Chapter 16

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The city whizzed by the window as the federally issued sedan sped along the city streets.

"What was the address again?" Danny asked as he popped his gum.

It took Sam a moment to register what Danny had asked her; after a moment's hesitation she pulled out her notepad and replied, "152 West 82nd street."

"Thanks." Danny changed lanes and slowed to a stop as the yellow light switched to red. "You okay, you seem kinda distracted."

"Maybe a little." Sam replied. Maybe a lot; truth was, she was wondering who Martin was talking to on the phone. His mom, his dad, his sisters? She knew it wasn't anyone on the team - they would have told her. Maybe he wasn't even talking to anyone; maybe he took it off the hook so he could have a little peace and avoid phone calls. She tried calling him back but got another busy signal. She was about to attempt a third time when Jack walked into the bullpen to tell them they had a new case.

"Thinking about the call?" Sam had told Danny about what had happened. She had never realized how annoying that beep, beep, beeping busy signal noise was until today. The light switched to green and Danny pressed the gas.

"Yeah, I was just wondering if maybe fate was telling me to back off."

"'Fate'? That's an awfully new-age term for you." Danny chuckled.

"Shut up and turn left at the next light." Danny rolled his eyes at her and switched on the blinker. Sam turned back to look out the window; recalling her visit with Rebecca at Lucebella.

"Do you want a reading?" Rebecca asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I would." Sam hurried to join Rebecca at the table as she began presenting the tarot cards before Samantha.

"Relax Samantha." Rebecca commented at Sam's obvious nervousness. She held the deck in her hand and turned over the first card. It was of a skeleton dressed in black holding a scythe.

"The Death Card." Samantha's pulse quickened and her eyes went wide. Rebecca must have taken notice because she said, "Calm down Samantha, it's a common misconception that the Death Card actually means death. It is actually symbolic of rebirth, transformation. It means there are some changes headed your way."

Samantha slowly exhaled. Rebecca grinned at the noticeable relief crossing Sam's face. Working for the F.B.I. Samantha did not take the term 'death' lightly. But Sam also wondered what changes lay ahead: changes for her and Martin? Vivian? The team?

She watched as Rebecca turned the next card: it was an image of two cups with water flowing between them.

"Temperance: this is a card about moderation. It can be a warning to 'temper' your behavior. A reminder that seemingly irreconcilable opposites may not be irreconcilable at all; belief that fiery red and watery blue cannot be merged may be the only thing standing in the way of blending the two. If you can learn to equally balance the red and blue you can create the most beautiful shade of purple."

Sam knew that this most directly referred to her. She knew that when it came to Martin she was hot and cold. She was so convinced that he was so different from what she was used to she didn't think it could possibly work.

Rebecca continued on with the next card. "The Devil: this doesn't mean Satan, but rather that we create the 'hell' that shackles and binds us to a certain way of thinking. This chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it."

Sam was beginning to get an eerie feeling on how much she could relate to the cards meanings. Then she wondered if she was just reading too much into it.

"The Tower: it is a card about war, the war between lies and the truth. There are going to be some shake-ups in your future. You sometimes need to face a truth that up until now you refused to see. You may have to destroy your tower of beliefs, no matter how difficult, in order to build again; to create something new and unexpected."

Sam swallowed. Now it was getting spooky. The next card was put down and Sam could see the image facing towards her. It was of an orb and scepter but Sam was confused because all of the other cards were facing Rebecca.

"Why is this one facing me?" Sam asked.

"This card is in 'reverse', this means it refers to a negative energy," Sam winced. "It doesn't exactly mean that something bad will happen but rather that there might be something unresolved or holding you back."

Rebecca continued, "This is the Emperor: it represents enthusiasm, energy, aggression. He is direct, guileless and all too often irresistible. Unfortunately, he can also be impatient, demanding, controlling. In the best of circumstances, he signifies the leader that everyone wants to follow, sitting on a throne that indicates the solid foundation of the Empire he created; he loves and rules with intelligence and enthusiasm. But that throne can also be a trap, a responsibility that has the Emperor feeling restless, bored and discontent."

An image of Jack entered Sam's mind, those traits strongly reminded her of him. He was a force indeed and Sam was definitely drawn to it. But so was the entire team, they all respected Jack whether they agreed with him or not. Even Martin admitted to her that despite his issues with Jack, he had never learned so much from any other supervisor. Sam wondered what it means that she directly linked one of the cards to Jack, her former lover. When Rebecca had told her that Sam was having a problem with 'M' she thought it was about Martin but now she wondered if maybe it was 'M' for Malone. She'll have to ask Rebecca later if she also saw a 'J' or an 'F'.

The next card was turned and it was facing Rebecca. Sam assumed that since the one facing her was negative then the ones facing Rebecca must be positive. The image on the card was of a man and a woman in an embrace.

"The Lovers: coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. Love is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist." Rebecca paused as Sam leaned forward, not wanting to miss a single word. "This card indicates that when you come across it you have to have it, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it they will never be complete. When this card appears, you are being told to trust you instincts, to choose the career, challenge, person or thing you're so strongly drawn to, no matter how scary, because without it, you will never be complete. It's sudden and unexpected, and it means a complete change in plans. You cannot deny it."

Samantha knew immediately that this card was about Martin. Not just because they were lovers but also that she when she invited him to share the cab that night she didn't think or analyze, she just acted, she went with her instincts and no matter how it turned out she didn't regret it one bit. He truly was not what she planned for herself but she couldn't imagine her life without him in it. She was so lost in her thoughts about Martin that she almost missed the next card.

"The Chariot: this indicates a union of opposites. They appear to want to go in opposite directions but they must make the journey together. Control is required over opposing emotions, wants, needs, people, and circumstance."

Again, it was Martin. They were so different but fit so good together, not just physically, which was great, but when she allowed herself to just relax around him it was so easy and comfortable it scared her. But at the same time they did seem to want different things. She was happy keeping what they had in private whereas Martin wanted everyone to know. He wanted to plan for the future while she wanted to just stay grounded in the present.

The next card was an image of a body of water, like an ocean.

"Judgement: this means you cannot avoid what you have been running away from. You need to face your fears and decide what you want to do. Change is going to happen whether you're ready or not but you have a chance to influence that decision."

Samantha sighed heavily. This card was dead-on. She knew that she had to decide once and for all that Martin was sticking it out. He wasn't going to leave her and she should make the choice to start letting him in. It was at that moment that she decided that first thing tomorrow she would change the way she had been behaving and confront her fears. Of course, the very next day Martin had made the decision for both of them.

Rebecca turned over the final card. The image was of a man hanging by one foot from a cross. His free leg was bent and looked like it formed a "4." He looked peaceful as his hands dangled freely as coins fell out of his pockets.

"The Hanged Man: this card implies a time when everything stands still; a chance to reflect before taking the next step. While things continue on, for now, they are timeless."

At the time Sam had no idea what to think about the final card. But now, it was the most foretelling because she couldn't think of a better way to describe a coma than 'a time when everything stands still.'

"We're here." Danny announced, startling Sam. She shook off her memory and stepped out of the car to get to work.