Thank you for the lovely reviews guys!
oOo
Chapter 6 – Body of Lies
"You were just a babe, Loki." Thor mumbled. "And I was very young myself when Mother and Father told me of this tale. I wanted to tell you the truth long before, but Father stopped me. Mother wanted to tell you as well, but we feared it was too late."
Loki listened closely.
He stared at Thor's bright blue eyes riddled with sadness and tears.
Loki could feel the sting of each word that escaped Thor's lips.
There was a gut-wrenching pain at the pit of Loki's stomach, making him feel queasy and uncertain.
"Father's tale of the war with Jotunheim was incomplete." Thor began. "In the aftermath of the battle, Father went into Jotunheim's temple, scouring and making sure there were no more rebellious plots against him. He had to eradicate those who would tempt another form of treason when their so called deal was formed. Their temple is a sacred place, either believed to be a place of offering and sacrifice or a temple for Seidr, though that didn't matter. Everything was in ruins. There he found a babe on the snow, small for his size and fragile. It was Laufey's son."
Thor squeezed Loki's hand for comfort.
"The babe was abandoned and most of the Jotnar in the temple were either dead or missing. The child was near death, cold, alone, hungry and afraid. The babe cried out for help but none could hear it. There was no one to care for it. It was left there to die, perhaps for its size. Father hadn't the heart to leave the child, so—"
"Please don't say it." Loki wept.
Thor squeezed Loki's hands again for assurance.
"Stay strong, Loki."
"No, you cannot ask me of that." He pulled away, leaning back on the headboard. "I know where this will go. I do not know if I should believe it. I just cannot—it's too much Thor."
"Please, just listen."
Loki closed his eyes, but didn't protest.
"He took the child back to Asgard with him." Thor continued. "He placed a spell that would ensure the secret is kept. Mother fell in love, and… I fell in love."
Loki covered his face with his hands as he wept.
"No." He whimpered.
Thor crawled next to him and pulled him into an embrace.
Loki whimpered against him.
"This child was cared for, taught and brought up as an important part of society. He was loved, cared for and had a very happy brother. I suppose Father couldn't bear to keep this secret for so long that he had let it slip in his anger, allowing you to question it. And now, here I am telling you this before anyone else could. Before you could ruin what truth is set. I know who you are Loki. I know how you act when you think you are betrayed, but hear me now and believe that I love you and I do not think of you any differently."
"How could you?" Loki's voice cracked.
"You deserved to know."
"Why would he take me if I was one of them?" He softly asked. "If I wasn't your blood, why take me? What reason or purpose do you have instead of just giving me shelter? Had I been any other Jotun, I wouldn't be treated that way. I would have possibly been killed to end my misery."
"Loki, please."
"There has to be a purpose, Thor. He wouldn't take me had I not been useful. Small and helpless as you described I was, but that couldn't have been his sole reason."
"There was," His expression grew dark. "There was a purpose."
"What is it?"
"No." He looked away.
"What do you mean no?" Loki's eyes widened. "You said I deserved to know."
"You deserved an explanation. You do not deserve anymore pain and suffering. Please understand the reason we kept this secret. We are your family, we love you and despite who you are, it matters little to us."
"It matters little to you but what of Fath—" He stopped himself. "Odin."
"Please do not be like this."
"Just tell me the truth, Thor!" Loki pushed himself up from the bed away from Thor.
"Loki!" Thor called.
"I—I n-need to stand." He panted, panicking. "It's barely sinking in, broth—Thor. This is a nightmare. I am in a terrible nightmare and it's eating me slowly. I don't understand. I feel numb and sick. I feel sick! I c-cannot breathe."
"Calm down."
"It hurts. It's so painful and it's all a lie."
"Loki, do I like I jest?" Thor brought his feet to the floor. "Do I look like I am here to fool or trick you? That I am here to lie to you?"
"No." Loki guiltily said.
"Then please, just accept this."
"Tell me what purpose is there to fill that gap that makes Odin shun me so." He begged. "It makes sense why he always cared for you and why everyone thinks of me so differently. Why I was always looked down upon while you were held in the light to bask in all the glory and honor. It makes sense."
"I care for you, Loki."
"Please stop lying to me." He looked away. "No more secrets."
Thor watched as Loki broke down in front of him. How Loki's knees weakened if it hadn't been for Thor, who stood up to support him. How Loki was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted for so many years. He had bottled it up for so long and now, he could no longer contain it.
Loki cried in his arms, and continued to do so.
It felt so endless.
oOo
"How could you do this to me?"
Loki laid his head by the foot of the bed, staring at the ceiling.
Thor lay next to him.
He held Loki close to his chest.
They needed a way to stare at the ceiling that wouldn't lead them to stare at the door, because it looked like a reminder of how things had gone. So now all they could see was the headboard and the dark green curtain behind it. Loki had stopped crying, it seemed that the tears had just stopped. He was still in pain. He was still hurt, but Loki allowed it to sink in.
He allowed it to settle before he could continue.
"It is better I than Father." Thor grumbled.
"You're so cruel." Loki closed his eyes. "So harsh, uncaring—"
"Do you still want to hear it?"
"Will it hurt?"
Thor turned his body and kissed Loki's forehead as an answer.
"That means yes." Loki frowned.
"I never once thought of you as anything more than a brother. I love you, Loki. Not once had I the urge to do anything harmful to you. At least not as I meant to. And not once had I thought of you as a tool or a monster. Remember that, Loki. I love you."
"This will definitely hurt."
"You are not taking this seriously."
"Should I?" Loki bitterly chuckled. "It's already painful enough as it is."
"You were supposed to be a peace treaty to unite Jotunheim and Asgard. If there was further bloodshed, you would be used to stop it. With what means you ask? Father had not made clear. At first he had thought to marry you to me."
"What?" Loki's eyes widened. "Are you insane?"
Thor grimaced. "Father's words."
"I'm male!"
"Not entirely."
"You insensitive moron!"
"That's what I think."
"Stop it, Thor!"
"I'm just telling you facts about Jotun anatomy!"
"Facts?" Loki shouted. "How would you know anything about facts on the Jotnar race?!"
"Well, there are stories—"
"No! No! Stop there you imbecile!" Thor had crossed the line and Loki sat up to straddle him. "I will not discuss this with you!"
"Haven't you ever wondered where all the female Jotnar were?" Thor mumbled as he eyed Loki, trying to attack him from above. "That is because there aren't any, or at least I and most people think there aren't. You and I never encountered any female at all when we went there, did you? Nor anyone as small as you are. I'm not trying to degrade your thoughts on yourself, I'm simply stating facts..."
"Facts that I am not completely male?" Loki hissed. "You barbaric moron!"
"I am just telling you what you should or might need to know." Thor sighed. "You are my brother, and you wanted the truth and here I am stating certain facts that even I am not sure of. I believe the Jotnar are of a single race that could reproduce and I think it's true—"
"No." Loki smothered Thor's face. "Stop it!"
"Loki!"
"Stop talking!"
"That hurts!"
"Good! I should do it again for good measure."
"And here I thought you were the smart one who read books, Loki."
"Why would I read books about them?" Loki tried to slap Thor again, but his wrists were caught. "Let me go, you insensitive lout!"
"Don't deny when you did!" Thor smiled. "Admit it, you did read about them!"
"Fine, I did!"
"See!"
"Unhand me you overgrown inconsiderate thick-skulled brute!"
"Big words for someone so tin—"
"Finish that sentence, Thor. I dare you."
"Not until you get off of me and let me continue, little brother."
"You want me to let you continue to humiliate me and tell me how different and fragile I am?!" Loki hissed, trying to pry Thor's hand from his wrists. "I am not weak! I'm not a porcelain doll nor a woman! I may be slightly thin and not as huge as the men on Asgard but that's how I was born and built! Why are you laughing? Oh you heartless bastard— I should really cut off your testicles and hang them in display outside the Palace!"
"That is terrible!" Thor stopped laughing and gasped. "And uncalled for!"
"Then stop talking about it—"
"Fine I won't talk about it, just get off me, Loki."
"Let me go."
"Ugh, get off me, Loki."
"Not until I am sure you would keep your mouth shut about it!"
"Do you want me to continue or not?" Thor stared at him.
Loki looked down and pouted.
"Off me." Thor ordered. "Now."
Loki rolled his eyes and felt Thor's grip falter. He lay back down next to Thor and angrily slapped Thor's stomach, making his brother cringe. Loki smirked and felt that he had gotten his revenge, but it still wasn't enough. Everything felt so strange now. It was so foreign to him. It was like he was in an out-of-body experience. His body doesn't feel right anymore. It felts so strange, suggestive even.
He hated it.
"You may continue, oh so blonde brute." He grimaced, staring back at the ceiling. "It's not like you can hurt me beyond repair."
"You are not entirely ma—"
"I thought we weren't discussing this!" Loki glared. "We've established me being Jotun, but I am not discussing this without proper facts! Facts that don't necessarily come from you!"
"Fine, but one day you will ask me for it!" Thor huffed.
"You don't even know if it's true or not!"
"The signs point that direction!"
"I'm not a maiden!" Loki glared.
"I am not saying you are, brother." Thor grunted. "If it makes you completely uncomfortable to discuss this with me, and I'll admit that I am rather curious still, I'll switch to the previous topic then."
"Good."
Thor rolled his eyes. "Father had meant to marry us, but declined on the idea."
"Thank the Norns."
"He thought it would be better to… use you if you were closer to us as family."
"That doesn't make things any better at all." Loki grimaced.
"Would you stop interrupting me?"
"How can I do that?"
"By keeping your mouth shut?"
"I find it hard to let it sink in, Thor. It's in my nature to ask questions and it hurts. It just hurts but I cannot help but feel numb. I've shed my tears, I've broken down, but it is no use. Everything is just a painful reminder of how my life is nothing but a lie! I don't know what to do. I cannot even react properly!"
"Father had the best intentions, but the worst ideas." Thor mumbled.
"What was his reason why he declined against the idea of marriage?" Loki curiously asked. "Don't look at me like that you idiot!"
"He tried to imagine what you might look like, and he may have predicted your slender form, but the sole reason he denied that idea was because he did not want a relationship like that. If you were family, you would have a greater tie among us. And perhaps he knew I might not take lightly into marriage. I certainly am not ready to be married through political matters. And we were children!"
"He is an insane halfwit old cretin." Loki cursed. "A moron knucklehead ignoramus."
"Take care how you speak Loki, he is still our Father."
"No. I denounce him that title."
"I said I always wanted a little brother." Thor admitted. "That thought stuck to me, and I think they heard that and went with it."
"But here you got a half breed instead."
"I should call you sister, but no. I like you just the way you are, even if you have certain abilities and are a different race, or the fact that you can even produce young." Thor earned a glare and a pinch from Loki. "It does not make you any less of who you are. It just makes you Loki."
"Oh my hero," Loki mocked. "Is that all?"
"No."
"Wait, don't tell me yet."
"We can go back to your Jotun skills and how it's possible for your body to do that? I think Mother and Father explained it once when I was younger, but I barely paid it any attention. If you'd like I could—"
"No!" Loki whined. "I don't want to know!"
"Well, when do you want me to say it?"
"Never."
"Fine."
"Just give me a moment." Loki sighed. "I want you to tell me the rest of the story not the other part."
"Alright."
Thor gave him time.
Loki needed it.
Thor really wanted Loki to understand.
Loki palmed his face, "Okay I'm ready. Tell me."
"He also thought to give you up to the Jotnar willingly and sacrifice yourself if they ever asked for your return. That is, if they ever wanted you. Father asked me if I would be willing to give you up. I never gave him an answer, but it would always be no. You were already too far attached to us for me to allow that. I would never give you out willingly."
"You really care for me that much?"
"You think so less of me, Loki."
"What if you hadn't known I was Jotun and only found out," Loki asked. "Would you have loved me still?"
Thor gave him a look, "Of course."
"Oh," He mumbled. "What else did the All-father think of?"
"He thought that by using you to repair the damages between our realms, it would bring stability to the connections along the branches of Yggdrasil and strengthen the alliances we have. We have a good alliance with Alfheim, quite a strained relationship with Vanaheim, but they are all still good. But Father needed you to stabilize our union with Jotunheim."
"So I am no more than a purloined child!?" Loki exaggerated.
"What?"
"That is outrageous!"
"He loves you, Loki."
"What context does the word love befall in his dictionary?" Loki turned his back to Thor. "I'm a monster."
"Don't say that." Thor embraced him from behind. "You are my brother and will forever be my brother."
"Even monsters don't want me." Loki mumbled. "They abandoned me, even thought to kill me in the cold. This realm and the next would just cast me out. I don't even belong where I was born. How can I even hope that there would be someplace that would truly accept me without question? The only family I only ever known hid secrets and forever held me as an object of use."
"I do not see you that way." He buried his face in Loki's hair.
"That's a lie."
"You are clouded by hate."
"I resent everything."
"That means I am correct." Thor mumbled. "But rest assured, I care for you."
"Mother does too, yes?"
"Of course she does."
"Hmm…" Loki hummed. "I knew I would never be King, and I always knew there are other meanings behind Odin's words that we were both born to be Kings. I should have realized and made the connection sooner. Odin only ever spoke of it because I was Laufey's son."
"I'm sure he had faith in you."
"Had faith that I would listen and obey his every command like I don't have feelings or a conscience. It's disheartening that he thinks he knows us both when in truth, he doesn't."
"His reasons were always, different."
"Who knew I would be destined to sit on Jotunheim's throne?" Loki shrugged at the idea and turned to Thor. "So everything is a lie. My skin is a lie."
"Loki." Thor whined.
"Norns forbid, what do I look like underneath all this flesh?"
"You are exaggerating."
Thor pouted as he came face to face with Loki.
"Oh, then let me help you understand." Loki smirked. "Tell me what you would do had you found out you were an Elf in disguise? What if you were Freyr's long lost secret son and that you were truly destined for Alfheim? How would you feel if you had paler skin and pointed ears? Perhaps that body of yours isn't even all muscle, and it's just fat."
"I would not be happy."
"There, you've made my point."
"It still hasn't sunk in, has it?" Thor observed. "It is hard and you are still in denial."
"Of course I am." Loki wiggled his body closer to Thor for warmth. "But that does not mean I cannot understand. I've told you. It hurts but what am I supposed to do? I've cried. I shared my pain with you. I spoke. What else is there but to accept? How could I do that so easily? I'm still confused."
"I am here to ease your pain." Thor eyed the ceiling.
"Promise me something, Thor."
"Anything."
"I want you to vow that you would not leave my side in my time of need." Loki eyed him, making Thor turn his gaze. "I may not be open, but here I am willing to be vulnerable to you. I do not want your anger, nobody does, but when I speak truth, I want you to understand. When I give my heart, or my words, or if I ever break, you would be there to help me."
"I vow this." Thor said firmly.
"You cannot say it that quickly."
"Had I hesitated… so would you." Thor locked Loki into an embrace. "I would not leave you, nor will I simply judge you. I know what I am dealing with. I may be stubborn and confusing, but I can be wise enough when it comes to family."
"Your view of me will not change?"
"I love you more than the nine realms combined."
"Okay." Loki buried his face on Thor's shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
Thor pulled Loki up, who propped himself up with his hands. He sat up on the bed by Thor's side and hugged his knees. Thor followed and stared at him in confusion. Thor looped an arm around his brother's waist from behind him and pulled him into another embrace, but Loki remained silent and unmoving.
"What ails you now?"
"At the coronation, remember what I told you?"
"How could I forget?" Thor rested his chin on Loki's shoulder and whispered. "I am not as idiotic as you claim I am. Tell me, had my suspicions been correct all along? Had it been you?"
Loki tensed.
Had it been you?
"I tire of this conversation." Loki grimaced. "I still haven't accepted the facts. Perhaps tomorrow, my mind would be clearer."
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Wait," Loki's eyes widened. "Weren't you forbidden to leave your room?!"
"No." Thor smiled. "Father confiscated Mjolnir, but that is it. So, am I welcomed to stay in your room or am I to trudge back into my quarters and leave you here to think?"
"No, you may stay." Loki mumbled audibly. "I don't want to be alone."
"Alright."
Loki waved a hand to close the lights and allow the moonlight to seep through the curtains. The tray of food Thor brought up had been forgotten on the nightstand as the two brothers fixed themselves on the bed and curled together. It felt like they were children again, and things were starting to get better.
They just had a rough day.
A very rough day.
Maybe tomorrow, Loki would forget what happened and he would think it was all a nightmare. He would laugh about it by morning and so will Thor. As Thor was about to sleep, Loki turned to him, his green eyes like emeralds in the darkness.
"Will you be here when I wake?"
"Of course." Thor nodded. "Rest well, Loki."
"Do you promise?"
Loki yawned and his puffy tired eyes dropped. All the tension was gone, and the only thing Thor heard was Loki's light breathing. He leaned closer to entangle his arms around his brother and gave Loki's forehead a quick kiss.
They were brothers; there was nothing to be ashamed of.
"I promise."
oOo
"Are you sure this is the decision you choose, My King?" Heimdall spoke.
"I am sure." He said, holding Mjolnir. "Thor needs to learn that no amount of apologies could rectify what he could have instilled. He is arrogant, and though he may be wise in some of his decisions, it is still not enough. He lacks mortality, guidance, and humility. In Midgard, he will learn to respect what he has. He had been spoiled too much, and to think I had been so blind to that."
"You spoke to the Queen of this decision?"
Your logic is false and absurd, Odin. He recalled Frigga speaking of it moments ago. I fear this will tear our family apart more than you would ever know. I trust you have a plan and you have your reasons, but I do not recommend them.
"You saw, Heimdall."
"Aye."
"She did not take kindly to it, but she understands."
Odin walked to the Bifrost and closed his eyes. He brought Mjolnir to his lips and whispered, gathering all the energy he had left for one last choice. "In the name of my Father and his Father before," He said softly. "I Odin All-Father relinquish my son's strength and ability to use you until he has proven himself worthy of your power."
Odin's words were law.
"What do you see of Thor, Heimdall?"
"He sleeps."
"And Loki?"
"He sleeps with him." Heimdall said. "They spoke about the truth of Loki's parentage. It went surprisingly well when I last glanced, My King. They had shared their grief and sorrow, I believe that is enough. They both rest soundly in Loki's chambers."
"Good."
"The eldest son notices the change you gave him."
"I see."
"What of your other son?" Heimdall questioned. "I fear his new found knowledge. It is breaking him, he lies and puts a mask on and thinks to parade in it. He is broken."
"Did you hear their conversation?"
"To respect their privacy, I had kept my hearing away from them. My sight glanced continuously, for I did not want to disturb their peace. It is for their ears alone."
"Kindness, Heimdall."
"Do you doubt yourself, My King?"
"In many ways, yes," Odin nodded. "I did it for my sons and my people. They would have to understand the duty and sacrifice a King makes. These are not mere virtues and intricacy that we Aesir's must aspire to. It is essential for every man we have to know this. Thor had been blinded by his stubbornness, and it needs to be repaired. I care for them both."
"Will this be for the good of your sons though?" Heimdall wondered. "You would separate them when they need each other most."
"Thor must learn, what better way than now?" Odin sighed. "Loki must also see that I care for him enough to do this. If it means switching their positions for the time being, then so be it. Let Thor be the shadow, and let Loki be his light."
"Is this final?"
"Aye."
"Then I am sworn to obey my King."
The portal opened and Odin raised the hammer to his lips. "Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor." With that, runes forged itself into the hammer and created a binding law. He lifted it with all his might and threw it into the portal and it landed straight in the desert of New Mexico.
An Einherjar waited at the entrance.
"Tyr," Odin ordered. "Seek Thor, bring him to the Bifrost. Do what you must to send him out of Asgard. And be careful not to wake Loki. He needs his rest and we do not want any disruption."
With that, he had blacked out.
oOo
TBC…
I love Innocent/Mischievous Loki in this chapter. xD
WiseThor is cool!~
Anyways...
Please review and tell me what you think. :D
