It hadn't quite settled into my brain yet, even though it had definitely happened and we had just watched a news report on it. On my of best friends since childhood, my girlfriend... the love of my life... just as we confessed our love for one another... disappeared. I wanted to believe that I was stuck in a horribly vivid nightmare that I would awake from at any moment. That hope died quickly as I turned to crying family.
"Chuckie... this... is your fault."
All I could do was look at my sister with confusion as she spit this heart-breaking remark.
"... w... what?"
"You heard me... this... this is... your fault."
She began to walk toward me, here expression beginning to glow with sadness and anger both at once.
"Kimi, how is this my fault?! And how could you even... what would give you the-"
"The what, Chuckie? The nerve? The same nerve you had dropping off your girlfriend, the one you claim to love so much, into a dark neighborhood that she was going to make a slightly-lengthy walk in? You think common sense would tell you 'maybe it ISN'T safe to drop off a 16 YEAR OLD, small and COMPLETELY defenseless young girl into the dark.' Wait... why did you even drop her off in the first place? Why didn't you jsut take her to Dakota's house?!"
Tears streamed down her red-with-anger face and her voice began to break.
"Because it... she said that... it was confusing turns and... hard navigating and..." All I could do was sit and listen to how moronic I sounded giving these dumb excuses, and how ashamed of myself I was for doing what I did... at that point... I really did think it was my fault.
"You... you didn't feel like 'navigating?'"
I just looked at her as my eyes began to tear up as well.
But, that's when she broke.
She lunged toward me, letting out an angry scream, and slapped me across the face with everything she had. She hit me so hard that I was disoriented for a little bit, which gave her a chance to pounce on top of me, which got her a few more hits in. My parents had to pull her off, and drag her to her room.
"YOU BASTARD, IF SHE'S DEAD... YOU'LL NEVER HEAR FORGIVENESS FROM ME!"
"YOU INSANE BITCH!"
After I screamed, I heard her door close. I feel to the floor in tears. That's where I was, and what I did, for about 15 minutes. Just sitting... crying... staring.
Later on in the day when I finally got my shit together- or as together as I could make it anyway-, I went to see the DeVilles... because I mean hey, I had to sooner or later.
I knocked on the door, ready to face what was behind it, or at least I thought. Phil was the one who answered, much to my relief. I didn't want it to start out with contact with her parents.
"Phil... I um... need to-"
"Yeah, I know. Come in."
I looked into their living room to see Harold comforting a tear-stained Betty. Harold simply looked up at me as I followed Phil into the room with them.
Betty simply pulled away from her tissue and looked up at me. She rolled up her tissue and threw it away, and looked sternly at me. It was only a few seconds before I noticed that Phil and Howard were doing the same thing.
"All I need... is an explanation." She said to me with determination.
I just looked back at her for a few seconds, and then looked down at my feet and gave myself a few seconds to think about how I was going to word the awful-but-true excuse that I had so it didn't sound so bad. But after that few seconds of thinking, I came to the realization that there was no avoiding how bad it was going to sound, and it needed to be said. I looked back up at Betty and she hadn't changed positions even an inch.
"Well, Mrs. DeVillle... I can't honestly say to you that... what I am about to tell you will make you feel any better. Or that it will change anything. All I can tell you is this... we were coming back from the movie, and we were pulling into Dakota's neighborhood." I felt butterflies not just in my stomach, but in my entire body as I prepared to say my next and worst part of my story. " ...as we came up on it, I noticed that the neighborhood was... really big and... the roads were narrow, windy and had a lot of turns. I made a remark about it all... that's when, uh... that's when Lil insisted that... she... get out and walk to Dakota's house herself... so... I... let her." A strike of silence hit the room as I finished. Betty had yet to move even a little bit. Phil just kept looking me, but I could tell his emotion was changing.
"You let... my daughter... 16, mind you... walk into the darkness of the night... alone... nothing to defend herself with... you just... let her go?" Howard asked me. I felt the tears coming but they were extra strong this time. "We... we have entrusted you with the safety of our daughter EVERY TIME you have taken her out in the past 6 months. And you... just toy with my trust like that? The trust I gave you with my daughter?!" His voice grew louder with each word.
Betty looked at Howard, and looked back at me. And then she spoke. "...ok." She said.
"...ma'am?"
"...ok."
"...I don''t underst-"
"OK. I SAID, OK! ...you made a mistake, Chuck. A bad one, a really bad one. But mistakes happen... but you can't just say that when something as irreplaceable as Lil... my child... is lost. But they do. But you WILL dedicate EVERY HOUR of free time you have of assisting in the search for my daughter. You will do nothing but eat, sleep, go to school, and help look for Lil. I don't care if that consist of you... looking around in the damn woods! As long as it is something that will possibly find Lillian."
"Yes, ma'am. Absolutely, I was going to do that anyways."
"We know you were, Chuckie. You have always been dependable like that. But we need you to understand one thing. If..." She had to pause because of the tears and the heavy quivering of her lip. "...IF my daughter is found... you... you and her will no longer be dating."
"...but... Mrs. DeVille... you don't-"
"Chuckie... don't say anything to make it worse. It has been decided. We're sorry... but as horrible as it is to say 'if'... IF she is found... well, you have proven to use that you lack the capabilities of properly caring for and looking after her... so... you two will no longer be dating."
I just looked at Phil, and all he could do was look at me as the tears rolled down his cheeks. He got up, nodded for me to come with him, and began walking toward the door. He walked out with me, and we began to walk down the street to Tommy's house.
"So uh... you.. you mad at me?" I asked him. Kind of a SERIOUSLY DUMB question to ask, but oh well.
"...Chuckie, it's hard for me to really think right now. So hang tight on that question, alright?"
We both simply just kept looking forward to Tommy's.
When we got to Tommy's, Dil answered the door, he looked like he had just woken up. "Yo... what are you two doing here so early? It's like... 11. Adn why the hell do the two of you look like your dog just got ran over or some shit." Neither of us answered him, we just kept walking.
"Ay! Answer, please?"
We walked into the living room and saw Didi, who had definitely been crying and Stu who wasn't crying, but was also just as upset as the rest of us. Tommy just sat silently on the couch, and didn't look a anybody.
"Yo. What the hell's up? Why is everybody so down? ...oh! Oh shit, I slept past the game! Did the Packers lose?"
Dil hastily grabbed the remote and turned the TV on... but what was on the TV is what would answer his question.
"The search continues into this afternoon for Lillian DeVille, a young girl who went missing last night at around 11 p.m. She was last seen by her boyfriend, Chuckie Finster, who was dropping her off at a friend's house..." The story continued as Dil looked on with disbelief and horror.
"Uh... nah... nah, this is... this is some kind of joke, right?"
Nobody answered him.
"Chuckie! This is a joke! Come on, 'ol Lilly... she's uh... she's not..."
I just looked at him. We had about 3 seconds of eye contact before he really realized it.
"... dude... did you... did... did you... lose Lil?"
I just looked down at the ground in shame.
"You... you lost Lil."
"...yeah... I... I guess I did."
