Final chapter here! Thank you all.


One month later.

"How often do you think about it?" The man asked, sitting in his chair focused on the note pad between his hands. After a minute, still no answer. "Are you with me?" He asked again, looking up towards the window. "...Uh... What? sorry... What was your question?" Replied back Amanda in confusion. "What were you thinking about at this precise moment?" Dr Lindstrom asked. Amanda standing, facing the window and utterly lost in her thoughts with her right shoulder immobilized in a cast, walked back to her seat, facing Dr Lindstrom. "Things..." She finally said. "What kind of things?" Insisted Dr Lindstrom. "I think... about... everything. Every little thing... i guess i've always been a thinker..." Amanda replied gazing away. "Would you qualify yourself as an overthinker?" Dr Lindstrom asked her while taking notes. "I guess you can say that... It has always been a problem... i guess ," She replied smiling then added "And don't ask me *How so*, cause i wouldn't know what to tell you." Dr Lindstrom stared at her intensely then said after a minute "How so?". Amanda rolling her eyes in disbelief smirked "Are you kidding me?" then added while adjusting her injured arm "I don't know. I know it's a problem but i don't know how to explain it... it just keeps me in the dark... sometimes i feel like i'm suffocating, drowning in my own mind... and i don't know how to snap out of it." Dr Lindstrom writing notes, said "Mmh. You didn't answer my first question though. How often do you think about the kidnapping?". Amanda feeling a sharp pain in her chest as she heard the question, took a deep breath and said sharply "All the time." "Amanda, it's been a month and you still didn't say anything about what happened after he took you to the warehouse. Everytime i bring it up, you dodge the subject. I understand how hard it is for you but we need to talk about what happened that day." Dr Lindstrom explained quietly. Amanda staring at him silently, crossed her legs. As warm tears were coming down her cheeks, she quickly wiped them away with her left sleeve. "Do you feel ready to talk about it yet?" Dr Lindstrom insisted. Amanda keeping her head down mumbled an inaudible "...Don't know..." "I'm here to help you Amanda, i'll walk you through it." Dr Lindstrom reassured her. "... Okay," She replied lacking conviction. "Good... Do you remember all of it?" Dr Lindstrom asked. "I was pretty hammered with all the sedatives he gave me, plus the pain killers i took for my shoulder the previous night, i passed out few times i think... but i remember most of it..." She replied. "Mhh, how were you feeling in that moment?" Asked Dr Lindstrom. "Like someone who was kidnapped! God what kind of question is that?" Replied Amanda annoyed. "Amanda, you have to understand that i'm not your enemy, i just want you to feel okay, i need you to cooperate with me, please," He explained calmly. After a minute, Amanda running her left hand through her hair, sighed "...Um... i... i was scared. I think i've never been that scared. I thought it was the end for me... " "Alright, go on." Dr Lindstrom said. Amanda felt a rush of anxiety rising up again, she stood from her seat then walked towards the window and said "There was a moment... where i literally saw my life flashing before my eyes. It was a strange feeling... i wasn't scared at that moment. It was a mix of emotions... as if i wasn't there with him in that place, tied to that chair anymore. I felt happy for a split second when i saw my dad's smile, then sad when i saw myself at his funeral... then angry running after my sister because she was annoying me. Just images flickering fast, one after another, accompanied by a special feeling." "At what part did you see these images?" Dr Lindstrom asked intrigued. Amanda still standing in front of the window, turned her head and stared at the shrink for a while then she said sharply "When he stabbed me on my thigh. Twice."

Dr Lindstrom didn't break eye contact with Amanda, he wanted to see her reaction as she was telling him about the sordid, atrocious things that the abductor did to her. She was showing intense anger mixed with unbearable pain. It was part of the healing process. She needed to talk openly about that day. She needed closure. "You were loosing a lot of blood. That explains the flickering images and the hallucinations." Dr Lindstrom explained. He was about to ask her a very triggering question, a question that he never brought up in the past three sessions they had after the kidnapping, thinking she wasn't ready yet, but since she was making considerable progress and she finally started talking about what happened in the warehouse, Dr Lindstrom decided to take risk anyway "Did he rape you?"
Amanda defeated, sighed as she heard the question, then went back to her seat and answered with a simple "No."
When she saw Dr Lindstrom looking at her quietly, she figured out that he wanted her to elaborate "He was about to... but he didn't have the time. My squad came on time. He pointed the gun at my head... i couldn't move, i was tied up to the bed, " Then she added after clearing her throat "Sometimes i can still feel the gun pressed against my forehead. I guess i was in a great deal of pain... my shoulder was totally busted... i heard a lot of screams. I couldn't distinguish who was saying what. Then i heard a gun shot. I didn't really understand what happened, i thought he pulled the trigger on me... and that i was... dead. But then i heard a familiar voice, it was my sergeant. Next thing i know, i was in a hospital bed dosed up with pain meds." She paused then continued with a tear coming down "Surrounded by my friends." Dr Lindstrom kept taking notes then said "How are you feeling, right now. After you told me this."
"I don't know." She replied. "Okay. How do you feel about going back to work?" Dr Lindstrom asked. Amanda thought for a moment then said "I can't wait, i was hoping i could start back this week but my sergeant refused. She said it's too soon and i still needed to recover from my shoulder."
"She's right, you know," Dr Lindstrom asserted. Amanda rolling her eyes away said "I know... it's just that it's been a month... and i just can't cope on my own,"
Dr Lindstrom seemed interested by Amanda's last comment, he wrote some notes then said "How so?"
"I need to be constantly distracted," She replied then smirked "I've actually read all the books in my apartment and watched all the movies i possibly could... just to be constantly distracted... just to be away from myself."
"And did that work?" He asked the tormented woman. "Just for a bit... and then as soon as i'm done with the book or the movie... i sink back. But with work, there's a lot of action, i need to be focused all the time and that helps. And also it's the only place where i feel useful... wanted... needed... " She said, wiping the tears away "God... i hate this..."
"What is it? What do you hate?" Dr Lindstrom asked the young blond. "This feeling of wanting to be wanted, to be needed almost all the time... i just... i don't know... i guess this is loneliness talking..." Amanda replied, depressed. "Do you receive visits from your friends?" Dr Lindstrom asked. "From time to time... just for a bit... They're busy so it's understandable. I don't wanna be clingy or depend on them... but sometimes... it feels good to be understood, to be surrounded by the right people, ya know." Amanda replied with dark desperation in her eyes. As Dr Lindstrom looked at the clock, he said "I think we're done for today, we should continue next week. I believe this must be very tiring for you. You need to clear your mind a bit for now... and rest. Don't forget that you should be proud of yourself today because you did well Amanda. You're making considerable progress."
Amanda still tormented, smiled back at him politely then left his office.

...

Amanda Rollins' apartment 6pm.

Amanda was taking a power nap in her bedroom, the session at the shrink pumped all of her energy out and she was really exhausted, the pain medications that she'd been taking for her shoulder might also be responsible for her fatigue. Besides, sleeping was by far the best distraction that could keep her away from the harsh reality of life. She was still struggling with sweaty nightmares from time to time but it was mostly at night. Amanda still asleep, was drifted away from a dream she was having by a knock on the door. She flinched her eyes wide open, a little disoriented. Amanda thought it was just part of the dream she just had, but another knock on the door proved her wrong. She finally stood up and walked to the door, shaking her head. "Nick! Come in!" Said Amanda, pleased to see him but surprised. After looking at her, Nick figured out that she was asleep "Hey... oh were you asleep? i'm really sorry!"
"Oh don't be silly... come on in," Amanda insisted. Then added curiously "Is everything okay?"
"Oh yeah... don't worry. I just wanted to check on you," He responded, a little intimidated. Amanda smiling, stepped away from the door "That's sweet of you... Nick," after they both sat down in the living room she asked him if he wanted anything to drink but he declined "Actually, i wanted to ask you something."
Amanda's heart race up "Sure, what is it?". Nick stood up, he couldn't keep still "Are we cool?" "What?" Replied Amanda confused following him with her blue eyes. "I'm just a little confused about... that kiss." Nick finally mumbled. "Oh... yeah... the kiss." Amanda said, lowering her head down, a little embarrassed, then she explained "Look Nick... that kiss was a mistake. We were both vulnerable... crazy things were happening. I think we just got carried away...". Nick trying not to look disappointed, interrupted her "Yes yes, that's right... that's what i thought too..." "So answering your question, yes we are totally fine," Said Amanda smiling. Nick smiling at her said "Great," then he changed the subject after an awkward silence had installed between them "Oh Fin says hi." Amanda smiled "How is he? did he get his gun back, i mean after a month, he should be okay, no?"
"Well you know Fin, he's a tough cookie. IAB concluded that it was a good shoot in a hostage situation... so he should be fine," Nick said, then added shaking his head in disbelief "Man... one bullet between his eyes... Fin didn't miss that son of a bitch," "Well... it was either Miller or me," Smirked Amanda, looking away. "Oh that's not what i meant...sorry," Apologized Nick blushing. "Relax, it was just a joke Nick," Replied Amanda laughing. Avoiding another awkward silence, Nick decided to take off "Alright, i'm glad you're okay... um, i better go now." "Oh yeah, okay... bye!" Replied Amanda while walking him to the door.

...

At the dinner 9pm.

Amanda entering the dinner, waved at Olivia sitting at a table in the back of the room. "Hey!"
"Hey!" Replied Liv smiling "I thought you'd never come," She added. "You have no idea how long it takes to put on a shirt with this abominable cast," Amanda said in a funny tone as she was sitting facing Olivia. "Ouh i can imagine! Wanna order something? It's on me!" Liv said while waving at the waiter. "Oh i hoped it would!" Laughed Amanda then made her order once the waiter came to their table "I'll have a soda please."
Olivia at her turn made her order "A coffee for me please, thanks!" "Right away, ladies," Replied the waiter showing off his best smile. As the waiter left, Olivia said "so how was your day?"
"Oh it was okay, i didn't do much, i spent almost all the afternoon at the shrink's office," Amanda replied. "And how did it go?" Olivia asked, concerned. "Well, it was a session at the shrink, what are you expecting?" Laughed Amanda then added "He said that i was making progress..."
"That's great!" Replied Liv then added intuitively "But you don't seem very convinced, do you?"
Amanda smiling, joked "I can't hide anything from you, can i?" Then added in a more serious tone "Well you know how it works, it's not that obvious for me.. I mean you've been there yourself. I guess i just have confidence issues." Olivia nodding compassionately responded "Yeah i know what you mean," As she was talking, the waiter served them their beverages , "But you know, you gotta give it time... it's been only a month. You have to take it slowly. Also don't be too hard on yourself."
Amanda lowering her head down, grabbed her drink and said "I know...i know."
Olivia sipping her coffee said "And you know you can count on me? if you need anything just call"
"I appreciate it Liv, thanks." Amanda replied grateful, then added after a moment "I'd like to go back to work, Olivia. I think it'll help me to get back on my feet.". As she heard this, Olivia sighed "Amanda, you know you're not a hundred percent ready for this yet! your shoulder is still on a cast and there're a lot of things to think about. You know i care about your safety first!"
"I know, and i appreciate it very much, i'm not asking to go on the field! just behind the desk... paperwork! God knows you guys are sinking under tons of paperwork! and besides you said if i needed anything, i could count on you! well that's what i need," Said Amanda smiling with her puppy eyes, almost begging. Olivia looked at Amanda slightly bothered but in an amicable way, then she looked away, "Okay Fine! If that's what you want..."
"Thank you Olivia, i really appreciate it" Said Amanda, relieved. Olivia nodded "No problem." Then she added smiling "Oh... one more thing... i know i said you could count on me, but don't push it! i'm still your superior"
Amanda laughing, put her valid hand up "Okay sergeant!". Both of the ladies laughed and kept on sipping their beverages while engaging in a nice small talk.

The End