Chapter 5 – Hana point of view- I do not own Fruits Basket- I could not remember if it was a boy or a girl that Hana hurt with her denpa waves prior to/during middle school, so I said it was a girl. If it was a boy, I apologize. Our manga is still packed and we aren't due to move until late May. I'm also sorry on the delay in posting this-I actually had real work to do at work most of last week. :::gasp::: It's a rarity, but I actually had enough work to keep me busy 8 hours a day for about 5 days. Now I'm back to no work for 8 hours a day, so I guess I can post this!


Megumi and I walked home silently. I felt very vexed with him. We were not planning to go to our grandparent's home today, so all I could do was wait until he was ready to explain why he thought it was necessary to interrupt my rendezvous with Kazuma. He didn't make me wait very long.

"You can't do that to a man like Kazuma, Saki. He has too much integrity for you to toy with his feelings like that in such a cavalier manner." Megumi's tone was soft, but his criticism stung.

"My actions are far from cavalier, Megumi," I replied calmly. "This is not some sort of experiment or test to see what I am capable of; my intentions towards Kazuma are based in love."

"But your methods are not," Megumi pointed out dryly. "Kazuma is a martial arts master, a man who lives his life with integrity. I know you have sensed his history of sacrifice and honor as I have. How do you think he would feel about you if he was to learn you were using your denpa waves to manipulate his feelings and actions?" I felt a degree of anger and defensiveness, and I sought to justify my manipulations.

"All is fair in love and war, Megumi. Isn't that what the cliché says? Surely a man well versed in the arts of war would understand my choice in using whatever weapons I had on hand to win this battle." Megumi shook his head slowly.

"You know that isn't true, Saki; that's just the justification people use to make themselves feel better when they have behaved in a dishonorable fashion to get what they want. You know that someone like Kazuma values integrity and honor. Your argument might be valid if he knew he was engaged in a battle; but he doesn't know. You are attacking him on the sly. He is completely innocent of the knowledge of denpa waves and doesn't have a clue that he is being manipulated. He believes that the thoughts and feelings you are placing in his mind originate with him. I'm sure you know how upset it is making me him feel, to be fantasizing about a girl he feels is too young for him." I interrupted Megumi with cold anger.

"He does have genuine feelings of attraction for me, Megumi. I would not be so foolish as to try to insert feelings of love into someone who felt nothing for me. I am merely accelerating the fruition of those feelings." Megumi walked quietly for a few minutes before replying.

"If your denpa waves have told you that Kazuma has feelings for you, then let things develop at a natural rate. Give him the opportunity to develop and nurture those feelings for himself, and give him the time to make peace with this sudden change to his world. Offer him the respect he deserves, and let his feelings for you grow naturally and without denpa wave interference. Otherwise, you risk losing him when he realizes what you are doing," Megumi paused thoughtfully. "And Saki, you know he will realize it. With the proximity to your denpa waves, his knowledge of his own abilities will deepen. You risk your future with this man if you continue manipulating him."

I didn't answer him. His words rang with truth, and it brought my personal ethics into question. I had watched Megumi's abilities grow much more quickly than my own due to his proximity to me; it would be no different with Kazuma were we to spend a lot of time together. We walked silently the rest of the way home. When we arrived, I went up to my bedroom to think over what Megumi said.

I had been so careful to control my use of the denpa waves after nearly killing that girl at my former middle school. I had learned that there really was no such thing as a casual feeling or emotion. With the denpa waves, thoughts had power and they could kill. So I had learned to carefully control my anger and my fear so I would not inadvertently hurt someone. But I had not concerned myself with my other emotions or the less deadly manifestations of denpa waves.

I had never questioned the ethics of using my waves to tune into the private thoughts of others; not that there were too many people who I found interesting enough to eavesdrop on. Prior to meeting Kazuma, I had mainly used that ability when protecting Tohru from the overly zealous Prince Yuki Fan Club. But now I felt myself ashamed for the gross intrusion of privacy I had committed upon Kazuma-kun. I had read his innermost thoughts and feelings about me, and I had used that knowledge to manipulate him into a greater degree of intimacy than was warranted by our brief acquaintance.

I cringed as the full realization of my rash and immature actions settled in my awareness. I had crawled inside Kazuma's mind and filled it with an unrelenting desire to see me again that had made him restless, distracted, and had most likely impaired his ability to teach and function. I had then mentally manipulated the man to leave his home and encounter me; and then once he was in my presence, I had sent him unrelenting suggestions of kissing and touching me.

I wasn't certain why I had felt such urgency in getting our relationship to progress. My meddling indicated a lack of patience that was incongruent with my view of myself as a calm and patient woman. I suspected that I had been reacting to my own subconscious fear that if I didn't interfere, Kazuma would never act on his own feelings. I had patiently waited several months, continually tuning into his waves to determine his feelings for me, waiting to see some sort of sign that he was going to seek me out or that he was accepting the connection I felt between us; but the man was relentless in his adherence to his ideas of what was an acceptable relationship with a young woman and what was not. He had actively sought to push me out of his mind and continue his lonely existence.

After six months of waiting patiently, my own feelings churning tempestuously within me and seeking realization, I think I had reached a point of desperation. I had felt that if I didn't manipulate this man into acting on his feelings, nothing would ever transpire between us. He was too comfortable in his loneliness. But I wasn't comfortable at all.

My entire young adulthood, I had watched the love-play of my peers; I had not felt too much envy as none of the boys my age held much appeal for me. Perhaps the other students had assumed that because of my quiet and calm demeanor I was not interested in love and romance, but they would be wrong. I had just been waiting for the right man to come along. Having found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I wasn't willing to wait any longer. So I had "arranged" to run into Kazuma, and I had "encouraged" him to act on his desire for me.

I felt a blush creeping over my face as I realized how shamefully I had treated him. My actions may have been motivated by my own budding affection for him, but they were not loving actions by any stretch of the imagination.

I sighed quietly and felt a surge of affection for my little brother, Megumi. It was not easy growing up and having to be mature beyond one's chronological age because of the denpa waves; and yet I was grateful to have Megumi's love and support as I transitioned through each challenge. He loves me enough to let me know when I'm out of line; I couldn't ask for a better manifestation of love than that.

I would have to step back and allow the relationship to progress naturally. But I also felt I needed to admit to him what I had done, and to teach him how to protect himself from unscrupulous manipulations. It was inevitable that he would figure out that he had been manipulated once he knew and understood the denpa waves. And while I dreaded his possible response to my machinations, I also knew that it was karmically just that I should teach him to protect himself from the very waves I used against him.

I would wait before approaching him again. I would give him some space to process what had happened between us before I introduce more chaos into his life. It would not be easy to wait, especially since I would no longer be using the denpa waves to monitor his thoughts and feelings for me; but if I the feelings I was picking up from my own denpa waves were any indication, the potential relationship between Kazuma and I was more than worth sacrifice.


AN: It seemed to me that someone with a psychic or magical power would be tempted to use it to get what they want, especially if that person was young and lacked the life experience to know better than to mess with other people's feelings. It seems clear from the manga that Hana had learned to control her negative emotions so as not to cause harm; but the manga never really addresses the ethics of her use of the denpa waves against the Prince Yuki Fan Club. I can imagine her feeling overwhelmed with her feelings for Kazuma and justifying her use of her power to get him to respond! It seems like the sort of thing a psychic or magical teen girl would be tempted to do (although in all fairness, I suspect a man or woman at any age would be tempted to use their powers that way if they didn't know any better, as evidenced by the ten million "love spell" books in the metaphysics section of your local bookstores).