Beatrice Prior December 16th
Some say when your put down you only have a crack in you. If that's true then I don't have a crack. Instead I'm shattered and torn apart. Tainted, crooked, corrupt, diseased, dead, damaged, blotched, faulty, imperfect, Im ruined.
Life ceases to exist for me. All I know that my nightmare has come true.
Slut.
One word.
One syllable.
Four letters told to me by the one called Four.
Four letters that forever taint me. Carved in my arm the word scars me. Reading off what I have truly become.
The names screams in my head. Shouting at and proclaiming my identity. I shake my head and deny the vulgar. In doing so it gets louder. Finally I give in.
Screaming I cry out in pain. Clutching the covers next to me tears stream down my face. My nails digging into my palms as I crumple into oblivion. Water droplets staining my face and pillow. I embed myself hoping to never come out.
Because that is what I deserve. Doing that was only selfish. To think he would believe me and love me was a selfish thought. That's why I'm not abnegation like my parents. You can't fake being selfless while you can always act brave.
I was not intelligent by telling him. I was cruel in hurting him. I was not honest when telling him, because I am not Beauty of Dauntless. I am Beatrice.
The girl who stays hidden and forever will.
Pain in my chest builds and I, not sure if I can take it any more.
There is one thing with a broken heart, that can be fixed. While a broken soul cannot.
I've reached my point and I will never go back. This is my lesson for what I have done wrong.
Screaming I cry into oblivion and hopes the pain will at least dull.
Three pounds on the door bang through the rooms. Shuddering I burry deeper into the pillow.
A loud drop echoes and two figures come to my bed. One curvy and small waisted obviously Lynn. The other broad shouldered and looking down at me with sorrow.
"Tris are you alright? We heard screaming and Lynn broke down the door."
"Because you were afraid if you tried you would break a nail." She mumbles when he sits next to my crumpled body.
"Shut up Lady Assface! Tris answer me I'm afraid. I've never seen you like this."
I don't answer him. I jut can't bring how I'm feeling into words. They say a picture is worth 1,000 words well this picture of me is 1,000 questions I can't answer.
His large bear arms wrap around me. Interlacing my limp, lifeless body.
In need of someone I clutch my arms around him and burry my head in his chest. Crying endlessly he let's me weep into him.
"Tris we have never seen you like this."
"He's right. Something terrible has happened and we know it. You can talk later but just know that we are her for you." My lips quiver while I attempt to speak.
Pulling away I manage to croak out, " I tttold him, aha and he ddidn't believe mme. He called me a Sluut." Sobbing I pull on the bed. Lynn's face contorts and she stand up. Clenching her fist a out to runout of my room. Al grabs her shoulders.
"Before you kill someone. Tris you mean you told him it's you." I nod and he clenches up and storms out with Lynn.
Following I hear a pounding on presumably a door once my door is placed back up. Then a load smack is audible through the room, but I don't care.
Because I am done.
I am shattered into a million pieces.
Four Eaton December 16th
An annoying pounding is echoed through our dorm. Zeke motions for me to get it.
Opening the door I snap, "What the hell do you want!"
A slender hand smacks me across my cheek. The black nail polish tainting my vision. I can feel the stinging action afterwards. Until a large fist collides with my face. Then I am taken back by these action. I'm ready in fights just not opening the door to a slap or punch.
"What the hell guys? Why did you just punch and slap Four!" Zeke yells at who I can tell now is Al and Lynn. A very pissed off Lynn and Al.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I CANT BELIEVE YOU ARE THAT MUCH OF AN ASS!" Lynn screams at my face shoving me in the doorway. If these weren't my friends I would return the facial abuse.
"Whaa."
"NO DONT EVEN TRY TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF JACKASS! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HER!" Al pushes me back but I stand tall.
"Whaaa,"
"IVE BEEN TRYING TO GET HER TO TELL YOU FOR AGES! NOW THAT SHE DOES YOU HAVE TO ROYALLY F***ED UP!" Lynn practically spits in my face.
"What the hell did Four do that's so terrible?" My roommate asks.
"Oh Mr. Four here decided to reject the girl he's been in love with. Then he CALLED HER A SLUT!" Tris?
"Well excuse me! She told me she was Beauty of Dauntless! If she was I would know by now! She was acting like all the sluts who visited me today!"
"Careful you son of a bitch I can punch you again." Al grits.
"Don't you get it! She is the Beauty of Dauntless! God! She didn't want to tell you because she believed she wasn't good enough for you!" Lynn's face has turned deadly red in fury.
"She can't be she has brown hair!" I yell back at them.
"THATS BECAUSE CHRISTINA DIED IT AS A JOKE! THIS IS WHY PEOPLE FEARED YOU BEFORE! YOUR ACTING LIKE YOUR PRICK SELF BEFORE YOU MET HER!"
"So it's been her all along?" I asked confused.
"YES YOU FR***EN DUMBASS, UGH I NEED TO PUNCH SOMETHING!" Lynn then punches my bed and screams in frustration.
Three soft knocks sound on my door.
"WHO THE HELL HERES NOW! CMON IN JOIN THE FLIPPING PARTY!" I open the door while Lynn still punches my pillows. Al seems slightly more level headed then her.
The door creaks upon opening it as I'm greeted by a large rectangular box. The box is gold with a black ribbon tied around. Tucked neatly under the ribbon is a note. Bringing the box inside I inside I unfold the note. Noticing the ink is blurred in areas from tears.
The mask is nothing without the dress. ~Tris
Opening the box my eyes widen. Laying there is the black ball gown she wore. Just seeing it brings me back to that night. My memory of then is restored.
I turn around to see it. What I see is definitely not an it. It's a who.
I have never seen someone so beautiful in my life. She wears a black dress that flows out like no other. I can see her golden mask shine just like her hair. Her glowing long blonde locks. This girl is different from any other and I like that about her.
I have to dance with this girl. Something about her loops me in.
By the time her petite body has flown down the stairs I stand there. She looks at the others around me it isn't till she sees me she stops. Her thin hand stretches out to me. I grasp her soft fingers and lead her to dance.
My hand places at her waist and the other in her hand. We both start to waltz.
All I can do is stare into her eyes. They have gray all over but hidden in the surface is blue. The blue shines bright and through. It's like a star, hidden in the dark sky. When noticed it shines brighter then anything else.
As our eyes are locked I can't help but feel her dancing. In my whole life I have never met someone who dances this good. She feels the rhythm and moves with it. Creating not two dancers but one.
She is fabulous. Her black dress sways at every move and her curls dance with her as well. Every move we take feels like it meant to be. Even at her touch I feel different, like I am lifted.
As we continue to dance I can tell she's confident. Each step is precise and exact. This girl is beautiful and she doesn't throw herself at me. I can't help but have feelings towards her.
The song ends too soon in my mind. She curtsies and I take her hand. I place a kiss on her hand. In that instant I feel something. A feeling I am not sure if I can describe. The feeling of everything is perfect and nothing is wrong. I instantly miss the feeling as I pull my lips up and lead her off the dance floor.
I can't believe what I have done! I have thrown away my chance of love! I disregarded my own Cinderella!
She tried to tell me that is was her and I called her a slut.
A slut.
Oh my god!
What have I done!
That is the word he carved in her arm.
Out of all things I could have said. I chose the word that haunts her.
I made her nightmare a reality. I am a monster.
"Where is she?" I cry out to Al.
"She's not in a state to speak to you."
"Where is she?!"
"You screwed this up big time. You have a lot to do before we let you see her."
Barging my way through I go to her door. Sliding down my back rest against the door. Just barely I can hear her breathing on the other side. Followed by soft crying.
"You probably can't even hear me, but I'm sorry."
"Never in my life have I been so wrong as I was then. I can't believe I even said that word to you. I hate myself for calling you that word."
I haven't cried since my mother died, but here I am crying.
"Please Tris I don't want you to forgive me for what I did. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I would never want to hurt you."
It pains me to even think of what I did.
"I can't believe I hurt the one I love."
Beatrice Prior November 18th 12:46 PM
"I will drag you out of that damn bed and force feed you if you don't eat!"
"Alright, alright! Geez way to be a grump Al."
"I'm not a grump if your trying to starve yourself." He mumbles and I glare back at him.
At my breakfast bar I am greeted by Lynn texting while on her computer and a omelet.
"Thanks for breakfast Lynn."
"Why do you assume she cooked it? I could have made it too."
"Yeah but that involves burning down the dorms first."
"For someone who's heart broken she surly doesn't cut the snarky-ness." Gladly I dig into my omelet and finish it. Then I proceed to clean the plates. Al dries for me as I wash.
"Tris, Al and I have to go sort out some things we will be back. Are you okay by yourself? Do you want us to call someone?"
"I'm not a baby for goodness sakes!"
"Point taken! Sorry just checking, bye!" The door closes behind her and I sigh.
Waiting till I know the hallway is clear I sit on my sofa. After about the minutes I call it good and grab my bag. Peering out the door first to see if anyone I know is out.
Then silently I tip toe out of the dorms and to my car. Pulling out of the school I drive to make a stop.
Beatrice Prior 3:45 PM
Arriving back at my dorm my face is slightly puffy. After I went to my doctors I walked around a bit and thought of what happened.
The only reason I visited my doctors was to receive some medicine for my arm. I have decided to remove the scar because it's in the past. And I can't look at it and try to relive the past every time.
Once inside I fold up on the couch and give up. I have nothing to do and no one who can really cheer me up. My worst fears were confirmed and so were my insecurities.
That's when the tears just flow down my face. Giving in to my sadness I was trying to avoid when removing the scar, but I failed in doing so.
My tears haunt at the sound of my phone. A soft vibration distracts me into what sounded off.
Unknown Number
Outside your door is a package. Open and answers to all will be inside.
What the hell?
Opening my door a box lays right on the ground. Carrying it inside I place it on my bed and open the top. Inside is small colored envelopes each one with a phrase. Open when you are sad. Open when you are and at me. Open if I'm mad at you. Only one persons could have sent this.
Tobias.
Except one is quite large and is black. In silver sharpie it says...
Open if you still think there's a chance.
Slicing the tear I unfold the envelope and letter and begin to read.
*Im back I hope none of you died after the last post! It's weird knowing that was gonna happen since the beginning and then seeing your reactions throughout.
Now for he next chapter I have a task for all of you. To help me finish it quicker and have your input added. Would you add a favorite quote from my story, a book, about love, beauty, or anything for that matter into a review or PM. These quotes will be selected and used for the next chapter. You can have more then one shout outs to those quotes that made it will be posted also.
Thanks!~Love MT
