Unfortunately, Varric had limited experience with Cullen in Kirkwall so she receives the same basic information from him that she'd heard from his sister Mia when she finally tracked him down years before. He was never good at keeping touch, with anyone, so she couldn't take it too personally that he'd stopped writing her. Besides, at the time she was still a child and he was a grown man going through a rough time, she wasn't the person for him to talk to at that point. She tries to question Cassandra who seems to have a more personal relationship with him, but she refuses, finding it more appropriate that she ask him directly. But that's the problem, since they had arrived at Haven weeks earlier, she hadn't had much free time to talk to him and when she did he was in meetings or training recruits. Brielle can't help wishing he would set aside some time for her, it had been so long since she's seen him and she badly needs to regain that personal connection before she forgets herself and gets lost in being the Herald. Though she can't be that selfish, how can she ask him to take time off when everyone's lives are at risk?
She tries to catch him after the morning war meeting but he's immediately summoned by a messenger and goes off to attend to whatever problem they've presented. Brielle decides she'll just go to his quarters and wait for him in the evening; he has to sleep sometime.
It's already dark when she heads over to Cullen's room. She wears a simple fitted dress and cloth slippers and pulls her long hair back into a neat braid, she wants to look like herself instead of the façade she tries to wear as the Herald. For some reason, she fells slightly anxious as she approaches his door, but based on the lack of light coming from beneath it she knows he isn't there yet. Brielle knocks on the door anyway and upon hearing no answer, she enters. The light from the candle she carries illuminates the small space and she is unsurprised by what she finds. Cullen was always very salt of the earth, bare necessities kind of man, so it is fitting that his room is a sparsely furnished alcove in a worn down wing of the keep. Against one wall is a small bed with a wooden table at its side holding a candle and a half empty bottle of wine, across from the bed sits a simple desk littered with notes on strategy and reports from scouts in the Hinterlands. She lights the candle on his end table and sets down the sack of snacks and wine she brought with her. Unsure of how long she would be waiting, she grabs a dusty book from his desk and makes herself comfortable; pouring herself a glass of wine she sits cross legged on his bed and begins to read.
Nearly an hour passes and she helps herself to another glass of wine and props his pillows up behind her against the wall. She leans into them and sighs; maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. Who knows when he would go to bed, or if he would at all? She suddenly fells foolish when she thinks that maybe he is seeing someone and is staying in their room. Of course he probably has a woman in his life, why wouldn't he? Besides having scant time there's nothing making him unavailable and if anyone deserves love it's Cullen. Brielle ignores the twinge the thought gives her stomach and downs her wine, returning the book she is reading and snuggling into one of his blankets. She can smell him on the linens of his bed and inhales his scent deeply; it is intoxicating and familiar even after so many years, he smells like myrrh and sweat, leather and soil, warm and slightly musky like a summer night. She fells comforted by being in his space, even if he
isn't there it makes her feel closer to him to be near his belongings, and it wasn't the first time she'd snuck into his room either, so it almost feels like old times.
She feels herself getting sleepy and yawns as she pours yet another glass of wine and looks around for something more interesting to occupy herself with. Finding nothing, she returns to the book, wishing it was a more interesting subject as battle formations and military strategy aren't exactly her favorite genre for late night reading.
Cullen stops outside the door of his room, immediately on guard when he sees candlelight coming from inside. He opens the door slowly, quietly, hoping to catch the intruder off guard. Instead, he finds Brielle, sprawled across his bed, limbs tangled in his blanket and fast asleep. He has to stifle a laugh as he gazes down on her sleeping form, he's found in a similar fashion many times before when they were at the Chantry together; she'd sneak into his room during storms when she got scared and he'd wake up to her curled in a blanket on the floor next to his bed. He's always found it endearing that she would come to him to protect her, and he probably would have let her stay if he wouldn't have been grilled for it. But finding her here now, in his bed, stirs a different feeling altogether. He can't help letting his eyes take her in; she looks so angelic, lashes softly caressing her cheeks as she dreams, the slow rise and fall of her breasts with each breath, full lips slightly parted and beckoning to him. For a moment he allows himself to imagine what it would be like to kiss her, wondering if she would embrace him or if she would push him away in disgust. He had been like a brother to her, after all, but he can't stop himself from thinking of her differently since they'd reunited.
He banishes the thoughts from his mind, this is the reason he's been avoiding her for weeks, he has to stop thinking about how lovely she's become so he can be a proper friend to her again. Cullen reaches down and gently brushes the back of his fingers across his cheek to wake her, when she doesn't stir he sighs, removing his armor and scooping her up into his arms. He cradles her sleeping body against his chest and places a soft kiss to her head as he makes his way down the hall to her room. As he shifts forward to open her door she begins to wake and instantly clings to him, causing his breath to hitch at her hands gripping his shoulders. He tightens his hold on her slightly to reassure her that he has her.
"It's okay Brie." He says softly as she looks up at him sleepily. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, if I'd known you were coming by…"
"Shh Cullen." Brie replies with a yawn as he sets her back on her feet. "You're just always so busy, and I'm leaving to the Storm Coast in a few days. I wanted to see you, catch up a bit. You're all I've got now, you know."
Cullen looks down and sighs, feeling guilty. "Forgive me, Brie. I should have been there for you, I'm so sorry. I just… wasn't in a good place; I didn't want you to see me that way. I hope I can make it up to you somehow."
Brie wraps her arms around him tightly and closes her eyes as she lays her head against his chest. "All that matters is that you're here now, with me." Cullen snakes his arms around her, enveloping her in his embrace and rests his cheek against her head. It has been a long time since he's had this kind of contact with someone and it feels good just to be held in each other's arms.
After a moment they part and smile a little sheepishly at one another. "Thanks," Brie says as she pushes up onto her toes and gives him a peck on the tip of his nose, "I really needed that."
Cullen blushes and rubs at the back of his neck, "Yeah, me too. You know, I never thought I'd be carrying you back to your own bed again," he chuckles softly, "But actually… it was really nice." He smiles and returns to the door. "I've missed you."
"So have I. More than you know." Brielle tells him as she climbs into bed. As he closes the door she burrows into her blankets, happy to have been with him if only for a few moments. She will be back in Haven soon and she will see him again and just the thought of it makes her feel warm and fuzzy all over.
