Disclaimer: I don't own House, M.D. or "Better Than Me" by Hinder.
A/N: This is Wilson's. AU. Wilson owns a house! Yayyy lol :P R&&R.
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEJames Wilson hung his jacket up on the hook beside the door. Lisa hung that up, he thought "There. Now you don't have to hang your coat up in the closet every time." Hug and a smile. Kiss. He sighed and leaned against the closed front door.
There's the vodka. There's the glass. There's the ice. He held it and drained half of the glass, sick about losing her. At least this time, he thought, at least this time I was smart enough to make the break before losing her. Before having her leave meWilson thought back to those first few days without her.
I think you can do much better than me
After
all the lies that I made you believe
He holds her on the couch. He is distracted that night. He is distracted as he holds her, and whispers "I love you," in her ear. She whispers "I love you more," back in his own ear, and watches the TV, which is turned up loud.
"Lisa," he says, clicking the remote and turning the TV off.
She faces him and says, "What's the matter, James?" Her face is puzzled.
The only thought that is running through Wilson's mind at that moment is that he's been lying to her. Lying to her for far too long. "Lisa…I've been lying to you."
Her features on her beautiful face harden a little. "What do you mean?"
Silence from Wilson's end.
"James. What have you been lying about? What?" she shifts in his arms a bit.
His arms are still around her, but he toys with his wedding band. Gold, and it matches Lisa's. She picked them out. She was so happy that day. Happier than she would be in a few minutes. Hell, she would be happier dealing with House trying to get her to sign off on some outrageous treatment.
She watches him playing with the wedding band, and says, "James? Is it…someone else? James." She stares at him.
He meets her eyes. He doesn't nod, he doesn't shake his head, he doesn't scream, "How could you even think something like that? I love you, Lisa, I love you and I would never do that to you!" (Which is what she wants him to do.) But he meets her eyes.
She wrenches out of his grip and stares at him in a mixed expression of grief, wild anger, and disbelief.
"You deserve…so much better than me." He tells her quietly, sadness in his eyes. "I want a divorce." He stands up from the couch and goes into their bedroom. Not their bedroom anymore.
The next morning, he finds half of her clothes and a few other things gone, and her gold wedding band that matches his on top of the dresser, next to his watch.
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where
your nightgown used to be
That morning, when he found the wedding ring. He told himself all night long that he wouldn't feel guilty. He was doing the right thing, he was only looking out for her.
But then he sees that wedding ring, and he realizes that he should feel guilty for lying to her. His relationship with Lisa was great. Why had he messed it up?
But it wasn't like it was for nothing! He loved Jenny, the…oh, god, the nurse he'd been sleeping with. They were in love, and both Lisa and Jenny wanted him. He needs something fresh, something new. And Jenny is that.
He gets in the shower that morning and changes into his slacks, and a clean and freshly pressed shirt. He puts on his belt and tucks his shirt into his pants. Then he sits on the left edge of the bed. It was a habit. Lisa's nightgown always occupies the right side, and she doesn't like when he sits on it.
"Why? It's just a nightgown, doesn't matter if it gets wrinkled or anything!" he'd protested to her dozens of times.
"I don't know why, James, I just don't like it."
So for the past two years that they'd been married, he's avoided sitting on the right side of the bed when he puts his socks and shoes on every morning. Always the left. It's then, that moment, when he first notices that Lisa's nightgown is gone. He feels that now familiar pang of guilt.
Chorus: I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What
it feels like beside you
At the hospital that first day. House sees him in the hallway and pounces on him like the annoyance that he is. "Hey, Jimmy. Been waiting for you. I want breakfast."
"Then go buy yourself some!" Wilson snaps, opening the door to his office just enough for himself to fit through and slams the door. He can almost see House's bemused expression, half wondering what's wrong with Wilson, and half wondering if he was going to get his breakfast anytime soon.
Now there's a guilt there for making House (possibly) feel bad. He shouldn't have yelled at him, he thinks. All he wanted was breakfast. And why shouldn't Wilson assume that House had bought his own hooker last night and ergo couldn't afford breakfast this morning?
The guilt gnawing away at him, Wilson turns and opens the door to go to House's office, but House is still standing there.
"Breakfast?" he questions eagerly, like a four year old.
"Sure. Come on."
"Fine. If you insist. But you're buying." House says in mock humbleness, limping beside Wilson.
After they purchase their omelet's and hash browns and are seated at a table, House says, "OK, spill it. What's eating at you?"
It bursts out of Wilson like a dam letting loose. "I told Lisa yesterday that I want a divorce. Her stuff was gone this morning."
House pauses in shoveling in his omelets to mutter an "Oh." House never was one to take an active interest in anybody's personal life. Including his own.
"I won't miss her. I have to promise myself I won't. I mean, I've got Jenny, right? Why should I miss the person I broke it off with when I have the person I broke it off for?"
"Dude. That was way too complicated for me. Did you understand it? And that…all that, was a total crock of shit. You miss her. I can see it."
"Same way you missed Allison?" Wilson mutters.
"Hey, if you want to stay with Jane, or June or whatever her name is, I'd shut up about all the Allison talk. I went back with her. You don't want back with Cuddy, right? I always said that was a doomed relationship. The marriage, well I was sure of that. You can never stay in a marriage." House points his fork at Wilson and keeps eating.
Chorus: I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your
innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve
much better than me
At home, that first night. He lies in bed and stares at the ceiling.
Just a few days ago…she had lain next him. Her head on his chest. Her thick mass of dark brown curls in his face.
She was so innocent and trusting, and perfect. He loved how, even though she was 38 years old, she was still as innocent as a five year old sometimes.
"You deserve…so much better than me." She didn't deserve a cheater, a liar, a deceiver. She didn't deserve someone who would so obviously only bring her pain and unhappiness. She deserved someone who would love her, and make everything worthwhile. And all her marriage dreams come true.
While looking through your old box of notes
I found those
pictures I took
That you were looking for
James sipped his vodka and thought about Lisa. As the memories came and went in his mind, he remembered her Box. He got up and went to the kitchen.
The big wooden chest in the corner of the kitchen held all of their recipes, cook books, and various expensive cookware. The cupboard underneath it was where Lisa had kept her Box.
Every time something important happened, or she was watching a TV show, or just sitting around and musing, and something came to her, she would write it down and stick it in her Box. It was a big cherry wood box, about the size of a large fat shoe box, and it was filled to the brim with pieces of paper, scraps of paper, business cards, index cards, any type of paper, that had Lisa's old familiar scrawl on it.
Some of it was things about the hospital that had occurred to her. Some of it was just ideas for a story she might be writing. Lisa often used writing as an 'emotional outlet'. Some of it was just Things To Do lists that had been stuffed in there to finish later. The Box was cluttered with little notes and reminders that had been stuffed in there and never looked at again.
"You wouldn't think a hospital administrator would be so messy…" Wilson muttered. He sorted through the mess, reveling in the Lisa-ness of it all. But that was her; messy about some things, clean about others. And he loved it about her.
As he pawed through the box, he found the pictures. It was the ones from the lake. Him and Lisa. And House and Allison. He was absent from most of the pictures, having been the taker. He flipped through them and smiled. Allison throwing sand at House. House pretending to lunge at her. Lisa and Allison sunbathing. House listening to his iPod. House throwing a rock at the camera. Wilson and House talking. House and Allison holding each other lovingly. And finally…Wilson and Lisa, wrapped in a hug with looks of happiness splattered all over their faces. Staring into each other's eyes. Grinning. Then the next picture was them kissing.
He slammed the photos down into the box angrily. These were them. These were the photos Lisa had been looking for. If she'd just taken twenty minutes and cleaned out the damn box, she would've found them.
He remembered her slamming things around angrily because she couldn't find the pictures. "Damn it!" she muttered, slamming the cupboard angrily.
"What's the matter? What can't you find?" James had asked her warily. He hated when she got angry.
"Those damn pictures we took at the lake. You know, the one's with House and Cameron?"
Too bad it was a little too late to hand her those pictures.
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the
mall
You and me in the dressing room
Wilson slid the box slowly back underneath the cupboard and shut the door. More like slammed it. A stray receipt from the box fluttered to the floor. It was from Bonham's in Chicago, a huge retail store. When they'd gone to the symposium there about seven months ago, Lisa had insisted they stop there.
Wilson chuckled to himself. He'd wanted to "get his freak on", using House's language, not his own. "Come on, Lisa. Can't it wait till later?"
"James…we're not coming back this way. It's a waste not to stop right now. Not that I don't…want to." She smiled suggestively. "But I wanna shop at Bonham's too. Just an hour. I promise. You can go and look at the cookware."
He nodded glumly, but an idea occurred to him when he was waiting outside the dressing room for her. The unattended dressing room.
He slipped through the door and looked underneath all the doors. He saw Lisa's purse sitting on the floor. He stopped outside of it and knocked. "Occupied." She said in an annoyed voice.
Wilson knocked again. "OCCUPIED."
Again. "I said OCCUPIED!"
Grinning to himself, he knocked once more. He heard rustling. Suddenly Lisa's head poked out. "Listen, you clown, I said it was occupied!" She saw Wilson, and he squeezed past her and she laughed.
Quietly he said, "I'm pretty sure these things hold two."
A half an hour later, someone knocked on the door.
"OCCUPIED!" Their two voices rang out. "Oh, shit." Wilson whispered.
They ran out of the dressing rooms together, laughing.
Wilson chuckled and said out loud, "That's something I don't think either of us will ever forget."
Chorus
The
bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's
over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm
older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the
end
Chorus x2
Wilson changed into a white shirt that showed his slim physique and a pair of blue plaid pajama pants. He slipped into bed and eyed her side of the bed. It had been almost two months. And he still couldn't get her out of his mind. Couldn't get the thoughts out that maybe…he was making the wrong decision.
After all, he'd broken it off with Jenny a month ago. What was Lisa doing right now? Did she miss him? Or did she want him back? She couldn't pretend that she would never think about him again. If it was hard for him to let go, he couldn't even imagine what she was going through.
They'd never had closure. Just a broken off relationship and papers in the mail that signaled the end of what he'd thought would be The Relationship.
Wilson buried his face in his pillow and did what he did every night. He closed his eyes and tried to enter the world of dreams, where everything was perfect again with him and Lisa.
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSER&R please! Sad, I know. But I love this song.
