After waiting for a few seconds, John tilted his head and asked softly "and what were you thinking?"
"I... there is something I don't understand". John let out a sigh of relief, then smiled a little when Sherlock looked very puzzled. "This conversation could have gone in several ways, problems being one of them" he merely said by explanation. "I am glad that wasn't it. What is it?" He gently stroked his genius' hair.
"Oh. Well, there might be a problem, but not for me" Sherlock replied. "Nor for me, so I think we can both put those worries to rest right now" John assured him. "No?" John hated the insecure expression on his genius' face. "No" he assured him, smiling in a way he hoped would reassure his brilliant, but sometimes so innocent love.
He shut the television off and put his arms securely around Sherlock, giving him his full and absolute attention. "I have no issues. There is nothing that bugs me and you haven't hurt me in a very long time". He assured him, his voice steady and secure. "What is it you want to know?"
Sherlock no longer looked at him, watching his own hands instead. John could almost see him fighting the impulse to lock himself up, and shut him out. But he didn't. Instead, he spoke to the floor.
"Do you still find me attractive?" He finally looked up, however briefly "after all of this, I mean. All of the scars, all the... I mean, why would being so skinny be attractive anyway, evolutionally slightly overweight would be far more desirable in a partner certainly for a procreating standpoint as...". Here, John cut him off.
"Sherlock!" he cut in, gently, but decidedly, into the monologue that was getting far too fast and clinical for his liking. "It is true, your extreme skinnyness back when you first returned was not attractive. But you've eaten better than I have ever seen you do since then. You are perfect. I loved you back then, not your body, and I do so now, whether or not you apply to society's standards of beauty. I find you gorgeous, and the scars certainly does not bother me if they do not bother you. I thought I had made these things clear to you. Where is this coming from?"
Sherlock sighed softly, then replied, still talking far too fast, but John, who was more than used to it, had no problems following. "You have not asked for sex since you got to see my scars, nor desplayed any of your usual indicators for interest or arousal, and it is now far overdue according to your normal curve of which you desire to..." John cut him off once more, before he got a headache. "Sherlock, that is not how love works".
John sighed, and rubbed his forehead with a hand, trying to figure out how to explain this to Sherlock. "I have been distracted. By you, mostly. I have been worried". He looked the consulting detective straight into his eyes, making sure that he got the message across. "And as for lovemaking goes... Sherlock, we have never actually... I mean" He coughed meaningfully.
"What? Of course we have!" Sherlock objected. John sighed again. This would go badly. "No, we haven't. You will go down on me everytime I want to, but I do not want to do that anymore, Sherlock. Have you ever felt any pleasure during our entire time together? You surely haven't let me touch you! Sherlock" he struggled to keep his voice as gentle as possible. "These things are meant to be mutual. And I am not even allowed to rub your back. That's why I no longer want to, not that I don't find you attractive. I really, really do. Alright?"
Sherlock grimaced a little "I'd want to. I think. But not..." "Not now. I understand that" John sighed. "Sherlock. These things are supposed to come naturally. You can't force yourself to want to. Let's just take one thing at a time, alright? And keep talking to me, and I will do the same. Alright?" Sherlock nodded, and then retreated to his mind palace to sort the new information. John withdrew to the kitchen to do the same.
Thanks to Wiznerd the Eagle for her ideas and imput on this chapter. I was soundly stuck before your help! All recognisable content belongs to its respective owners.
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