Sebastian has never liked roaming the halls of Dalton in the middle of the night. The place is like a museum – it's big and cold, and no matter where you are in the dorms it feels as though eyes follow you everywhere. Every boarding school Sebastian has ever been to has its ghost stories, and Dalton's were hefty, from students in the 1800s beaten to death by teachers for turning in their homework late, to one of Dalton's founders being possessed and then burned as a witch right in the senior commons. Sebastian doesn't believe any of them, but even if he did see a ghost, he's not sure he'd be afraid. No, he's not afraid. Afraid isn't exactly the right word. Unsettled - that's a better term for the way he feels. It's unsettling. Which is one of the reasons why when he's in his room for the night, he's in his room for the night – period. When Kurt had the nightmare that prompted Sebastian to get up out of bed and walk down the hallway to his room to confront him was a final straw. It was also the first time Sebastian had walked the halls of the Dalton dorms after dark since he was a freshman. He still doesn't like it, but he's used to it – at least, used to trekking the six dozen or so steps it takes to get from his door to Kurt's.
It took some time for Kurt to get acclimated after he moved to Dalton, and several times Sebastian found himself walking the distance between his room and Kurt's in the dark, using the excuse that Kurt's constant beating against the wall kept him from sleeping, but that wasn't the case – especially after his mother ordered him a state-of-the-art pair of noise canceling headphones. With those babies on, he could have slept through a train crashing into his room. He wrote his mother a long, gushing thank you letter telling her how his new headphones solved his problems.
He didn't even take them out of the box.
Because even with Kurt finding his footing at Dalton, Sebastian seems to be his only friend, and Sebastian doesn't know if he can call them that. He tried to avoid that word when this started because things seemed sort of one-sided – Kurt would have a nightmare and Sebastian would go to his room and sit with him. Sometimes he would climb into bed with him, but only because having a person to sleep beside was nice; it was comforting.
It's not as if he liked Kurt.
They started hanging out together. Their "relationship" became about smoking, drinking, some recreational drugs. Then it became physical – no in-and-out sex, but pretty much everything else.
Only recently has Sebastian begun to realize that what they've got going might be built on something more.
Now, not all of the nightmares Sebastian goes down to Kurt's room to get rid of are Kurt's.
Kurt was bullied pretty hardcore in school and at juvie, but Sebastian has a bully of his own, and though he's away from him about twenty-five days a month, he still comes after him, mostly in his sleep.
He's there when Sebastian gets an A instead of an A+ on a test.
He was there when Sebastian decided to take yearbook, photography, and lacrosse in the same year. He was made to choose, and ended up switching out yearbook for Model U.N. – not because he wanted to, but because he was quietly forced.
He was there when Sebastian's grade point average dropped from a solid 5.0 to a 4.9 because one of his teachers decided to start grading on a curve.
He was there when Sebastian decided he wanted to join the Peace Corps, and was told that if he didn't find an acceptable pre-med program right out of high school, he would have his trust fund pulled – every last cent.
The bully in Sebastian's life doesn't only pummel him in the present. He controls Sebastian's future.
Sebastian hasn't outright explained to Kurt why he sometimes climbs into Kurt's bed at night, but that's the great thing about Kurt. He doesn't ask, he doesn't force Sebastian to explain.
He just seems to know.
Kurt doesn't leave his door unlocked anymore - he overcame the fear of being locked in with his demons - but when he found out that Sebastian had made himself a key, he didn't complain. Sebastian is sure Kurt has a key to his room, too, even though he has yet to use it.
Sebastian walks down the hall to Kurt's room, arms wrapped around his torso, tears drying on his cheeks. He had to sit on his bed and wait until he stopped shaking, until he could stand without his knees buckling. It's 2 a.m. and he hasn't heard any noise from Kurt's room, but he knows Kurt won't mind the intrusion.
Sebastian's hand shakes when he tries to fit the key in the lock, but he's done it so many times before the key seems to find the lock all by itself. The lock clicks open and Sebastian feels himself start to relax. He recognizes that this is a favor - Kurt letting Sebastian spend the night with him, asking for nothing in return. Sebastian hates to be in Kurt's debt, so he makes it a point not to be an ass about it. He opens and closes the door carefully, not making a sound, and locks it behind him. He shuffles up to the bed, his body honing in on its location, lured by the promise of a good night's sleep. Blinking in the dark, he remains upright a moment longer, letting the image of the sleeping boy in front of him come into focus.
Kurt no longer sleeps in his combat boots, but he still goes to bed completely dressed. Sebastian looks at him – freshly showered, lime green bangs combed to the side over his forehead, a few small earrings taking up the holes in his ears. Sebastian had once told Kurt that there was no way he could ever bring him home to meet his parents. It came out unexpectedly while they were making out - between kissing and taking verbal jabs at one another - and sounded like an insult at the time. Kurt probably took it that way even though he didn't outright say anything. But Sebastian's comment had nothing to do with Kurt's piercings or his green-streaked hair.
Sebastian knew what his father's reaction to Kurt would be, the kind of disgusting, vulgar intolerance he would spew. Sebastian couldn't unleash his father on Kurt. Not after everything Kurt's been through.
Sebastian didn't know how to explain and not make it sound like he cared so much, so he just let Kurt feel insulted.
He felt like such an ass after.
Sebastian shifts from one foot to the other, suddenly feeling the cold seep into his skin. His teeth chatter, and with that movement, he hears Kurt sigh.
"So, are you going to get in, baby?" he murmurs only loud enough for Sebastian to hear. "Or are you going to stand there all night staring?"
"Shove over," Sebastian says, knocking Kurt with his knee, "and don't call me baby."
"Touchy," Kurt grumbles, but he's teasing. He moves toward the wall. Sebastian kicks off his slippers and climbs under the blankets, pulling as close to Kurt as possible. It's warm under the covers with Kurt, and it has a way of putting Sebastian immediately at ease. He wraps his arms around Kurt's waist and holds him close.
Kurt used to make jokes about Sebastian being clingy. That stopped a while ago though.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurt asks.
Sebastian actually thinks over the question before he answers.
"No."
"Good," Kurt says with an over-the-top sigh of relief, "because I'm fucking exhausted, and the last thing I need is your weepy ass keeping me awake."
Sebastian would normally pinch Kurt for that comment, but he's not in the mood. As they get closer and closer to the end of the school year, as summer creeps up on them and the prospect of two months of vacation with his father closes in, Sebastian's nightmares have gotten worse.
"Can I…touch you?"
Kurt's breathing catches at the thought of Sebastian's hands on his body – anywhere on his body. He tries to sound dismissive but it's hard when his voice cracks a hair.
"If it gets you to shut up, I guess," he mumbles. He lies still, pretending to be close to falling back to sleep when in reality he's on the verge of waking up, especially when Sebastian weeds one hand under Kurt's white t-shirt and the other down the front of his jeans, popping the top two buttons and sliding into his underwear, cupping his cock. Kurt has to bite his lip to keep from moaning, counts from one hundred backward in his head so he doesn't grind against Sebastian's palm.
"Is that better?" Kurt asks, trying to sound annoyed to keep his voice from trembling.
"Mmm, yes," Sebastian says, ignoring Kurt's fake irritation and melting into his back. Kurt doesn't have a place be too angry. He's been the big spoon with Sebastian this way before. A tense silence falls between them, which is also relatively new. It comes from Kurt wanting to do more than sleep beside Sebastian – to go further than the blowjobs and the hand jobs and the rimming…and maybe have it mean something, too.
"Could you do me a favor?" Sebastian whispers.
"What is it, Bas?"
"Could you…tell me what tadpole gay Kurt Hummel was like?"
"Why?" Kurt asks, his hackles rising.
He feels Sebastian shrug behind him.
"'m just curious."
Kurt usually talks about his life pre-Dalton in generalities. Aside from telling Sebastian about the heinous sin of sticking up for himself that got him tossed into juvie, he hasn't been specific about too much. But once that gut reaction ebbs away, mostly with Sebastian wrapping his fingers around him, Kurt doesn't see any reason not tell him.
He's wanted to tell someone.
"Well, he was scared," Kurt confesses. "Confused. In a lot of pain. He felt invisible, like he could disappear one day and no one would really care. Not all that different from most teenagers, I guess, except for a healthy obsession with Alexander McQueen…"
Sebastian chuckles sleepily. It's kind of cute. It makes Kurt smile.
"He's not too far removed from who I am now, actually," Kurt says, reaching a hand down to cover Sebastian's under his jeans. "I think the same, still have the same likes, but I cover him up."
"Why (yawn) do you do that?" Sebastian asks.
"To protect him. I mean, we've both been bullied, both been beaten up, but the person I am now knows how to handle that better."
He feels Sebastian nod. It's lazy and sluggish, and translates his need to sleep.
"Then why not be him (yawn) now that you're here and you're safe? I mean, why keep pretending to be (yaaaaaaawwwwnnnn) rough-and-tumble Kurt Hummel? It might be easier…don't'cha think?"
Kurt has thought about it – thought about leaving the leather and grunge look behind and going back to his Marc Jacobs button downs, vintage scarves, and Vivienne Westwood suits. He hasn't been that version of himself in so long. It might be nice.
"Who I am now is just as much authentically me as he is," Kurt shrugs, careful not to dislodge Sebastian's chin from his shoulder. "I've had to be this way for so long, I guess I'm comfortable with it. You know, I don't think I'd recognize him if I saw him, to tell you the truth."
Kurt feels Sebastian breathe against his neck, hears the soft puff of contented sighs as he drifts off to sleep. Kurt rolls his eyes. He's almost wide awake now with Sebastian curled up behind him, asleep with his arm tight around him, his hand gently resting against his cock. Kurt turns to peek over his shoulder and smiles.
"Good night, baby," Kurt whispers, shutting his eyes and enjoying the closeness. "Sleep tight."
