Ch 2- Maybe We'll Get A Miracle

"Jude?" Mary asked, her voice softer than usual.

Six months had passed since little Mary Eunice turned up at the orphanage. Not much had changed for her. She still missed her parents deeply, and was sad and withdrawn because of what had happened. Even so, she and Sister Jude had become close and she was also still friends with a little boy a few years her senior, named Oliver. Jude paused in the doorway, turning back toward the little girl. The window was open ajar and the gentle evening breeze blew threw her light blonde hair.

"Jude am I not good enough?"

"Not good enough. Not good enough for what?" She laughed. Mary looked down, fidgeting with the blanket in her hand. She swallowed, nervous to ask, but she felt compelled to. "For people- for people to take home. Why don't they like me?"

Mary felt like a sad little abandoned puppy. Today had been adoption day, the third of such days since she'd been at St. Ursula's Home For Lost Children. And for the third time, both she and Oliver had been completely looked over. He told her that that was his normal, and had been for the last eight years. He'd promised that the feeling would fade eventually. She'd grow used to it, he'd said. She'd become numb and cold to it. Mary didn't know how to feel about that, nor did she understand it.

Jude sighed and went and sat on Mary's bed.

"Ya're good enough." She smiled, taking the girl's chin in her hand. "In fact, yar the sweetest, most beautiful little girl I've ever known." Jude beamed and Mary smiled. "You and I are goin' somewhere tomorrow." She said.

She'd been waiting to tell the little girl about this and now that the subject had come up she supposed now was a good a time as any.

"Where?"

"Well. Some of the other nuns, the…"

"The ones who are your boss?" Mary interjected.

"Yes, that's right….they think yar not copin' real well with what's happened and that you need some help?"

"Oh?" Mary was scared.

"Yes." Jude smiled. "Yar going to go, you and I, to see a priest."

"A priest?"

"Yes munchkin. You can talk ta him about yar feelings."

"But you and I talk about feelings!"

"Yes we do my love, all the time. But sometimes you need a lot a people ta help when things are really painful." She said, tucking her back into bed.

"When they hurt a lot?" Mary asked, yawning.

"Yeah that's right."

"I'm scared."

"No, no it'll be alright." She swept Mary's hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. "I promise ya I'm going ta find ya the best home in the entire world."

The girl paused, saying nothing, her heart filled with sadness. There were only two homes in the whole wide world she wanted: one with her real parents, and one with Jude.

The next day, Jude dressed Mary in her best dress and took her out of the orphanage. Mary felt like she hadn't left St. Ursula's grounds in months and felt relieved to get back out into the world, even if it was a big word, one that scared her quite a bit.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"To the church sweetheart."

"Why?"

"To see the priest, remember?"

"Oh…" Mary was nervous. Her stomach started to ache badly when Jude announced this.

She allowed Jude to pull her up the steps to the church door, lowing her tiny head in fear as they walked. Jude took her down a couple of hallways and they sat on a bench outside a big oak wood door. Another nun, presumably the priest's secretary, told her they'd have to wait a few moments, that Brother Howard was on the phone.

Jude's heart leapt when she heard his name. she'd known it was Brother Howard they'd be seeing but even just hearing his name made her giddy. She had feelings for him. Feelings that were far less than appropriate considering their positions and she knew, every time she saw him that she turned into a complete idiot. It was embarrassing and there was nothing she could do to change it. She'd tried. Still, Timothy was a nice man. He always smiled lightly at her when she blushed too much or misspoke, sweetly acknowledging her attraction just enough to try to make her feel less embarrassed, but not enough to let her know if he felt similarly or was disgusted by her.

"Do I have to get a shot?"

"What are you talking about you silly girl?" Jude laughed.

"Wait seems like a doctor's office."

"Oh!" Jude laughed. "Yes it does. He's not a doctor, not of the body, but he councils people…in some ways he's a bit like a doctor of the mind. He's here to make your heart feel better."

"Do I have to lay on a couch, like Freud?"

"What?" Jude laughed again.

"That's what Oliver said about mind doctors. He said that's what he wants to do when he grows up."

"Yes, Oliver is a strange boy." Jude said, stating her thoughts on young Oliver mildly. Mary agreed, giggling about her friend.

"Brother Howard will see you now." The nun secretary said. Jude couldn't help but smile when she turned around and saw that Timothy had opened his door.

Jude could barely keep her mind focused on the task at hand, beaming back at Timothy like a raging idiot. She was supposed to be listening, but instead watched adoringly as he played with Mary Eunice. She sighed, for a moment imagining that he was her husband, and was playing with their beautiful little girl. Jude shook her head, stopping herself from such imaginings. She'd been hurt too much: the last thing on earth she wanted to was to get hurt by thinking of them this way. Although if she could, she' d admit there'd be nothing in life she'd like more than to take Timothy as a husband, and more than that, Mary as a daughter.

The nun felt guilty for what she'd been doing. The girl didn't realize it yet; and she hoped she never would, at least not until she could figure a way out. She didn't think it was even possible. Jude, you see, wanted to adopt Mary Eunice as her own. Even if she left the church, and found employment she didn't think it could happen. The church would never let a disgraced nun adopt one of its charges, not in a million years. The thought broke Jude's heart and she tried to reason that she should let it go, and find Mary a real home with a mother and a father….

At the same time, she held out hope. Adopting Mary, she wanted to argue, had been something God had placed on her heart. And she knew, deep down, that there had to be away. Jude sighed; watching Timothy play with her little girl. He was so sweet and had a way with kids. It made him even more attractive to her.

"Sister Jude." Timothy said.

She ignored him and just continued to stare off into space.

"Sister Jude." He tried again.

She jumped. "Oh, oh I'm sorry, Brother Howard."

"It's alright." He smiled and her heart quickened.

"Mary is a perfectly perfect little girl." He smiled at her. "But I still want her to come back and see me, once a week." Mary nodded. She liked him. He reminded her of her father and talking with him had made her feel much better. "Mary I want to let you know that it's alright to feel bad. You will for a long time, but you can still be happy, and learn and grow while learning to get over your pain. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah!" She cried excitedly.

…..

"So that make ya feel better?" Jude asked, taking the girl's hand as they walked out of the church and down the street.

"Yeah." She hesitated. "But I…"

"What?"

Timothy had encouraged her to be honest and open about her feelings. She had something, in light of this, that she wanted to say to Jude but didn't find it appropriate.

"Nothing."

"Ya can tell me anything." Jude said, getting on her knees.

"I just…" She paused, taking the sleeves of the nun's habit in her hands. She looked down, fidgeting with the sleeves. Jude knew in that instant that the girl was nervous.

"Remember ya can say anything ta me."

"Jude I don't want a new family." The girl began, still looking down, but Jude looked back carefully at her. "I just want you." She said as she looked up, their eyes meeting in an instant.

"Oh Mary Eunice. I would love nothing more. But ya see when ya adopt…well, the church and the state they both want there ta be a Mommy and a Daddy."

Mary tilted her head sadly. "Can't you get one?"

Jude smiled sadly. "It's not that easy. But I promise you." She said, rubbing her nose sweetly against the girl's. "Whether its with me or not, I'm going to make sure you get the best home in the whole world."

"I could only have a good one with you." She said, almost crying.

"Oh my girl." Jude hugged her. "Shuu. Let's not focus on it now, maybe we'll get a miracle. Remember we talked about those?"

"Uh-huh."

"Come on now, ice cream, my treat."

Mary thought quickly as she walked down the street, holding Jude's hand. Where could she find a father, a husband for Jude? Especially one that she liked, after all, that was important wasn't it? Her own mother and father had liked each other very much.

"So, did ya like Brother Howard? I told ya he wouldn't be so scary."

Mary looked up when she said this, already understanding that Jude liked Brother Howard.

"No." She said. "He was perfect!"

Jude smiled, not understanding the child's double meaning.