AN: It occurred to me as I was writing this story that it would be necessary for me to establish that these events between Hana and Kazuma unfolded over a year and a half period; unfortunately, because all of our household's Fruits Basket manga is packed and in storage in preparation for our approaching move to a new home, I can't check my story against the existing Furuba timeline. I apologize in advance for any discrepancies or for not making the time span this covers clear enough!
Kazuma POV
I could not understand why my mind kept insisting upon dwelling on the mysterious woman I had seen walking near my home. For the entire duration of my adult life, I had managed to discipline my mind so as to not focus on the blandishments and enticements of the opposite sex; why this image of a woman in silhouette walking away from me continued to haunt me these last several months was unfathomable.
I had known when I made the decision to raise Kyo that I was choosing the life of a single father. The necessity of keeping the juuneshi curse a secret alone made any future relationships for me unlikely. It went against my sense of integrity to involve myself with someone in a relationship as intimate of marriage when I would be unable to ever be fully honest with her about my son. Rather than actively deceive any woman I respected and loved, I chose instead a monastic style of life, pouring my passion into my martial arts and into my effort to provide Kyo with unconditional love and stability.
I long ago let go of my regrets; seeing the young man that Kyo is becoming has more than made up for the lack of romance in my life. Besides, at my age, the dewy glow has worn off the romanticized notion of love and sex. Years of abstinence no longer feel to be a burden, but rather they are now a habit, like meditating or keeping the dojo clean.
Still, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a life partner to grow old with. It's easy to distract myself and feel like my life is full right now while I have Kyo around; but I know that some day, Kyo won't be here anymore. He's either going to succumb to the fate of all the juuneshi cats, or he's going to break free and live the life he chooses for himself; but either way, Kyo will move away and I won't see him as often. This small house is going to seem rather large and empty when he leaves.
I caught my thoughts returning to my mystery woman again. Perhaps my obsession with her is just the consequence of being a forty-three year old virgin? I suppose it is possible I could be having a midlife crisis, although I had hoped that a life of discipline and introspection would have forestalled that potentiality. My understanding of mid-life crises is that they are the consequence of a lack of understanding and acceptance of one's aging process. I don't feel old…at least not to myself.
Then again, maybe I'm not in acceptance. I caught myself wondering what my mystery woman would think of me. I knew that my body was in better shape than most men half my age, but I had seen the lines at the corners of my eyes, and there was no denying the fact that my previously brown hair was now silver. Would she see me as old and past my prime? I was horrified to find myself worrying that she wouldn't think I was capable of being as virile as a young man would be.
I shook my head impatiently, as though I could scatter the thoughts of her out of my head by motion alone. I didn't matter what this mystery woman would think of me since it is unlikely I will see her again. And even if I did see her, I certainly wasn't going to introduce myself and strike up a conversation with her. I shuddered at the thought of trying to make small talk. I completely lacked any real knowledge of flirting and dating, and I suspected I would make a laughing-stock of myself.
It's better that my mystery woman remain a mystery. Some complications are just not necessary for a life to be full. I'm too old to change anyhow.
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