Here's yet another update! Enjoy! :)
Chapter 9
The weeks passed and the days grew colder. Clarke saw very little of Bellamy other than a stolen glimpse of his dark curls across camp. He worked long and hard on the cabins, still only coming back to camp for guard duty or cadet training once a week.
She'd caught his gaze several times, the icy anger in his dark gaze chilling her more than the cold wind that blew down from the mountains that towered in the distance.
Bryce had become withdrawn, speaking very little. She worried about him, trying to draw him out of the shell he'd so carefully constructed around his little heart. It was no use though; he remained dejected simply staring across camp where Bellamy stood.
Clarke sighed, knowing that she and Bellamy's silence was still hard on the little boy. She ruffled his hair, stroking the dark curls at the nape of his neck. Bryce leaned into her touch slightly, one of his small hands reaching out to grab one of her larger ones.
"Why don't you go see him", she urged.
"He doesn't want us anymore", Bryce said softly.
"That's not true, sweetheart. Your Auntie O was just telling me the other day how much Bell misses you."
"Why doesn't he come see us like he used to?"
"He's very busy trying to get our house built", Clarke lied.
She didn't have the heart to tell her son that she had successfully driven away the closest thing he had to a father. However, she refused to allow him to think that Bellamy didn't love him.
"Go", she said, shoving him gently in the dark haired man's direction.
She watched him go, his little head hung low and shoulders slumped. He walked up to Bellamy, stopping to stand beside him, but neither speaking or reaching out to his hero.
She knew the exact moment Bellamy noticed the little boy because he turned quickly taking Bryce in his arms as he pulled him to his chest. He then set Bryce down before him, kneeling in the dirt to be eye level with the boy.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bellamy looked down at the little boy who stood quietly beside him. He scooped him up, holding him tightly to his chest. He could tell that something was bothering Bryce, so he gently set him down and then knelt before him.
"What's up, buddy", he asked gently.
"Why don't you love us anymore?"
Bellamy was taken aback by the little boy's question, his chest tightening at the fear he saw in the child's dark brown eyes.
"Listen, Bryce. I love you and your Momma, ok. That's not ever going to change. I'm just busy right now. As soon as the cabins are built, you, your Momma, and I will be together."
He watched as the small dark head bobbed up and down in silent understanding. He knew it had to be hard on the kid, heck it was hard on him. He'd come to the realization that he couldn't make Clarke admit her feelings, she had to do that on her own- she had to come to him of her own free will.
"The cabin is just about finished, so you'll be moving in soon. Then as soon as my house is finished, I'll be coming to join you. We'll be together soon, buddy, I promise."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Clarke watched as Bryce came back to her, his steps lighter and a smile on his face. She opened her arms, hugging him tightly.
"Bewamy loves us", he said, the grin evident in his voice.
"See, I told you sweetheart. Bellamy won't ever stop loving you", she answered as the little boy pulled back to look into her eyes.
"He loves you too, Momma."
Clarke stared at her son, thinking not for the first time that he deserved better than her. She lay awake many a night wondering what his parents would think about a broken teenage delinquent raising their precious son.
"Yes he does", she said honestly.
"He won't stop loving you, Momma", Bryce said with a reassuring smile.
That was what plagued her most, the thought that Bellamy Blake would hold onto the hope that she would one day allow herself to feel. She couldn't do that- couldn't put him at risk.
Every man that she had ever loved was dead: her father, Wells, Finn… She couldn't survive if Bellamy joined that sad tormenting list. She needed him, needed to see the sun glinting off his dark curls, needed to hear his deep voice echo on the wind, and needed to feel the pressure of his hand in her own.
Even if he would never be hers, he would still be alive. She couldn't have Bellamy Blake on her conscience too. So, she would push him away, breaking her own heart in the process.
If push came to shove, she would leave. She knew that Bryce would be happy with Bellamy. He would care for her son as if he were his own. He would raise him to love Greek mythology, to love his family, but most of all to love their people.
Under Bellamy's tutelage, Bryce could become a great man. Already the older man's honor and sense of duty was rubbing off on the little boy. She could see it in the way he helped wherever and whenever he could.
Bryce might be too small for the job, but that didn't stop him from trying. Bless his heart, but he tried to be there for her- tried with all his might to hold her together. She could feel his desperation in the way he held her hand before he fell asleep, almost as if he knew how close she was to running and never looking back.
She could see it too in the way his gaze sought her across a crowded room, and the way he refused to leave her side at the oddest moments. He was leery of certain people, men mostly.
Bryce didn't like Jasper, which surprised her until she realized that children could sense things. He seemed to know instinctively if someone accepted her, or if they were among those who felt she was better off in an unmarked shallow grave.
He would stare at them, his little eyes filled with uncertainty. Then when they spoke he would cling to her clothing, his gaze searching the crowd for one familiar face. She knew he looked for Bellamy in those moments because it was only with the Rebel that they both felt safe.
Later that night, after Bryce was tucked in and sound asleep, Clarke couldn't seem to drift off. She would close her eyes and her senses would be filled with Tondc, the smell of burning flesh causing bile to rise in her throat and the sound of the terrified screams echoing in her ears.
She got up, slowly making her way out into the cool night air. The sky was clear, and the stars shown brightly. She raised her face to the heavens, closing her eyes and taking in deep cleansing breaths.
She looked around, noticing various groups huddled around the fires. She'd just spotted Bellamy when a woman came to sit next to him. She was beautiful, long flowing black hair and delicate features.
Clarke felt as though she'd been punched in the stomach, all the air rushing from her lungs as she gasped for breath. She knew it would hurt, be she'd never known it would hurt this much.
She wanted to run, but her feet felt heavy. She wanted to close her eyes against the sight that she knew would haunt her, but for some reason she had to see them.
With morbid curiosity, she watched as the woman sat down beside him and took his hand in her own. When the girl leaned forward, as though to kiss him, Clarke finally looked away.
She disappeared into her tent, her eyes adjusting to the inky darkness that surrounded her. She was so cold, feeling as though she was freezing from the inside out.
She lay down next to Bryce, stiffening as he snuggled close. She lay in the silence, tears coursing down her cheeks. It hurt, but she wanted him to be happy she reminded herself over and over again.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bellamy sat staring into the flames, a certain blonde dancing in and out of his thoughts. How could he love one woman so much that she completely consumed him? He could never move on because Clarke was everywhere.
He saw her in his dreams nearly every night. Some times she was laughing and happy, her blue eyes sparkling and her hand entwined with his. Other times she was in pain, dying before his very eyes in which case he would wake drenched in sweat with her name on his lips.
He saw her around camp in the face of every survivor, there only because she'd been willing to make the hard choices. She was the blue of the sky, and the cool breeze that ruffled his hair. She was all around him, all encompassing and all consuming.
Bellamy looked up from his thoughts, his eyes leaving the dancing flames to settle on the woman beside him. He'd nearly smiled, thinking it was Clarke, but to his disappointment it wasn't.
"You're awfully quiet tonight", Mel said.
"Just thinking", he answered.
"About her", the girl asked bitterly.
"Yeah."
"She doesn't deserve you, Bellamy."
The dark haired man turned just as the girl leaned forward. Her lips touched his in a lifeless kiss. He jerked back in just enough time to see Clarke disappear into her tent.
Bellamy stood, nearly falling backwards over the log.
"Why did you do that", he asked sharply.
"Because I like you and you like me", Mel said in confusion.
"I don't like you in that way", he replied softly.
"It's because of her, isn't it? You're so caught up in Clarke Griffin you can't see the forest for the trees! She's NEVER going to be with you Bellamy! She's broken and there's nothing anyone can do to fix her! It would have been better if she'd died in that mountain", the girl spat.
Bellamy stared at her, his mouth ajar and eyes wide. He shook his head, backing away.
"No, never say that", he said hoarsely, "I can't…"
"You're better off without her, Bellamy! We all are!"
"No! We wouldn't be here if it weren't for her! She came back for me when she didn't have to. She could have run, but she kept fighting. She never gave up on me, and I'm not giving up on her."
Bellamy turned and walked away. He was disgusted! How could Mel have said those things? How could any of them say the things they did about Clarke? She'd saved them, saved them all in one way or another! They should be thanking her, not ridiculing her!
He walked back to his quarters, listening to his hollow footfalls as he passed through the empty metal hallway. He closed his door, and lay down fully clothed upon his bed.
He knew she'd seen him kiss Mel, or rather Mel kiss him. Now she would believe that he'd moved on without her, believe that her twisted logic was right and she wasn't worth it.
Bellamy closed his eyes, running his hands down the length of his face as his mind filled with images of Clarke- hurt written across her lovely features. He sighed, there was nothing he could do about it tonight. He needed his rest for the following day.
He had one thing to look forward to, moving Clarke and Bryce into the cabin he'd built for them. He would be pitching a tent close by until his cabin could be finished in the next week.
He hoped they could make it in time. It was already bitterly cold during the day, and frigidly so at night. If what he'd learned on the ARK so many years ago was correct, they would be experiencing their first snow very soon.
Thanks for reading! Please review! I love to hear from y'all! :)
