Author's Note: Hi, guys! I'm back! Not that I've gone anywhere, but I feel like it's been too long since I've updated this (which is usually the case).
When we last left out hero, he received a late-night phone call. Who could it be? Hmmmm...
Well, you'll just have to read to find out, won't you? :)
Hope's heart skipped a beat, maybe it was her. Maybe she had another dream, and she needed him. He got up out of bed and crossed to the table near the window, where his phone cried. He checked the id.
Serah?
What could she want at this hour? he wondered. He answered hastily, figuring it must be serious, "Hey, Serah. What's up?"
"Hey, Hope."
"Lightning?"
The soldier sighed, and he heard some kind of movement, "I'm sorry if I woke you, I just...couldn't sleep...I needed to talk."
Hope sat in the chair by the table, a little concerned, "Sure, what's up?"
There was a short bout of silence, "This isn't something we should talk about on the phone, it feels too much like... Is it possible for you to come to my place?"
He frowned out of concern and confusion, what couldn't they talk about on the phone? "Yeah, I can be there in ten minutes. Is something wrong?"
"Not anymore. Just...come down, okay?"
"Of course, Light. On my way. But-"
She hung up before he could finish. He sat there with his phone against his ear for a minute longer, confused. What could she want to talk about this late that she couldn't say over the phone? Did something happen while he and Vanille were gone that Serah didn't mention? Well, he didn't have time to wonder. Glad he didn't bother to put pyjamas on, he slipped his phone in his pocket and headed out.
Amusingly, Lightning lived in a small apartment by herself within a few minutes walking distance from his hotel. Well, only amusing in retrospect. At the moment, it was simply convenient. He actually arrived before the ten minutes he promised, and pressed the buzzer for her door. She let him in.
Four (and very tiring) flights of stairs later, Hope gently tapped on her door, so as to not wake any neighbors. He heard the sounds of three or four locks being unlocked before the door finally opened.
The only word he could think of to describe Lightning was exhausted. Not necessarily as though she hadn't gotten much sleep, but the air around her was just...tired. And something in her eyes worried him.
"Light, are you okay?"
"I will be, just..." she nodded toward the interior of her apartment, "come in."
He did as he was directed, inquiring, "Is Serah here? My phone said it was her calling."
Lightning locked the door back up behind him, "No, I just used her phone. I had to send mine in, damn thing stopped working. She let me borrow it."
"I would have fixed it for you."
"Well, this was before you."
"I see."
A heavy silence plagued them for a few moments, reminding Hope of his recent failure to speak to Vanille. What if he couldn't help Lightning? What if he failed to speak to her, too?
Eventually, Lightning sighed, "I wanted to talk about...what happened to us, you know."
Hope knew. He knew exactly what she meant, although everything about that time was...fuzzy. He wasn't really himself then, most of what he remembered were vague voices and hazy images. No feelings. None. Not until the end.
"Well...where do we start?"
Lightning sighed, and started pacing around her place, which Hope noted was much more organized than Vanille's, "I guess, with you. You were around much longer than I was."
He followed her feet as she walked, just to give himself something to focus on. Bare, much like his memories, "I...don't remember a whole lot. After my last conversation with Snow...it's all a blur."
Lightning stopped, and he focused back on her face, "What did you talk about?"
Hope shrugged, "The same old thing. For us, that was the condition of the world. How bad it was, ideas to combat it. It was just as casual as talking about the weather after two hundred years. After that...the next thing I remember clearly is your face."
That seemed to pain her. Her face showed nothing - as usual - but her eyes clouded like a rainy day. He imagined it was hard for her, realizing he wasn't really there, having to deal with the fact that she couldn't care. He could at least pretend to understand how she felt. He'd been trying to wrap his head around the fact that his puny human body had been possessed by the creator of the universe - which he hadn't even known until it was over - for the past three years. It hadn't worked very well.
"Me?"
"Yeah. Before it was over, before we killed Bhunivelze, remember?"
Lightning remembered, he saw that in her eyes, too. She sunk down onto the back of her couch, digging her fingers into the upholstery for stability. Staring at nothing, she answered, "...Yeah, I remember."
Hope leaned against the couch beside her, as close as he'd get to comforting her, "What about you?"
She remained silent for a while, keeping her gaze locked in the void. Hope studied her, watched her face. He began to truly appreciate the perfect structure of her mask, the way it hid everything. He could imagine he was looking at the same Lightning from one thousand and three years ago, the same one who pushed him to toughed up because she didn't have time for his weakness, the same one who protected him when he failed, and became something akin to a second mother to him. In pictures, it would be impossible to tell the difference. But he knew her.
"...Light, it's okay to talk."
She sighed, "I...I remember everything. The waiting, in crystal stasis... Waking up, you... Serah... But I can't...I can't remember any feeling..." she began to sound almost frantic now, "nothing comes up when I think about it all, I..."
Hope placed a hand on her shoulder, "Me neither. Nothing. It's like I'm watching someone else's life."
She looked up at him, her eyes flooded with relief that he understood, "Yes, exactly. Like it's someone else's life. Or maybe like...it didn't even happen."
"But it did happen. We can't just ignore that."
Lightning suddenly stood back up on her feet, nearly fuming, "Why not? That world is gone now, Hope. Erased from existence. Why can't we just pretend it never happened?"
Hope gave her a serious look, "You just said it. Pretend. Pretending isn't real, it's just imagining a different reality. You can't pretend this away just like you can't pretend we were never l'Cie."
Lightning balled her hands into fists, and for a moment, he was actually afraid she'd hit him. But when he flinched, she just let out a burst of frustrated air and turned away, "...I know you're right, but every time I think about it, I feel so...so...violated. Bhunivelze was in my head. He knew how to get to me, how to manipulate my sister so I'd be his little toy soldier..."
Hope sighed, "How do you think I feel? He took my body from me, stuck my soul away somewhere I couldn't fight back. I just numbly went along with everything."
She turned her head back to him, just slightly, "We're really screwed up, aren't we?"
"I guess we are."
Lightning gave a hollow laugh, "Maybe this is horrible, but I'm glad you're screwed up with me."
Hope chuckled a little himself, "Well, thanks."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I know."
They were quiet again, until Hope remembered something she'd said earlier, so he ventured, "Why didn't you want to talk on the phone?"
She glanced at Serah's phone, which she'd tossed on her coffee table. Her eyes went distant again, "Because it felt like...when you'd talk to me form Cocoon, through that thing you put in my ear... You have no idea how much it took just to call you."
Something in his chest twisted, "I didn't realize."
"No, no, it's okay, really. It's just a stupid thing, you know?"
Yes, he did know.
Hope nodded toward a clock on her wall. Traditional, not digital, ticking time away with it's continuous clicks. It had been bothering him for their whole visit, but he'd learned not to mention this particular quirk, "I can't stand clocks."
Lightning stared at the object in question for a few moments, as if contemplating the possible reason for his statement. This wasn't so, however, "They make you paranoid, don't they?"
"Yeah," he admitted, "When I was trapped up in Cocoon, the only thing that changed until you arrived was the time. The constant reminder that every second that passed was lass time the world had... After over a dozen decades, that gets to you, no matter how faulty your memory is. I understand how you feel."
Somehow, his confession only seemed to make her more uncomfortable, "How do you stand it? This was the first call I've made in three years. I've had to make do with messaging."
He had to be honest, "I don't. I don't have a single clock at my place, and my parents don't either, for my sake. The digital ones aren't so bad, they don't tick, but ones like yours... I can't avoid them most places, so I've had to learn to not have an anxiety attack every time one chimes the hour. I'm pretty used to them now, but I can't stop feeling like I'm running out of time."
Lightning had never looked more - for lack of a better word - pathetic the whole time Hope had known her. As far as he knew, he was the only person she had ever allowed herself to be vulnerable around. Even knowing this, Lightning with her guard down was a strange sight to behold. It was something akin to seeing a dead lion. All the power in that body just...gone.
She sighed, running her fingers through her hair, directing it behind her ear, "I feel so stupid now. I've been prioritizing myself over everyone else who's suffered..."
"Hey..." Hope placed his hands on both of her shoulders and gently forced her to look at him, "The world isn't on your shoulders anymore. You're allowed to be selfish, you're allowed to hurt. Just let go, Light."
She choked, "I - I can't..."
He sighed. He could understand that, too. They were alike in many ways, the two of them. Two screwed up people in a world that didn't need their help. It was a first. They were soldiers without a war, fish out of water, and they were suffocating in their one-sided battle.
"It doesn't have to be that way, Light. I forgave Snow, you can forgive yourself. You don't have to be strong anymore, you're finally free to be you."
Lightning turned away, but not before he caught a glimpse of a tear running down her cheek, "I don't know who that is..."
Sooo, sorry if this one was a bit of a bummer, but I figured it was a good idea for these two to talk. So much crap happened to them in LR, and no one could understand but each other since their experiences were both connected and unique. If Hope's story seems a bit muddled, it's because I'm not entirely sure what went on with him in that game, but I tried my best.
ANYWAY, I already know how the next chapter is going to play out, so hopefully it will come sooner rather than later.
REVIEWS, PLEASE! You know how happy they make me. :3
