"So what do we do then?" he asked her.
"Whatever we have to," she replied, looking back up at him. "We're in this together now."
He rolled her into his embrace, holding her tightly against his chest. "I really don't deserve you. You're a better person than me, that's for sure."
"Do you think you're a bad person, Doctor?" she asked, her voice muffled against his skin.
"I've done bad things, Rose. Terrible things, things I'm not proud of. Most of those things are in the past, but the echoes haunt me even now. I can't ever take them back, no matter how much I might want to, no matter how much I try."
She pulled back, both to catch a breath and glimpse at him. "Everyone does bad things from time to time. No one's perfect. That doesn't make us bad people."
"What's the worst thing you've ever done, Rose?" he asked
"How d'you mean?" she asked, not sure she understood the question.
"Maybe a time where you made a choice, and the outcome of that decision had harmful effects on those around you. Maybe you stole, you lied, caused an accident, shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, whatever. But the worst thing you've ever done...what is it?"
The question caught her completely off guard. "I...well, I don't properly know. It's not the sort of thing I've ever given much thought to."
He gave a mirthless little chuckle. "Nevermind. You had to think about it...that tells me more than if you had given me an actual answer."
"What does that even mean? Like what does it tell you?" she asked, frowning.
"Well, either you're the type of person who does terrible things without feeling any remorse, or you're the type of person who has never done anything they had to feel truly guilty about. I doubt you're the former, so I'll have to assume you're the latter," he said, shrugging.
Now it was her turn to chuckle. "I'm hardly innocent, Doctor, if that's what you're getting at. Just because the stupid things I've done don't plague me every night doesn't mean I haven't done bad things or things I've regretted. I have. Like not getting my A-Level's? I used to regret that a lot, especially after I'd spent all afternoon folding sweaters, just to come back twenty minutes later and find the display had been ransacked by a bunch of snotty little tweens. Many an existential crises were had in the second floor loo on days like that."
He snorted derisively. "So is not getting your A-Level's the worst thing you've done then?"
"No...that's not the worst thing, although I suppose it woyld depend on who you asked. My mum thought it was the worst thing.. The reason why I didn't get them, though...that's the worst, I guess, if you were going to force me to pinpoint it," she said with a heavy sigh.
"Well?" he asked.
"Well what?" she replied, a little curtly.
"The reason you didn't get your A-Level's. What is it?" he asked.
"I...I would really rather not talk about this, actually. I don't see the point in it. It's not a pissing contest. I don't care what the worst thing you've ever done was," she said, which was half true. She didn't want to talk about it because she had no desire to revisit a past she had tried to bury. That, and she was almost afraid that it might segue into him talking about the worst things he'd ever done, a prospect that truly terrified her given his hot and cold temperament.
"That's sweet that you don't care what I've done. But I do. I want to know the worst thing you've done, Rose. Please. Humor a crazy man," he said, the subtle change in his tone not going unnoticed. She recognized that tone. It was the same tone he had used when he'd told her she should do what he told her to if she wanted her mother to remain safe. Humor him?
iExactly what is it I've been doing, if not just that?/i she wondered silently to herself, but she sensed this was not going to be a topic he would be willing to drop, for whatever reason. She cleared her throat, and thought about what she wanted to say. Nothing, really, but of course that wasn't going to be acceptable. Already, she felt her chest growing tight just thinking about it, and she hadn't even uttered a word (or a name, really) yet.
"I suppose we all have our ghosts," she said, finally. "Sometimes, they don't even have to be dead to haunt you, either. When I was sixteen...me and my mum just flat out didn't get along. We were constantly arguing-she didn't want me working, just wanted me focusing on school. She was convinced that was the only way I'd end up getting ahead in life, was if I went off to uni. She didn't. She had me instead, and my dad made a runner and she raised me on her own. I feel worse about it now...because she was right. And I'm sorry. I don't suppose I'll ever get the chance to tell her that," Alba said, her breath hitching.
The Doctor was silent, his face impassive. He squeezed her hand gently, but said nothing, his silence indicating she should continue.
She dabbed at her eyes with the backs of her hands and sniffled before adjusting herself on her pillow. "His name was Jimmy Stone. Fancied himself a rock star, him and his mates had a band. It was so stupid, and they were terrible, but I was sixteen and looking for a way out and of course that all seemed so romantic at the time. He offered an out, and I took it. I moved in with him, dropped out of school. Didn't tell my mum where I was going or anything, because I didn't care. I just resented her overprotectiveness so much...I was all she had though, and she clung to me, and I just couldn't deal with it then. It was hard enough, growing up without a dad, wearing second-hand clothes and eating ramen noodles whenever mum would lose one of her part-time seasonal jobs. I couldn't see it then, that she was just trying to protecting me. I felt like she was trying to control me, and I hated it, so I rebelled. Typical stupid teenager, and it worked out about as well as you'd think," she said with a shuddery sigh.
"Oh, believe me. We all do foolish things at that age," he said softly, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Tell me how this story ends."
"I got pregnant. It was bound to happen, of course. All they did was drink, so that was all I did, too. We weren't ever careful, we didn't use birth control. When Jimmy found out about the baby...he seemed happy. At first. He assured me he'd take care of us, that everything would be fine. So I didn't think anything of it. I went to bed that night feeling completely relieved, because Jimmy was going to take care of us all.
One night a few weeks later, I woke up in the worst pain I'd ever known, and he was just pissed drunk and ibeating/i me with his guitar. Hitting my back, my stomach. After he broke the neck of the guitar, he started pummeling me with his bare hands. I just remember shouting at him to please stop, please, and I finally asked him what he was doing. And I'll never forget what he said...he just looked at me, completely calm, and he said i'I'm taking care of it, Alba'/i and then he kept beating me. I eventually blacked out, and woke up in hospital. That was how my mum finally found me. I miscarried...obviously. And Jimmy disappeared. Once he sobered up, I guess he realized what he'd done technically counted as murder and assault and he hit the road. That's why I didn't get my A-Level's...and that why it's the worst thing I've ever done."
"You let your mum down and you ran away and made her worry. That's the worst thing you think you've done?" he asked gently. There was no derision in his tone this time, though he did seem a bit nonplussed.
"Well there's that, and that's pretty bad I suppose. But...the worst thing...the worst thing...is the baby. That baby's blood is on me, because I was stupid, childish, and irresponsible, and an innocent life died as a direct result of my poor decisions. And as a mother...I failed to protect my child. And my own mum...if I'd just listened, hadn't been so stupid and stubborn, none of it would've happened in the first place!" she cried, the tears cutting tracks down her cheeks, her body wracked with sobs. Wordlessly, the Doctor pulled her into his arms and held her against his chest, stroking her hair. She sensed that he wanted to say something to her, but was unsure of the words to use. When he finally did speak, his response was not quite what she was expecting.
"This is why I had to ask, Rose. I had to know...if you were as broken as I am. Maybe there's more than one person seeking redemption here. Anyway...here I am still talking, when we came in here because you said you were tired. So why don't you rest. I'm going to get up and go call Jack, let him know we got here okay. He'll worry otherwise, I'm sure," the Doctor said, getting up from the bed.
"Will you be gone long?" Alba asked, hating the desperate, pleading tone she heard in her voice when she did. As absurd as it was, she suddenly found that she didn't want to be left alone with that mountain and her (guilty) thoughts.
"I don't have to be," he said softly, brushing the tears from her cheeks with the ball of his thumb. "Get some rest, I'll be back shortly."
Alba turned onto her back and stared up at the pattern on the brocade canopy. From here it was not discernible, though that didn't stop her from squinting at it to try and see anyway. Eventually, she just closed her eyes and tried not to think about her mum, the baby that never was, or that stupid slag Jimmy Stone. Instead, she thought of the Doctor and the vow she had made to him, and wondered what her mum would say if she were here right now. Probably nothing good. She chewed her bottom lip and tried to think of ways she could help the Doctor keep the company out of Harry and Rani's hands that didn't involve them having a baby together.
So he couldn't adopt on Gallifrey. Was there nothing to stop him from going to Earth and finding a baby there? He probably wouldn't want to adopt through official channels for the same reason he had taken her from the slave exchange rather than placing an advert looking for a wife-no paper, no trail, no records. Still...they could always take a child from an orphanage, maybe. A part of her though objected to kidnapping another innocent person and dragging them into what was an undeniably dark scheme, even if the intentions behind it were somewhat honorable.
Maybe they could pay a surrogate on New Earth? As the saying went imoney talks/i, she had to think they'd be able to find someone willing to do it. With a time travel device at their disposal, it would be entirely possible to fake a pregnancy on Gallifrey and then bring home the baby from New Earth when the time was right. It seemed like a viable solution, but deep down she knew it wasn't the easiest one, or the most natural. She swallowed hard, thinking about what it would mean for her if they couldn't come up with something, and soon.
Jack was just locking the spare bedroom behind him when he heard the familiar sound of a vortex manipulator from the kitchen. "Doc?" he called out, feeling a little silly. That was the only person it could be, after all. He got no response though, which left him feeling slightly unnerved. He made his way down the hall towards the kitchen, but before he could reach the door the Doctor came around the corner, wearing nothing but his pants and a look of fury. He hit Jack like a sack of bricks and before he knew what had hit him, the two men were scuffling on the floor.
"You stupid son of a bitch, you told her about them!" the Doctor shouted, wrapping his hands around Jack's throat. "What the fuck?!"
"Doc...pleaseā¦" he wheezed, trying to pry free of the other man's grip, but failing.
"That wasn't yours to tell, you bastard! That was mine, do you understand? You robbed me of the right to make the decision of whether or not I was going to tell her!"
Jack scrabbled weakly at the Doctor, unable to form coherent thought. "Jamie..kiilling...me.." he managed to moan.
The Doctor got off of him with a disgusted grunt, but not before popping him quickly in the mouth. "Don't call me Jamie. We're not kids anymore. What would Alonso say if he could see your hard-on now, Harkness?"
"F..f..fuck you," Jack spat, pulling himself into a sitting position. "No one..no one..told you...to rape her...you...fuckface. I...was just trying...to smooth things over for you. Since yourself...is such an...oblivious twat!"
"Are you done?" the Doctor asked, looking slightly amused.
"Maybe," Jack said, wiping the blood from his mouth. "Are you quite done trying to kill me while I have the woman you kidnapped from New Earth in my guestroom?"
"If I had wanted to kill you, you would be dead without even knowing it, Jack. I was merely making a point there. My secrets, my stories, my past..those are mine to share with Rose, not yours. But I didn't just come here to rough you up, Harkness. The game has changed. She knows the truth about the company, about what Harry and Rani are trying to do. And she told me that she'd stay however long, that I couldn't send her away now because we have to fight them and do whatever we have to to stop them from taking over the company and commercializing the vortex manipulator. Jack...I can't bollocks this up!"
Jack's jaw dropped. "No shit. She really said that?"
The Doctor nodded. "I asked her what we should do, to stop them y'know, and she said to me i'Whatever we have to. We're in this together now'/i. Can you believe that?"
"Not really, no," Jack said, and the Doctor gave him a warning look. "But if you say she said it, I believe you. So she wants to help you, she's in it for the long haul. Now what?"
"Now I need you to help make her fall in love with me," the Doctor replied, sounding slightly sheepish.
"I'm sorry...did you just say you want my help making a girl fall in love with you? Because I'm thinking now might be a good time for me to take up alchemy," Jack chuckled.
"Shut up, I'm being serious here, Jack. I...I can't lose her. I know she said she'd stay, but if she loves me than it wouldn't be forcing her. If she loves me, she may want to stay after it's all done anyway.. And you know me, I haven't truly courted a woman in years. I guess not ever, actually..."
"Wow man...you've got it for her bad," Jack said, sounding a little touched.
"Will you help me or not?" the Doctor pressed.
"Of course I'm going to help you...but we still have to figure out what to do with Andrea," Jack replied, jerking his thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of the guestroom.
"Actually, I've got some ideas about that, too, but I'll need to go home to my lab to get a few things," the Doctor said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Where's Rose?" Jack thought to ask. He hadn't seen or heard from her since he'd locked her in her bedroom the day previous.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, so I won't bother."
"Ms. Prentice, you're awake. How are you feeling?" a familiar voice asked.
Andrea's eyes flew open, and she saw a concerned and handsome face with piercing blue eyes peering down on her. She didn't recognize him though, which made the familiarity of his voice a little disconcerting. She couldn't place where she knew his voice from, and she was certain she'd remember having met a guy so fit.
"Better now that you're here, dear," she muttered, and the man blushed. "Who're you, anyway?"
"I'm your acclimization agent, Andrea. You were badly hurt in an explosion that happened some time ago. Do you remember?" he asked her.
"No, not really," she replied. "How long have I been out?"
"About six months," the man replied, and Andrea felt herself rocked.
iSix months? Six bleedin' months?/i she thought to herself.
"Yes, a lot happened while you were out. You were evicted from the estate for not qualifying-which, before you get upset-I have all your things at your new place. The accident you were in...you got quite a bit of money out of it. So you won't have to worry about your bills or rent for a while. That was why you didn't qualify, by the way-you got the settlement, so it disqualified you to live in the council estates. But I've taken care of all that. Later today, after you've eaten and bathed and dressed, I'll take you to your new home. Sound good?"
"Yeah," Andrea replied weakly. "How much money are we talking, exactly?"
When the man told her, she just about fainted again.
