A/N I have nothing to do tonight, and I know what's going to happen in this story, so I thought I might as well write some more. Hope you like it. :-)
Thanks to Linneagb for reviewing, and for your idea. Also thanks to definitelynotme (don't ask) and Ellie-Mae for reviewing. :-)
3 months later:
The panic attack had been playing on my mind constantly for weeks. I kept wanting to tell someone what had happened, but I was too scared, as I didn't want Cam finding out. But, after three months, I decided that I should tell somebody. And straight away I knew who that person would be.
Mike.
I didn't want to tell him: I might miss stuff out or start crying or something. Instead I wrote him a letter:
Dear Mike,
This is something I should have told you months ago, but I never had the courage to. I should have told you this when it happened, on 11th April, the night I had a panic attack...
Me and Cam had been arguing about something, I can't even remember what it was now. I decided to go to bed as quickly and as quietly as possible, and in the morning we would have forgotten about it and everything would have been OK. However, I was so tired that I leant on my door as I was shutting it and accidentally slammed it. Cam came in and started moaning at me. I said I hadn't done it on purpose, and then she shouted at me, saying that I was lying, and then left.
And that's when my body went into shock.
I leant against a wall, and half knelt, half fell to the floor. My breathing sped up and my heart began to pound rapidly in my chest. This went on for a few minutes before I could breathe again. I then started crying, before I got up off the floor, went to bed, and cried myself to sleep.
Please don't tell Cam. I'll tell you why I don't want you to tell her, and I'll let you if you have to, but please don't tell her before you've talked to me.
Thank you for reading this. It's a huge weight off my shoulders and I feel a lot better now than I did.
Tracy Beaker.
I folded it up, put his name on the front, and then put it in my bag, ready to take to work the next day.
The next morning I walked through the door of Elm Tree House and saw Mike coming out of the office. I began to look in my bag for the letter and Mike stopped, looking at me. I found it and put it in his hand.
"I've got a letter for you," I said.
"Thank you," said Mike. He put it in his pocket and then went towards the kitchen.
I turned around, went back out through the door, and into the garden.
Mike POV
I took Tracy's letter and went down to the kitchen. I then sat at the table, unfolded it, and read through it. As I read, I wished that she'd told me sooner, and hadn't let it eat away at her for so long. I now realised why Tracy had been a bit distant lately, as she'd been thinking things over over and over again. I was glad she'd told me now, as now I could help her, make her happy again. As I'd walked off I'd seen Tracy out of the corner of my eye, turning around and going back out of the front door. I went out of the back door and then went to look for her in the garden.
Tracy POV
I was sitting on the car seats when Mike came to find me. I looked at him anxiously as he approached, hoping he wouldn't be angry with me.
When he sat down, he took my hand and smiled at me reassuringly.
"Well done," he said, "you've done the right thing."
I breathed a shaky sigh of relief.
"Take some deep breaths," said Mike.
I looked the floor, took some deep breaths in and out, and then looked up at Mike.
"You were right in your letter," he began. "What happened to you was a panic attack."
I nodded.
"And when you had your panic attack, how did you feel?" asked Mike.
"I was scared, I didn't know what I'd done wrong to deserve Cam shouting at me like that, and I didn't know how to stop it, my pounding heart, my rapid breath..." I told him. "I was just so scared."
"The first one's always the worst," said Mike, smiling at me reassuringly. "People are often scared when they have a panic attack," he said. "But there are things you can do to stop it."
"Like what?" I asked.
"Like concentrating on your breathing," said Mike. If you concentrate on breathing in, then out, in, then out, it helps to stop it."
I nodded.
He leaned slightly closer to me. "Shall I tell you a secret?"
I nodded.
"I've had them as well." Mike looked at me, smiling reassuringly.
I smiled back and breathed a sigh of relief: I'd come to the right person by telling Mike.
"You do need to tell Cam though," said Mike.
I tensed up slightly. "I don't want to."
"Well, it'd be better coming from you than from me," said Mike.
"I don't want her to know," I said.
"She needs to know though," said Mike. He gave me a reassuring smile. "Tell you what, you tell her tonight and then tell me how it went tomorrow."
I swallowed: I didn't want to tell Cam but there was no way of getting out of it. "OK."
Mike smiled at me.
I sat there, not wanting to have to go. "I feel really weird."
"That's because you've just got something off your chest," Mike explained.
We sat there a bit longer, before Mike said that we should go.
"You can always come to me if there's anything wrong," said Mike, standing up. "And remember to tell me how it goes with Cam tonight."
"I will," I said. "And thank you, Mike, for helping me."
Mike smiled at me before we both walked away. As I walked I had a huge smile on my face: I had told someone about the panic attack, and it felt great. OK, I had to tell Cam, but I didn't have to think about that now.
I'd told Mike about my first panic attack, and it would hopefully be the last.
Little did I know that this was just the beginning...
A/N Hope you liked it. Hopefully you've seen in the description that this is a true story, as I wasn't sure whether to put it in at first but then decided that I should. There will be a thank you note for the people who helped me through this time (anyone who has given me a nice review or pm is in this category) on my profile soon, so please go read it. :-) Also, please review! :-D
