Tension. You could feel it in that apartment, and that cold dread of fear, of what was to come. The past was the past, why should James Kirk know the truth, about something that had happened so long ago? Because he needed closure. He needed to know why Spock left him, he needed to know why he went to Gol.
This business of purging that emotional half, sounded ludicrous to Jim. He had once told him that he could balance his two sides. Surely, he knew that removing what made who he was would make Spock a different person. A stranger in fact. Was I the catalyst? Did I drive him to Gol?
"I understand Jim, that you have questions." Spock replied sensing Jim's anxiety.
"You bet I do." Jim let go of Spock's arm, and asked him again to sit on the couch that was once offered. He complied.
They sat together, facing one another.
"I needed time away from everyone around me. Even you. My time on the Enterprise had been my home, but I felt trapped."
"Did I drive you away Spock? Just because I was feeling something special between us. Is that it?" Jim asked softly, wanting to touch Spock, but he held back.
"Partly. Jim, the reason why I had to leave was I...I felt lost. I didn't recognize myself anymore. Who was I?"
"I know. You were my friend. We could have been much more, if you have given us a chance." Jim replied sadly.
"How could you know that? Love is an emotion that changes over time. One perceives an individual as one sees fit, and later, when things become habitual, they lose interest and move on."
"That wouldn't have happened between us."
"You cannot know this Jim."
Spock stood up, and turned away.
"Why couldn't you let me love you?" Jim implored.
"Because, how can you love me, when I don't feel it for myself."
