Hermione was able to convince her healer to let her go home the day after her confrontation with Lucius. The week after was a whirlwind as the Wizengamot saw the trials of both Ron and Ginny. She was called to testify, as were Draco and Lucius. Watching her husband on the stand, coolly giving his story of the events that transpired, was extremely hard for her to watch. His version of the events matched the story Ron had used to taunt her exactly. When questioned as to why he had turned himself in, instead of going to the Aurors, he merely shot the opposing lawyer a look that said 'are you stupid?' and refused to answer. She knew, however, why he did it.
The rest of the trial was hard to listen to, especially once Ginny took the stand. One look at her and you knew that she held no remorse for her actions. The girls she killed were merely means to an end and didn't matter to her. As she told additional details of the murders, Hermione grew more and more nauseous until she finally caused quite the scene when she rushed from the courtroom in search of a bathroom. Thankfully, once all the testimonies were heard, it took no time at all for the members of the Wizengamot to find Ron and Ginny both guilty. They were sentenced to life in Azkaban. As they all filed out of the courtroom, Molly Weasley's loud sobbing filling the halls, Hermione tried to catch Lucius' eye. He hadn't looked her way once throughout the week-long trial.
She didn't blame him.
The month that followed was... quiet. Draco, now able to stop worrying so much, stopped coming over every day. Lucius was busy getting caught up on paperwork and events that transpired in his absence, hiding himself away in his study at all hours of the day. All the while, she could be mostly found in the gardens, the library, or in her – their – room. Although, she could barely call it their room since Lucius hadn't stepped foot in it since being released. There seemed to be this endless chasm between herself and her husband that she had no idea how to fix. Exacerbating the problem, she was completely overwhelmed by an ever-present emotion.
Guilt.
She felt guilty that she had believed the lies about Lucius, that she let him sit in Azkaban as an innocent man and did nothing to help him. She felt guilty that she threw that lamp at him (thankfully not hitting him) and yelled at him. He had certainly taken her words to leave her alone to heart, as he hadn't spoken to her at all since they returned home, and she had only seen him a handful of times.
It was a very large house, after all.
Would it have been that hard to just let him explain? She knew, she knew, deep down that he had lied when he said he never loved her. It was just easier at the time to choose to believe it. But now? It was just another thing to feel guilty about and it was tearing her apart. She really had little excuse for her behavior at the hospital, other than the fact that she was still hurt over Lucius' words. True or not, hearing those words spill from his lips had broken her heart.
Really, she was just a mess of emotions lately. Guilt, hurt, and feeling somewhat abandoned by her husband, even though she had told him to leave her alone. On top of all that, to make matters worse, her stomach seemed to be growing at an epic rate. Merlin, she knew she was having twins, but she was already huge. Or, rather, she felt like she was.
So there she was, sitting in the library, an unread book resting in her lap (on her protruding belly) as she was unable to keep her concentration on the text it contained. Sighing in defeat, she placed the book on the small antique end table that was next to her chair and stood up. Lifting her arms above her head, she did a couple of stretches to ease the kinks from sitting still too long and decided to go the kitchen for a spot of tea.
The way to the kitchens took her right past the doors to Lucius' study. She paused briefly, considering just barging right in, but her Gryffindor courage failed her. Continuing on her way, she walked a few steps more when she felt a very hard kick right above her belly button. Sure, she had felt a few flutters here and there, but they were nothing like this. Gasping loudly in surprise, both her hands went immediately to her stomach, hoping it would happen again. In her excitement, she didn't notice the door that she had just passed fly open and a frantic Lucius emerge.
"Hermione, what is it? What's wrong?"
She whirled around, surprised to see Lucius standing in front of her, concern shining in his eyes.
"Lucius? What are you talking about?"
"I was getting up to go get some paperwork from another room and when I approached the door, I heard you cry out."
She watched as his eyes came to rest on stomach. When he saw that she was cradling it with her hands, his eyes grew wide with fear.
"Is it the babies? Are you in pain? Don't worry, we'll get you to Saint Mungo's right away!"
"What? Lucius, calm down. The babies are fine; I'm fine. They were just kicking, and it surprised me because it was much more forceful than usual."
His face softened as a look of relief passed over it. She noticed his hand twitch, as if he wanted to reach out and feel the kicking as well.
"If all is well, I'll leave you be," he said as he turned to leave. Hermione, having decided that now was the time to attempt to fix things with her husband, called out to stop him.
"Lucius, wait. Would you... would you like to feel?"
He halted in his steps and looked at her as if he was trying to gauge her sincerity. Finally, he gave a quick nod of his head and came closer. When he was close enough, she reached out to take his hand in hers and gently placed it where she felt the kick. She hoped to Merlin that one of the babies would kick again. Her wish came true when not five seconds later, there was another forceful kick. The look of pure happiness that crossed Lucius' face assured her that she had done the right thing by reaching out to him.
"I'd forgotten what a joy it was to feel your unborn child move about. Thank you for letting me be a part of it," he said as he dropped his hand and began to walk away.
"Lucius, don't," she said, her voice sounding strangled as she fought to hold back tears. He stopped and looked at her, clearly surprised that she had called out to him again. The two stared at each other in silence until Hermione could not take it anymore.
"I'm sorry!"
"You're... sorry?" he asked, confusion evident in his tone.
"I should have done something! I just... believed everything because they told me you turned yourself in. I didn't even question it! And then you had to sit in Azkaban, knowing you were innocent, and it must have killed you. You, thankfully, get out and the first thing I do is throw a lamp at you! Gods, how can you ever forgive me?"
"I cannot forgive you –"
Her breath caught in her throat and despair filled her heart when he spoke those words.
" –because there is nothing to forgive. For Salazar's sake, Hermione, I do not know how you will forgive me. I had to make a quick decision between you and my son, and I will understand if that is something you can never forgive me for doing. I knew he was innocent as well, and I just could not allow him to be sent to Azkaban. There are no words in this language that can express how deeply sorry I am for what you had to go through."
The despair lifted as he continued, and she knew then that things were going to be okay.
"Why did you tell me you never loved me?"
She was nervous she might regret asking that question, but she had to know.
"I was under the impression that I was going to be in Azkaban for the rest of my life. I had hoped that, if I told you I no longer loved you, it might help you move on with your life and move on from your feelings for me. "
"You should have just told me the truth, Lucius. I could have helped you."
"I could not risk your safety. I knew Draco would keep you safe, although it seems I was remiss in calculating the threat that Mr. Weasley posed. I realize there is nothing I can say to make the past few months disappear, but I can only hope that you will someday forgive me."
"Lucius, do you love me?"
"So very much, Hermione. So very much."
He gave her a sad smile and finally continued on his way towards the kitchen. Deciding she wasn't going to let it end like that, she rushed after him and grabbed his hand to turn him to face her. She looked at their joined hands and reveled in the feeling of their second physical interaction since he was released. Merlin, had she missed touching him!
"I love you too, Lucius."
AN: Thanks to erbkaiser and Raybe for betaing!
Just a few comments on this chapter. I know a few of you are going to think that Hermione is being too hard on herself. And she is. But, I also think that she is 'I should have done something' type of person so she probably would feel guilty. Which is going to lead to her forgiving Lucius maybe a bit easier than she should. Plus, hormones. That said, it's still going to take a bit for her to get over everything, but she does miss her husband. Next chapter, we'll see some more of Lucius' thoughts.
Please review!
