was taken back.

Odin's eye widened as he realized what he had done.

He hadn't meant to say that.

"Loki…" Odin said softly.

"No!" Loki yanked his arm and backed away. "I— I don't understand."

"That was terrible of me. Forgive me."

"No." Loki shook his head. "No, I just… I don't… why?"

"They were poor choice of words," Odin reached a hand out. "Please listen to me, Loki."

"I tried to listen! You had not been doing the same!" He shouted. "Is it because I'm not Thor and that you are ashamed of me? Ashamed of whom I am and how I act? Do you hear the rumors spreading about me and you feel appalled? I am not ignorant as you all think I am! I know the difference if I am wanted or not! All I want is the truth. We've already strayed too far from all of our conversations. I don't—I don't understand you anymore!"

"What truth do you want?"

"The things Laufey had said about you." His lips quivered. "Why would he call you those things? Why would he name you a murderer and a thief?"

Odin watched as Loki broke down into tears.

"Father, just—I don't understand. Why do you resent me so?" He sobbed.

"I don't."

"But you do! I see it!"

"Then you are not looking deeply enough."

"Do I have to or do you just wish for me to suffer?" He cried. "What is it that you hide that you do not wish for us to know? I don't understand anything anymore. All these years have been nothing but confusion—"

Odin lowered his gaze.

"I'm so tired of this, Father."

"This is not how I wanted our conversation to end." Odin sighed. "Forgive me for my harsh words, Loki. But there is always a reason for my actions—think no ill of me—please. Perhaps it is best if I had listened to Frigga and Thor all along."

"What do you mean?" Loki shook.

"Loki—"

"FATHER STOP!"

Loki blinked his tears away as he saw Thor standing by the door, looking as if he had run a marathon. Thor's eyes were of anger, guilt and resentment. Thor immediately walked forward and shielded Loki from Odin. Odin merely stared at his two sons, unable to utter a single word. Thor wiped Loki's tears away and allowed Loki to fall into his embrace and warmth.

Loki blinked the tears away and tried not to show any form of weakness.

"Loki, are you alright?" Thor called.

Odin sighed to himself.

Of course Thor had suspected something. He always believed that Thor was smarter than he let on. Odin frowned and closed his eye. He had two stubborn children. He clutched his heart and took a deep breath. He could feel the world spinning on its axis.

Odin-sleep.

He needed Frigga.

"I figured you might do this, Father." Thor grimaced. "I could feel it."

"How much did you hear?"

"I heard enough."

"I see." Odin nodded. "It was nothing."

"We both know that is a lie, Father."

"Thor," Loki mumbled. "It is fine, it was nothing."

"What were you going to say to him?" Thor demanded. "What did you say?"

"You know very well what." Odin sighed.

"Father was going to tell me what Laufey meant." Loki whispered. "I suppose it was nothing. Forget about it, Thor. I pushed my luck too far, I got what I deserved."

"It wasn't nothing, Loki. Come with me, we are leaving," Thor said to Loki and half glaring at his father. "We need to speak about this, Father. It wasn't your right to shamelessly throw all of this away. We had an agreement how we were going to—"

"We speak of this later. I must return to Frigga."

"Thor?"

"Come, Loki." Thor pulled. "We are leaving."

Loki allowed Thor to drag him out of the weapons vault without a fight. The touch was gentle and having Thor around made Loki feel safe. Thor continued to drag Loki in silence. He could hear sobs coming from his brother, so he slowed their pace down, but it was a big mistake.

They were walking down the large hallway by the balcony when it happened.

Loki just stopped moving and broke down.

He palmed his face and started to cry, letting all of his emotions out.

"Hush, it is fine."

"No, it's not." Loki whimpered. "He—he said so himself—"

"Said what?"

"He doesn't think me as his son." Loki cried heavily. "I don't understand, Thor. What do I lack? Is it because of my imperfections that he shuns me so? Is it my shortcomings?"

"Hush." Thor looped his arms around Loki's waist. "No more. Stop talking."

"I don't understand, Thor." He buried his face on Thor's chest. "It hurts."

"I am right here."


oOo

Loki sat on his bed, his knees drawn up to his chest and he hugged himself. Thor was lying right beside him, doing his best to cheer him up. For the past hour and a half, nothing worked. Loki just sat there, thinking. There was a knock on the door and Thor sat up from the bed and walked to the door.

Loki eyed him as he came back with a tray.

"You need to eat, Loki." Thor insisted as he placed the tray on the nightstand. "I requested your favorites."

"I am not hungry." He mumbled.

"I am sorry for whatever happened with you and Father."

"It's not your fault."

"It could have been."

"Don't blame yourself, Thor."

"Loki?"

Loki contemplated why Thor had stopped calling him brother. Loki lifted his gaze up, but started to feel emotional again. Looking at Thor so serious and focused wasn't helping his situation at all. Thor tried to push the glass of water towards Loki, but his brother just refused to eat or drink anything.

"I do not know where to start or how to explain." Thor felt guilty.

"What did Father meant when he said I take his time from you and Mother?"

"I am not sure."

"He kept asking me so many questions." He whispered. "Some of them could barely be answered. I don't understand what made him so angry. I only—only wanted to know about the Frost Giants and Laufey. I understand he was angry that I nearly touched the Casket, but—I just—he suddenly—"

"Shh…"

Thor crawled by Loki's side and embraced him.

"But— he just—"

"Stop yourself there, Loki. I know it is difficult to understand why Father had expressed himself so, but—but I think you deserve to know now more than ever."

"What do you speak of?" Loki sniffed, a bit confused. "What do you know that I don't?"

"I want you to listen carefully."

Loki bit his lips and nodded in agreement.

"Give me a moment to phrase my words better." Thor paused, sitting in front of Loki on the bed. "It will be very difficult for you, but I want you to listen to me."

"I don't understand." Loki trembled.

"There is no better way to say this and it will be very hard for you to accept, but I want you to know that I love you, Loki. I will protect you and I will never allow any harm come your way. Never doubt my love for you under any circumstances, Loki."

"You're terrifying me, Thor."

Thor held Loki's hands and brought them to his lips.

"I am so sorry, Loki." He whispered. "I should have told you sooner."


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TBC…

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