Jest


"I feel like I need a bath."

Death snorted in amusement at this, sharing a look with his youngest brother as I walked between them, shuddering and rubbing my arms.

"Welcome to the work of the Horsemen," The Pale Rider sneered lightly. "Isn't it grand?"

I shifted out of the overt show of discomfort, but I couldn't rid myself completely of the disgust. Glancing around the partially-repaired tower of Black Stone, my mouth turned down further in a failed display of irritation. "She's just so… Creepy. How does someone act that creepy so naturally? Does she do that on purpose?" I suddenly blurted out, looking between the both of them for my answer.

War remained silent, but Death had more to say. "That isn't the reaction most give to Lilith's advances." He informed with the slightest of huffs at the end. "I am proud of War's tenacity, however."

The Red Rider was successfully provoked.

"Do not patronize me, brother." He said sharply, giving a look that could be considered sullen. Death looked to be satisfied with having brought that up, but I couldn't help but ask.

"Proud of his tenacity?" I repeated curiously, idly rubbing the back of my neck. Needing to look so far up to see them makes it hurt after a while…

The eldest had the air of someone whom had just gotten what he wanted, and I asked myself if War was going to hate me for being so predictable. It was the Red Rider himself, however, that elaborated. "In our last encounter with her on official business, Death made me stay behind, fearing I wouldn't have the willpower to resist." He scowled faintly.

I clapped a hand over my mouth to stop that laugh that almost came out, because that was mean on many different levels. That, and… I can understand Death's concern a little. War didn't have a dishonorable bone in his body, but he was terribly honest. When you mix honesty with that much nobility, it sometimes spells out an easy path for manipulation. Whether or not that concern was founded left me clueless, though.

I decided to do War a favor, though, and take the heat off of him.

So I directed a pointed, knowing look to Death instead.

"Oh, right. Because he wouldn't have the willpower to resist. Exactly." I tutted without an ounce of belief. "What, was I just born yesterday? Death, that is the worst excuse ever."

Neither of them expected the turn that the conversation had taken, and we'd slowed to a complete stop on the way out of this place.

Death looked to be nothing if not flabbergasted, from the way his shoulders hung forward. "Not even in her dreams." He declared with a deadpan tone, sounding to all the world as if I'd mentioned him laying with a swine for how he reacted.

War was the one seeming a little smug, this time. "Her point is made, brother. You shouldn't have worried on my behalf." He stated, and it really showed how they got along, with how he didn't unnecessarily rub his face in it.

I held a hand up. "In spite of that," I interrupted any further attempts at quarreling. "I get why Death didn't want you, err, exposed to her? Haah, trying to say something about it without sounding suggestive is difficult…" I sighed under my breath. Then I threw myself under the bus, because I'd rather them argue with me than with each other. "I wouldn't want you going off on your own to talk to her either."

Death, oddly enough, shot me an accusatory look while War did nothing but growl lowly. "You should bite down on your words before they come to return the favor."

I stared at the both of them, baffled. What did they think I said? "You aren't jumping to conclusions or misunderstanding, are you?" I asked plainly. "I wasn't underestimating either of you. I was referring back to when I said she was creepy. And generally, nobody wants to be around creepy people." I shivered again at the memory of the meeting that had just happened a few minutes ago. "She reminded me of… A snake. Not the good kind of snake, but the bad one. She even practically had the skin of one, all pebbled like that. Yeagh." I shook my head after the funny sound I made, and we started walking again.

The air was oddly fresh after we left the desolate castle, and it was under the eerie sun that Death had continued the discussion, now that there weren't any toes being trampled on.

Who would have thought that a race of warmongering world-travelers would be so sensitive?

"Hmph." The shorter of the two seemed wryly entertained. "I think my brother would have preferred the misunderstanding— The one he actually had, however."

War narrowed his eyes at him. "There are oft times when you say too much, Death." He muttered. "And there was no misunderstanding."

Hearing the tone of 'drop it' quite clearly, I hummed and turned the topic elsewhere. "So, Death. About that little visit you made…"

"I was about as revolted as you were." He admitted without missing a beat. "That she keeps referring to herself as our 'mother' was the final nail in the coffin." His voice went lofty, almost arrogantly so. "She had information I needed, nothing more." Then, the pride melted away to be replaced by thoughtfulness. "Though, it is strange to be telling these tales to someone else, I think. We never talked this much when carrying out a task, have we?" He looked to his brother.

The youngest sibling's response was dry. "We never had someone else accompany us, either."

I scrunched my face up in displeasure at them. "Are you saying I talk too much?" I demanded, glaring. They weren't intimidated by it very much. To the contrary, I believe the atmosphere shifted to that of lighthearted amusement.

"You said it, not I." Death negated calmly, looking to War in askance. "Did you?"

"Nor I."

I sulked for a few moments, grumbling. "Why does everyone pick on me…?" Given a pat on the shoulder by a big hand, I was actually surprised that it was War giving such a show of solidarity. Then I remembered that he's the youngest of four siblings, so he would sympathize with my plight. So I sighed theatrically and set up an ambush. "Looks like we're left as the only ones on the same side, War. We should probably discuss the next plan of attack, then." I grinned. "I was always told that when you go after someone, go after their treasured items. Right, Death?" I smiled meaningfully. "So, I wonder what would happen if I spirited off with his precious little brother? What do you say, War? Want to elope?"

Their reactions were priceless.

War stared at me like I had an arm growing out of my eye socket; And Death's incredulity got to the point that his voice actually cracked. "You aren't serious." He uttered blankly.

Ignoring the latter, I looked to the former and winked, elbowing his arm. "Well?"

Then, finally, he snorted faintly and focused his attention ahead, saying only one thing.

"If he keeps it up, then we will see."

His older brother then proceeded to chuckle to himself. "And here I was worried about Lilith." He shook his head. "Is your familial loyalty so easily swayed, War? I never thought you capable of it." He lifted and waved a hand dismissively. "There would be nowhere for you to hide, anyway. I would find the both of you easily."

I sputtered, a large grin appearing as I reached over and shoved him off to the side. He didn't see it coming, so instead of just standing there and letting me make a fool of myself as he braced against my weight, he actually stumbled aside a few steps, blinking. "Did you just challenge us? Did you hear that War? That sounded like a challenge, didn't it?" I met the Red Rider's gaze with a cackle.

I should have paid more attention.

Letting out a shouted expletive, I was picked up around the middle simply and tossed over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Deeeaaath!" I yelped as I was given a shake for good measure. "Put me down! I was just joking around!"

The eldest ignored me, speaking to War instead. "Of course, I could just avoid all that work and prevent it to start with." He said this in a droll tone, and I could imagine a complacent smirk under that mask. "So I'll make a deal with you, War. You don't run off with the girl, and I'll let her stick around a little bit longer." A little bit longer? Really? "I'd suggest you take it, or I may have to resort to something drastic."

Just when I was asking myself how this joke was sent spiraling so completely out of control, War huffed out a breath. "I'd feel bad for her captor." He mentioned. "I will have to agree, then."

I slumped, letting out a sighing laugh. "You two are more dangerous than even I first thought. Did you know that?" I said tartly, halfhearted.

Death scoffed. "As if we know what you're thinking?"

Biting my tongue on an under-handed remark about what, exactly, I was thinking right now, I chose my dignity instead and just heaved a sigh.

It was War, however, that delivered the final blow for me anyway.

"This is rare, brother. Seeing you make excuses to execute the same plan as the enemy? It's a little pitiable, too."

I could only crack up as I felt Death quicken his pace, rolling my eyes.

Boys.


Authors Note: Am I the only one noticing how these are getting more and more crack-like as I do them? No? Well, then my defense is the same as on Ao3: If Death can witness Wicked K flying off on his magical teleporting top hat and keep a straight face, there really isn't anything I can throw at them to make them OOC. :3