He woke up screaming.

"You are weak! Pathetic!" Tobias's voice rang in his ears.

But it was a quickly fading echoed. He had been deep within R.E.M sleep. He had been having a nightmare. Blood pounded in his ears, his breathing heavy. Taking two calming breaths, Reid pressed the palms of his hands into his eye sockets until he saw pinpricks of light.

Then he removed his hands and glanced at the analog clock that stood on his bedside table. It was 4:22 in the morning. He checked his phone. There were no texts messages or missed calls. No case yet. At 6:30 he would have to be at work.

Spencer got dressed, washed his face and brushed his teeth. Glancing into the little box he was keeping his vials of dilaudid, Reid realized that perhaps he would have to look into drug dealers in the area. It wasn't as if he was going to run out tomorrow, but it would be nice to make sure he always had some on hand.

Maybe he would go visit his mother again. It was easy enough to purchase drugs in a city like Las Vegas. As he pondered what to do, Spencer made himself some toast and coffee. Dumping about a quart of sugar into the black substance, Reid ate his toast and drank his coffee in silence. Going through the motions. Afraid that if he put thought into anything more complicated than where he would buy his next vials Tobias's voice would find him.

With breakfast finished and his body clothed, there was only one thing to do before heading to the subway. Using the vial from the other night, Reid emptied the tiny bottle, shooting up in the bathroom again. More syringes would need to be purchased, he made a mental note. They were easy enough to get online. Ah, the wonders of the internet.

Now everything had been done. Spencer was ready for work. Making sure that a vial and syringe were in his go bag, just in case as always, Reid exited his apartment. The sun was shining brightly and a cool breeze was about. Overall, it was a nice day out, with the temperature mild. A lovely day for walking.

He didn't feel as stellar as he had had yesterday morning, but he didn't feel bad either. Neutral. Spencer felt neutral. He didn't want to think too hard at the moment, wanted to save his strength for the day to come. Go into the subway. Get onto a train. Get off the train. Exit the subway. It was simple.

Reid took the elevator, glancing at his wristwatch as the mechanical box was propelled upwards. 5:29. Early once again. A part of him wondered if he should try to come in closer to 6:30, that perhaps him coming into work this early every day would make someone suspicious. That somehow his punctuality could be tied back to his drug use and his instability.

The ding the elevators made when they whooshed open spooked him.

Train of thought derailed, Spencer exited the elevator and beelined for his desk. Settling himself down into his chair, Reid pulled out a book he kept in his satchel. A long winded tale of astronomy from the 1800s. Something he had picked up during a book sale a few months back.

"Good morning, Spencer," Jason Gideon greeted as he walked into the bullpen on the way to his office.

Spencer closed his book upon looking up.

"Morning, Gideon," Reid replied.

"Early today," Gideon remarked.

"I didn't have much to do this morning," Reid told the truth, and it was.

There was nothing for him at home. Except the peace of privacy to hide his shameful secret.

"Can I interest you in a game of chess before work officially starts?" Gideon wondered.

There was a slight tone change in Gideon. Reid wasn't sure if he had imagined it though, or was reading too much into the other man. Maybe it was just a game of chess. Either way, he had to say yes. Spencer always accepted Gideon's chess invitations.

"I'm always interested in a game of chess," Reid spoke carefully, trying to sound his usual self.

"Alright," Gideon offered Reid a quick smile before continuing his journey to his office.

Stashing the astronomy book back into his satchel, Spencer followed Gideon to his office. The morning light filtered in through the half closed blinds. Gideon sat his stuff down on his desk and then got out a chessboard. Spencer took a seat and watched as Gideon set up the pieces.

"You be white, I'll be black," Gideon said as he spun the board around so that the white pieces were closest to Spencer.

Reid nodded his acknowledgment, moving a pawn. Then Gideon took his turn. For a few minutes, the two played in silence. Spencer's mind was focused on the game and all other thoughts ceased. Until Gideon spoke, that is.

"I'm sorry, Spencer," Gideon said after taking one of Reid's pawns.

"It was a calculated loss," Reid frowned, believing that Gideon was referring to the action that had just happened on the board.

"A good move," chuckled Gideon, "But I wasn't talking about chess."

Reid looked up from the board, looked at Jason.

"I don't think I understand," he confessed, "I don't see why you have anything to be sorry for."

Gideon brushed his thumb against his nose.

"I was going to pull you aside yesterday to apologize, but you seemed happy to be with your work," Gideon said, eyes trained on the board.

He took his turn.

"I was," Reid didn't understand what Gideon was getting at.

Moving one of his knights, Spencer's heart began to pick up speed. Did Gideon already figure out that he was using? Had Gideon already seen through Reid's lies? But Gideon was not looking at Reid. He was focused on the chessboard.

"You're a strong individual, Spencer," he continued, mulling over his next move, "But no one should have gone through what you did. It was my fault."

There was no substantial emotion that Reid could pick up on when Gideon spoke. The older man talked like he usually did, although there was a hint of melancholy. Only a hint, however.

"I was the one who split up from JJ," Reid found himself saying, "And there wasn't any way to contact either of us. There wasn't a signal."

Part of him cursed himself for not allowing Gideon to take the blame. The other half of him hated the part of him that had thought that. Mixed emotions.

"Yes, that's all true," Gideon nodded, "But I'm the senior profiler. I should have noticed something was fishy with the dog reports. I didn't."

Gideon moved a piece.

Reid moved a piece.

"And it didn't help that I left you a message, after Mr. Hankel forced you to practically decide who would die and then make you watch in real time," Gideon moved a black knight, "When I had thought you had died, I couldn't help but feel responsible. I should have protected you from that, Spencer. And I'm sorry that I didn't."

Reid couldn't focus on the chess anymore.

"I did die," Reid corrected softly, his voice almost a whisper.

"Hmm?"

"I was dead for at least a minute or two. I did die," Reid spoke up.

In the back of his mind, Reid heard Tobias laughing at him.

Gideon's gaze left the chessboard and locked onto Reid. There was pain in his eyes, mixed strongly with affection and sympathy.

"You're right, you did die," Gideon agreed, "And that was my fault. But you survived that. Which is why I need to know that you're working through it."

"I'm coping," Reid answered truthfully. He was coping.

As if to prove himself, Spencer made his move.

"You'll have checkmate in two," Gideon observed.

Spencer made no indication of responding.

"Don't keep things bottled up like you do, Reid. Not with this. Eventually, you'll need to purge and it's better to do that sooner, rather than later. It will only make things easier," Gideon said before taking his turn.

Before either man could speak again, there was a knock on the door. Reid glanced over to see JJ just poking her head inside the room.

"Oh, hi, Spence," JJ greeted as she realized Spencer was in the room.

This indicated that she hadn't heard anything. It was a great relief to Spencer.

"Morning, JJ," Reid replied.

"Sorry to interrupt…," JJ spotted the chessboard just in time, "Your game of chess, but we've got a case. Team's meeting in the briefing room in five."

"Thank you, JJ," Gideon said.

JJ nodded and then exited the room, disappearing around the corner. Reid looked down at the chessboard in front of him.

"Thank you, Gideon," Reid said after a moment.

"I'm always here if you ever need to talk," Gideon reminded the young genius.

Spencer stood up and left. He wasn't sure how he felt. There was anger, fear, frustration, emptiness. But there was also a feeling of dread. They had a case. It would be his first case since Tobias. The first real test to see if he was truly able to return to his normal life.

Prentiss had already settled down in her desk, with Morgan just walking in. Emily was checking her go back, making sure she had packed the bare essentials.

"Morning, Prentiss," Reid greeted her.

He was unsure of his motives for doing so.

"Oh, hey," Emily grinned, "JJ tell you we've got a case?"

"Yes, she just did a few seconds ago," Reid confirmed.

"I hope it isn't too far away. I had a hell of a night last night. Sergio had an upset stomach so I was cleaning cat puke up most of the night, so I would not appreciate a long plane ride," Prentiss revealed.

"At least you weren't trying to sleep in," groaned Morgan.

"You were trying to sleep in on a work day?" Prentiss raised an eyebrow.

"I know, what else should I have expected," Morgan rolled his eyes, pausing to give Reid a sly once-over, "You look like you could've used a day to sleep in."

"Actually, there have been studies proving that people can maintain with only five to six hours of sleep," Reid rattled off the fact, "I got about five."

"Reid, are you rounding?" smirked Morgan.

"I don't know everything," Reid snapped.

It had been a reflex. He had known that Morgan was joking around. He even knew the tone of his voice wasn't that defensive, but despite this Reid physically cringed. He hadn't meant to do that.

"Can you quote the whole movie Titanic?" Prentiss joked after a moment, "Because I once knew this guy who could. It was oddly amazing."

Despite the odd look Morgan shot Spencer, he didn't press the issue. Reid was grateful. Gideon's talk had rattled him a little. As Prentiss told of this man who knew Titanic word for word, the three profilers made their way into the conference room. Gideon was already there, along with Hotchner, JJ, and Garcia.

"Alright," JJ began as Reid, Morgan, and Prentiss took their seats, "We've got a case in South Carolina. Three victims, two female prostitutes and then a college student. Their names were Tiffany Anders, Carol Morgans, and Grace Whitman."

As she spoke, JJ passed out the file for the case as Garcia pulled up images of the latest crime scene. Reid flipped through the case file, quickly taking in the words on the pages but stopped short when he got to the pictures.

They were of Grace Whitman.

"All three victims had defensive wounds and no signs of sexual assault," JJ continued, "They were abducted within a six mile radius, at different locations."

"It says in the file they were suffocated," Morgan frowned, "But from the pictures there aren't any indications of strangulation."

"They were buried alive," Prentiss informed him. She had been reading ahead.

Reid looked back down at the pictures in the file. Grace Whitman had been bound with rope on both her ankles and wrists. A fine layer of dirt was still coating her uncovered body. A shallow grave.

As Reid stared at the picture, Grace's fine features melted into those of Spencer. It was not Grace Whitman who was in that shallow grave, it was Spencer Reid. He was looking at a picture of his own grave, his own case file. Spencer shut his eyes, counted to three, and then opened them.

Grace Whitman had returned.

"... Wheels up in thirty," Hotch said suddenly.

Spencer had zoned out. The briefing was over. He'd have to pick up on what he missed during the plane ride. As the team began to file out of the conference room to grab their go bags, Penelope managed to sidle up alongside Reid.

"Hey there, you alright?" Garcia asked, a concerned smile dominating her face.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?" Reid replied.

"You seemed pretty quiet during the briefing in there and then there was that weird moment when I looked over and you looked pretty freaked out," Garcia informed him, "And I just wanted to make sure you were alright because you're like family and I hate to think of you going on a case that just like was making you feel all weird and stuff, ya know."

It always amazed Spencer how fast Garcia could talk sometimes. That wasn't a bad thing, Reid liked having conversations with Penelope after all.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I just was thinking about stuff," shrugged Spencer.

Garcia narrowed her eyes at him. For a moment, Reid worried that she was going to ask him to elaborate on what he had meant by 'stuff'.

"Okie dokie, well, look you need someone to talk to during this case or anything, I'm just a phone call away, okay, so you better call me," Penelope insisted.

"I will," said Reid, although he wasn't sure if he really meant it.

"Good," Garcia grinned.

Thirty minutes later, the team was on the jet, heading for Dayton, South Carolina. Hotch, Morgan, and Prentiss were sitting at the little table that was in the interior while Gideon was in the seat opposite. Spencer had decided it best to seat himself a little bit away from the rest of the team.

Not too far away, of course, that it would be suspicious. So Spencer sat on the couch.

"So our unsub kidnaps these women, two high risk victims and then transitioning to a low risk one," Morgan was saying.

"So he's becoming more confident," suggested JJ.

"If that's the case, he might also be speeding up the time he spends with each victim," Hotch said, "Tiffany was missing for a week before she was found in a shallow grave. Carol then was missing for five days before being found. And then Grace was only missing for two days."

"Autopsies show that each victim had been beaten before being buried alive, which resulted in asphyxiation," Morgan added, "So what does he do with them for the time he has them."

"I don't think it's about the torture prior, it's about the burial," Gideon spoke up, "The unsub would have done more to the victims if it were about the torture."

"Yeah, but burying someone alive is pretty sadistic," Prentiss pointed out.

"Maybe the unsub is using these women as surrogates for someone who hurt him," Reid said.

He had been silent up until then. Hotchner glanced up at him, making Reid want to squirm in his seat.

"That could be true," Gideon agreed.

"So the unsub could be on a revenge spree, working up to the person he really wants to bury alive," Morgan flipped through his copy of the file again.

"Okay, when we land, I'd like Morgan and Reid to go to the coroner's office to see the victims' bodies, Gideon and Prentiss will go to the dump site of Grace Whitman, and JJ and I will go to the station," Hotch instructed.

The rest of the plane ride went by relatively quickly and before Spencer knew it, the jet was landing. They split up then, taking the usual black SUVs that were provided for the BAU team when they were invited in on a case.

Morgan drove.

The traffic was on the lower side, with the SUV breezing through green lights. Ten minutes later, Morgan was pulling into the parking lot of the coroner's office. The two agents got out and headed into the building. They were greeted by Dr. Susan Fischer, a petite, slender black woman who radiated power.

"Agents, thank you for coming," Dr. Fischer said as she shook Morgan's hand.

"We'd like to see the bodies of the victims," Morgan informed her.

"Of course, I've got them laid out in an examination room," Dr. Fischer nodded her head, "Follow me."

Dr. Fischer lead Morgan and Reid down a hallway and into a room with three tables. On those tables were the bodies of Tiffany, Carol, and Grace.

"Did you get the autopsy reports that were sent with the files?" Dr. Fischer asked.

"Yes, we did," Reid answered, his feet carrying him ever closer to the table that Grace Whitman was displayed on.

Only a white cloth hid her body.

"Well, there isn't much else to say. You can see the bruising on each one for yourselves, there was tissue damage to the abdomen, like the killer kicked them repeatedly there. Then there are ligature marks on the wrists and ankles, but those were because he had tied them up. Dirt was found in the lungs and under the fingernails," Dr. Fischer told them.

Morgan pulled back the white cloth that was covering Tiffany's body. Spencer pulled back the white cloth that was covering Grace's body. She looked peaceful, not like in the picture. She was a sickly white, but if she had been a bit less pale, Reid could have imagined that she was just sleeping.

"That was almost you, Spencer," Tobias's voice suddenly hissed.

Trying not to jump, Reid casually glanced over his shoulder. Tobias Hankel was nowhere to be seen. He was dead. Spencer turned back to look at Grace. That could have been him, Tobias's voice had been right. Suddenly, there was not enough air in the room for him. His lungs were burning and he could almost feel dirt brushing against his skin.

No, he couldn't stay here. If he stayed another moment, he felt he would vomit. Without a word, Spencer made his way to the door and exited. Leaning back against the wall next to the door, Reid sucked in the cool air of the hallway. A moment later, the door opened as Morgan came out.

"Reid, are you okay?" he asked.

Spencer didn't respond, all he could think about was Grace. She had probably begged. She had probably cried. She had probably blamed herself in the last moments of her life. She had died alone and afraid, just like Spencer almost had.

"Damn it, Reid, answer me!" Morgan's voice cut in.

He had continued talking to him after his initial question but Spencer had been too distracted and hadn't heard him.

"What?" Reid asked.

"Are you okay? Is something wrong?" Morgan repeated.

"Oh…," Spencer was realizing what a mistake he had made.

Morgan would tell Hotch about this and Hotch might take him off the case. If he couldn't be valuable to the team, he'd get taken off this case and sent home. He couldn't go home. He needed to work.

"I'm alright, I just needed a moment is all, I'm fine," Reid quickly said before walking back into the display room.

"Everything okay?" Dr. Fischer wanted to know.

"Yes, everything's fine," Spencer told her, "Did the toxicology reports of the victims show any signs of drugs?"

Dr. Fischer blinked. She looked torn between worry and curiosity. Morgan entered the room then, just as Reid asked his question. Spencer didn't look at him.

"No, the reports came back negative. The killer didn't drug any of them," Dr. Fischer answered.

"Gideon was right, it isn't about the torture, it's about burying the victims alive," Reid said, turning to Morgan as he did so.

The job was done here. Now it was time to go to the station and meet up with Hotch and JJ. Reid walked out of the room again as Morgan thanked Dr. Fischer. He kept walking, all the way back to the car. He clambered into the passenger's seat.

The memories were coming to him and he needed it. It was in the bag, the needle and the vial. Just a moment alone was all it would take. But he couldn't. This case could last for a while yet and Spencer had only packed one vial.

"Hey, Reid, what was that back there?" Morgan once again interrupted Reid's thoughts.

He was sitting in the driver's seat, starting up the SUV. Spencer wasn't sure how to answer that one. Morgan pulled out of the parking lot.

"You can talk to me, man, c'mon," Morgan insisted.

"When you guys found me, Tobias was making me dig my own grave," Reid mumbled after a moment.

"What?" Morgan looked at Reid almost horrified before returning his eyes back onto the road, "You never told Hotch or Gideon that, did you?"

"No… I, um, didn't think it was relevant," Reid didn't want to talk about this, "It's in the past anyhow and Tobias is dead. So it doesn't matter."

"Reid, it does matter. I mean, man, look, you can't keep that sort of stuff to yourself. You gotta let us help you through this," Morgan reminded him.

"They let you die, though, Spencer," Tobias sounded as if he were in the back seat, "You died in that shack and I brought you back only to kill you again. They didn't help you then, why do they want to help you now?"

"I don't really want to talk about this right now, okay Morgan," Reid told his friend.

"... Okay Reid, we don't have to talk about it right now," Morgan sounded conflicted, "But I'm not letting this conversation go, we're going to talk about this later."

Spencer glanced in the back seat. No one was there. Why did he keep hearing Tobias's voice?