Chapter 9: Porky Minch? More Like Dorky Wrench!


A lone ship sailed through the shining sea under the daylight sun. The ship was a red color with a dragon-shaped head planted on the front. A green pole stood in the middle, holding a white sail with a blue icon on it. It was the King of Red Lions. Maneuvering the ship was a small boy with cat eyes wearing a green tunic and cap. A shield was attached to his back and his sword sheathed. His head was bouncing to the beat of the tune he was humming, occupying him on his journey. All that could be heard was the soothing sound of the waves and the boy's humming.

"You know, Link, you don't need me anymore," the boat said in a deep voice. Toon Link stopped humming.

"Waddya mean? I will always need you. I need a friend to be with me the whole way. It gets kinda boring after a while..." Toon responded.

"Yes, but the reason why we're together is for me to transport you to vast lands. Now that Zelda gave you that instrument, you don't need me."

"So? I still wanna go on adventures with you; explore more with you! I wouldn't give up a chance for that for the world! And plus, I don't even know where I'm going, I'm just exploring new lands and places," Toon explained.

"Well thank you, Link, that makes me feel better. On a different note, do you even know how to play an ocarina?"

"Well... no... But it can't be that hard to figure out. I bet I could find SOME way to learn a tune or two."

"Wait a minute. So if you aren't going to use it, and you do not know HOW to use it, why do you even have it?"

"Well, you see, when I was gone for a bit, I was in this place called the Smash universe. There were tons and tons of different people and creatures there-"

"Link," the King of Red Lions interrupted.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"You've already told me about the Super Smash Bros."

"Oh. Okay well, the Zelda that the other Link knows gave me the ocarina as a gift because they didn't need it anymore. Since it doesn't really hold a purpose in my life either, I decided to keep it as a souvenir so that whenever I look at it, I'll always remember the times I had in the Smash universe. Those memories will always have their place in my heart."

"I'm sorry how it all ended, Link, I really am."

"Ehhh, don't be. Things happen that we can't control. It's life. We can't control who we lose and what we lose. The only thing we can control is how we react towards it and how we cope with it. I just hope that some day, I'll get to see some of them again. I liked all the kids that were my age. Especially Nana..." Toon's mind began to wander off.

The King of Red Lions started to smile. "And why is that?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Huh?" Toon snapped back into reality. "Sorry."

"Why do you especially like Nana?"

Toon's face was hot and grew a shade of pink. He started to panic, knowing that the boat was onto him. "Uhhh... Errr... Because we were... uhh... sparring buddies... yeah! That's it!"

"Oh definitely, without a doubt," the boat said, chuckling. "That seems totally true because if I'm not mistaken, you told me that Nana and Popo always fight together."

"Uhhh... yeah! Because... he was my sparring buddy too!"

"But you said Popo sparred with Ness, did you not?"

"HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY ATTENTION TO OUR CONVERSATIONS?! NOT EVEN I REMEMBER THAT, AND I'M THE ONE THAT SAID IT!"

The King of Red Lions chuckled once more. "Face it, Link, you and I both know why you especially like Nana."

Toon wasn't going to give up. This was classified information only he needed to know about. "Yeah... I especially like her because... ummm... Oh, would you look at that! An island!" there was no way out of this one, he had to change the subject. "Let's check it out!"

"As you wish," the King of Red Lions said with a smile. The island was enormous... and dark. Even in the afternoon sun, the island had a dark atmosphere surrounding it. Toon Link could see through the ominous clouds and saw lights. Lights were everywhere, as if it was a modern island. The King of Red Lions stopped upon the rocky shore. "Well, Link, this is it. Do you need any advice?"

"Hmmm..." Toon thought hard. "You know what, I don't need any help on this one, thanks though. After all, I've been doing this whole "hero" thing for a while now. I think I know what I'm doing. It can't be much different from what I'm used to can it?"

"Well, Link, you see-"

"Nope!" Toon interrupted.

"But this is serious."

"I said I didn't want any advice. I wanna do this one on my own. Thank you," and with that, the cartoonish boy jumped out of the boat and onto the rocky shore. "Bye," Toon waved to his companion, and climbed the rocks into the dark fog.

"That boy doesn't know whats coming for him."


A blonde boy crouched behind an arcade machine. He was inside a room full of games; one of the thousands of rooms in the giant tower. He stayed hidden as he saw kids running by, oblivious to the situation. The Empire Porky Building, to some, was a place of dreams and imagination, but not to the boy in a yellow and red striped shirt. He watched carefully as Pigmasks roamed the area, keeping guard. There were six of them. Lucas decided to make a plan of attack.

"Okay," he said to himself, "I have PK Fire, PK Thunder, and PK Freeze. Hmmmm... Okay, let's do this." Lucas stood up, getting the attention of all the Pigmasks. "PK Thunder!" a ball of blue energy formed and Lucas manipulated it to stun two of the enemies. "PK Freeze!" he captured the stunned Pigmasks in ice. "PK Fire!" he melted the Pigmasks to nothing but water. Four left. "PK Fire!" two more Pigmasks ran around wildly as they were caught aflame. Lucas ran to one of them while it was distracted and landed a hit with white energy created from his hand. the Pigmask flew into a wall, knocking it unconscious. The other flaming Pigmask ran around in circles. The final two Pigmasks charged at Lucas. He sidestepped to the right and grabbed hold of the one closer to him with a red snake. Lucas then whipped it around, and the Pigmask flew into the other one, knocking it down. "PK Thunder!" he controlled the electric orb to hit himself in the back, making him fly into the two Pigmasks lying against the wall. He watched the last one run around in circles, screaming, making Lucas laugh a little. He stuck his foot out and tripped the Pigmask to the ground. "PK Freeze!" The Pigmask was enclosed in a layer of ice, immobilizing it. "Whew, what a rush," Lucas said to himself. He looked around, noticing that all the kids were gone. "Hmm..." Suddenly, the doors opened, revealing ten more Pigmasks. "Ah!" Lucas lost his balance and fell to the ground after the shock. He started to panic as the Pigmasks charged towards him. "PK Fire!"


"Whoaaa..." Toon Link was amazed at what he saw before him. Through the gray clouds stood a city more beautiful than any other. Kids ran around and played. The smell of cotton candy and fireworks filled the air. "What is this place?" he asked himself, "And why haven't I traveled here sooner?" Toon sprinted to a stand that showcased all different kinds of candy. "How many rupees for that triple brownie chocolate bar?" he asked the boy behind the bar excitedly.

"Rupees? No way!" the boy yelled at Toon Link. Toon then gave a sad look on his face. "It's free!" Toon then became even more excited. "Everything is free in New Pork City! Thanks to King P!"

"King P?" Toon asked confusingly. "Who's that?"

"How do you not know who King P is? Wow, you must live far away from here."

"I wish I didn't!" Toon exclaimed as he shoved the chocolate into his mouth. "This place is amazing!" he yelled with his mouth stuffed with sweets. "Can I have those Rainbow Surprises?" he asked, pointing to a little bag filled with different colored candies.

"Sure thing! You want these Caramel Chow Downs too?"

"Do I ever?!" Toon exclaimed in pure joy as he poured the candy bits into his mouth.

"Are there any candies you don't like?"

"Can pigs fly?!" Toon Link asked in excitement. Suddenly, a flaming Pigmask busted through a window on the sixteenth floor of the giant towering building and landed on the stand, knocking it all down. With a yelp, the boy ran off, leaving his broken down stand and a confused Toon Link. "Well then... I guess there are candies I don't like." Toon Link unsheathed his sword and grabbed his shield. The Pigmask jumped back to his feet and ran around wildly as the flames engulfed it. Toon Link started to giggle. He then focused on the task at hand and took off towards the building. He had to figure out what chaos could be happening from within that huge building.


"One down, fourteen to go," Lucas said to himself, "C'mon, you can do this." Lucas was being overpowered by the Pigmasks. Things weren't going too well for the blonde boy. He'd already been hit many times, and the Pigmasks don't seem to be letting up anytime soon. "PK Thunder!" another orb formed and electrocuted one of the Pigmasks. Lucas jumped into the air and roundhouse kicked it in midair, knocking it to the ground. One of the Pigmasks started shooting at Lucas, who wittingly used his PSI Magnet to absorb the energy-based lasers, healing himself with every shot. "PK Fire!" he ignited the Pigmask on fire, and it fell to the ground. Another Pigmask threw a bomb at Lucas, and he rolled to the side just in time. As he stood up, he was kicked back to the ground by one of the Pigmasks. Just before it could kick Lucas again, he yelled "PK Freeze!" and covered the Pigmask in ice. Lucas then pushed the frozen Pigmask, making it slide across the floor, and it rammed into two more, knocking them down. A Pigmask charged over to Lucas at an attempt to tackle him to the ground, but Lucas pulled out a stick and smacked it against a wall. Eight left. Two more Pigmasks jumped above Lucas, and he released a burst of PSI that erupted over his head, shooting his enemies straight into the ceiling. Another Pigmask charged at Lucas. He did a back somersault out of the way, and the two Pigmasks fell back down on top of the Pigmask. Another laser was shot and skimmed Lucas' right shoulder, putting a hole in his shirt and burning his skin. He winced in pain and dropped to his knees, now open for any attack.

A Pigmask towered over the frightened boy menacingly. The Pigmask slowly pulled out a bomb with one hand, the wick already burning. Suddenly, the bomb was taken from the Pigmask's hand, and it turned around. Lucas found his oppurtunity and tripped the Pigmask with his foot. He quickly stood up to see an explosion that made the four remaining Pigmasks fly backwards. Through the ashes, Lucas could see another body. It was small in stature and had a strange, elf-like hat. It looked so familiar...

Lucas watched the silhouette as it grabbed hold of one of the Pigmasks and jabbed it repeatedly with the knob of it's sword. It pushed the Pigmask backwards, making it lose it's balance, and the figure sliced it to the ground. One of the Pigmasks stood up and attempted to flee the scene, but it was knocked back down by a boomerang thrown by the figure. One more Pigmask started to run away as well but was shot down by the figure's bow and arrow. The last Pigmask was on its knees with its hands cupped together, begging for mercy. The hidden newcomer pulled a bomb of its own out and hid it behind its back. The figure pointed to the door, and with a nod, the Pigmask took a run for it. The figure threw the bomb through the doorway and closed it, the bomb going off in the other room. The figure wiped its hands together and walked through the smoke over to Lucas.

"Who are you? Why are you here?" Lucas asked nervously. "Please don't hurt me!"

"That's funny," the body answered, "I could ask you the same thing." That voice. It's so familiar...

"I-I'm Lucas. Who are you?"

"Lucas? THE Lucas?" the figure asked excitedly.

"Y-yeah... W-what do you want from me?" Lucas asked nervously.

"It's me!" the figure said as it walked through the smoke and into sight, "Link!"

"Toon Link!" Lucas exclaimed, relieved. He hugged his long lost friend tightly. "I've missed you so much!" he yelled, a tear falling down his cheek.

"I've missed you too, bud! It's been so long!" Toon Link exclaimed, hugging his old friend back. It's been too long. Lucas finally broke the hug.

"Wait, why are you here?" he asked, confused.

"I was just exploring until I came upon this island. It's so cool! I'd love to live here!"

"I don't think you would," Lucas explained, "This place is just a giant trap set up by some guy to lure people in under his reign."

"Who?"

"Do you remember Porky Minch?"

"That one in the scary spider robot thing?"

"Yeah, that one. Those things, they're called Pigmasks, and they're his minions. He's the ruler of this place."

"But I thought King P was the ruler of this place," Toon told Lucas, recalling what the boy said to him.

"I see that you haven't gotten any brighter since Brawl," Lucas said, laughing.

"Huh? Waddya mean?" Toon asked, confused.

"They're the same person, Toon," Lucas explained.

"Ohhh." Toon responded.

"Yeahhh, and he's trying to take over the world. That's why I'm here; to stop him. I've gotten this far, and if it wasn't for you, I'd be a goner. Thank you."

"Oh, it was nothing. Just doin' my hero thang. Say, need any help? It's been quite boring after Brawl, mind if I join?"

"Can pigs fl-"

"Don't ask that question," Toon interrupted, "I've already tried that and pigs will fly. Just sayin'."

"Huh?"

"Nothing," Toon Link shook it off. "So how are we gonna take down Pigboy?"

"See, there's the problem. I don't know how. Ness has beaten him twice, but I didn't ask him how he did it."

"Well, let's find him! He's from where you are right? That means he's on the island. Let's go get him!"

"Toon, it doesn't work like that. Yes, he's from the island, but he's also from another time period, which means he's not on the island with me. There's no way I can even make contact with him unless we meet in the Smash universe. It's not fair," Lucas said sadly.

"Oh, well, we can try to take down Porky by ourselves, right?" Toon said, trying to stay on the positive side. "Let's brainstorm everything we can do against Dorky Wrench," Toon suggested.

"I have my PSI powers, my friend's snake, and a stick," Lucas said, pulling everything out of pockets as he said it.

"Oh, wow, a stick," Toon said sarcastically.

"Well, what do you have smarty-pants?"

"A sword, shield, bow, arrows, boomerang, bombs, and a hookshot," Toon listed off his arsenal of weapons proudly as he pulled them out. "Oh, and an ocarina."

"Oh, wow, an ocarina," Lucas said sarcastlicly, mocking Toon's statement from earlier.

"Shut it, okay? This thing can do magical things," Toon said defensively.

"Oh, yeah? Like what?" Lucas asked, not believing what his friend was saying.

"Well, it can teleport me, and send me backwards and forwards in time. Plus, the other Link's Zelda gave it to me as a present."

"Wait a second."

"What?"

"Toon, you're stupid."

"What? Why?"

"If I'm recalling this correctly, what is the full name of that ocarina?"

"The Ocarina of Time. Why?"

"What's separating me and Ness?"

"Time... Why?"

"Toon! We can use this to find Ness and bring him back!"

"Oh, yeah! Let's do it!" Lucas grabbed onto Toon Link. "Hey, uhh... Lucas? Watcha doin' there, buddy?"

"Go ahead and do your thing! I'm ready!"

"Oh. Ohhhhhh. Heh heh, funny story," Toon said nervously.

"What?"

"I don't exactly... know... how to play an ocarina."

"Ha ha!" Lucas laughed. "Okay, enough playing around, we need to hurry."

"No, Lucas, you don't get it. I really don't know how to play an ocarina. I'm serious. I never learned how."

"You're telling me you have an ocarina... that you doN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY?! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!" Lucas yelled at Toon Link.

"I never thought I needed to use it! I swear!" Toon Link yelled, scared of Lucas' sudden change in emotions.

"It's your fault I don't get to see Ness again! Yours! I can't believe this! Our one chance ruined by you! How could you be so clueless!"

"How was I supposed to know a situation like this was gonna pop up! It's not my fault! You know what? Fine! You don't have to deal with me any longer because I'm leaving! Right after a game of Donkey Kong!" Toon Link shouted, running over to an arcade game.

"Oh, yeah? Well, guess what? Donkey Kong sucks as much as you do! Punch-Out is way better!" Lucas shouted back, running to an arcade machine right next to Toon Link.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I bet I could beat you at that game!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, yEAH?!"

"YeAH!"

"OH, YEAH?!"

"YEAH!"

"OH. YEAH?!"

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Toon Link shrieked at the top of his lungs while ripping his shirt off and swinging it around wildly. "AHHHHHHHHH!" he started beating his chest like a wild ape. He got on all fours and pushed Lucas to the ground and took his place on the machine, mashing all the different buttons, beating Glass Joe to a bloody pulp. He shook his head wildly, still screaming, as his eyeballs rolled to the back of his head, not even looking at the game anymore. Foam started to form inside of his mouth as he kept shrieking until he passed out onto the ground, twitching.

"Yikes," Lucas said in astonishment as he stood up, "You beat all the enemies! And none of them even landed one punch on you." Lucas then looked down at Toon Link with so much shame as his shirtless body kept twitching. "Wait a minute," Lucas looked inside the hopefully still breathing mouth of his friend and saw that the foam wasn't white. It was rainbow colored. "Sugar rush," Lucas said with a smile to Toon Link's body as it, along with his eyes, kept twitching. Suddenly, the arcade machine started making a weird noise, and a notification popped up onto the screen. Lucas read it aloud, "Congratulations for getting the Big Mac Award. You beat the game without getting hit once. You're a true professional boxer," Lucas looked down to check on his friend to see if he was still breathing. "Huh, I didn't know that was an award," Lucas pressed one of the buttons and read the new text aloud, "You know, even boxers need to keep their studies up. That's why you will get to choose a free book of your choice as a prize for accomplishing this award," Lucas checked once more. "Well, that definitely wasn't expected. But hey, at least I get a book. Well, techniquely, you get one, Toon, but since I'm guessing you don't read, I guess I get the book. Now, let's see... what books do they even have?" Lucas proceeded to scan through the different categories. "Ooh, How To's. How fascinating," Lucas said sarcastically. "Wait a minute. 'How To Play an Instrument'. I've always wanted to play the flute. I'll just get that one."

With the push of a button, a compartment opened at the bottom of the machine. Lucas bent down and grabbed the book that was in it. He opened the cover and looked at the Table of Contents page. "Let's see, there's guitar, trumpet, piano, ocarina, triangle, OOH! Flute! I found it!" Lucas flipped to the page that was printed in ink on the Table of Contents next to the word "Flute." Lucas hummed a song in his head as he sat down next to his unconscious friend and read the book. "Wait! What am I doing?! Where's that ocarina page?! That's it! That's the answer, Toon, you did it! You really did it!" Lucas started to jump up and down out of pure joy with the book in hand. Toon Link shot up, breathing heavily.

"Yayy. Woo. What did I do again?" Toon asked in monotone.

"This book tells us how to play an ocarina so we can use yours to go back in time to get Ness from the past!"

"Yeah, okay, but why do I feel like crap?" Toon asked, still recovering from the events that took place a few moments ago.

"Oh yeah, you kinda had a sugar rush and fell into a coma, no biggie," Lucas said, still expressing his joy about the situation.

"Oh, okay. At least it wasn't anything severe. So... you can read, right?"

"Well, duh."

"Good, because I kinda sorta can't read either," Toon said nervously.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm here, isn't it?" Lucas said, laughing.

"Heh heh, yeahhh..."


A/N: Well... I thought that chapter was gonna take forever! Whew. Well, there you have it, another chapter. I hope you liked it, because I put a lotta work into this one. Special thanks and special shoutout to Daisy Bokoblin for suggesting these characters! Guys, you really need to check out her work, especially The Super Smash Games. She has many many more works as well so make sure to go check them out. Also, she has a new profile up too! Anyways, back to the notes. You don't know how much research I did on Mother 3. I had probably four tabs open that I went to while writing this chapter. And yet, there is still stuff I made up. That book that arcade machine spit out? FAKE. Shocker, huh? That Big Mac award? FAKE. My social life? FAKE. That's... actually... not a shocker. It's whatever. Anyways, I have a new story up! Yayy, my second FanFic! It's called It's About Time for a Vacation if y'all wanna check it out. If you liked this chapter, leave a review, yadda yadda, that's about all… DEUCES!