Of Poetry and Prose: Chapter Eight
They were just sitting there on her doorstep; beautiful yellow and white Tulips. If I was smiling before, as I replayed the sound of Jake's voice in my head, now I probably had the biggest smile I could possibly manage plastered across my face. I picked them up looking for a card even though I'm fairly certain I know who they're from.
"Cassandra, I'd say what you're looking for is taped to the door." Ezekiel's right. There, tapped to my door is an envelope with my name on it in Jake's handwriting. "I guess Stone really wanted to make sure you remembered that he came to talk to you last night. Maybe the cowboy isn't the idiot I thought he was. How about I just meet you at the annex," he said before leaving me alone with my flowers and note.
While he said he'd meet me at the annex I'm sure he's trying to come up with a plan on how best to figure out what Jake has written in the note or how best to use the gift to his advantage in embarrassing him. I take my flowers inside and carefully place them on my coffee table while I sit down to discover the contents of the envelope.
Cassandra,
I don't know if you remember me stopping by last night, but I hope you do. I know we didn't really talk and we should have, but I think maybe last night was not the right time. I hope that you did hear what I was trying to say with the few things I did tell you though.
I know I hurt you, over and over I keep hurting you no matter how much I don't want to. I'm sorry Cassie. I know that's not enough, but I want to believe that it's a start.
I'm sure that seeing me with Mabel hurt you deeply. I want to try explaining something to you and hope that I get the words and sentiment right. While I was an idiot (I'm sure Jones will like I've just admitted that) for pushing you away at every turn I think I needed to meet Mabel. You see, even though I now have this chance to do everything I've ever dreamed of and more I've still been keeping myself locked away, and still wasn't really living. It's difficult letting go of those long held insecurities.
I saw myself in Mabel, but she also made me see that it really was my decision, choosing not to really live. I know you've told me something similar, but sometimes it takes seeing it all reflected back at you from someone who wants so badly to take those chances and doesn't have the ability to do so to really make you see it.
I am sorry that we couldn't save her or any of the others that were trapped in Collins Falls, but I'm sorrier that I somehow put the burden of that loss on your shoulders because you think that it's your fault we couldn't save them. I don't blame you, and I trust you and the decision you made. I know you didn't make it lightly.
Trust. That seems to be the word that always come back to define our relationship, doesn't it? After you saved Flynn over yourself I knew I could trust you, but like everything else in my life I used it as an excuse; an excuse to keep you from getting too close. Somehow despite it all you still managed to find your way past my defenses. You take the time to see me no matter how much I try to hide myself away and you seem to understand me better than I understand myself some days. I told you not that long ago that you were the only woman in my life (still waiting for Jones to use that one to his advantage), I want you to always be that person.
I want more of the moments where we are both just ourselves. I want the simple moments to mean something more. I want to read poetry to you and see you light up with happiness. I want to take all of those chances I was always too afraid to take. I just hope that I'm not too late to take them. So please Cassie, say you can forgive me. Say that we can take all these mistakes and make them into a jumping off point to start really living life to the fullest.
Jacob
I was waiting outside to talk to her. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing but I know I have to try. I see Jones leaving the building alone and am surprised when he doesn't see me. Or if he did see me he didn't say anything and it's not like him to ignore a change to goad me. I don't know if the fact that he's by himself is good or not. Does it mean that Cassie is hiding away for the day or is he just giving her privacy to read the letter? I decide that I need to know if she's okay and find myself softly knocking on her door.
"Hi," she said opening the door, "thank you for the flowers and this." She had the note clutched in her hand.
"I saw Jones leaving by himself and after last night I wanted to make sure you were okay," I confessed while I searched her eyes for clues to her thoughts. She looked to be in much better spirits than when I saw her last night, so I'm hopeful that means I've said the right things in my letter. Considering how much I love the written word, I'm not always the best with them.
"I have a feeling he knew you'd be waiting for me when he saw the flowers. So…I guess we have a lot to talk about."
"Yeah, we do. Wanna walk to work with me?" I asked in hopes that we're back on good terms.
"I'd like that," she replied cheerfully.
It seems anytime that the two of us go for a walk we instantly fall into silence instead of talking. This time I know that I need to be the one to talk first. I don't want her to think that I'm going to keep asking her to talk and then hope she'll forget. I want and need us to have this chance to start over, to see if we're capable of moving forward instead of making circles. How to start is the difficult part though, I don't want to screw things up this time, and I know if I start off wrong it will throw the entire conversation.
"You know I appreciate that you wanted to protect me when you pushed me away from Mabel. It's still crazy to think she was 130 years old." I know this isn't exactly the right thing, but I figure I should get as much of the Mabel conversation out of the way as possible. I just hope that I have jumped into the deep end.
"I want to say, well ask something, but I don't want to sound like I'm being selfish or rude," she asked a bit timidly even for her.
"You can ask me whatever you want Cassie, and I even promise to answer," I replied with the hint of a smile hoping that it will ease whatever fears she's harboring.
"Why did you trust her? I mean you stuck by her even after we found out about all of the lies and creepy body-snatching. What I guess what I really want to know is why her and not me?" I hate that her eyes are filled with pain when she asks because I know I'm the one that put it there. I have so much to make up for and I just have to hope that she'll give me the chance to do so.
"I trusted her afterwards because of you. If you've taught me anything it's that you can't always take something at face value. I've trusted you this whole time Cassie, and I know I let you believe otherwise, but I did. You chose Flynn over your own life and that was the bravest, most selfless thing you could've done. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt real bad when I found out that it was you who betrayed us in the first place, but you've more than made up for it on multiple occasions. I just know that once we step over that imaginary line I have between us there will never be any chance of going back."
"What does that mean exactly?" She has that look on her face that she gets sometimes when she has a particularly difficult problem she's trying to solve. It's the look that precedes the smiles that come when she's excited that she's solved it.
"You're it for me Cassie," I said matter-of-factly. I stop walking and grab her hand so she'll stop and look at me. "No one else could ever measure up, and that scares me."
"Does that mean you're still toeing that invisible line?" she questions glancing down at the ground in an attempt to hide the light blush that has crept up on her cheeks.
"I don't want to, but I think we need more time to decide what it is we both really want."
"And what is it you want Jacob Stone?" she asked, her bright blue eyes snapping up to my own.
"Right now I think I'd like to spend a day with you, one that doesn't involve the Library," I answered.
"So, like a date then?" The beginnings of a smile playing at her lips.
"Yeah…would you like to go out with me sometime?" I asked, knowing I was finally ready to take that step over the line.
"Of course I would." Her voice is so happy and bright it's almost like music.
As we start walking again I find that I am happy. I never thought I'd be able to find happiness like this, and I know if I had never followed Baird to the Library I never would have. I was never going to be myself living in Oklahoma next to my family. However, I seem to have found myself another little family, one I can be myself. It's a strange little family but it feels right.
"How much of a pain do you think Jones is going to be when he sees us?" I asked as we approached the annex.
"I don't know, he might have told me you're not an idiot anymore."
"Good to know I have the seal of approval from the thief," I said gruffly.
"You know he's so much more than that."
"Yeah, but our relationship wouldn't seem right if we weren't givin' each other a hard time." She just smiles at this, really smiles, and I can't help but be completely ecstatic that she has a reason to smile again. "So are ready to help save the world from magic?"
"If you'll be there by my side, then I'm ready for whatever that clippings book can throw our way." With that we walked into the annex hand in hand ready to face whatever magic had in store for us.
Hello Readers! I hope that you are happy with the direction the story is headed. I had originally hoped to have this chapter up yesterday, but life got crazy, but I hope you enjoyed it just as much today as you would have yesterday. There will probably only be a couple more chapters. I will write one that takes place either during or after Loom of Fate (who knows, maybe both) and then probably a conclusion for the story. I've really enjoyed writing this and receiving all of your wonderful reviews. Thank you for all of the follows, favorites, and especially those reviews, you guys are great!
