Beckett was greeted with eerie silence when she let herself into the loft. Had Castle and Martha already left for the day? She checked her watch. It was a little after noon. Martha was probably at her acting school and Rick might be in meetings with his PR team. She could only imagine Black Pawn's reaction when they saw the interview. So close to the book release, this must be a nightmare.

Kate slipped off her heels and bag, dropping them near the door. She called out for her fiancé and future mother-in-law but got no response. Feeling dehydrated after the flight and cab ride, Beckett made a beeline for the fridge. The huge pot on the stove caught her eye and she curiously lifted the lid. The delicious smell of Castle's famous chili wafted into her nose. Now she was even more confused that he left if he'd been cooking lunch and from the looks of it for a small army. Had he planned to invite Ryan and Esposito over? Or maybe Paula and Gina? Were they going to discuss the legal case? Did the boys come up with a lead and leave in a hurry?

Kate stuck her pinkie into the chili and noticed a little surprised that it was cold. So he hadn't cooked it this morning. Hm. She scowled as she pulled back her hand. He had time to cook last night but not to call her? Beckett licked the chili off her finger and gagged a little. Damn you, Martha. Okay. So not Castle's famous chili after all. Now she needed that bottle of water even more. She quickly retrieved it and chugged half of it down. How Martha's cooking could smell as delicious as her son's and taste yet so criminally awful would always remain a mystery to her.

But it reminded her that she could try and call his mother to see if she knew how Rick was doing and where he was. She'd hesitated contacting her so far because she didn't want Martha to know that Castle was ignoring her. Which was really stupid because she'd probably picked up on it last night anyway when she came home and found the dozen messages she left on the answering machine. Rick's mother had been nothing but supportive about her recent career move but Beckett was loath to admit they might be having problems to their parents. Which was also the reason why she had left her own dad a rather vague message. He'd called while she was in the sky and wanted to know what was going on and if she was okay. He must have seen the news. The only problem was she had no fucking clue what was going on and until she had a chance to see and talk to Rick she wasn't really okay at all. She was just glad that either Gina or Paula had been chaperoning him since yesterday, at least according to Lanie and Espo, or he might end up doing something stupid. So she just texted her dad from the cab that things were fine under the circumstances, knowing she wouldn't get away with it anyway. Surprisingly, her dad had not replied but she was sure that as soon as he was done in court and could talk, she'd be hearing from him again. So really, she had to find Castle first and make sure he was all right, that they were ok, because there was no way she could hide it from her father. He'd gotten way too good at reading her face and voice over the last few years and, worse, he'd gotten way too good at calling her out on her BS since they reconciled after his rehab.

Martha didn't pick up her phone, either, so Kate left a message to call her back when she got a chance. That was neutral enough. Beckett deliberated whether to wait in the loft for Castle's return or whether to head into the precinct. Talking it over with Ryan and Esposito at least gave her the feeling that she did something. Someone had to get to the bottom of how Lawson got a hold of the police files. And if she found out who'd leaked the information, so help them god. But first, she decided, a fresh shower and new clothes were in order after the flight. That would also give her an edge over the reporters camped outside the building who'd seen her going in. By the time they had recognized her, she'd already made it inside. She was pretty sure that they'd accost her the minute she stepped outside again, so any diversion tactic was welcome.

Passing through Castle's office she saw the battlefield on his desk. Paper was strewn everywhere. One sheet caught her attention because it had her name circled in red on top of the page. It wasn't in Rick's familiar scrawl, though. She picked it up and skimmed through the text quickly, thinking it was a copy for her perhaps. Kate recognized some of the language from the tidbits on the news earlier in the morning and realized she must be looking at an older version of the press statement he had released. She quickly checked the rest of the paperwork for the final draft and spotted another copy with her name on. This time it was at the bottom of the page and underlined; followed by a big fat question mark. Then it said "use the difficulty" in capital letters. What the hell did that even mean? But apparently Rick's ex thought it was really important because she had framed it with several bold strokes all around. She could make out Gina's handwriting since she'd seen it a few times before on manuscripts Rick had shared with her. Had Paula and Gina been over last night to draft the press release with Castle? Had they been discussing her? If so, why hadn't they just called her?

She found the answer to her questions on another sheet of paper that had extensive notes and commentary in Rick's familiar penmanship. Most of it had been furiously crossed out again but she could still make out some of the words and suddenly her heart felt clad by an iron fist. There was no mistaking it. At some point last night Castle had seriously considered distancing himself officially from her, the twelfth and the NYPD in general. She almost dropped the paper and glanced around the office as if Castle would step out from his hiding place any moment and yell, "Gotcha!" Kate swallowed the lump that was quickly forming in her throat.

Had he really… was that really what he wanted? She felt tears prick at her eyes. Was that the true reason he had been avoiding her? He wanted to break off their engagement? Because of this bullshit? And what, he was too much of a coward to tell her? Oh my god. Had he flown to DC bright and early in the morning to break up with her in person because only assholes broke up with someone over the phone? Was that why he wasn't at the loft? Didn't answer any of her calls? Beckett reeled from her thoughts spiraling out of control. She had to get a grip on herself! She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as a lone tear travelled down her cheek.

It just didn't make sense. Why would he want to break up with her? They were happy. They'd been opening up more to each other, sharing thoughts and dreams with each other…things had been going so well lately. Yes, the transition period hadn't been ideal, but everything was going to settle down again soon. They didn't survive DC only to have some lousy reporter and his ridiculous accusations break them apart! It just didn't make any sense at all unless… She read through the text again and cursed out loud. Of course! How could she have been so blind! It was all there in his words. He was trying to distance himself from her and the boys to protect them. That stupid, stupid man! Did he really think she was going to let him act as a lightning rod for everything?

Shaking her head, her eyes caught the phone number on Black Pawn's letterhead. Duh! Why hadn't she thought of that before? If he was with Gina or Paula, both of them would know. Even if he was on his own, she was pretty sure that both women were keeping a tight leash on him in this situation. She quickly dialed Paula's office number but couldn't get through. She hung up and dialed Gina's office, while she headed for the bedroom, already unbuttoning her blouse. Still waiting for Gina, or at least her assistant, to pick up, she opened the door to the bedroom and stopped dead in her tracks. There was a distinctly Castle-shaped lump under the covers on the bed.

Kate ended the call and tossed her phone aside, crossing the room in a few quick strides. Yep. Castle's face was firmly planted into his pillow, his arms bent at odd angles. He looked like a toddler who'd passed out playing with his toys. The tangled sheets were a testament to the rough and restless night he must have had. She smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking his head gently.

"Kate," she heard him mumbling in his sleep and her smile widened immediately. She leaned forward and gave him a peck on his cheek, where a little patch of skin peeked out from the sheets. He sighed heavily and rubbed his face against the pillow.

"Silly man," she whispered wistfully, "I love you." Without prior warning, he flopped onto his back and for a minute she was afraid she'd woken him up…. until she heard his soft snore, which elicited a small chuckle from her. She should leave him be and let him get some rest; he was going to need it today. With the book launch happening, there was a good chance they'd have to deal with paparazzi all weekend. Kate sighed heavily. This was not at all how they'd planned to spend their weekend off together.

She stroked his head gently and Castle immediately melted into her touch. Beckett couldn't help herself; she longed to comfort him.

"Kate?" His voice was clearer this time and sure enough he blinked a few times drowsily.

"Hey, stud." she bent down and kissed him. "Are you ok?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" He stretched and propped his body up on his elbows. "You're here on a Friday morning, that can't be a good sign."

"I'm good now that I know you're ok," she bumped their foreheads together. "Rough night?"

Castle nodded and rubbed his nose against hers. He whispered, "I've missed you," before he kissed her again.

"Me, too," Kate mumbled as she withdrew her lips. "What happened? Why aren't you returning my calls?"

"I've unplugged everything." Rick pulled back with a sigh. "I didn't know what to tell you, Kate."

"How about, 'Honey, funny story. There's this lunatic, wanna-be journalist who's out to ruin my reputation. Skip the interview tonight'." She pursed her lips. "Thanks for the warning, Castle. I watched it with my new team in the break room."

He looked absolutely crestfallen. "Oh no! Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry. I know how important your career is to you right now, and all I've been doing lately is put it in jeopardy."

"Castle, no." She reached out and cupped his cheek. "You know that's not true. Sure getting arrested by Metro PD wasn't your finest moment but what happened with Lawson isn't your fault. You were ambushed, Castle."

"I just hate to disappoint you. You've made it pretty clear over the past few weeks that your career comes first at the moment and, let's face it, right now I'm toxic for your career."

"So you thought what? I'd chose my career over you and call off our engagement?" He avoided her eyes and smoothed out the wrinkles in the comforter. "Oh my god!" Beckett reeled back shocked. "You did! You really thought…?" She felt bile rise up her throat and swallowed quickly.

"You were so mad at me after you picked me up from the police station." He pleaded with her. "You gave me the silent treatment for hours."

She shook her head, tears filling her eyes. "How can you even think so little of me? I thought you knew me."

"Kate," he tried to reach out to her but she shrugged off his arm.

"The press release," Beckett whispered.

"Huh?"

"Is that why you wrote the press release? You thought I was going to break up with you, so you drafted a statement officially distancing yourself from me and the boys?"

"You saw that?" Oh crap, she wasn't supposed to see that ever. It was a thought experiment… running on scotch and desperation. "I'm sorry, Kate, I had a moment of weakness."

"A moment of weakness." She looked at him askance, "I don't understand. How can you doubt my love for you, my commitment to us after everything we've been through together?"

"Are you kidding me?" Rick suddenly got angry. "You're the one who keeps making decisions about us without involving me."

"Really?" She narrowed her eyes. "You're bringing that up again? I said I'm sorry. I know I made a mistake. I apologized. We agreed to move on. I thought we were happy in D.C."

"Oh, so you're the only one who's allowed to make mistakes in our relationship now?" He raised his voice.

"What? Don't be stupid!" She threw back at him irritated.

Rick closed his eyes and counted silently until ten. "Can we please not have this conversation until I've had some coffee?"

Kate pushed herself off the mattress and turned to leave, "You know what? Never mind. Since you already think that I'm just going to bolt anyway, why don't I save you the trouble?"

"Wait!" Suddenly he was wide-awake. Castle struggled to get out of the tangled sheets while she had already one foot in the door. "Beckett, wait! Don't leave, please. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, Kate. It was late, I got drunk, and the doubts started haunting me."

"Why do you want to marry me if you think I'll run at the first sign of trouble?" She whirled around and almost crashed into his chest.

"Because I love you, Kate. And I know you love me. But I can't for the life of me figure out why. I'm scared I'll do something stupid and lose you. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you, Kate. I can't live without you anymore." He reached out tentatively for her hands and when she didn't recoil this time, he clasped his hands around hers. "And I don't really think you'll bolt at the first sign of trouble. You were never supposed to see that. "

"Yeah, well I did." She wiped away fresh tears on her cheeks. "You hurt me, Rick."

"I know." Castle's thumbs appeared suddenly in her line of vision when he gently brushed away the teardrops dancing on her eyelashes. "And I'm so sorry, love."

"Do you have any idea how awful I've felt all night because I haven't heard from you?

Had he any idea? Castle quickly curbed the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips because he knew she wouldn't be amused at all. He only had like five years worth of experiences! How did the shoe fit on the other foot, detective?

"You always complain about me shutting you out but when it comes down to it you're really no better than I am. We can't go on like this, Castle. We're engaged; we're going to get married. We're supposed to be facing the world together as a united front, not regard each other with doubts! We should support each other and figure things out together. And I can't tell you how much it hurts that you're not sure that I'm ready and willing to do this."

"I didn't mean it like that, Kate. I swear. I wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't thinking, period. I should've never let Paula get into my head."

"What do you mean?"

"It's…" he made a dismissive hand gesture. "Paula suggested I sever ties with the NYPD in light of this scandal since nothing's holding me there now that you've left. Of course, I protested vehemently. I'm not going to throw Ryan and Espo or anyone else from the Twelfth under the bus. But it got me thinking about the other side of the story. It's Paula and Gina's job to protect me, and they thought they could do a better job if I distanced myself from you and the boys. So I started thinking that maybe it might be better for you guys, too, if you distanced yourselves from me. Does that make sense? Maybe we should distance ourselves from each other until it'll all blows over to protect our interests."

"Only when you had a fifth of scotch. Or two," Kate shook her head. Rick smiled. "What makes you think I'd let you throw yourself under a bus for my benefit or anyone else's for that matter?"

"I'm sorry, Kate. It was never about not trusting you." He took her hands in his and stepped even closer. "I guess my insecurities got the better of me."

She looked a little like she'd been slapped. His insecurities. She'd really done a lot more damage to their relationship than either of them was willing to admit out loud. "I wish you would tell me how to dispel your insecurities." Kate rested her head on his shoulder.

"I wish I knew," he sighed and tucked her head underneath his chin, "it's just how I feel right now." She nodded and moved her hands around his neck. "Don't be mad at me, please?"

"I'm not mad at you. Not about that anyway. If that's how you feel right now, then that's what you feel and I have to respect that. I just wish there was something I could do about it. I don't really know what I could say or do that I haven't done already to ease your mind."

"For starters," he leaned a little over and shut the door behind her with his foot, "stay. Don't leave angry. Let's just…" He pulled back and looked around undecided. Then he held out his hand and spoke with more confidence, "Cuddle and talk?"

She smiled and took his hand, letting him lead her back to his bed. Their bed now, she corrected herself quickly. She remembered a stormy night a year ago where their roles had been reversed. Unlike their first night together, however, their clothes stayed on. Instead they spooned together on their bed, engulfed in silence. Kate reached for his left hand and pulled it over her body and up to her chest.

"You could never disappoint me," she whispered and brushed her lips over his knuckles. "You're the only person in my life who's never let me down. You're always there for me; even when I've pushed you away, you've always had my back." She snuggled deeper into his arms and Castle automatically tightened his hold of her.

"That's because I've always loved you." His voice was thick with emotions.

"Have you ever loved someone so much it scares you?" She looked over her shoulder.

"You," he said without missing a beat and rubbed their noses together.

"Good, then when your doubts get the better of you, think of how much you love me because that's how much I love you, too." She smiled and kissed his nose before she turned back again. "Sometimes it scares me how much I need you in my life, how much I've come to depend on you, rely on you to be there for me." She spoke her next words so quietly, Rick had to strain his ears to listen. "Sometimes it feels as if my love for you consumes me." She sighed. "That sounds terribly corny, I know, but even after a year of us dating, I still fall harder for you every day we spend together."

"I'm sorry, Kate, about everything." He pressed his nose into her neck, hugging her tightly.

"Don't be, Castle," she turned around slowly in his arms, "just don't do it again, ok?" They looked deeply into each other's eyes before they shared a sweet kiss. She didn't realize how tense he'd been the whole time until she felt him sigh and his body relax into hers. Kate settled into his arm and laid her head on his chest. They cuddled in silence for a while, feeding off each other's mere presence.

"I'm so glad you're here," he kissed her head.

"So what's our plan?" Her fingers traced the crease patterns on his sleep shirt.

"Dunno," he shrugged his shoulders. "Until you showed up, I was going to mope around in my underwear all day."

Beckett pulled herself all the way up until they were eye to eye, "Yeah, well, we better come up with something quick because I only have until Wednesday to help you sort out this mess."

"You mean you weren't fired?"

"What?" She frowned. "No! Why'd you think that?"

"Because you're here on a Friday morning." He stated as a matter of fact.

"First of all, it's already past noon." Kate informed him. "Second, I got suspended not fired."

"They suspended you?" He shot up outraged.

"Castle, half a minute ago you thought they fired me, you can't be more upset now that they suspended me."

"You shouldn't get punished over this at all."

"I didn't. Rachel suspended me for insubordination." Beckett explained with a slight shoulder shrug, "I guess she wasn't really that cool with the rooftop shooting after all."

"Five days," he looked at her for clarification and she nodded. "But I thought IA cleared you?"

"Rachel's sense of humor," Kate rolled her eyes, "I asked for two vacation days and she got me five days unpaid administrative leave."

"That's like the worst trade-off ever." Castle grimaced. "Remind me to never trade baseball cards with her."

"Coulda been worse." They both thought back to her three-month suspension last summer.

"You really need to stay away from rooftops. They don't seem to agree very well with your professional career." They shared a smirk.

"Seriously, though, what do you want to do?" Kate was determined to get to the bottom of this scandal right away.

"You," he grinned and received a punch into his chest.

"I'm serious, Rick." Beckett snuggled into his arm but slipped her hand under his sleep shirt anyway. "We can't just sit back and let Jeffrey Lawson run off his mouth about you." Her hand roamed his chest and stomach absent-mindedly.

"What do you want me to do, Kate?" Rick kissed her hair, "If I get into a public pissing contest with Lawson, it will only generate more media interest. And it will only get worse if they realize I engage with them. We'd never get rid of them ever again and they'd constantly run stories about us in hopes one of us will respond to their baits. It's best to ignore these things and let Gina and the lawyers handle it."

"So what are Gina and Paula doing about it?"

"We've issued a statement for the press and cancelled all my public appearances until further notice. That's all we can do for now until the meeting with the lawyers on Monday."

Kate wasn't entirely convinced this was the right way to go but who was she to disagree with the experts. "But what about the book launch tomorrow?"

"Oh, the book party is still on," Castle reassured her, "and you'll be relieved to learn that there'll be no press interviews."

"Oh," Beckett scrunched her nose the tiniest bit but Rick caught it anyway. She paused her hand over his chest.

"Isn't that what you wanted in the first place?" He asked her.

"Yeeees," Kate drawled and frowned, a little bit surprised by her own reaction. She'd only agreed to do the interview because she wanted to get the media circus surrounding their engagement out of the way and get on with their lives. This felt different. Paula and Gina had been so all over the engagement to exploit it for his book sales, it left a bitter aftertaste that now they thought their engagement would harm his public image. She didn't care what they thought; she was not going to hide her relationship anymore.

"I thought you'd be relieved?"

"I am but not really," she tried to explain. "I'm so sorry, Castle, for the way I've treated you in DC. I'm starting to understand how awful you must have felt when I tried to hide our relationship because it was inconvenient for me."

"You think…" He furrowed his eyebrows and she continued to stroke his chest soothingly. "Kate, I'm not embarrassed to be seen with you. I'll put an announcement in the New York Ledger right now if that's what you want. I don't care if Paula and Gina think it's inconvenient. When I walk down the red carpet tomorrow night, it'll be with you at my side – unless you're embarrassed to be seen holding hands with me in public."

"Not a chance," Beckett bit her lip and smiled. "Then why cancel the interviews?"

"That had nothing to do with you or us. Gina cancelled all my appearances to minimize my exposure to the media, the interviews at the book party just happened to be part of them. She said I have an exceptional talent for putting my foot in my mouth."

"She does have a point there," Kate chuckled.

"Anyhow." Rick ignored Beckett's jab, "Nobody's interested in Nikki Heat or Derek Storm's adventures right now; all they'd ask about is Jeffrey Lawson or Tessa Horton. Gina would never be able to control the crowd, so it's just easier to avoid the questions for now."

"Okay," she seemed satisfied with his explanation. "But for the records, I am so very proud of you. You're a wonderful writer, an amazing father and the best partner I could've ever hoped for. You know that, right? You're a great man, Richard Castle, and I'd never be embarrassed or disappointed to call you my husband."

He grinned, eating up her every word. "You know I can't wait to marry you."

"Neither can I," she laughed and kissed him.

"We should start making plans for our wedding." He mused and kissed her back.

"Soon," she hummed, grazing his lips with hers, "house first."

"House?" He cocked his head amused. His mind was already spinning images of a nice two-story house with a swing set and a sand box in the yard.

"House, apartment, whatever," she nipped his lower lip, "as long as it's ours."

"Mmm," he mumbled into her kiss, "I like the sound of that."

He rolled them over until he was on top of her. Beckett's hands slipped underneath his shirt again, stroking his back leisurely. Their kisses were passionate but lacking the urgency of their recent reunions. Instead they relished the sweet and tender caresses of their tongues and fingers on their bodies. This wasn't about sexual gratification but the reaffirmation of their love for each other.

"I love you, Kate Beckett." Rick whispered and devoured her lips again.

"Love you, too," she panted breathlessly before she plunged her tongue back into his mouth. He groaned and broke their kiss desperate for air. Beckett felt his hot breath on her flush skin as his lips travelled down her throat.

"I'm the luckiest man on earth to have you in my life." He kissed the sweet spot behind her ear that he knew never failed to draw a moan from her lips.

"What a co-incidence, 'cause you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." She giggled.

Castle stopped his tender ministrations and looked at her amused, "Was that a giggle?"

"Tickles," she defended herself.

"Uh-huh," he grinned and blew behind her ear. Kate shivered and moaned.

"Am I crazy because I missed you so much even though you were only gone for a night?" She rasped breathlessly, trailing her fingertips over his spine.

"No, not crazy," he hummed and smiled, "just crazy in love. I missed you too. Just having you here I know everything's going to be alright."

"How are we ever going to survive your book tour?" She buried her nose in his hair, breathing in his scent. "You've turned me into a sappy, needy girlfriend."

"It's only three weeks. We'll talk everyday." He kissed her soundly. "And I like that I'm the only one you need. It feels good to be needed by you."

"I'll always need you." She rubbed their noses together.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm," she whispered into his ear, "who else is gonna bring me my coffee?"

"Beckett," he whined, "I'm trying to be romantic here. Is it really so bad that you feel you need me?" He asked slightly offended that she would divert into a joke.

Kate bit her lips, searching his eyes as if the answer lay there. It did. "No." She smiled. "Not at all." For the first time since she lost her mother, she didn't feel a minor panic attack coming on at the mere thought of linking her life and happiness with someone else.

"There, was that so hard?" He teased her.

"No," she shook her head still smiling, "I love you, Rick." She poured all her heart and soul into the next kiss. Castle pulled her tighter against his body and Kate moved willingly, draping one leg over his thigh. He groaned and started to stroke a patch of bare skin that peeked out from her half opened blouse with his thumb. Beckett hummed appreciatively and deepened the kiss.

"Richard, wake up!" Martha barged into her son's room, gesticulating wildly with her phone in her hand. "I know you've made your standpoint very clear, kiddo, but I'm not gonna lie to that poor girl…" She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the kissing couple lying on the bed. Castle broke away reluctantly and buried his face into Beckett's neck with a disappointed sigh over their most recent interruption.

"Katherine! Well, that takes care of that problem." Castle's mother noted with a satisfied grin. "I don't suppose you still want me to call you back?"

"Hi, Martha," Beckett rolled her head to the side, so she could make eye contact. She smiled as she greeted her mother in law. "Found him."

"I'll say!" Castle's mother smirked. "Don't stop on my account. Pretend I wasn't even here," Martha turned on her heels to exit with a flourish. "Just keep the volume down so Jim won't have to hear you."

"Wait! What?!" Beckett scrambled upright, pulling her hand out from underneath Rick's T-shirt and gaped at her future mother-in-law. "My dad's here?"

"He's on his way over. I invited him over for a late lunch. He called a few minutes ago to find out what's going on since apparently none of our children are answering their phones anymore." Martha gave them a hard look. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call Jim back and let him know to bring lunch for four. He'll be thrilled to learn you're here, though, I'm sure."

Rick and Kate just stared shocked at the door, blinking a few times. Then suddenly a flurry of activities broke out as they both jumped out of the bed, racing each other to the bathroom.


A/N: Over the past year, I've had considerable problems accessing my account, uploading documents and updating this story. Today I got lucky and could post this chapter. I've been slowly migrating my works to AO3 so I'll continue to update this story there once FF net starts hating me again. So to everyone who's still reading this story and asking for updates, thank you for your continued interest. I am humbled.