It's the wee hours of the morning in Germany, and the Doctor is very, very cross. River was supposed to have met him hours ago, but she still hasn't shown up.

The Doctor's legs shake the cafe table in front of him, he checks his psychic notepad again. He's in the right place, so where's River?

He twiddles his thumbs, they're still long, and so much younger looking than they should be.

He checks his notepad again.

Nothing's changed.


"Waiting for someone?"

A heavily accented voice asks. The Doctor looks to the voice. It's a woman. Eyes hidden by the brim of a black hat, red lips smirking, straight and smooth blonde hair hanging down to the shoulders.

"Actually, yeah. Why?" He says. The woman shrugs, sits in the chair opposite him, her arms crossing as she leans back.

"Because, as it so happens, so am I." The Doctor drums his fingers on the table, checking her body language for any hidden motives, and subsequently notices the rest of her as well. She's wearing a black trench coat with a velvet collar, black leather pants, and- yowzah- four inch heeled boots. He can see the outline of her calves quite clearly, even through the leather. Sinfully tight leather.

"Something catch your eye?" The woman asks, amused. He jumps in his seat, he hadn't even noticed that his head had dropped along with his gaze.

"I didn't see anything." Is his immediate response. The woman chuckles, the Doctor could practically blush at the sound.

"So there's nothing there?" She asks, feigning ignorance of his ogling.

"Nothing that I was looking at, anyway." He says, grinning.

"Who are you waiting for?"

"The person I'm waiting for." He says, tugging at his bow tie, smug of his own cleverness.

"What a pity, I was hoping you were waiting for me."

"Why would I wait for you?" The Doctor asks, not meaning to sound rude, simply curious. And fancying himself to be flirting.

"Because I was supposed to be meeting my mystery man here tonight, and we were going to get into all sorts of trouble and shenanigans." Her lips curl upwards on the last word, the Doctor's bow tie somehow gets tighter.

"How are you supposed to meet your mystery man if he's a mystery?" He asks, she grins.

"That's the fun of it. Where's the excitement if he's always got the same face?"

There's a pause in the conversation, the Doctor stares at her again.

"You're a married woman."

"Really? How so?"

"You just sound like one."

"Fascinating. And you can tell that because..."

"Because I married you, River Song."

He tips the brim of her hat back, exposing her face.

It's not River Song.


"You're- you're not-"

"No, I'm not." The woman says, interrupting the Doctor's shocked stutters. She smiles in victory and hands him a phone as she stands up.

"It's been a pleasure." And with that, she walks out of the cafe. The Doctor gapes after her, completely flummoxed. He turns on the phone. A text appears immediately on the screen.

Hello sweetie, I told you I could do it. Meet you in the Tardis.


He calls the number that sent him the text.

"River, what on earth was that?" He says, completely skipping hellos.

"Did you enjoy that? I guessed you would." She says, amusement coloring her voice.

"What- why?" He asks, exasperated.

"Because, you questioned me."

"Could you be any more cryptic?" He snaps, an embarrassed flush still staining his cheeks.

"You questioned my seduction skills. I said I could seduce you without you even knowing it was me. And I did."

"That wasn't you."

"In a way it was. The words were mine. I gave them to Luisa before even sending you the psychic note."

"You couldn't have known how I'd respond."

"Mm, but I did." He huffs, she laughs. "Now come into the Tardis, I've got something to show you."

"I shan't. I think I'll have a pint."

"You hate alcohol." River says.

"I've made up my mind."

"I can change it." She says confidently.

"Yeah?" The Doctor says, seemingly uninterested.

"Yeah. You see, I'm wearing the exact outfit Luisa was wearing tonight..." The Doctor gulps, unintentionally imagining River in black leather.

"Go on." He says after a moment's pause.

"But less."

He's off and running to the Tardis in less than a second.