Chapter 6.
September 1782.
Life at the plantation improved for Emeline. She had become considerably close to Ben, who would go out riding with her whenever he had the time away from military training. For Ben it was therapeutic having someone to talk to shared a similar temperament as him, she way shy but also short-tempered and hot headed. They would often talk about the war. Emeline still believed that England should have control over the colonies, but Ben was beginning to help her understand that they wanted freedom because of all of the ridiculous taxes that the colonists had to pay. Emeline was starting to see that maybe an independent country would be better for the people living in the colonies.
Summer and ended and the days were growing shorter while the weather turned colder. The leaves started to change color, and the entire plantation was lit up by the golden splendor of the trees. Autumn was Ben's favorite season. He liked the slightly chilly air, and the apple spiced cider.
Close to the end of September Ben made an important announcement at dinner.
"I have decided that we should host a ball next Saturday. Men! Invite your pretty ladies to dance, and get ready for a delicious feast made by our very own Martha!"
The soldiers seated at the table began to chatter excitedly. Emeline wasn't particularly excited she hadn't loved dancing lessons because she was never any good. But the excuse to be happy was enough to make her anxious for next Saturday.
Later that evening she was in her bedchamber talking to Martha.
"Well Miss Emeline are you excited for the ball?"
"Oh yes, Martha, but what shall I wear? And who will escort me? I know tis silly to think of things like that but it would be improper for me to go alone". Emeline replied.
"I was wondering the same thing, I know that there are many lovely gowns in the clothing press for you to wear, but as for the escort, I suppose I'll ask if Ben will escort you."
Emeline thought amount about the clothes in the clothing press.
"Martha? Where are the clothes from?"
"Child, they were the Merriman's. Most of them are Miss Felicity's, she was obviously the same size as you".
Emeline didn't say anything. She felt guilty that she had been wearing Felicity's clothes the past few months. She could imagine how that would feel for Ben to see her wearing his beloved's clothing. She knew that it had been nearly five years since they had died. But she knew that the pain of loosing someone never really goes away even if you try hard to move forward.
Then next morning at breakfast Ben looked across the table at Emeline and said "Martha asked me if I would escort you to the ball, and I would be happy too." He gave her a quick smile.
"Thank you Ben". Emeline said in response.
The afternoon of the Ball, Emeline spent a considerable amount of time on her appearance. She didn't bother with makeup, she never cared much for the pompous styles that many English girls loved, she never wore face powder or wigs. She instead curled her hair by wrapping it in sheets of cloth and tying the ends. Her hair was probably the feature of hers that was most beautiful, it was long, silky, and the color of autumn. She pinned the curls up on top of her head but some of the strays fell out and framed her face. She had picked one of fancier dresses from the clothing press. She settled on a royal blue gown with a laced stomacher.
Martha came into Emeline's bedchamber to tell her that they were waiting for her. She let out a gasp when she saw Emeline. "Claiborne! You look stunning!"
Emeline smiled at Martha, "Thank you Martha".
"Come now, people are starting to arrive.
Emeline clutched the banister of the staircase as she gracefully descended downstairs. Ben's breath caught him in the chest when he first saw her she was absolutely beautiful. She could see his soulful brown eyes soften. His gaze shifted quickly away as a feeling of awkwardness had settled over the two of them. Ben extended his arm for Emeline to hold onto.
He said politely "You look very lovely tonight".
She responded "Thank you".
Although Emeline attempted to dance she came to the quick realization that she was clumsy and awkward and decided to take a walk around the grounds instead. She didn't know where Ben had gone but assumed that he was off engaging in conversation with fellow officers.
She let her mind wander as she gazed up at the stars, she had been in captivity for four months already, and she could no longer see a light at the end of the tunnel. She wondered if she would ever see her family again. She missed her parents with every fiber of her being, and the thought of them made her soul ache. She was so worried about what the future could hold for her, her identity was shifting. Yes, she was a loyalist by her family name, but she could feel herself becoming more indifferent to both parties. She was also terrified that she was beginning to smile and laugh again. She felt sinful when she let herself laugh when she was with Ben, or when she allowed herself to smile at Martha. But worst of all, she had let Ben know her name. She felt horribly vulnerable at this fact. No one else at the plantation knew that about her and it scared her that Ben did.
She was beginning to feel cold under the night sky and decided to go visit the horses in the stable. As she approached the door she could hear the sound of someone crying. She slowly opened the door and could see Ben's figure hunched over, his back heaving through his soft cries.
She stepped forward gingerly, unsure of whether or not she should approach him.
"Ben…" she said softly.
He looked up startled but relaxed a little bit when he saw that it was she.
He wiped his eyes. "Ah Claiborne, sorry for leaving you in the hall unattended"
She took a seat near him and said, "Tis no problem, I've been out walking by myself".
He did not want her to know why he had been crying so he tried his best to steer the conversation away from the matter.
"You do seem fond of your solitary walks".
"Yes, I used to talk one almost every night in Williamsburg"
He felt a pang of guilt creep up his spine the mention of her home.
Emeline could feel the awkwardness between them and began to rattle on.
"People always thought I was odd because of that, No one ever said anything to my face but I always heard mutterings about how I was strange and that I wasn't pleasant to be around".
"I've never found that about you."
Emeline shook her head "I suppose I do, I've never been very conversational with people, except for my parents of course, and I didn't go to lessons with the other girls, I was homeschooled, by my father, he wanted me to be just as well read as a man".
"It doesn't cease to amaze me that although you are well-read and intelligent you still remain a loyalist"
Emeline was taken a back "Do you mean to suggest that loyalists are uneducated and stupid?"
"No not at all, it's just you are so fond of your own freedom, and do not pretend that you do not believe in equality because I see that passion in you".
"What freedom is there to be fond of when I'm being held in captivity?" Emeline questioned.
Ben shook his head, "Never mind".
They sat in silence for several minutes, when finally Ben broke the silence,
"May I ask you something?"
"You already know my name what more is there to know?" Emeline responded.
"How old are you?"
"Nineteen" Emeline responded
"Forgive me for being bold, but isn't that quite old to be unwed?"
"Some people would say so yes"
"Do you not wish to be married?"
"No I do not, I do not wish what little liberties I have to be taken away from me, and what of you? You're what? Twenty-four and unwed? I find that much more peculiar than me being nineteen and unwed"
Immediately Emeline could sense that she had said the wrong thing. She hated herself for never thinking before she spook. This is why people called her rude behind her back, she realized, she took no one's feelings into consideration when speaking.
"I'm sorry, that was unkind of me to say".
Ben simply nodded.
"Was that why you were crying?"
"In part yes"
"In part?"
Ben did not respond right away, he did not know what would happen if he told her the whole of why he had been crying. But for some strange reason he felt compelled to.
"I feel so ashamed of myself"
"Why?" Emeline said.
"When Felicity died, I thought that I could never love another person again, I thought that there could never be someone to make me feel the way I did when I was with her. But I've been a coward, I feel as though I've betrayed and soiled the memory of her. I can't look at myself in the mirror without thinking about what a terrible person I'm being to her. It was always supposed to be her that I loved, I promised her, and now what?"
Emeline being oblivious to most things sighed and said, "I don't think she would want you to be unhappy, I never knew her but from what Martha's told me she seemed like she was a kind and understanding young girl, I'm sure that she would be glad that you've found someone to make you happy, whomever they may be".
"Are you really so oblivious?"
This line confused Emeline, "Excuse me?"
"Do not pretend that you do not know that it is you that I love"
Emeline's breath caught in her chest . She opened her mouth to protest but before she could say anything, Ben's hand was on her cheek. She finally looked into his eyes. His soulful brown- chocolate eyes met her own confused and swimming blue eyes. It was the kind of look that can tell a person everything they need to know without any words. Emeline knew in that moment, but she was not ready to open up yet. When Ben's lips finally did meet hers, he was gentle and cautious, and against her better judgment she gave into the kiss for a moment. When she caught back to her senses. She pushed him away swiftly and brought her hand up and slapped him. She ran swiftly away, before she had the chance to see Ben sitting dumbfounded his cheeks still red and stinging from her slap.
