After we escaped through the caves beneath the Embassy, the three of us split up, Etienne and Malborn hurrying off to gods-knew where. I made my way back home on foot. If the Thalmor were looking for me, and I was reasonably sure that they were, I had to lay low for a while.
The sun was setting over the mountains when I arrived in Whiterun, turning the sky above brilliant shades of pink and orange. As I passed through the gates, the guards acknowledged me with a, "My Thane."
I grimaced. Divines, I was never going to get used to them saying that, was I?
I pulled open Breezehome's door and stepped inside the house. The instant I passed over the threshold I froze.
Lydia turned at the sound of the door opening and said to me in a harried voice, "Mara, thank the Divines you're back. This woman just… appeared. I wasn't sure what to do with her. She claims she's your–"
I was barely even listening to her. My attention was focused almost solely on the woman standing behind her. Unlike the last time I'd seen her, Ma didn't have that distant, unfocused, almost dazed look about her. She seemed tired. Weary. Like she had in those moments of clarity. When she caught sight of me, tears appeared in her gray eyes.
"Mara," she breathed.
Lydia stepped aside as I hurried forward and hugged Ma tightly. I felt myself shaking violently, barely holding back sobs. I leaned my forehead against her shoulder.
"I'm sorry I left you there again" I gasped. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"
"Shh, darling. I'm all right, I promise you. But what of the Madgod? How did you–?"
I lifted my head and looked at her. "You're free now. For good. We both are, I think."
She breathed a sigh of relief, brushing a strand of hair away from my face with a soft smile. "Oh, my big girl. I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."
My smile trembled. Taking a deep breath, I looked back over my shoulder and said, "Lydia, this is my mother, Juliana."
The Housecarl made a short bow. "It is an honor to meet the mother of my Thane."
Ma frowned a little at that. "Thane?"
"It's… a long story."
"I have time."
Lydia hastily excused herself. Once she was gone, Ma and I turned the chairs by the fire toward each other so that we could talk.
"Now, start at the beginning. Where did you go after…?" She trailed off and looked down at the floor as if ashamed. She didn't need to finish the thought. I already knew what she meant.
"I ran away to Balmora. I… I did things I'm not proud of, Ma."
"What happened?" When I hesitated she reached forward and touched my knee. "Just tell me, darling."
"I joined the Guild. The Thieves' Guild," I amended. "They're the ones who picked me up off the street."
"Oh, Mara…"
"Don't. Please." She backed off and I continued with my story, skimming over some of the more unsavory details. "I stayed with them for eight years. That was when I really realized how… wrong it all was. I went to Mournhold and found work there, honest work, until I heard that you were gone. That's when Sheogorath kidnapped you, I think. I left Morrowind for Cyrodiil. When I arrived in the Imperial City, things… happened. I ended up in prison and met the Emperor."
"Emperor Uriel Septim the Seventh?" She asked, surprised.
I nodded. "He and the princes were murdered, but before he died he told me to find his last hidden son."
"This family always seems to get caught up in the business of the Septims," Ma said, shaking her head with a resigned sigh.
"... What do you mean?"
"My family. The Carvains."
My heart stuttered. The Carvains. The noble family in Bruma. Her family, she'd said. My family. My–
"You were a Carvain?" I managed to choke out. My voice shook.
She seemed surprised by my response. "Yes. Before I went to Skyrim to become a healer, I was engaged to be married to Prince Ebel Septim."
I couldn't breathe. My head was spinning violently. Suddenly I remembered what Narina had once said about having a sister before her engaged to one of the princes. That was Ma. My stomach clenched at the memory of how I was going to stand aside and let the Countess marry the man I loved because I thought I was no one, when my own mother...
A broken sob tore itself free of my throat and I buried my face in my hands.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I cried.
"I didn't tell you because I wanted to keep you safe from that life and the people in it. That wasn't the life I wanted for you."
I hadn't even realized that I'd stood up. My legs shook and the room whirled around me. Tears blurred my vision. I could only manage ragged gasps as I fought to breathe. Anger and agony pulsed through my veins in equal measures. I kicked my chair over with a twisted, anguished scream. Ma jumped to her feet.
"Mara! What's wrong?"
"I could have fought for him! I should have fought for him!"
"Who?"
"Martin Septim!" I shouted at her as tears ran in rivers down my face. "He loved me! He loved me and he asked me to marry him, but I told him no because I thought… I thought I wasn't good enough… If I'd known who you were, I might have stood a chance! But now he's dead! He's dead and I can never get him back!"
Ma's eyes widened. Her lips parted slightly as her brow knotted in a look of remorse. My shaking hands clenched into fists at my sides.
"I'm so sorry, darling," she whispered. "I never meant to hurt you. I never, ever wanted that."
Still breathing hard, I just stood there, watching as her mouth pressed into a thin, trembling line. Then I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling tears still seep from beneath my eyelids. I sunk to the floor, head bowed as I cried.
I could have said yes. I could have fought Jauffre, Ocato, the Elder Council… anyone who might have told me no. I broke his heart, my heart, for nothing. And there was nothing I could do.
The floorboards creaked slightly as she knelt down and wrapped her arms around me, holding me close. I sobbed into her shoulder.
"Don't do this!" I shouted, my voice hoarse.
I watched her standing over the kneeling figures. My heart pounded as my eyes flickered between each of them. Da, Ma, Baurus, Lucia, Lydia, Martin. All of them were bound and gagged. All of them were covered in blood and horrible burns.
"If you were stronger, you could stop me," she laughed.
I tried to move, but I felt frozen.
"Pity," she said with a sigh. Her gray eyes flashed crimson and gold for an instant. "Now, which of your darlings should go first?"
She paced back and forth along the line, brushing her hand over each of their heads. Lucia shuddered. I wanted to cry out, but my words caught in my throat. My chest heaved with my silent sobs.
When she stopped behind Martin, my breath hitched. He didn't flinch as she stroked his chestnut hair. A trickle of blood ran down his face from a gash on his forehead. His blue eyes were focused only on me.
"You loved him so very much, didn't you? Your precious prince. It wasn't enough to save him in the end though, was it? You failed him just like you've failed everyone."
Angry tears stung in my eyes.
"Stop," I gasped.
"Make me. Make me, Mara Fides. Prove that you're the Hero."
She lifted her arms, fire burning in her hands. Before she could touch them I was there, running her through with my sword. Her eyes widened in surprise and she crumpled to the floor at my feet.
It was only then that I realized that she was the one in the armor of a Kvatch guard, hands clutching her bow. Martin lay beside her, their hands not quite touching. The bodies of all the other people I loved lay all around me, broken. The world was burning. I looked down at my hands. They were filled with fire.
I woke, sitting up with a sharp gasp. My heart pounded frantically. As my panic slowly ebbed, my fingers unclenched from around the covers. It was a dream. Just a dream. Nothing more. Shuddering, I lay back down and closed my eyes again. The idea that I could become… that was too horrible to even contemplate.
I lost track of time. The next thing I knew someone was stroking my hair. I stirred and blinked up at the figure hovering over me.
"… Ma? What's wrong?" I asked, frowning.
She sat down beside me on the bed. "Don't you know what day it is?"
"It's the twenty-seventh, I think. Why?"
Ma looked down at me in surprise and said softly, "I wasn't about to forget my daughter's birthday."
I blinked and sat up slowly. The twenty-seventh of Morning Star. It was, in fact, my birthday. My heart twisted when I realized that that was the first time someone had really acknowledged it since I turned twelve. I stared at her, feeling shocked.
"Happy birthday, darling," Ma said, kissing my cheek.
She rose from the bed and left the room. I stared numbly at the wall. Tears prickled in my eyes and I pulled my knees up against my chest. It was strange, odd, to feel loved again for the first time in so long.
Once I'd calmed down a little I climbed out of bed, pulled on my pants and cotton shirt, and headed downstairs. Ma was by the fire, cooking something. Catching sight of me, she nodded to the table where Lydia and Lucia were already seated. Suddenly curious, I sat down as well. In the two weeks since she'd come back, I was slowly beginning to get used to Ma being around again. It was a strange feeling to say the least, having her there again after her being gone for so long.
Ma came over a minute or so later with several plates. She set one down in front of me and kissed the top of my head.
"I'm sorry I couldn't get it exactly the way I used to make it," she said to me. "It's difficult to get the same ingredients here. I hope this substitute is all right."
I looked down at the scramble on the plate she'd set before me. Egg, greens, and brilliant red specks of what I assumed were fire salts. I took a bite and instantly closed my eyes. It wasn't the same, no, not without kwama eggs, but still…
"Ma, this is the first proper food I've had in five years."
She laughed softly and set plates down in front of Lucia and Lydia before sitting down herself.
I hesitated. "Please tell me you went easy on theirs."
"Don't worry, darling. I'm not trying to kill your friends."
Lydia looked affronted. "I'm sure I could handle it."
"No, you couldn't," Ma and I both said in unison. I laughed and went back to eating the scramble, relieved to finally have something that wasn't so bland.
"So many people here complain about "milk-drinkers," but I'm sure this would kill most of them," I commented.
"You were born here, Mara. In the Rift. We lived in the Shor's Stone before your father was transferred to Vvardenfell. Do you remember that?"
I shrugged a little. "Not really."
She let out a soft hmm and shook her head. "You never liked it here, even as a child. It was too cold for you. You were happier in Morrowind, always getting into trouble."
Lydia laughed and I felt my face heat up.
"Ma," I hissed.
She shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Lucia was still giggling to herself. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Typical. Absolutely typical.
"Before I forget," Ma said, getting up and walking over to one of the cabinets, "we got something for you."
"You didn't have to…"
"Don't be silly, darling. Of course we did." She pulled out a long package and set it on the table in front of me. Frowning, I unwrapped it. Once I saw what it was I froze, my heart beating fast.
It was a bow, black and adorned with subtle engravings and flowing silver designs. I reached out carefully, hesitant to even touch it. Not when I knew exactly what that bow was made from.
"This… This is ebony," I breathed. Ma nodded, smiling. I gently picked the weapon up, feeling how smooth it was to the touch and surprised at how light it was even with its base material. Ebony was sturdy and normally extremely heavy, but… "How did you even get this?"
"I had to pull some strings," Lydia said, "but we got it."
I stared at them, feeling faint at the thought of the price. "How much…?"
Ma quickly cut me off. "It doesn't matter. It's worth it if it makes you happy."
I looked back down at the bow in my hands. It did. Oh gods, it did. I never imagined I'd have any bow as nice as that one. Getting to my feet, I ran back upstairs to grab my quiver and tug on my boots before hurrying outside. Standing before the target, I drew back an arrow. I could feel the smoothness of the draw and the sheer power in the bow. When I released, the arrow buried itself deep within the target. I grinned widely.
"Are you happy with it?" Ma asked, coming up to stand behind me.
"Oh yes."
