1777

The last month had been one of the most difficult in Ben's life. He had witnessed Polly, Nan, William, and Mrs. Merriman suffer and die from the pox. His prayers had been answered and Felicity was not ill.

Ben was watching over the Merriman's store one particularly bleak April day. Mr. Merriman walked in with a somber face. He took his hat off as he approached Ben.

"Mr. Merriman, what is it"? Ben inquired trying to read Mr. Merriman's face.

"It is Felicity, Ben".

Ben could feel his stomach drop and the air suck out of his lungs.

"She took ill this morning. The doctor has been over but he says there is nothing we can do. It is too severe. I think it's best if you come home now".

Ben's chest felt as though it was filled with lead. It cannot be, he thought to himself. The walk back to the Merriman's home was long and torturous. As they approached the door Ben felt dread fill his body. When they entered the doctor was waiting in the parlor.

"Mr. Merriman, I'm afraid bleeding her will only worsen her condition. She has a very high fever. I do not believe that she has much more time of consciousness left. You both should say goodbye. I am sorry".

"Thank you" Mr. Merriman said solemnly.

Ben walked into her bedchamber tentatively. She looked so small in her bed. She was sleeping but her breathing was ragged and sweat rimmed her hairline. Ben pulled up a chair to her bed.

"I am going to read to you Lissie" Ben said as he brushed her hair back.

Ben began to read from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet when Felicity was awoken by his voice.

"Ben". She whispered.

Ben put down the book.

"Lissie, my love".

"Ben, I am so sorry. I am so sorry I can't stay with you".

"Don't say that, Lissie. No goodbyes. Not yet".

"Ben, I want to. I want to say goodbye to you".

Ben collapsed his head into his hands and began sobbing.

"How am I supposed to continue to live without you"?

Felicity smiled weakly.

"Ben, you are the greatest person I have ever known. I love you because of your soulfulness, because of your passion, because of your tenderness. You will grieve. And I want you to miss me. But I will never truly leave you. You must know that. I will always be with you in your heart. I know you will do great things in your life and I wish I could be there for those things, but that fate is not in the stars for me. You must promise me you will live and love fully. Can you promise me that?.

Ben nodded through his tears.

"I want your life to be filled with as much happiness as you have given to me".

"Lissie, I cannot be happy without you".

"Yes you can Ben, and you will".

"Lissie, I love you".

"I know Ben. I love you too. Can you read to me until the end?"

Ben nodded as he opened the book. He held her hand.

"Romeo: Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs; Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes; Being vexed a sea nourish'd with loving tears: What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall, and preserving sweet".

As he read he remembered his time with Felicity. Her grip on his hand was weakening. He remembered when they were just children and she saved him when he ran away from home. She had always been brave and kind. He remembered how gracious she was with everyone she met. How everyone seemed to fall in love with her immediately. He remembered the innocence that first held their romance together. It was love perhaps at its purest then. When nothing physical was involved they could just be. They could simply love one another through their conversations and horse rides.

"Juliet: I have forgot why I did call thee back.

Romeo: Let me stand here till thou remember it.

Juliet: I shall forget, to have thee still stand

There, Rememb'ring how I love thy company.

Romeo: And I'll still stay to have thee still

Forget, forgetting any other home but this."

Her breathing was becoming even more shallow and weak. Ben remembered his return to Williamsburg from the militia. Felicity had blossomed into a beautiful young woman while he was gone. He had felt so prideful and lucky to have the heart of such a beautiful woman. Their time together was filled with laughter and giddiness. They were intoxicated with each other and no one else seemed to matter. Their betrothal came quickly.

They had talked of the future they would have with each other. They would move back to York and Ben would open up his own store. They would breed many beautiful horses. They would live in her Grandfather's plantation. They would have children. They would raise them to be independent and sharp minded just like their parents. They would live in a country free from the British. And eventually in their old age they would both die in each others arms. But these plans were gone.

"Romeo: For fear of that, I will stay with thee,

And never from this palace of dim night

Depart again. Here, here will I remain

With worms that are thy chamber maids. Oh, here,

Will I set up my everlasting rest,

And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars

From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last.

Arms, take your last embrace. And, lips, O you

The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss

A dateless bargain in engrossing death."

As Ben finished, Felicity's breath had ceased. Ben laid down his book. Kissed her forehead. It was a lingering kiss and his tears fell onto her. He whispered "Goodbye Lissie. My Juliet".

He walked out of the room and out of the house in a haze. Mr. Merriman tried to stop him. But Ben did not hear his voice. As soon as he was outside, He ran. He ran until his chest was on fire and legs were cramping. He collapsed into the grass of a meadow and began to scream. He screamed until his voice was wrecked. But even then, he continue to scream silent screams of utter despair.