Time: 2 days after our heroes read the Get Rich Chain Letter Spam or the 5th day of our heroes' captivity (whichever you the reader prefer)
Time of day: Morning, or at least what passes for morning for our heroes
Place: In the kitchen on the Satellite of Degenerates (SOD)
After leaving the hallway outside the bathroom, Hunter and Shawn changed in their respective rooms. Shawn also grabbed two bath towels.
Then, they made their way into the kitchen.
Shawn: You can't get oil out of your clothes, you know. My tee-shirt and jeans are completely ruined.
Hunter: We did have it coming.
Shawn: You're one to talk. When the door opened, you jumped behind me and the oil got on me more than it did you.
Hunter: I was smart, plus the whole prank was your idea. (pause) I just hope we can get the oil out of your hair.
Hunter walked over to the kitchen sink and moved the faucet spout to the side of the sink.
Hunter: (talking like a gay man) Mr. Michaels, your hairdresser will see you now.
Shawn: (his best friend could be so weird) For God's sake…
Hunter: (continuing his gay hairdressing impression) Come, come. (Shawn walks over) So, how have you been? It's been so long. And your hair…didn't I tell you to stop using those cheap hair products. They leave your hair so oily, stringy, and lifeless.
Shawn: (about his friend's impression) Don't you think that's a little over the top?
Hunter: (continuing his impression) Not at all. I'm just being honest. After all, if you can't trust your hairdresser, tell me, who can you trust? Now, lean back into the sink and close your eyes. (Shawn does, Hunter turns on the water)
Shawn: (gasps) Cold, very cold.
Hunter: (regular voice) Apologies. (Shawn squints his eyes glaringly, Hunter puts on more hot water) Better?
Shawn: (after the water warms) Much. Just watch it. (Hunter uses the spray to thoroughly soak Shawn's hair)
Hunter: (continuing his impression) Rough day, I see. Well, don't you worry about a thing. I'll take care of you. I have a wonderful new shampoo to use on you today. You'll just love it. (grabs the dish detergent, pours some in his hand and lathers it)
Just as Hunter was lathering the detergent, Sean Waltman was walking into the kitchen.
Sean: (knowing someone's in the kitchen) Is breakfast…(looks at DX) Uhh…I take it that breakfast isn't ready.
Hunter: (regular voice) No, it's not.
Shawn: (eyes are closed) Is that the Kid?
Hunter: (to Shawn) Yeah. (starts to lather up Shawn's hair, this and the water make it so that Shawn has trouble hearing anything else)
Sean: What are you two doing?
Hunter: I'm washing Shawn's hair.
Sean: Isn't he capable of doing that himself? (laughs a little) Don't tell me you two are still hung over?
Hunter: No, we're not hung over. We never were.
Sean: (thinking he misheard Hunter, stops smiling) Excuse me? I think I heard wrong. Did you just say that you two weren't hung over?
Hunter: You can't be hung over if you weren't ever drunk.
Sean: (his anger beginning to build) What?
Hunter: We weren't drunk. It was all a joke.
Sean: (not pleased) A joke?
Hunter: A prank. On Bret.
Sean: (trying to act calm) A prank on Bret?
Hunter: To see how he'd react if Shawn and I were in trouble.
Sean: And what about me?
Hunter: We weren't planning on Bret involving you, but it was a good move on his part. He realized that he needed help, and he asked for it.
Sean: I see. (moves closer to the sink) And you're washing Shawn's hair because…
Hunter: Bret found out about last night after Shawn and I played another prank on him. It involved oil and Bret splashed it in Shawn's hair to get back at him.
Sean: I see. (reaches over and turns the hot water faucet on further)
Shawn: (screams) Ahhh! (stands up, dripping suds and water all over) Hunter…that's hot!
Hunter: Wasn't me.
Sean: It was me, you jerk.
Shawn: Sean…what the…
Sean: I had to clean your vomit last night.
Shawn: So why not pick on Hunter? You cleaned his up too.
Sean: Hunter could see me coming. (Shawn glares)
Then, Bret, dry and dressed, enters the kitchen.
Bret: (he'd heard Shawn scream) Now what's going on?
Sean: (to Bret) Just getting DX back for what they pulled on us.
Bret: Good going. (to Shawn) Shawn, you're dripping.
Shawn: That's not my fault.
Bret: It sure is.
Sean: And I'm not cleaning it.
Just then, a familiar beeping sounded.
All: Damn!
Shawn: Not now. I've still got soap in my hair.
Bret: Get over it. Wrap a towel around your hair, and let's go see what Vince has, so we can get done faster.
Bret and Sean head for the den.
Hunter hands Shawn the bath towel. Shawn takes it, but before wrapping his head, he shakes his head. Suds and water go flying, and much of the mix hits Hunter.
Hunter: Shawn!
Shawn: We're a team. If I have to be wet, so do you.
Hunter resists the urge to hit Shawn and takes a second towel to wipe the suds off. As Shawn wraps his hair in the towel, DX walks into the den.
Vince has already appeared on the plasma tv.
Vince: Nice of you both to join us.
Hunter: We had to finish something real quickly.
Vince: I see. So, how'd the prank go?
Shawn: Don't ask.
Sean: Wait, Vince knows about the prank?
Bret: Knows! He was in on it.
Sean: What? (to DX) You two are traitors.
Shawn: (to Bret and Sean) Hey, we didn't betray either of you. We just…took things too far.
Hunter: Believe it or not, we're sorry.
Vince: I'm not.
Hunter: Shawn and I are sorry.
Shawn: If we could just get past this…we promise, no more pranks.
Sean: Bret, do you believe them?
Bret: No. What guarantee do we have that you won't do something like this again?
Shawn: The guarantee that you can throw us out of the airlock if we do.
Hunter: Shawn!
Shawn: What? It's a good guarantee.
Hunter: One I don't know we can keep.
Shawn: We better if we fear for our lives. (pause) Bret, Sean, what do you say?
Sean: I like it.
Shawn: (to Hunter) There, you see.
Bret: I'd like to get it in writing.
Shawn: You have my word.
Bret: Your word isn't good enough. Writing's better.
Vince: (interrupting) Speaking about writing…I have a piece for you to read.
All: (groan)
Vince: It's a letter…
Sean: Not another chain letter.
Vince: No. It's a fan letter. For one of you.
Hunter: Which one?
Vince: Bret.
Bret: I don't like the sound of that.
Shawn: You don't like fan mail? And here I thought you loved your fans.
Bret: I do love my fans. And I like fan mail, but not when it comes to Vince who sends it the same way he does fan fic and spam. That means this letter is bad.
Vince: Try horrible. It's written by one of Marie's friends, who's absolutely crazy about you Bret.
Bret: Marie likes me and, yet, she called me a sell out. I'm afraid to read this letter.
Shawn: So am I. It shatters two of my biggest beliefs…
Hunter: Which are?
Shawn: That Marie has no friends and that Bret has no fans.
Bret: One word for you Shawn if you keep that up: airlock.
Shawn: By the sound of things, you're going to want to jump out of it when you read this letter.
Vince: Let's hope. (disappears)
Hunter: (looking up) One…two…three…(the familiar alarms and sirens go off, our heroes cover their ears in pain) Knew that was coming.
Bret: We have…well, you know…
End of part 4
